Starfish (Eleanor Lerman)

Cycle 6, last paclitaxol treatment!


posted by Lissa mcKinley on Friday, November 27, 2009 Edit





Dear All, Sitting here as the sun pierces the heavy snow-laden clouds getting my last infusion of this nasty drug that leaves me tired, hairless, and sore! Yippee!! Ok, so I'll feel yucky for the next two weeks, but after that, all these side effects will slowly resolve and hair will regrow. It is all good.



My steam shovel is quiet this morning as everyone is off work today. The hole in the road outside the cancer center does not appear to have changed even the slightest bit since I started sitting up here almost 6 months ago! I hope everyone had a joyous celebration yesterday. We certainly did thanks especially to Katie Gilkeson who helped so much with food, made pies, polished the silver and made the fabulous nameplates for the table. Amazing!



Well, I will now start writing every three weeks when I come back to the cancer center to receive the Avastin infusion. Until then, stay warm and thanks for listening!



Try this:



Starfish (Eleanor Lerman)

This is what life does. It lets you walk up to

the store to buy breakfast and the paper, on a

stiff knee. It lets you choose the way you have

your eggs, your coffee. Then it sits a fisherman

down beside you at the counter who say, Last night,

the channel was full of starfish. And you wonder,

is this a message, finally, or just another day?



Life lets you take the dog for a walk down to the

pond, where whole generations of biological

processes are boiling beneath the mud. Reeds

speak to you of the natural world: they whisper,

they sing. And herons pass by. Are you old

enough to appreciate the moment? Too old?

There is movement beneath the water, but it

may be nothing. There may be nothing going on.



And then life suggests that you remember the

years you ran around, the years you developed

a shocking lifestyle, advocated careless abandon,

owned a chilly heart. Upon reflection, you are

genuinely surprised to find how quiet you have

become. And then life lets you go home to think

about all this. Which you do, for quite a long time.



Later, you wake up beside your old love, the one

who never had any conditions, the one who waited

you out. This is life’s way of letting you know that

you are lucky. (It won’t give you smart or brave,

so you’ll have to settle for lucky.) Because you

were born at a good time. Because you were able

to listen when people spoke to you. Because you

stopped when you should have and started again.



So life lets you have a sandwich, and pie for your

late night dessert. (Pie for the dog, as well.) And

then life sends you back to bed, to dreamland,

while outside, the starfish drift through the channel,

with smiles on their starry faces as they head

out to deep water, to the far and boundless sea.