tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68615242997036786332024-02-07T02:16:53.184-08:00Saving my Lifeone poem at a timeLissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.comBlogger105125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-4160619843483764762013-11-28T12:54:00.000-08:002013-11-28T13:16:54.287-08:00<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Helping Hands</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">On this day of thanksgiving, I want to give thanks for my
sister Lissa, for her family, for all of you who have been a part of her
life, as well as for those who have read her blog and been touched by it. We are so lucky to have known Lissa, and I hope she unites us in a determination to live our
own lives as fully as Lissa did hers.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Lissa's legacy was captured beautifully in so many different
ways during her memorial service last week.
For those of you who were unable to attend, I have included the
remarkable homily delivered by her friend and pastor, Reverend Clover Beal.<span style="color: #5f497a;"><br /></span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #5f497a; font-size: small;">Elizabeth “Lissa” Dorr McKinley </span><span style="color: #5f497a; font-size: small;"><br />Rev. Clover Reuter Beal, Assoc Pastor, Forest Hill Church,
Presbyterian<br />Nov. 20, 2013
Memorial Service: “savinglissa”<br /><br />On behalf of Forest Hill Church and my colleague John Lentz
I want to thank the staff of Fairmount Church for hosting this worship service
in celebration of Lissa’s life.<br /><br />Lissa and I met at our friend, Pam’s, birthday dinner in
March of 2010. We were seated next to each other because both our husbands were
absent. Lissa was in the midst of
another chemo treatment so she was bald and beautiful. No hair and utterly
gorgeous.<br /><br />Although I’d not met Lissa personally before then, I had
heard about her -- her journey, her strength, her achievements. Now don’t judge
me, but I have to confess, I really did not want to like her. So beautiful. So accomplished. So
strong. SO TALL. “Please, please, please don’t be really
nice too,” I quietly prayed.<br /><br />But she was. And
really smart and cool and kind and selfless.
And, she loved the poet, Mary Oliver.<br /><br />At the end of that evening after talking, eating, toasting
and offering up poetry, Lissa said to me, “I’d like to visit your church.” Sure, I said, assuming I would never see her
-- because many people, when they find out you’re a minister, seem to feel like
the polite thing to say is “I’ll visit your church sometime.”<br /><br />But the next morning, there she was. In a pew.
All by herself. Beaming.
Afterward, Lissa came up and said, “I LOVED this.” And she kept coming back. She and Alice, her
mom, joined Forest Hill a year later.<br /><br />Lissa being Lissa, in her earnestness and courage to dive
right into LIFE, asked if she could join the faith exploration group we offer
annually. So, that September, she committed to walking with 12 complete
strangers who would become companions on her spiritual journey for 28 weeks as
they explored their relationships with God and their spiritual gifts.<br /><br />At the opening weekend retreat, each participant was
invited to share his or her hope and intention for the journey. Lissa started
us out by saying, “I want to learn to die well,“ and she told us about her
cancer.<br /><br />As you can imagine, the whole tenor of the group was set in
that moment. There would be no masquerading, no hiding from one another. Her vulnerability cracked us open, allowing
us to be more honest, more authentic, more ourselves. Don’t we all want that-- to be seen and
celebrated for who we are? It starts
with one person like Lissa who is willing to step out into uncomfortable
terrain of vulnerability.<br /><br />Lissa occasionally talked about her fears around dying, and
her desire to be healed. She spoke honestly about her doubts about God but also
about her growing faith in a compassionate God who walked with her in her
illness. Lissa had that rare ability to be transparent
about each new obstacle she had to face, and yet not turn the attention upon
herself. Remarkable.<br /><br />To die well means to live well. And living well means that when we depart
this life, we leave behind something beautiful.<br /><br />Living well means that with every experience we have, we
open ourselves to change.<br /><br />Whether it was traveling in the U.S. or Mexico, China or
exploring Machu Pichu; being in Costa Rica with a group of cool women seeking
inner healing, or going with a church group to Turkey and Greece -- Lissa did
the things she did, not just for her own enjoyment nor to complete her bucket
list.<br /><br />Lissa allowed herself to be transformed by those places and
people and encounters. Her choice to
live well and to diewell, opened her to personal transformation. Which allowed
her to share more joy, more goodness,
more kindness with others.<br /><br />God willing, what we each will leave behind when we die
will be a lovely, lingering fragrance that surrounds those we love-- and in
Lissa’s case, the thousands of people whom she never even met. And today, after
NPR’s and the NY Time’s coverage of her, we celebrate that even more people
will be impacted by her.<br /><br />Countless people felt an intimacy with Lissa because she
risked sharing her pain and her joys through her writing.<br /><br />I never asked Lissa why she called her blog
“savinglissa.” In the Hebrew scripture
the word to be saved (yasha) means liberation, deliverance, rescue -- being set
free.<br /><br />Lissa was not cured from cancer, but she was saved. She claimed her cancer.</span><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: #5f497a;">Some people
choose to see their illness as the end of their life.<br />Lissa chose to
see her illness as the start of her vocation.</span></b><span style="color: #5f497a;"><br /><br />In a profound sense we were all saved by Lissa’s life. <b>It
was as if she and God had made a pact to offer up her illness to others so that others could be saved too.</b><br /><br />We were
set free -- even if only for a few moments while we were reading a new blog
entry.<br /><br />Set free from our petty irritations and whining.<br /> from self pity,<br /><br />Set free from ignoring the reality that death WILL come to
us all.<br /> and set free from the denial of our own pain;<br /><br />Set free from shallow theology that claims that if we only
pray hard enough, God will take away illness.<br /><br />To witness a person who chooses to live well and to die
well can set free even the truest cynic.<br /><br />Lissa’s illness became a kind of prayer.<br />It was not a saccharine sweet prayer though.<br /><br />She was a real mom raising two remarkable kids. She was a
real wife living out her marriage covenant to a wonderful husband for over 25
years. She was a doctor and mentor
bringing lessons of human compassion to students. She was a daughter, a sister,
a friend to so, so many. She belonged to a church family.<br /><br />How she did NOT lose heart --in the face of such
challenges, meeting them instead with dignity and love and laughter-- is a
beautiful mystery of grace.<br /><br />Lissa chose this scripture for her service too; it’s from
the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians:<br /><br />So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is
wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight
momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all
measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen;
for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. For we
know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from
God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.<br /><br />Lissa was not cured from her illness. But by the grace of
God in choosing to die well, Lissa was saved and made whole.<br /><br />We give thanks for the 19, 398 days Lissa was a gift to the
world and to each of us.<br /><br />Like a beautiful fragrance, her life will linger on.<br /><br /> Thanks be
to God for Elizabeth Dorr McKinley.</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So, friends, give thanks this Thanksgiving Day for Lissa,
for your families, for your friends, for all that you hold dear, and for the
life that you have been given. Live it
loud, live it with joy, live it creatively.
Live, laugh, love; share all that you are with as many people as you
can and have fun doing it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I close with the poem that Lissa asked to be read at her
memorial service. She
found this poem helpful when she was tired, or afraid, or sad. She read it often, and it helped her find
peace. I believe she wanted to share this with each of you at this time to help
you find healing, from the sadness of her death or from whatever is happening
in your life right now that is causing you pain. So, for Lissa, I challenge you to read this
several more times, ponder it, explore it, and let it help you find healing
peace. And if this poem doesn’t work for
you, find a poem that does—she’d like that.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Brent McKinley<b><br /><br />The Peace of Wild
Things<br />By Wendell Berry<br /><br />When despair for the world grows in me<br />and I wake in the night at the least sound<br />in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,<br />I go and lie down where the wood drake<br />rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.<br />I come into the peace of wild things<br />who do not tax their lives with forethought<br />of grief. I come into the
presence of still water.<br />And I feel above me the day-blind stars<br />waiting with their light. For a
time<br />I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Click to view the program from the memorial service after the jump.</span></div>
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Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-37060890009876661852013-11-17T14:52:00.000-08:002013-11-17T14:52:59.565-08:00Friends,<br /><br />In the weeks before her passing, Lissa, her family, and her hospice nurse were interviewed by a New York Times reporter who was investigating the way in which physicians die. A week or so later, Lissa was photographed for this piece as well. As you can imagine, Lissa was eloquent and honest about her life choices. It is fitting that, even now, she continues to teach us about facing cancer head-on and meeting death on her own terms.<br /><br />We have heard that the <u><b>NPR Marketplace</b></u> piece that includes Lissa's voice and statements about doctors and dying will air this Tuesday at 6:30 p.m. on <u>Marketplace</u> (sometime between 6:30-7:00) and the print piece will be in <u>The New York Times</u> in the 'your money' section--don't ask me why--on the 20th. It will most likely be on the front page of that section.<br /><br />Don’t miss it!!<br />
BrentLissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-61748543476362009872013-11-14T06:13:00.000-08:002013-11-28T15:35:06.249-08:00Dear Readers,<br />
<br />
Thank you, <i>thank you</i>, for reading Lissa's blog and taking her into your hearts. Her act of writing became a sharing of her soul's journey, and she was ever grateful for the audience that helped draw her into further explorations.<br />
<br />
However, I must tell you that Lissa passed away last Saturday, November 9th. As she weakened, we moved her from her napping bed in the living room to a small room above her cherished patio, festooned with windows that hugged her. As friends visited, she rallied to give a hug and her loving smile, then slept peacefully until the next visit. We created an art room in the living room so that all family and friends could create some type of art (and all types there were!) to ease her transition and to express their love. At the end, Lissa was resting peacefully and without pain, surrounded by her beloved family, Chip, Will, Katie, Alice, and me, who hung the art around her, read her favorite poems and loved her hard. I promise, we did.<br />
<br />
I thought you might like to see that wonderful room and art as well as all the poetry books and Laurel yearbooks that friends have sent over the past few months. We still felt her presence here! <br />
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But most of all, I want you to remember Lissa like this:</div>
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A memorial service will be held on Wednesday, November 20, 2013, at Fairmount Presbyterian Church in Cleveland Heights, OH, at 2pm. Below, please read the obituary from <u>The Plain Dealer.</u><br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
Brent McKinley<br />
November 14, 2013 <br />
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/NVs+rHXdUPMrzfUputJUzNMxpAM7j7IGiTaC2KX1fW87KenZXzV9+Ws9fPYbBJWS3m5fLqqlxeXJSLM97Pr8p8vMbc3CtHx4dlSNDk/PyiPH9xVSaLp+V6sirdQQ9WVru1S59lBAl9giacTq/K4dGD0u73y3Bnt3R6rTK9uiijq3Pg2qTNtbB20Gpo0c2mV9Ywb8xAxw1trJewC0JiY9CGIXV4rgqVbOQZ/dX4lrxnPZJ2gSTPGrzZVDRlc8Pvft4y+63bP/ljY8pb8a4gVtOgXVXzVmjuvpq2PtXO3TV//ruJgn7YbCWyNpPWMGFlyg9L/px3qjlU+w764ke+24Nl/n2vO/qHQhMMgSnlw40qEN+rhv+vy+T8aTn97vfl4vX3rMMtyngyLy9Pr8rF5ZQ/zM4Rvt9kWS4vZ6Xf75XPP39U9g8OSg8Tcx8iH/A+X/cwJ9V++nCdslh1S6/bKosRbVz8ufQHT8vJ8T4acz/a9uoCLTudlEEf0/TgqMwHtDc8Kf0DTNn+Hm3g78cvU+vhy0i5a/Q4zN3aGAvAmEYQa1K3MEelA5lJ/7dKGAbqWLlXn9RZkSl/Dob7S+a48ruQ1euHGE2G/KEyTVs/5f12u7c/327jHRO00YQ3BUDmB9dd9z4o9JNu/Fim+rHlflLn/6rCITMIEWLkCmGi/VQiao1OmfMO0S4uytWrP5VX339Vyvi6LKfj8uT7F+Xb789gwAlmJsVg3t29QTl+cK/sHK0wG+dlDuHPQHN/OMQP7FNuU0aXV2Uw3C27w71o1tUcbbVeYsZelQXt9gmwXN07LK8HLDO08eOm18RYlmVniFYcjdCeB6W7i994eV56+INdtGUXLdrqAjT9dQz6tIcQ4k4lRrRkS1VOWys0+CapazAn/mcAUC1y3RZHP4UyPkaQafSOl78Gg9iNcDTvf60+0sFHXt5hwA/LEK2LQhLNmqQNiolVVkWVKk0Qp4mmftjOp+/ctdRwV43bSwW3P99V9ue6934/DeEYFWyujWanXqBEqQmHH7WcE2B5800Zvf5zac0wJZ+9Lr/73bfl6avzMp63y9VsxZpcDwZjaYBI5waTb++gXx7/Eu13eFjarNeN8OEuRjP8u145OjouvV4f3w8fkS7m02W5hplW81nZ2ekni+bFG5gRxpxPR/D7JZHUVnn84KgMOnymrmuAPRh1b29Y9naHKMaDsnt0WDo7A6KsezDpUazmNmPrdTBZGc56MaPtcVmTP9qBQQ0AuXPChzUI1WBBCuHaEvTN3bs/3UXsDTM0z5rvt1tont2+5+embLXUgK0Ck2LNs6ZO00Zzv/nePP8p700b1nm/neb77TLvt/0DDNgUb7ityrvbzGeJRnM2jNjU+kveP6btbjNr8/ljZf+S/pu6H29bYSRenGn/9AnxnSDUxfRNGV98VyZn35bZ6xfld//ybfn91wRaLmZlhum47OJ/9dtleLBT7h8elBM01+4ummqP6CZtXl5PymTKUgRLDw8efFaG+7tlTlBmPPL+hCAOf5cTiGxVBjDUjDW/DT7jnHeCnkRVWcognkM35fvXL9HIa5iwVYbM9v2jnXKPfo8PhmV+bw8Nelh2jo/L4ckjljcQIo4KrbgpA5gbLbuaEPyZYHUSSEIba6JKUPUfhWFE6/yc16cItumnKdMQeXO/eY8sTPQZSMOMzZMbZv1Y3ZuSP/zJNhpY7ir9qWeW/5EMWJtuGK3pqGG45n7z3txvyv1r3hvm+rDuh9OdULkksUW0yIcy+LttIH3Y0g/duYv5gnAYbZM1G/2j2oq9tfHvNqursrx+Vi6f/7G8/u7b8jXM94dvXperKf4bZuC9g73SGnbw8frlYB9GwMx8ePKwLJet8udvn5Y/fP0nWbn8+re/Kg8f3I8fdvb6rJxhgl6dXeI/wllozD5LFJqNKMOyw+J6q9suU5h0hfZts3TQhYnWMORiheaDaZyTNTZv62JeRtfj8uolAZ/DQfkMf/MhJq5rg70hpiyacDBgecMkbRFKRHXpoj5tDgaM0rH7wkdI74dQ+NHnP0SYH624ffA+8zTfKw3cwNXQxMfak87umuePlb/rftP3+89+zBh/EgM6iQ2T2Vnz+a77PwcTvj+g+l1Sv+t6NyJ3V4mfeq8RAndNEOQdFq9TjUbjQ3s9K8vRq3L18pvy6qvfla+/elK+ejIuV5N1OXzwoBzffwATdsrOQSd+3wAT9OT4BHNxXv7jf/qn8qc/f5/gy2/+/rcw50n583fPysU5JutkRiYKGmxnj/LHpY/5uGQu+mq14QBfbV0mZtAsWWjHbxvDiDFFF6sym6F1Zy7Mb8o+/uBsAXMCuybm7gxftXMNw5+W0XhWdveHtLcTM7UPkw92WPwn+IP+LMPDh5iwAz4bGY3BnfH/VJz+XOUVskaenZuGAZp7TRRU5rv5fMOUt2G4a25vP//5PiO07hBYP4kBG4Z7H6jb96EF+iF6RqaFK08/hya66e8u5ruN2NvPb9+/aeGnfbK9m3beMiQjS6TT8RGIsZTrXWsyWiZn35dnf/zn8s3v/1Sevx6XZWe3fParB+XkwQnRzC6Mhak57KGhemUHTfPtkxflH//PP7DkMClf/PLzMOQ10dF//t1/LtdXo9Lrd8vDh/fRiL8kAMP6H8sXfe4NiZbOYLqzs9PyEg15fT1lqYKlDd4vMU/nC4InaC6sSkzRdpYiJvNV+daADFFamfFor1/mm1E5v16V/d1zIqYbgjkbIqmYxifHmMVo6+4emvIL/EyWNwjarJvINOO9wYwIuG2K+mQ7F++X44lqtDKP5W63cqte7ku0aXrLZFo5tfz2Lc/fvde00ZT9uGBu6jUM7PebzxX+ysDp5m3f9Vt9bcrfvufnpu1633EoLLY4qTfz2q25hvVO1oBuPXz3oytBTeChIuHmxC079BkdMBHGCBPiNqxN9nxFMnWSDVJVfiXm2g5OB05+dfot+y6YftveIcLoJ6V5NS9rfce1btquc8bz2l369At1P7is45Vnt/qpd+t9yjSMJ2z+ubtcKDeklUmP+l8dtN/i8vvy6k//WJ7+8esymW3K3sm9cg//7pClAX2wnQEp1mbAnKN99o7LV39+Uf7851elvWiX4/2Dcj0el1PMzCWay4Tpv/3y8/L48f1yzPLCkvXE+eQsgZj5dF2++/ZZef7yTbm6mhGsIXIKw42nc9pw4b0Ls+6iwXr4da73tctr1hTHo3FGJhMv5pP4hvcPd8uj+/fK4e4A87hfHp3slOlxt1wTLNo72C+Pv/x1OfkMc7TXYf2S8YJs/xm9zWoLAaiaZlbxJ5WII6kgeFUt+ZnbPpGBPQumMpD4dLkGjZpy1AoTiFTrYbZTWqFeCd0PPqL9+KIyF39Ga23Q+z5PP7zwJUSfzry7LZa+8nV7rz7zSzYmN8HGCmTtM3BV+Go54fv4FTia+hbbRszFQqXE2ieUf9NQC+PEiN6Hl1VcEwLZ4EDpH9ptownEiE9ZS0qOpEWJBK61yXq2Vdkl5beEXn02a3FxzxB3gLJvkUlLCoMs+BIi38DIXmZ4OImaWWKZR7m8V5mIMtt1wrou5/1GaKTouy9vn9mnf+9d7+Bi+5y3FoEUxyUSNqyVtgm8rGevy/j178vzJ/9c1t3r8vDLo9Ilh3NAKpkEOhstyumzUaKVGIDl+++/R2vNWf8j4wVHbuGMobEOCM7sEiR5wLLEHkGZyXJSvn92Bj47LEvslfZ0Vd6cn5UXz9+U169hKtYPJ/h2a892oczx8UP+jlkzXCSnVH/v+fMXZTweYd4iDPg7I+90PFmUIQv73z87jcb84vEjNCZ+JPmoZ28QHjvdcnhIJs1mv+w9INJ6BJYZa3cAAREFdV1wzfxnVwM0FEYQJ3WqKjbDAKBKWuBKMrbzkzniXj4T6GHZRpfFXNMNea6VwWW8Sl1m7jjVvjuvjdbxno6AQcFtt+nXWuK8XsIWCkn7otn6lTeEy/YqfN5TAPgvF2Xzefv1Nj9VDbd9UEvfaqfpe/vAN5ZzmqvZfCBlQkkN6PVxHRzdNr01DEqxui7kkL24oYar1bavlUHfZokwMDUh7j1IQjYqBWxXws27A5yCLBN/kYQEA0SVjOU5JcnMQAaqIX0QaUab4WPuQ3O0/S78De7ABi29C91tUBuzufqqlrPndxFa6797r8N4DFgoHNYCyjja7esyG39XXr78GkWxLo8/P2HNjSX0Nj4URH1+McFMvAYtHTRZp3z93ZMyZy0h4gnN+BBm62BS6gvuY54aoVzD/NfTCxgTc3V/n+hnKS8vMDOviIBeEJC5QJPCfDMilT1Mw+HxQTk6PApeJ/h9o/GkvCbF7fT0DbC20cT3CaIMWWfUJ8TfG+6XQ6KrEzTkmHXEl6fkouIT9vUN+61ycrBb7s/Bce916R3+Cd/1Xrn/2CUIyJs1xOAPBjIYJS7aCm/+mbYW4QvuIydFn1OeN+ZXYbVyXVGhga/K58WcZQ7acod+aRNcInzrjpA5mlpmGoAbc14HvV20Ls8JCCn4pIParu6OdOa35o+P+VYBkLnzHVy8vWRS5zNc6fw7nXcpoKbGDfNX/qh1mqc370AtGNvrLS+FxoKOjJfRFmJl5P3dKl0H0VTlXTtjezWE79dK+AC/fd5Ci0XSQTiRjnKHzOMg+R8+TnaI99kFgMm2ou8lyF8sL3if46+oWUQ+yrPPIjSBgDYTwkIZTMl6WSYZCCHaNApoFTplCXduj+MWbiSWHw4K3ZqYtNa83MJkbt1870SILCGgc3yxb8DFrJw8IpxP0ALnqZydz8o5JuI1a3ky7QxNtUDYPP7FwwRPBqzHsYoQ2K5ZYtjfJZoJvsaYh9csQ0xZDJ9BMOPlNYSqYMJGAcw+DHB4iEbcIb8UnMlY2J3kl+oDXgOL8Fyk3KNHj3lnRwWBG4m6r4bd/0V8yB004HQ8zGL+nF0YL/EnDbHcO0LTmkFzTfDn7LrsPf2eZPAh8zQhYeBB2ds/xBQmpQ18uNPeJPEWc7QBlmgM8SRuouGqBaSAXa+nSZsbXbNGOrlEQ88wi6+Tkuf65hANP3CXBwQzZx1lPBkhezvlAMFyRFBqf/+47A3vhS5a3G+DDGMNWm3SBxiyZ2o7+UJXqaP6XpUg3vHDQka1TFP25t2WvG7mWyHtsG6ud7688+zdcrS6bSZoUXBtGwFqOf6mk/cr3nTWNGJVymesVWMRqEbaa0oo3YjGKRXpUaQ4B20YRim8xo9ZkhxsqHyCdHcSzi9fl5cvniPtpiGUHTUHjLY7PMBcOi4HmHE9JGMXRhwgtVmuBhA7p+EAq+mreqcPNJIbfXIBoqlU9XKMzZC3t95+b+5v6zWPP/KuwIn/A95YdSsthMfs8puyIMF6h3HKaCYsnJFo/fIcf44o4gBNs8Z8PnyoX7bPDoc9lgzMegEPaiTX/Fgob/faMOukjGadckWAco627MBs94+PIjEXLLDPMfsGEH9r48I6DLpYlyuIWEKeoCanlDFH9eTkAM2xB7NA1EQ251N8SLTxHssgM9YSr1jEn5hf6tyQO9pjN0UjTNcw0hUL/esyZh56ZU7br549YTmC7J3ZZ7T9AE0/KFOCOgPGcnL/C9rYvSEycLsxE0hJKt1jKa1IRNf/ffPmWfnq69+Vs4tzTPDr8ub0Ej/WdUZg2zskSHUEo8+B7xLT+hoB1aG/4/LZg0fl0aOH5YvPHpd7x/cQPnv8kV4n8yOY6ryojRurrJnXyngNc1Z6v3tyld/vMGhoSdql/beMYbu1zSrw339m25XurNMoBa1c4yQ+kT6a6CvJ2EoRK338ErAVGi2ahGJtTElBSAeYXPpwMteKP6XkFMllsjHdhHC6INFrtnARmd0ATOjrNwQQSER++ea0vHp9HqQbMNjD3NpHM/QhyHv3jghOHCL59pgYTSaCBXsPqsTVFIUJNFHMn9QE6pBGtfa4BT5nkPSpf1CRUCekGXi08xZRllFrN5ffZVid/9vI9PPaycCEVoZ1WixSj5+VOet+q9kILQ5Bg+SFQog/08D09/ZJsP7FF78gQLIsryA4iW/Ctp8JDLiGgUw3M+K4YC7QadGSHQj2hDVCE6sXJFyv0AhDmLEP0y0gsunC3Q5jBJnadUWU0kyak3L/wTFMuMxi/MX5NWbxi5i3R2TXmPkibssahv78YVlgis5nYwQhVgjaE5GHcITx3MIEPqZk6+ifMrFlhFYdX7ldiuTwR+dliFCcsLxx8vkX5RjzdsPuED15RfKGPY5L2l0hVDfQjbQzhyFl+q++/qr85//j/yqvMXnPae8cU3oKDvp90uwGaF7WHx3XmICUqXZuqzrAFz4hkHWfrJ5f/+qz8qsvviiff/Yl0eFfkDWEn4211MJUL+SwKoR5ybyFcZxEaKUyVzPHmWAnN1c9jt5nmpiVQXzw1srjU1hELgrlV6aLWduoNiswegvKq1pcul2Vb70h80E3ueHaKhKWK8nYSg2vGy6vDXhPm9/TtPTbdPQFKnqv9oWPY06iBEcEDq12fm5kjoAE+9vG5D/OF6xBwYBdTJQFn0+Jxr16c17evGIPHNG7GZM8ZgIWMLHt9nqYPETkACxBiH2k9wE+0dHhPmbIUXl47yFRxWMQRb6j1AG37KMlh0j73d3jMugewBhD+mS3ALBWRDiSejVjrcxlCRATJNZAkKzlMzHSMKZaVbPXBeg1xLjhc7eFJp+eleXVS/IuL8KYLbTbEO3RIfAxwdx6fTHGRyMrheDj714+Z8kB3MzWZQSDvGEnhIJpb5fFeMamWTkicmomi1K4qzDa6yHh1xB7hywWfMQxmmGE74iQwZpk2aEuNxgBNjAyQ5NcEQUV/jnBmhGfp5h5swu1DHg9B5cIg+N7CDKSvXcGRDyn/Zj7S5MIEJoTGRItPHPegGPB/GablPsEwYmmYps24TDonGwekglm7GtsoZX1/RbMyXKByTzFxCTwoyk5hdjc+fH0+avy+z9+S/T3eXkBDZziyxr5xYgltwDN3XoThp3jjsyhDclOHO0iyPqd19DAoHxPG0++PC3/w28vyz8g5L7gX+uQBPMNeyXRyhtwk+AdgtDgXWjaYJqWCy5QZUTIWUFKB5XhKm3ETZGuvVk5LjCE7+7UUpaDUqjji8xfeaixuGxEQW7cF2FL/2vwM1YRXV1Cx48YOQWa5Ye3REmb2QkBgB7kk8goD1v4bdE7EuG20zlIWJIvqL3+6vXT8uw5i8dsg3l9yvrUq1cxizSV9EM8hfmaNKkrgg1zmG6JFKcpJL6yIS2jjVkWvsIkc2yty7LjmhcaYki+olJ+iNM0JHnZ7I7ejkw6xER7WB5gFp3wfrh3rxwdPCi7HZgUh138LAnuiFOvMBfEmu9oHEWKJm10NJiOX1eLRvJXuQVsZKpkDqjobvPW4qqsr16U1vwKQgZ+thAtJyyCQ1Svnr0qr5+h5Vznxo+VCRYwzoA8yjlbgtaM6VdfsDSB1usP2pikg2gj3Z8lZvsKfMB/MGe37DNGYUPZhOHGmKsjCPsNW5gu6OuSdb0VSIyQA8f6Ygtw6656CdD5GaFRNgg+mdyF+96TZyEwzbv9PRiRjnd3e+AZpifY0YNYl/iKfd7bmLzX9DebgSPatuJzTNg15uTxvYOyweSdjl6j/YCyt5fg0jWuxfgaAYulc8mG49OLN1g65+W7J6flu6en5clTBDCwjzC/I0TFJzjCneOib3zlmdaBghB8XIHIHmuZI5AwYh7G0M0MLTuHHkeTC3aPsF+S+d/dwTcNPbtVS1ClU5jCAB9KInoG8y/X9o3ilKEj3mUQJCxV+c4st8k00sf07FQoiH8h+lqfV2nIulpicbEA2BMlwoTgTdpOLZWF8GIRTPG1XxEYe0WK4N/86n8smKDXkTpSVwrDrUsaoRUagHCQhB5xMAXh89klnz0Ugce8LDQvIO4pQYML9rM9f/GUaN9rzBSk/5s5/h1mmfU5SGHTGlG+5isajFB9yxieO4JNmzxEJYX+o3XUSvqTJg8P3RUA8cgMDlaiMB/YPMjDI6J1988IHDwtx0j3xwQJ/v7v/q483HyGGXscKe+yxVLpEw1umhbnYUJM+pqaoiLMedHkqRKMidOs5p6MLt5FpmtzwRL7+SbXT8rk8ls0nvvuCCpcEAklaLHAr2m1p2X/wU4ZrMgqgaDnEhQqq8Ni9hcQ+wrtvMJk0tz0eEAjgG36xpImIkn0j746rqBjtslgVyzIv3p5UV6fqS3YjYB019+bE5lZzMmCYf1vivbSUklEkqRrz/vUvci8QkTpAwqU4Tpqc8ej1oSoTTXbIKxmrC9u0NxL5nPAs4cP72G2Dst4hqalnKJArbeDWTxgwZ5OEmV1vbMPPRCUJWWOIBB7Ea+B+80bXIyXRGIvTxEYmN4kCJxfzllGMYIL84l3m0HadowuQdHOkWZ+m7k1Kq5WcbnDmPE1Jv6GpAHNXV0d90Keodl/AzP/8he/YunmAWuZmKTg2DS9Fcy6oIONNMuODq0Kg1bOqZueNQPFg1d8ZHAofWuJDdgx4s6TJvJqDGJDvaZ8rVWZjR64r9YTduidMQA8w/GJPK3/e1kuSJB/+ux5+dM3X4OXl+V/+Z//Q+meQ0RWMPSbc0IYquHfGRJpil8zBpFzmO+CXMQxA9ZBlgHnIMP0JaNgrh8Z+r6kzIjFXn2b6zHaQMLDnMB6CXKXMJWnc0koS0zWrAtJmJhQTqxtuX41gwgldLm8DYHNIaQe75oCqUsZ98JJQK/OZmjdaxaS8aPINv7sHj4QEvPLX57jrN/HdzykHbUgxApj9zGVDEzs4HOY2W/k1aDQEsQvGHO1zYERBrRD/V4DK4rnXQTBDr7pZor/8vyfWEB/RV1MaBikzZiO6P9i3CoXMMSby1IuVYFK8Et9NXw4Akw7EIFJzlNgmrIAj0Wa9u8d7qAJd5CIECJjXQPrJe26KfcKgXZKpsyItURx5KTqVwlfD66NzIa5ZuBFE9FzZQrnzUjIESDUWDIJzp9HXrirYkiaWTbvSvjiBytmn/4PsCjusf9wl0X8PQIwV8z/ZHQVGFdoHpl+390ZmIPD3TmWDskBT5+UAUw3Yr6f4ts/h/FOMYdPT8dYQxMY7zJjMWnchPFVB9GD5u/DwNoTPTSvn1ZaRVCXRN4xtgADKkO6zIHEbbK4ZqLjPCchvcX66AhT++XLM9Yzn5ff/M0vCdJgBWFee5zHAljHmOlTgjn6om52VrC5njinjSlLNVsWAbcjhIbzRPYRONGaevz4c2joMZbIMaFn8M0eSoWf8FUTFhjRblmXZhZWMOEGpaHVoUsmzNLRAgF2jbvy5tVp+a///H+Xr//0Z5hxxHPG9r//l/8NBiQFCbOoh2aQ+w0iXKO9RuMrkEKkDqYbU2Gixop5I6PgqMOEajMPlAU9EDF1QbB+3RTbX43n5lNNTxeSJWJIOYDK5PlBEAajn+Go4M8QQ45MsKQ2NQNbwIhrVHjMAIhKLYk2j4TpQsEuaF/35ywes82H0L8RvO+fvOQYh/0QlFrB7IkpAkPtd3Jyv9zHD9rfPQw8I/yQEWaTQuYSKTXBZItmBtk7mL8604N+p7hY/SsyUwZJuH5S9lmUnoCPHXMz8c+eQQSvMLMuCLZMpwQpiCxKIHMmbg+zWEZ5hRaTeC7ws5aMZUCC9iHBkdGsWybU9RgJ5AEmOBFRfLgxeaRLFv5b+Dimu4nBAWbkAJO8ZcCCCR6jeU9h1hmaS75UWzs/MwI0/s3x11z7i7Ag8mmKGpShwomP5SZftUMPq8CtTQOisf6Z7tYhequA1Ifvo7VlTK0ThdGaCO8IBnv96mXpg7/XwPDVd8/LM7ZFjeaYikiZ6zFmo8EepljhYACrD8O5cmLQzZzTLkLKXFfdgQWwThBiEewMRO3IQCFyYRBOGBZlobV0AQONYLCXMP2zVy/K90+/SxDqmB0mOwjDKWM3DjHFZJbWDglEOdYwMX6YWs/PKqApdD5HcOqz9mn/Hn7l4y9+Ub78/Fcw4heY6IfwiAdjqQVRD5rnkKtm60pe0HJQ09HODIZTkWh1zGdTlBN/mOPfA+Mf/vAnrACW3RTqXN3/+I//CCLcxMkEoPYlfnMMnbgFEs+BzmBITRUZzUN9uEXPMAfAyzVZMIVIl4irNelZEuUYc0azKJE0Kjj5At0joEDFEL5Ovsy/ZoHakHUXIheGVZeJcjowlbSp+xCDSGEmUn5BziIF/K8VhLlktBHGB5w2wuI79t5dITz2nuG30KeFPElsBiIkYifo4cMTiIm1LsZw6a50COUU5pjAGAoPxy25qwF77Nk7pM/ffE6w53/6u/LFMUsLLFYTM2FMq+xSePr1C46csD4MR701E73njgVWWq9o0zU6I4sj3h2dfvEehy3tohU1j9+8OisTzClxP0eAGbIWS5rpWhYXOO092txFS4Eg/CTXGM/CyNmOhJCR6ZTCc60G5ssAkDvwFYBOtxaO4zE9cGkaHXBoVsuJuhJqQTU13YQ5KsFD9AgvRFg5ou/P7h8y333WKsE3RoJm7tS8U+otmdcVdLSgnxl9Glgzqmokd5c1xyWWkjSE0VHbBJYu5rKbiRUGEqWyGHRTTppxyqVB+wEG5rHPPGpCS/zSEzoo1tcp6X0y4xO0zABa0aRdAZdMoFvRJX4w6L+GjvSLmQvNTe57FEcsHFpMf5iOUtqbS+iBnNwzTOfHr54SV9iNtSFIAuvyjbBJheLXYGOYj3b1v6OQwL2W5ALCvIK5X756U87RsuET2+Hq/unrl7G3Pa68A/OpIeZgQaDUHAkhK76cJADWGkgqmcfrUUckKBF05TRL1Z5TfRPNDZwZGc+2IsFEjHVEHyPJJ76vIQgwxqQzMAh7p+uua3ww/q3ox8Eyr7k0Q9oL2oFKHL6zI0wSloSjybICiafnC7QNcNtRna5E6ACWyX/DOL+NqUFzmIT0A4zMV8aJag9hGZ2rF5HLXXyfNubUm93y5clDmpXoJmUM805ej0oHBl4S9bzWR8FfvULCnrM2aP6svoMS+ICczkcPHzKRO+BJSYzfFFMfggAb5kmOwdsUoTQh8GFwZYkwk+CGRErVfkpTI8kjFvevmdT462gQF86dN4+elyBiolLeOXXMzmUXbSbOFQr6QHq04tF5lOAlJhlB0RMLBwCNJccnYyS4VKGVOfh9c3VaDkbD8mBzUo76nGHDUsFmuCqP3WwMLhZEU1swnSawAlzh048PTRtoNYVJfVcQCKLigH7xg2US/VIUSuD0vtSSQ6KANTQUOqIe7caHp4T5sGrZK9tjfpx2GVyt2WZ+NTGTx4uQcpzxLxUimP3JmUUyuBlZi2yeoMkp5v81ObcvcFkMQAkJFdKuEWrXueEVUySZS/uWR4RVAS4/6Gol4OhcYyXJqDYQdPOpezGSibDJmaAOzi4yaDtpQQuIU1pSW+lGUMCd2j0436iP2lJp5mPLCYTqeIUEEMg2kq9rAUarsJDYXV5wIqpvRXkqL2R2nokU0476hJ2VnEsmusfEYFjTHA1AkBJKhIWOO0Qd/1UGpT5uBVclIiWjhw8tEABKYpGqo6zGXeKQ255a3wlCwTI8Z8TJd01R7ZPGAp9R1x7ENOPwo/4AjUy61ojQ/qtvXpCAja98je9DZO/5KUEn4nDXV0R6QXYbf9P8SzM2lI5aDUtMzJmZMZheZvu4FKBJZ0CLRC/25FEeuBRil1kjw9Z28tB4G3C71n+EKc0d7aI51mpDEO9CvOxlVM75clx1PZTKXGoPhauRUGHR9Go7cVxGqJ2AaAvwrtVh+F/fy3o93o9YwP8F5reR0clizPosAgEfUTiWmNqDPlkquABDlmJ6jO2rb0hMP72mDawe5iHmJ+OPAKW9LkiX5aKR+aSwUShIBF3ocG5ih8LdJRfLAWcLpmWqKc0Ll2N1Pp1zyIq26n2DHjlQGNhtwyCOxOn4HFNK1aJpJze233XBXWYSNXNpmWDPNXMmrKpG+5DHArdlaVNeSIJ4+EHhodKBznwPnM4M92lUjFetXDvszuBSuV9bX22jc5lByqIsCSQqCfHKXNXuZUDwlCclpyHqWFTcKY3DIEyeidMdQtkLTCHbBw8ppN6SgbqYohQP02nibOkfYlXKwHyeQ2Kjcq7DoIDfqxRUqsHM/JmSpGZA5kQY+JzWEhRJRJNx1oVzmJBBaO7V+8oyJxDTGqZJKh0D14lm6Y2JgyjVSwgRRkVAaVEO7rXL52zVGb05K9/94bty9h2H6U6QrCw/vMQXIhRDQB2GQJjtEsyYollPiY6aVD2A0ezXSZngo45hZpOou5ipAI85OcWEmlEOXw+hJTEqRR2PMOufSRQSYReG6UMpGjoLhJRCyKUE50EzW5MuUV7gWGASdXm3TU9Sc49fiMjGaDdmKgJqhyCW9UR1ItdIboWhR1ccsSviHn9TtNorUtzcSNzF7F9wcI35qEY891kov8ca7CGWwq+++Dym8jffPaM8GS/QmMEbhXPDJHlnbBJA1t3Atn073Zq19ICQYj6Yd+fJMuKCp6ILYUxxvks3EZ7gS8qRElq4MhE/EjIMpw5IQfEnM1qSfniY/rUC5C5lfU4FAIgV8MZVpj//i/coA2hFeAzqqBA0Y90VZHtSlG04bwqGMCfweK8l3fEvLpc3IlKgYdy8rJ0YhQzwPJKbNQuzQM3nLhLcHsxU16QRXnFhmJVqPMJUpdP6mwMBL4yr9OviZ1nfrPnIHjmZP5lZMNzJ7QelbhYyAVJfxFQmL3d1w76ZABnXwiiIrFVZNRMJbDW0bjSXm5Q36udyRQuGsi3hRFSgRWQ4+soEQKCA48U0RajEZHbyWYJJ0jjjWmDqdfH1/uYRhAWx/uG/fV2++j1rgDIBYI6w8Z+fE6gCsWOivvrObST3KdFP1+ceP35QviACp2Y1c8UorVkkMuACs+iSANc5ZQEZXNW1S/Gin6gpZh0n1YiaFoP+eJaAGINBjBbaziPtneB9NJOWiQw4xSeSQJPthDbQenH+GH2EghxrPuYcfA/YOX987wHLFKTNEQXSd9QU3CPg06eemU3a6C7kH7B+2VarMc4p65KnZDMlwXpJnijCxiUVE8pbv35c2mjFFlHRKWPVIpEOpuAox9PDICEHidW5YjxqqByrL3MxdhPepQsqh96kAOEOffJcmpL1+BDB7jsfwAHvVuODjGG2i7fsL9qCzuzPNT6vJDNgyts2t6F12rAfaNt6WSEAd3optpSdG/mE0LOc2oS2ZbqY8/IL970q3cqv6ZwytAg8Xl3TpaimDuAmjfDukKIFQYKcn3s8lvCrr1UZIkhRvKghA7WFDPG6wqWI4mQR6yOleUKbIhPiRPvJfvFfqBiBQJ+RGhQMChzMdlD6ChJBQuo0p86ToZRcDq7ZTmJEKlJni2znwmii0tABC0V8Hjq0rIu8+iKmjRmckUFk90W4E0EiRwBfH8Sd3O+V35Bf+d0fvi//5T/9gXHgA5B984zTzS5HMB/EOIPaz9j5QHO0RRSO2R5ius1hHHM/Y+uCgz0PXYKJNmjNBb6eON1FM02JeDqRHZYJzH81kiYOjEaamidzyoRGbXXq1Zgu8rumljbIGnqraTHDHJNEIM4N+buDvithg7N+j7Q9yvTpZ2bwhYii2RmG4IdEQvvi3PLAJvMtYBr3GbrjYpfEgTV+shkyV2h4I+qG+01Be/SYHftEOQ0+9CCYRyzWGwl8Q3TTBAEmC5OXSZQggCN+LmOSoJ3H0B0v8FaEM4ZUFSISGONREzKlod81MKoKOzBJ2vOF/zRLGTWPghCG4J+zW7O6nBsKGCzgzfm1nOahz8My0IaXQi88w2eMiLhKls/x/DxQ+7msphU1Z56qNrRt6vkMoajW7oG3DQpNluvQ0Ir+qukMffZlEDviYZcB6aMhXiDsOlhu04jAb+1c3jX9BN4OvQYwoZ82qIMsSAJQR8h5Dt8EGBlFBnT4tMwfckQO8Z3KajD/KeEBR+uIfmE6JKg+o8c3CJr9SghpD1gc4BoGj9TxIX1WR7hKnGpSq+mYXJ7ntxE0ycgb1N+DLmMeC5uM6iI4jQQAN9pqBfQwi//u8X45wcn86o/PWMYgM5/E4WcEX5B/SP19AjIQJMy3r2+HFtDci6dpGhV+lx3JQG1MN7cQqcE0n12TG+BXav5LaR2I09kQ31oUmvmG011PlUlmCIUJkVT9Ep18p6AHYkzkNijgfFq2D3In4MXMohr9ZH6BQW3gWqbLDTPCuN6Dz3N/xDqh1oK5qVotZh8dyIy02ccHdu3QxG4X2secZXpMkngfP9DI9azFmuDLc9LyJuz+xw9kGWAFkx5Q729+8TgC5oKlLTWy5rApaPq1TnamNUIa+BhQMwVSv7TgpIMOntX5DRHjh4d8mNXQFPMnHYW4aSHahzaT3WJlxq2mVChlLmwKEnUeUHXRttpGUmYN1EChFIDC6B4awwBwJ4lMhE8QQRhLESEW1wYB6zKE8FaNTY8gVvo0DqGQ0DqLBkUwZyw0ZaQZicukA5jOdjTKVgLENqcBVV/sbycTeKq5R09iE6BNQ9JpFwAljv6kC8p2qIKUQRx4NVk176jGSNI0TB/p5EBB8ApTL2szOGIGDTQxkQUhCAMC1qn+AHDw2S02yivr6F8JW9qJVFXqMDHAo+mvWdGT68U5cAmfTNnD1+gA7xq738lVODo7oC5wP9wflH94fFRGpBA9JkF8fTwoT55dxk/YI2Y+XdAGMB6x68HdC3tmm/T30VIEExh7l4kzydgfR+nC+BsDDDBoG6bt4xt61MNyBTOzqOu2H5GsS6B2uyCHcuQ6FiC5XBTgmR/9tQHfPc7QtUM1+wBcrUg89ZAmF/s1BVUSMtMA5pRRJdI9M4vod2FwAbzJ7OLWhAS3QV2RuyodDKCLc/rR/3t0/4S+W0QFRyzXkJTBMo/HZcznpNTxLi1cnbGEg1afoZEfgq+DY7N80J7g+xBGPsK8vf/Z5+zOvyr/9M+/j2DRzHT+YwoCawiYO5l06MH5FxfmmUoHmTvxIyEw845fIekjM2vMTTZu4UClaS0GGU3YFT/+2Yi04EeFtW6JjCEhqRjSCZ+0uCyt7ypNr/HpVTrei8UEToVeRnXxXSFvP25Oz04QnrmHVotNV8J39CLKpWpYCkMbSFyqBFjG6tzTOAFqGDPAqGITkQR4iNsuIl3UkAzHiJ1rSF6VlVzHoTIdm63iGpCL8CLScK+OK72E+GM3U1+uEkm2q4+SX/HxBvd7EHRwHSz63J4srDSpxoVIlgFrepvPgM12gdGNnzJ+n+UNhYiSRxCgSWByEkCMZWlvpTQCxpZa2IAU6Ux7ZED87WdH5fMDtK5mGv7bObsMcvQfmmg2ZdkEzbDe1UXCdEK7uA9EM1EBMvDkMibYHSDZnAwMY0wTTS/lnBG0IQGUwSMyN4RLHxB4ZTrX1fZ4JqwJcSMgXAJSe7k+OKX/Edyi/XEAcYsngwcGyFwHbYcQnQ+sCNpQ1XlUxYFMLoGCGxAXC0NJrHYUOWrmREx536f/exyXsQtcrmWemdhNaN6139ccW+FRG/3Wfc6NIeMISFzzOjuFsWm/2yYR4mS/POD4w89/ienK9rILosP/9V++ztqoO1YUcyFpCFhc1KT3ihdNPaeoIXrLhfG4V5mDD9QRb/G9ZDhxwLuRYekk6W6MW+QoVFQyBq2aCLAsqRKcWV5Ghnmkc6/gB6GocGnxp+XluLwCK8wu6S/xjef2zecVCkiackcJ0282Ie4dTAcPeJartaVVadSrO1CtQgnxPQBSprIBpYcMnUingPFZghE2BwmpQtDUpTGbMrtCBpKoZTbXmMxY2KDJRHHu0280Eu35Pb8JQVtqHG5xj4b44uCUAK6fSVQhFpFPR363H9f6DC4In5JnjTkW6KnblplAZAQIz9SKGJthSlqxk/h++Sgzc8vUpEhZmLEDJjXbWiQEHO+3y28/ZycGwcoLlhxAeWlhFu+3diFXlhGgZf2xBcR85uZb8LB37yE/msIpYkwY4gnmqWNdQmQGI67QEAu0o2tEMa2Br66XAntrzO5zzTf9NkYEc2sea+7AtfyvUtg1LX0zcWyUUsLU5NGXPGe7k1QVjcdz59bI5g7mo2Zlj3YNAqnxNFt7MDS3qA+xSUhgqMf4zVBRQ87IIHpDEv0YU9gtRCYLyBQuiRjkaivk6O+AFDB3tWsJme+5acNUtC1MV2z2/eM3z8ozzNQnJB3MKa/ptqXnzLECss4OjKlwQoBSLPPjnDvGJGdQyHrCYF8ymQEO3ZAa6cYslDmATetLQlNRKJhWmD4hrzAac8wXz7qRVlyrlO4xfLgqXUjjICFA6BOGUH0MlhIf4dGMvqfRvDzfDkjPc002kN9NMDCgo5BwHPKMPOIlhmU5gHLwFhL9dqTUhcjpQMljx0kn43G0GaXNupAreRrt4oK5pqgTLoMRiAsT1W0hDClAcI9BJouGenyjpYp48Fv78h4EUKWcwoBigZfBKHIYlG3lj8/ZcyZrM1A6DjzWcYIATH0LM2AC0mYm2bGmHuMLCMpB+hQRzLhdaWK4y+GIXQL3Cb4Mj9Q6SLA+BDdn6xAW47JD2hsm15Q8TYMvz8/ZfoQGnW1cYkBiIgJdY0yI36wb0GVKlx8XBCaMlo4nVyFyGUwGMO8zv8UHjNn4C1AuB6ilNROVxhNT1MzDRcpqbo3J1fTzLssTHisxh8FlKK0Ax6ewdG728e1cK0VssXZJ6homqOfCmOg+x18z8OMV3wxmFqYWwmNu2hzwirsjYLm0T/qz8YWbitl+db17CUFiQpNlNCRrxLzXOX6hWUlDUtQmaOZTYL6gfLJ9mD81hkymENUO032RGqSfuuk5s5L5j1mpRqRSNMi23Azt47TbFk3GatBa8MgPGdDKoS8eOq8dzH+DIm3plnIJ/oATacMSEYSBC/wHQK2OoIXlpUqLMq30jZqLD7lAMIGN0JvRVNCWvrTQOjK38ClRLMO7FltLOuZSRCfsC2R1BGBV04AvdMw9sUxzAR9IZDpIi+80UNuo7zIyroASq2NAgAkXIeCWP9urjKHmsk3vRwrwnrNmeM9FUccG/WUQNq4GSxocZapGFkYgCDxMCFoJXcl7FQb2lcq0IQw2aD2lmUSVxAI7C1IqA9ep15yxDBoTvByR9/gPv/my/M1v/56gCoYlUcrx2ZvygiTjU1KVro1+snzw+gVbr0hje82WowlmKMkx7CJYlnv4TWt8LXdJdDE/xKeTYVJ6PohyiHlKJNRkAYXdWB8KbW56mQEXJyzpWgZYYBRFxRWpaWo0Z9oopSbqEeuHA4jNbIshZu+EemagtCAiBZmbeTsGycQTzDMj4GKgbBetGAYAT6YJGu0EQlDGLhTmEWVP5pHbwyQ6cYk/A9Ma4a1mHpoS81V3I1vYUB/8hkyZK4jRPBsklabXGl/SQ4WTO8xYa5oYc6fl5JIX9GckUWZx7s25VNvnmAuJxQi9yyNaN9RRTOpfm5gtszlnWRoAB+K0LnpLNxIN7UJDknj2ODIez/Zp49f5b40g9JxUOXkhwyIU3FitmxBmo6IWjvOgAqgHl1HeeAV4iwlMP9G2MiDwK+A1dTf4/oGXtrkjZSJ4gRcceHV11q1Ab9SSsSQSKiLJ3aulKRZJQQfRXLSA7CJo4YAFUG1iA/WzodxIB+6YGpSL55aNBhG5fPYPeFJXCc0n+vJPM0zTk3bpywGCb5DqAGxbCWkZBsKfSwXgl3K1X80IFz0NSijAbDdvjItmIFz7pgLlZVzhbsyCBcTlXWtIePpVv/7yJD5Ti3prchlfsJ/tX/7luzIGBncznJEv+IoDly7QXBMAcoeFJ2B13ZYEfG0IXOFg706mMLnY7gK8eMpRFDC3AaBLNMkYU0/mE1ih06Qak3lOU9FqQRsTazBJE3UXRBzA5IdovzlzqT9IZ5g8EB0EogRmSyEik8mHkN2l7m5zcyHdzqWf42K9pmiHvmZ87oJro7n7tNtS61PP586PsmOApuwzt+4ece+iPtcAU3MPfG1oU3PsjB3vErVH+c67rDOKByyCKdp0hgCQeRyLJq7z6txoqfjf1Dduc4+5lEG3QhMKiiDO4jyVZ5jw5qGa3iWjKTSMyCoYtCbiC9KPO1X8U6rKpC47xSzUB3JM9G0+cpYupA3u81pxDpPGNIWu9IGF00tzVz4AwmhK6c/v8RGdrET9HAfwO5fwl0ke9qdQVIF4dVWHErUN1RV9KtF7TDQqzjBNxBRPuWfImvJ0sIJ4JCDLVbPOzzIGgFBeQuNrEKm0E2AlAoXSsYOtTMNgxUOFoD6nnsNxjSXrLIzAiY/G1J8SwQDpEJSShnkdZGCmYMLUDFZhENNa5FDA/uMrgGQ+OayMRSTFNLARINEQ6yH9v3x0VB4R2VwRcn/z5Hn543/7UydkLFkAAEAASURBVPmO9LMpOwr0h1CABGH4/T1sSiNxXfy7mqCtNBQuMl7IHNFEsS8PRnL7kNu4lLSmhHmimQwzh8GXVEb5oUU1bW4myXE6N/o6rIhkLW8PQtt3OQG8HCBs2hB1C22gqemc2Xaf+VGLGQjag/idG0/ZdndJH/y7585cVINmasgZjKkvt8v9Pdce6S90gmByTc8lCzEkvga0ncVqiYF2jaT3YFhSDzjLiZ9gS7vMMUG+aCMYcgwdnMmAtqvFxFwaK6hmWLUOaC3EmTVhOlNne4lLg4EhfJUDt0341gSVHqRZBWtoJHDLvtyTwXhY15jDLtGCtmlSQGacsSzBb1frh7ZQW6mTtoAOKRGmrrEHWyXYBo7R4+BFapE7uM9/0QGgdgwm1MBkYBGYkr6ECFTxDHrUhOeCAV27q5ov4V4wrm8iRetbCRDlhZbJkej5xyRHy9GZz0AnBILosnX+V67nLuWVQsnzA4BES8NJMAmTLsMKK3MbBrNykEXf3jRTPYv19NcsXKY3GVMJClhqaf0fNabINgSsFOUGsBHIkLrtYGsC5Bg8xijjwr4wKGiiIaOL4g7Ukwxeyi9PDsuvHx6W4y6/2/eUrS5/5Lj5py/ZaHzFUROeAIDfAlGfsCHYzJY2RDFgj2HXpGmkvRtrn794w6FDV4n4mlFiYKCPH6YGMIAkLif8cpJm3wrmFVesjMXciUQFZqDncomIdShg3YegDyH0XX1J7u1ooYAD8xaT9+i8wXz7UIJJBq7R7lHH9V39QxfQM06YyXNmdtBs+0Zx0YRTGFiG3kPDDSlv4EAi8sjEHTRis1y1IQiTfY1b+MRlFtSB5Uomg8nN5d0QTV8hBKeYjprTY7TriEX/mcRIP7RIBFVLpfq3Bn2cPiOJVYirrZg6/kHGSUxI9BjcyYDShjtuwlzSoGYjuHLuJXzNWydX0k+qpdIEgpNZsnTBV8mRAlwsuyAMqZoy0q6ZTnX7kTPgH3QHjhQCItEljwUTI26dJ+tq4ooP6To0Kd0Bi+PwvfZtY3YEA2ryawtTE4ABXwTIePZIhfTsAPgqMquJSIf0Bl8EECNMwJBLyU9PWyAExO88pMEAZCm+RiXzAZoKYGlPSZ6RyZE60aIeWBiEdr7skenYth/T0TKMLgIBte9i+hLG1i8SIU6KExSNpGYAebQYGKhFOQlYGGReJTlnaJIX+cvPj8vJPhri/HUZvXjJoURqsimmHyBQwYDBEaHRHn7iiPsjCMFIqubb6JVnsMCkEKNRR/0sGX2E9DeKmMkAPtANJE4QUwtIanumF/jsg9EyAE3NAX+7IPsAzXRMW4f4YAlaZLJca4TIIHg1m4SndtrVZKRtw+7sD2cecDV47sqV7TvlBneGMJaAuA1JjWeOrqe7dWmnphaCF3Dkmp/rlcKq4EwGDuasfhXiMcJjRP0LiFINt8eBxObDnuPfXmJWo7+iFSdkxMR3pA90On8mRDDvJH9g4dMWCHa3Brho8mHVNB6bMpepmW8ZNgzoWMCBGhDWgITxYfmzTKydLbMlimzCF8woKepOhB4h2jAvdG2ASzdHnCdaSRFB0eLTJdPUDu0Bl//cJyuue2zkVqTlx3KAX9rQXZXRJFnbcg+tdTQ7Ffb65KFzisOAagGnhCp2SCF9NSdY7WdDhrrlwEwolB1ity8QHTOURh1w/DbuW856XvHFpDTatn2a54PvAAMCNKtkXsaFANCcAFC+KFNiWvCcpnO/haMvfEF6qFfmhLAUAJTr0kFMOj6nQ1pJckDDZNwVzooOJ4OxOnQkqoiXQK1nMBCXBs3G0Qr8PNcZTKjf1Pg7InCPHzJZk9v48s2CAMwSH7DCvoLAFFI7MMsOZXrsoXMP4IxlAxmkizlo3mP8lBAO0ACuY0TgOn+8VNwgjzmMiWUG1uAewMiHMMe+i94SJHgQ96b9qb20YTCEMTdhKD5rPu2alSMjMmcGscw6dC9cj36Nfu6yhrJg4T0blSEm0888M8Zgg8SigG0hkFwOcklFJnRm2/i6LtIPSDkzWZ3hhulGbDR+hZCxPOtbRE/ZfGwE1A25aMEJ1tZK6hRCxqhYXxM5XcBNPYi8SzBGP24j0fNcPlFYZad5GM1lBfDEi9ov+bDMf2YUBGoBSPXiUGUSP8vyWvmaFuAkNOsouC8oQTcvssCCdJdsmYIWhAnKY2wUpLwKynbd6e582Y54VkioNvSla44n1K81CGHZhwoo+16BN+atDE6/sexooTupI+RjugnQBgTcra10i3r1A8CrVcJwKV1fJARlNiBGMgq2Esih+VlGktG096HzAA8oYUAJx4pOBUXom8/U1VRt2qVHEFOZJiapWMjgfcJ9Bmomi+anjKGmkfhyaKsg0p5Eo9SuMNKlMGcG6oRQKDB0IIYlgYwZPp4MRAJMacNYJHMAu2esIMX5mbHxBD+HXyDy8KkRPuAG4kQ9kJ3ibm+37/gb7K1yzmL66Uu3CaFt8P92OxC82EforahP75WgQIzZOo5LsPjApIpvgyFdjifslwf4aLvMg1vGLAJUkdpJPnCVk9Cj2t2gmUEMNZlRTZcWFGqO3SQHz82RMIfsSZSpriGooUQBo6v9E5gBCAWieaFaNxSE+eibMklwgDP7M7YgsQtcBvSAYcc/AXf+qOgcyp6xAm2eqb6shtcc3BmVlWAVUAq/tUSNBlzy2ciw+6xrJJX7fE6aGLjxlHAjjEuEm4J7haQSvkQXZbwtTWS5i7ZEsfQjLflIhCErKSexVZy7ZCVFeEv6pAg0Qh2+x4pLJfAML4g7HqYfg3i5gcCwXhSP2hxB6LogtygKnhij9Ok45e6OxxLmGb3StxvbvdiOhOSGEfyqk137xTAA8WqvLlJPxqktC78DYEJprfH7KlPKGJU5olFBgo3VwThAPoMUyScBEXpUOqjlBEwCUEKYspMjCmmL4rJYRTRY9TuUWRmMjyIAEPmgj0QCsxJCuPgnIkQBFsn2qsEjzZ0FyDDj33Hkor4axDoGN+7hx7nncUpIv3eN/0Kk8+m3L8rvv+WXbkm+5oef6RspT1uPHnCGKT6ZcthdHDkPFdjdIeFYXE8Uhx55sIHxHIM4tGsnW2KUUI1KNssj6hnXu4YQvb8VcYymYTmSSXSeeAagHh8iM7gTAnuR+mgQJtZBxCWAmQzt25FY994uQRvH7e4HfUd3UBxghhrocE66/G6haXP6kzJwUswUBfSVfZKM11Q7t+myjx8zAZh20bT+Lr2BKKZfItRdcGnFOgZ3XOg3Q2equSYOJF7wqymp1jH6qS+oWHE7kHTkFixoOnh2BG5P0zKLO8FSjzOnzywDOEaayzY5ORM0VVIksVf680S72KxOMJeaT5KWtcx6cZdIbtiUcNmmRAk9Cpsfs7ePtuw41Gx/4Ek4KuMCpUwlE8IwCkKBwljmH8tB9o3gkG9c9siaLnW7IyYh0NJUnwl0/NmtDGDgj8646MVtHTEXASo3fOW+7Tp5IiAUxfR4X9Wt7W3x2PKU0VejZJhO5EWCgAZtdx5EUidoQ9nq6CoptLWZAAarVDGrHzoQdbzDNgzUdUJNIn+XQCFSo1eCQx36yTok7/AMl4RJd+zcNnNERhLgECnPemiqQw5ycsHcnfEjfLan/K778+enCUMfHhJ5pIw/lOLp0Gz+JrLHeZ2u9dEW0NAvJiHNHmB+9jA9Lt0tz6RLeGqpCB3Lgp/stKZ/19VCVuIOzjQyuc94D2ho6HICz5X4Cj19M8FW8PUxabswaII61KNIxuO6V3w42qiEqxqnDRihD779KQBxA9aowB+4NNIpAygkZSRdDzWY4fM1vyso4rpEfnZgKjX2gDNi2uz/6yBg1hDLkuin2UTOsoTs6QhzllbcyO09ze6YZMCkfHa5yGvDcsWMvv3tkK7MBV40O8WZ8yNNGBNI4oFaDW0vjGpBQ/phCNuBudVyOcyJZzIrBWmP0tF4FJJe+cdNa4RWhdUdNyDBW7mqH2n/0jB9AJObFIAMQrURES3tMCbbZ0z5Sp/6rEx0BPQAOgJzsQAUBsE5Qt5tal5dCdteJRj5WQIySVlCTp9KJScWrrXzaD8Bp38J3wiZikfzxoHJiCF6PiitBUckWMFByLBv/R+QotAOo4JYEZaopsSmqqB8Fj6dANqiO+CCaOPn2KY5niZsk+SM5Fa9CLO4sG/HFQYTwfwLPNTRDNRcdaOqwsEylmihRRH3+C2ctPbsTdk/MUuE4/keHATm7msyObAYzG/twxQvORHsz684yImIqD908oiMGdfdrsfAT+/RGhD7esjPg5kxszWt6ZjFcjWMGsklDYMZMArwS0DCtQuTHTF5R8zDQDcBCHN4kXm64oHyTqIJ2kvGL3O4tgWdgmMlO0hwxOBLxlqxxOGvOPUY38J1Rcpq4iqJYWPGXq0esQSSY1bbj/Pq/Bl02CjwxDF973Ky3CF7DzdEiccw9Ygy1yy3TBIlrDiNYQ/ujVh7Ro0CRGuq7SnW0jrz7YK4LodH9/uz3QwTmoCEGXKi24zP5YVovjAwOELD6tNKInyocy6wPHfh3jbkbXGZaKew83gF4YuW/IAMdC+9Zt7dBE6BbBqAXVzGkg4dawYPTsLMfKUZ/qznJUeAQ3Ei/QCD/yRq/7m8Iv7kk7XbsaA9s3B6/GhPGJoWup6XaEMSgCwscUUtgxCZTYkq0lzLi13NIB2rarfD1njD1vpA/uhIHTWtSBwWAsyEqIFWKSJTKSkSlaJMfBb6VjIY9armKm0DsNpO4nSggBH/Iz6NRLdFoiZnk7BrpoZRteZSgrr3TWD1o4XGhtR09uNEZD8ZVUR4iI5S7jB/w286dEkl28N7/+0BBwKz/80J93Co+xykBBrLi1ecBsYRFB7JeMRShKdbO9mXpFp5nIRnmd5/8CDrVG++f0mv4IRxwT+53CO4ILCjTNUs1hcXV32YZZ/vJyysn6BZdsFZD7hNJHYgHbZdVPMTwQPeV/xh7TImnsPsmsBzCSLz6VwhaJSQkENeoX0PN3avmgSugHTOs14GXtQUroG21Gp8Fn8iy7kz0MU3OYhjBV2WQGjgN69wkscGWjgTMzBSJEzDuwLO+QNA2qY/iMljCVuGPBW4PFLLaLXob60cJ/djBtof9eOqGC+gHZvicZjXdjUnAxVffFczB0Y/p0KtpKY0ktrG3PeEhrr2HMTRFjCixarZCD0Caw5roqoCSTdBRn/rOoBrewO4MFSHRP8ejK8wEx7ptk/gTPw4n+Kxj+ALXtmoHbrMbDArnjgsQpPSBGBOtCZlNRcAhn8LVP5UX3GLRJnLOSXmEGS4d9DIpKXDmLQp94sCM/pFFK8AbFcynAwf9PAcpGOyxSG3oBOSojTO5dkhIkRic7lEsyp5kdSXxhJ4CaIpbz9KLiZZE6pGqjT/K6KlJWHwEqdvt1/Rlt9F8oKZGSNMxvg0Q0xR8xuvOf5LonbfnwLp2xf4ghw8vF4Pcg6K+BuR+XLFM3deH7IJ9fPPPiPoUMofnz8h+RrCxERrUzlHLEJ2Sn9ZwmRsF5n1xZWKHN5FtLNwvAORSkwzRsGkOicMj7ZdkKdZ6okPDtByzMDtce6uUXkK3QhNJIP7J27F3ZANuEM0/C7S/ohk7zWEkV3iCB+TzkO8zAX/s7ew2jPQQ5iPDjPHBFJoe4wQ7iKQ99ntMGFOnvCbD6ccsTGDwGU8mUZ54HyE8NV8fuZfIoEhYHDiOpu45x2adfJ4sRwft3SDRAmDJAd4Sx+2q5Zx7VVry6v683zW3wOHlQ65Dw7yU3fMb8oEMMpQVPrQzFZhKAk2EHR27EA/Mp3woi7io6spIQZIhDGmP3DFZxlhALOpDGiJIlI6Ah6c7xIJ9oBg101laLoCLl6AwQ3dXt2EkblZD/EBMIBR41UGdKGTyVV90oAqVBzpJWi+eDSf0VLtXaiXP4iIieqR1uNhTBKO9nGom7pxTrWWqAs2AIYqIgIC8qrBHO771TJMqPAYSrdwtg3xrrT0CEPbkDBEFdigKZC9fS7hOlCFiY/FsXMVKUbzfKz90RYtYZqJnSptzej3rM4Ov8CzWF9njEZVR+x6mEDgwr97uFdGHkNB1M+NzEM0ggh2n90RByu9YcH+D/iOpyQ9ewp2+gWH4klho5BhdnKup0sDCjrP/t6HqU64vw/MO8AuA2RK+T5UCDEY5woEIFg8EhImA39JcMbUusacvSBZe+LiNwRiQER0quXdJ3gAQRwTbNllfgbg6ki4+affGqzQZ/AJrOJOzW+igYvoiw4RTv6mtNti7h+MH5T1Qa+ccw7mCEsq2o6ByWT2qfaViJ1/3xXg8QF5FlfGR2IfJnauqhjgI0wjejJhwGi2luRV545KPLS9tG0/zEeOj5A4bROYg98UhAYi0e3JGsBHe1EAlqN+H1xI88LQmI8cMxcXwjoehdg2yQL8qfnizyKIYCunkPvQKGP0kKzQLtJEfKsFDWauWCvelfjsjT76JD70NMO5aBO/x0skMRBkrF/ybqjUCfbgnSwFUKY6pJgOdEzsm3WkGpkSK6LdJOyuZhLICKFk8CJYic+bkwdSnQDNRDGlFotvQfvMfqRinzJLjh90wKJJ88D2HHAtRhuEdylmFXqGEYE/plcG6yT7vA7a4Qu7Ghe851LyypiajpXMLWs9jpYg+HI+hmAh1r3jvTIk6XpOXVPNDHoYpRxgf/c5vMkJvJZAQbypZs/4AZFnJGxfopGSr2qfmfQtQQKHxKqASeSX55rluzD5fTSift8+j/UteCkb+tNXElh3p7ur3jnysN0rDnPS7zLKahTV/EiN8R1wMUDKxkRFiygjJbzVhvJjiZ6BQyBLpEZHcxAfUNJq44dpEqM3CVSxL5GjJs45xe2KrBmTDRS4+oKIbnxPUtJaRwRQoANwbgDGeRbPYSHGJRPHlXAs/GeiKqNCW5bVwnAzrmu8sY7AYVwRntV9eQorqMCyVBdttiEhq+UScMO8S8AN2CyTdvNJTZai9AErSR9wiMdQSncK1a6aCCaRhvT/6yHBvDOnzom5ukbYd8wmYukmrhFALHfqKQX22HbzOC0Iv8Ecl/GcH81OI9UmvbcR5lEKEK+/5jTAxfCCQZmuTAwTDVJ0iM2h9EomShBGo5oJ3EtECkwqMTx6PgyypWh/AEOTpMsvq+5CSNl9TjltfyUUilFZG6kgko0GCrCasiJHjUUnDgSEKXmoXREuckFgjVZtxYRIBBBZ33pVg1KcsnUEtWraoL+kQEEUIse2FAagRxQygdXflU6WLJyfYmK9vIAB8XMPIEh3u08xJRKlQ0P22vw4Caacfsvcw4+IwHXIoJmiJa/J9TS0PUBozFnvM7m6Jq8DJ7goHvhE0nbSpQA81gTjvcdk6/cdAr9JzAoHDDXGArxqPWCOjyQRwXRjNJ3RTMOFpkU5wfv6OCywO/7QPO37oyb6mJqG+pOmtElcsBBlwLHIC0GjJVyiQbh4uOwIwesp4xMYT0YKEQKjm3XNAxUuE7lnBGIUTmZKVQYQ5u1Y1YaMX81X5wS8q139Rz8RfvYvvDILHy2rkPU9fpVzBe2sMS+zhqtJS3lIh/qQPnPnjWrLMJvgp4o6CoA3y8ocAc4OSA436GJAyrXNHlbBKviAIREGmusyXfxnKmnVuBNlwNjt1EjynLrIn9BN9f9oHjg1ubNXlXd/n0NGFnddYPL4x5wSAVP2CcR4kXHE5PGn9FJyKWlQYikorHWdRC6C2DMGkK5ZA7bUYqkvwhiQP+YSk8nzGWCMnYTjnWiBk8hlDP6JUIBXCCsdDaC00MTa3X4Pd1OrIha04gfafxDJxNIdgEGaSlEmnfnYIpdnFOLVFxBoG1s4rQ+RmI+puEOe0R6FNAtBeiJxNGP9hIop/+LNdTng3E1/B8F2ztkN/uT1mg2lbDZF+zzEtNjHD/Qk6B7MpzZpw0Cun84u0QpojRxEBK7q6VwKDogHwRKtAFUpwdVq7rN7RHbKMWZMt/Gl6NMfd3GNVGRlaQTYXdSeup8Qv5EoGriB4HjegkA6MKD+pgEuBYY5mB4yJVHIgM6hhC7B5fI3JIAj4XLGAd1Qb0MSwZy9e6bX2b6+Ev0DR9LXPDoRM2q51y8XdOfZLxHiwKZWgqDqPCdCApbpVzM5QTw64Gv9DDaSAggs0o9CUPqrcMnMNOirTQq3k+N8KbChEzWxw/coyxiY1Fec6ndlSYjnWRNlrhkaY0NzIbjYpph+1IAeTtVFGCqUJAyXf/b4YZac30Nb9m+O6A7aL6f7US4pcXTcAQ9GZJujMRPIpJmcIAHt49/RNjAEThmQ9VQi+OLDtVEvpzZEkIGLAIwH1a5so5arTiiOMJWyFkjHkm6SuOV2pRHIXRslhcvXZIJwh3oeCmS+IQTJrCuR7DhrPCDPwE2yLJh8gZRoKY6UA6m8Sx/5Y0KcVH1LJ0D+pCmEvhNZgyagk8ngJmUdvPVpicmo2s1EA6WpzzyxW8GBQMskZUyE5R2/P0elQPE4Q34sK6dUt0QyxO14XY5xP5s/DfYYyfqAYxjO+Oxk30O6eR7lFcR4QQrWnNDkCq3I1EeICbYDNE1L2LyY/wSCzNs8wRe7j9N+aORMce8FAhKjpo5ngbqpWJtjCrz+fp8L5gZgkr6FVLWsvpo//GH625RnGKYRmDLFLlLbJGrNRZO6h1Iln3M0JIzrbnGtp1N+G8Md8BPg97cnPK5BxnTP3y5uwT73DrUCEBge6vyWuWiLGQBuCjM2fbEayncyEcAyjYwmHdgguEnEO1JBUJwbNLVjZ8xiyuaso9TQtGZIlVkVvlwMm36ME0DoCB6FhCfomZJoVo8ayNC/pqAuwpizTa85y9UT59RcQ37zYRcNxyQLTebExAi3ViWZG3yoVGTyREMdG3QkyNIsXYe21ZYG9bTCNN87RNAZaeqatO9c+qyN1YRXcWOCmngLyWVQkc+06NAk/iAADOh7ObAphLwhi0JkJFkWCazpFSYMUTkBMgwDjBdAh0pQKK2lVBdYVLtIMzLnmh4l6Izv1HFKchqyjMZffEOeybjCJJPIPFF5uW9vak1Z3to+kskpB6wdJlO4XevMXkQnEzgt644EYey4yA1i4mcgRGxLzatPQjJV1rjGRDFNLh7uuubFyV4Q4OfHx6VN1r/2fv0BSX0nRgNhLJgwstXQEjAkFOOetUj39MxYHBtlNNF3IZRD8HsMc+3R7xCcqBElOrd8KeWXoTLEHt+NovobC1MPfBK3PJfRzmD6S5jS45tWTjjt6ZcmSAPu9clhV/bmoX0Rij0MAf3TJS8ugK8or0S/Zkzmc55r3opq2tPcMkxk5gxh0LIPc/8SAj2g/ghC1q8OXhlXQGW21FoMOowrbmONOB5vO1HOA+WjMTVJ8aOcX/9AC/V5sR1eVQIhSL4rm6QUF+/VegrvLjmvMl0f4tZiUEv760j5sRnpDFMwDIhg7TAx5mF2evjJSGF/An3ICeYui0TAI3qzvAU9Zp2UtlzLk14HCJxocXBpRk9dKqnjEWaXxOxHweoST6xE4AdkxrBlQHAQc5h7XhzK5DHwTCRF3KNUTSVQBDFIAHgUCWeruRJeBkESdyJdbqGBCFb4GEEQxOOio5wuy1RtBwBIO/P99B3iezFxdRJEJs8B2jp1zYiJYELyGTHjPyfXCjmYCDKSk83ZtEwHhMugCgLtc3/Wy0uTyDNANNfARPxZGzEMTGkYRUakb55pBlpMQrGMCOpAdJcEH57xgyt/++t75R6L7JtvrwjOTHhGlBSCnfG7dDvAvY/W7/NrtmqjHRzdQwkWE1nicQVChnYNzdZtu82kRgDxeY+ZO9LvYy1uiOkewxj8iicAi+Zzu5hLGk64jDAjKWLJPTXeKYcyjfADzchvQYgnCIbhEdFJcP3N0+fl6rQeIIxxklS1FfOzIC93Rt9jGGcfoiKvB212QNh1wK9iTcobfFh/o0LC7WCiCbi7JcjbjsbK3jl+xms8HZQJh1Ylr5YygCvZ5CUWBRhw3M6TDKgbElOTsUlbMp//IOVoBdDGFFZmc/g0RH01ExdCX/8MRWRCCsiQligPjIlAQ8cmPvgTbyY4yHyeGufBxTtukqaVqb63zAFM+upqvgMSCgYujKN4/EkFhQ68DBz0ivCOdUYfMuXA3/RA+5mzKs2V/Jag+KxaewP9JfILYGvmEzULs8sviHLggQkAG3VHuwkeAZXzXQcJYGt6Dg3ygNu8iFwbh7DpJH6inUMIMl6yE3yXOsCY6lVEyc+xuf1AgyJ9h4mG00C1xEgx/lzaaCH5km0hxqkbc8NkAOo4OSnnIGjLjaYyv/2KqEhQhcEWXteBhdnJjsaDwDRzDQULsxesmHbFbypyx13UZkcYldWJ1h+YSxyYhJo1O0St+kjNWXYOzHOupieNmVw8BLEmTANVOYNw/WllY4j3OE9mTEZMD6mrGWpfEqeL6O6rA53mn5Q9+iKdkogZG2EhGPhDINF0VFFL0r4WShem0YRS+83B04jxjOhLi2Cf5ACXapwG4W9DSAoxNnvSB/MOLt1oq4TuOMcyIe1ndwcwTGU2IoMeBtXmh3EUDh2Eq7/utMcPXrJNl2WN8whiF5b3/IVi0vGu0az6mMnsBzYXwaOhMnfQgQOBrtRmahe1gPPv/OSnDZwCxhINofUg+Ygo6Yay3Iml4NxUbQkzWtiWIPb4V9BNDyHhli9/mNNT9HQ9LKbJbrRxyG/Pa4G0YADyx9kDSayCIKSm5g5R7B3KrAkTz4wrgAshynH+4MvzXYV3hyimh1h3tdFD/+ARZsrRGuA8P8UOXF3OQ1Xzuw0uAga8SHtm90j4XWIK7irpQVteWGgQp5MO19qRWd1GhkSFysTABe2GAWhL+o4mWhIdy14pZl2mEbleMrABDROyJQLDvxKQ7auVEmhhYGEu2kq2hfVAuoEJJyBtMGEebeB2ojyjY/0+F3vN4lCT2YZSRakjvE5aZVsbNHEATcK/JRPhRMvNJtBK5Y4VsReANev0P6QeicVghgfbMhe1HxC4IDF7Sl5jh0X6YRe/EHg9ksH9fmr4JDAzyUq3+DWA5oG7u/Qjo+pP7DCZHvPn2Seu0TkFLrfsEvp32aBiBfMU4lJierzDGly1YTrXlOgGbXcV6e20+AObe/iMEpDEhC6PNXPBeS+u3w5ZmzsCHqPP/p6H/rjHTOR8F8xT17GMDHfBieas64weL9jj6MJLNB7dCmCIyYSIIVrngMDTyYN6NuoFBq8+pkJN2EEKCKMzxiI1MHWZFp6ISF4s4xtzzSSLQ4NHHcbpgcRm5FjA352UCJLXCx5cGtCu8xeO/KdmywZqhJe0agDJ/Xj+KIx0WJeszGWFGdFeKhHdHXoRNIZkfUxVNRtwuXSm+vakNs+CSfoYgsadJNY3iKJJmyio66vcwxannLQtvbLMg8BSYHj+q26PcPo8AkX64p9MPdBMhmboLhdmrs53JVSBM+Imk6hq9aeEeI2fYAPRekxszE5FOGUMcMjBZmXQG4iuiFXaW111n3M+JXaCHJq4gqPZIbIwPmp73PW+B/mYDjaXwCVUmE0TRjM5kTYQYP8biMs+sr6jvHOQ/DmBmj95dz7po+b4QSLUM/QfOCnnZY2Ovl9QpvBRgtEWKqLH2OZkv0xh3M2Uk5YwezN5Qsoz+EShFoIwF9UgxQgtaYJ4/AM+a+L2ZD6Jn/Q0n3mmqOgYQHyHmKN7TNoQ7eF6kd1XekDY0G8PrlOS+2tKEuVs5e8yELUVfGbROZKIZUCzmjr42McH/oKR56WQJM6WqMspgQcWy7UcNJ+EW3MwCd5wsoGPmPE8G6JNTzhS0QiqNDLhUCV92C6+nqe7HbutigjoNQ89XEgBGXwxk5rN1skhu8DqAcQx1WTEzAlkSR+ZJstRWMYzxTBEC2AGZ+qvGVFAKhXHMMOOsQOEo66Bm6DNNFHTGGRJLEFGpX4Eq7Pp+Phu2N8fn9X6arOIq5m6AslJ3KeMGi7CC6CGCF5zUuNXokl30JzJuaWuP4ia5QpovUMygm5QIufRhggNtNVURcSzJJUjVJyX+I2MQb/evGkjoZ7r2uXdi0gpBdEi2qTaqpJk0qUgkDWUIEOI1TiUW6aQkMNdILOmlPlBxMv3FgY+yvhdBjaw4kKxfSi5XGfUJDEv1IOCpopoJ4jnpk+pMRoB4G+rq5VjduLrQPpMIG1T3Mv1xRYhX26F8Xga1nLwmWkkXLaJ0I/1nPxEt7blLGwkK4ECJhNdlslS4mpMnpPx8PRqUz5bsaF2NY2pMza8C7I9a+VoF5NsF5/P3RgwEpssyI6pZrEL67tYCO4WyBIMGUWXhPgnCC4TrQ/Ram4LQtyF8ESBplIy5dFKCgBF1AJTxwmWEQ9hgCHBkgnfjcganTNxABQFR2AarGg1IExoY0dhxqA97c1yO0h4/RuPrHd1x/XAJAuD8ynpdO09mBDiMzjkmuEhzFb2yFWlPSiTX5nFV+TntK9mHEMPA8a0A2YJN1YQ/UicilO5R4bQZ3OtN9+dM4jRlC3f5TG3PvX5UzhbLH6e1pJleTHAsoPV0dNCoS1N5LaRevoxAuxU0wHzCC1oGkBXCe74nfLSJpLXKaNNGBM89hHk0qKX5m2CYlgSLsm5PLGDxutzNomKxWcKZoafCLU/CDujX2YEpGNHSFN8ztCZw2zlUpE5PsYVosPccSeP27bqDxZtGVAIwxB0rLcnkpRaCi21gpIW+ILOEAgDqdKMkiBXSSNTyBH+S5CljopyFalGhnhSNSqSVKBsE6xUvuMTTeETajbSNx3N0LTxeZhkMxfquhmaU/PE/rwo50RLsDKXfmI0g4jmc4QDZRLQ4F4WgNHmOVcEAKxtCF5zSELPZNH8asB3FouuSMi+wJeb88tBKyZrOOSXh1iAH8FIG77vszXnPtuTiG6QosaPgmKWv9oeOTHE1BigbWVCsToFpzOAMyFYv9HlgD3wMMDscu+hi8cGuZSqjiEJ0s5D+gJfSnfu+zPRag4ogigrc8VHrWq1UXxzNJcHBumXuQtdX9gdGgeud2n+QDikLzFmTF8+e6KamTzudmAnctKkjjFBx/wC0owfa2mx3jkksLHHRt5djuX/7JeflQX9XjyZlefXZxAdEGTuEXTNu+Y+QIpVpgGEyvAQYjjKuZZm8IfJ8DEVUgaTWDMfCmnqVwFtvfpME3iA2WiCg6ap6522afBOy0fXLGvSUQI0Lgh+loMNsCiQKK//tWHt1iCU4ER4wbQuvpuqZ4zB+dKXdL5dakhQUdqiE+mQ1zCt5Xx24FEDRMldCnFMatwsvVE3ezLtiFoKuiCE+UiWGHc5koIsB/5p3oWsaVAzTSXnz0jliAqI1c8KF4lfbeS7g1O7GdmTkF0Hk9ihESYDhHK/hpZhDupUZQoxZdIEXwQoxWB3msxvdjM4NZJ+kqFcs3GETRvbQILtSWi0vEVwGsm4MmloGCWdYnGDKG1gZsi0x6AiTXinTNWkfIBwFCKRfvohmJ+ab2abXyNZO+0HmKCcen0BPoDTZpTPx2THHPJDLKfce30xLc84DfoKgjfBereLyQZudmEs0/jcJuMJXhLBHhO1CxF2abvFhKuFdsCfyUmuqaqNITvGgXBx8jSL4BszTdwmY1aSRwNqEnn+irsvohX4vMJU9TfR/SHNngxMnxJ0/CIEoQdruYbYYpKGCIB9tKnMDNo4K4U+ECL+otNjfsn3nP5XMKBH6as1+wtyYzHDd4+JCh/eL73Xr/gOMpi/nICerR7QATQQBDPGrPU6oYwn5hxaRY3CMJk/iFu+BB8SrIJfzeUPu5r8zgQBt8yGmYjvPCRgkmQETUtNUnAqfqzXAfa5QRbq5xIGCMFv5g0bTQWNLBFhAYC77gRGBF9qNn3jPppJqNF9ud/4cvbjfkYZz4N+PUDLjC+tmp2NWUHOI3AQZKwrAMLNvNKYJrB05TKN1wLLyGR6LUE1sVfXY+kYI1dFAGMhskU1GhBJMyYsGzrRSNmvBgVWH6sOrqWK5XKbB5AkOmWEKrY/HUUCyS4MNtIw/dgbxMINAd0Q4fPScNMEjR/ABKjdPNAm53tMGYQAWd96VKm6hQngvtIWPKWf1LckEwK0ELQTjplHWzRJScpR32cyn+ZmvcsbYxfZmrBKdKiD9jnfZMbPR8OY7nK3nnvfevzmgQGbizfTpJ+pRPpsN1EzHrOFfcKib1+NB27OwZvRSA9MInIPw2nC4pPEdBMuJgUJKbFoMitMKqAIIjTW/8PUffVYdmUJfj/hXXomPdks2zXdPSNBBoKeJEAQMO/zpA8pCNA30IOmAellZuTQrrpcs4pMkmkjwxv9f+tEsPtE3rznHrP38mvttZ1zwrlV+ZRtlnEI3IMEgUBpLzIcZYRS/PDNeN3mCRkiAr+fsk6XgNQ5gU8BeZJZ3j/SimZGSIsXD3YfltQ4HOG/aijddCfFy+08I49BoR91flB2+ExmesQJraNpqMwJeAfohJ/XkgJJ26abIVmAJ9mYcLRvz24TXF6rb8kQG55QBO20yW4WOVjzZkb7BC8vgpfyEBd5R/JpzRYRjX0+GHxyPqTsnLJpcy63+7XHW27yjpeUSMg53WTInnDM7lVTevAQ0gpaZ/ILlwt/g+umiMIGtO5tW4oEbEVDhgmmLRmR2sg5Dk26EaXw54gM4L9sKRPH9klIzoiFfhBsR/BX2ZqqHnpGdCPZZ/m8LCBira+XNAiYOUe4GDrxdsyK1MM4mjydl57KKsNJCEKIp57q9KcM1ks9LI7MqsHALPh1E14pn1SxlyicOB1xR/G8zCt327QPFIfwlNr3KH8KDL/JcroZDDMBNGGaDGlwCWUops50RHfdFsw/tOjug8ZMnlYNy5z8FobmtRshf9lM8dM2Qjmrgc+77WeQHsXko7bt2rgqeZIiymj+06tmRVRtrrOQU7OqrGJCcpg2PkgAD7SJxq9yCeHeo/C4yRNfp1T6wNCdRzGsrFcKJ0sooEfUnkm36J5ir8sntLxi/V/aX2gokrBY74RitfslHKp+EmSm9WDAJDkigIHfeyVjLMgkg3gbrfGWIkzfWfc+CKbH9aG9bhrSdCwLocNruBmik4KPnjzYjEaZQespXA9Nv3PfxrfOuNIwhxvvHAq9G2yFdVt5m8G5uiVf9jIKFEfWVBjIAwJ8Vihrk5zNxqSOsU4hDQG8LDK4qm+VXM30LcqcsTLYXBJkHEl0qZI1oqhrQHOH7EkCEjDlCdi2ywZvbhZmNjhfNGGR3vPL05JUJ1PO2syZ4LT6jD7iLeuWqhzLhRA5Ex+2GYv6IP05ts+yGBqjhG+8lkpJSv8I8Jpx7GfCOG2+gO2WCyjVeX+IFg9ZL2GT0M4FKdzV/HQe0tNJSbGycJRPQQSIcHh+wuC50XnJC5aEV0tztHVXBUwoEWzenb6rlPkOXoquTzJSjQcBl3p5vsEp5ZRRnWRQlmoj6QTr2udYsYSiP6ANSJVn0803WcqXfd4myBYcolAn3St4LBFSMqQQzTu6A+ylvt/8OgsoPW57ruMK+sc670f5K2s/7dsnlOGpv9Hmm9uVRal3a3cK6Sazh6A9M4MNIFIdvT6eOTsaDYX4WdsMHXJoZ2PwCGzDJ8xWMaBYBjifV3gZtAn8Zm0Uu9la6lCoPPM1o9864bpwm8CF0+HjZoAcPZm92rf14VY+1sTiaNZaMln/J+0B8fUbBiF4krAJBXtmDHm/V7iwK3yr21InA180sWiVZMgIDvb3DCmloDNHNdryRMpi2GRJhd0Ux/m074seOpv+a0pdt2jPp3R9+hdfmipWnbZyM6qFUaAo1mbdzXszYngf+UfWjCHdb3pVJFh2DPQIrqvC68vwNV1tp2SbbifRib0aN98zdg0JLEzHogRq5VmebxSwgkwHQx8P7F3JXje8b7ruqqSjENSJrBnF6RSVY47wALFAM+GQyyEA+el4HYQoEMuH+QmCILt3JXVYkR7vJ8VTUmX1D5N0jLMulkGXrq+ERKRv4W6faS8iYh5wLFpC6XsksPfgKpOprTDUQsmIwkNSxqqr7v7LQE7XQ6FZeA9Dta9CNVr1X5Zfn9ggnsI4kMDZMKVfbxtpYjXnZyEDJ4KrqfMyC/iucO7DBLEosHd0uldluJ1neU/bvOWD5+2EWxJlt+Fd+70vdGoTsbyfdmBtiDylPihtB9VLPKEZLzbiG8zTvg6V6dOsbDsRIaTssbYlJNGfFzO4zhXdAIbFmT1vASAUm5CacOa5bxpOeAnvBMUmIQIT2dEwHC9pvzxjew8flXmMtq4zCsIy/LMr0k4e4WHtMh5FGGo437S/gnUyo5U5VMlqYMUY5RR+hmqFH09uoMEsiRLSElA0Apzw2e6arh3312UdhLJ9AlaWcYx9z/OgcEcvo3VONwqZYx5Bv8wTtdj/KB/OSngJuy8lWCpHVwZvJvu/hrqFuGV9E8E8ZzSH74TYhafhixZVNGGl7owa0IWXZYkRsPqnyRIexYqzQtxpdJbU0aTL/DQCKuMd+8A1BfV/a8Ks2bPxBKM8KlFxn4QZXQg0r0UqTQcSok2sdlcMovlgDoGphJjRM3dHuhqxCcEafsRf4HYXI2RHVws0IQFFonwJzrTtKpMCr4zp/TshGDgSZF5gShuFouZdA2pEuc+mAWOSAZDpQCKhkVT9bT3UGynRwFM9YOjuKCvvn/1a3th2umUnivBngaTzmPY6Iv7uzZv2jvho+eSDxzG8QdllFDcS+lctZfiqkPSDB+0Q+3B/edqQrQ8aqVFzoGFfLTU4wmtgdJY26yxZMvvYs0vRkcAin9E2lv2g0KhKyfU/GhG0WUinbWYZvzFo0WxzjBc1LORqvZbIHbI9mxEwXNDUKHwdQYl2BoyTBR6YAO630JRxqrcp32UW/tIS4cVfs9dh3mqmIKF3inFjhFr1gWptUqCsIxomN5MoC4AZhdQ7qFolqxeWpQu2dbHle94EQzBJzDCKs+tv7zPKk2xRbvyKWaOIMXC822HrmGq7ostZ9D/dCW6N8WgFVOEjmeFXKC45F7Ia1DHTlvKoaKl9OiOF4u06Zah34XnrXrgmBxd5VFEambVb8FZ6MH3m0dpAfxHbRZnk2V8TDXIwhqnRFbrBS08kxIiGp6PpSAEXU/S1ceiTOQxaAm8GAGmIbOi1Il4ha7xLWJ1nRSpswrpCWaDymJAgRQQJwydVTP7pXWVku+b0flbDtBN5p4AjJDwBLs3YwZ5EQIf4f4yBBwDVMaPsQ3g9ulg96lP5ML7a5uj3dDkAqktSyJs1nu/fm3QzqAwB6RFbcyUNKVdM7NnnjQe9Pn87q5yZR/fbFqL9ojbAh7WnfvbxhzMOUxfF/33czPl2qpVJfbbf1tbNnv8yj2kDl3JltaNqT5VhPcwSV3w4grLpKqIItGc8wm94Fx6SGLzCTLBF84Cf5du7NvPwUrn9wqpZtiHeigq2bmqxarQysA2gthXZdW0qQ8mMGrHuKWGYsbNVNBnKhMizNymAgern1i5NTs4bAWSWx2y3Vid4axlGkLKGeU8mb+0rhki0CpNR4mQgYo+dNtyQR5GE0pZLaHouHiU7w6fKWDOI6L7SnsE0NWizsJ4hnUjFO3cyQimnOyJ68mISI6YM7eeZbvXnxX7JFaNheKu9ssOyxoz5yBK5rh/W4O2Rg64bs6uzXNOJeiiDwprEy6ioI9PUeTfCbSfFtSkNeeSpLcp8eiLeaHXyQtXNlma8NmBfYoE+VJYcBy2ZqUt9b0s7E+DJmtWwdnuIGv1odyzqL6722zFK13Xum9hMeJlFcNt7ZJv2yLxVwFxVwkw+DQAVz840ATmhZko+utPjVkSeZbwTiOn4LzymmEpGDK6eJcIjXoISDVj9IChrW7Ar6kW8/iY0mnf73S3TmqbLJBjXfqLVEhF8lhIC698UWCbzsu6Ft8vnR5vLx19+0B53GSUxfHD8sbTy/9WqaP/9xx+Voq+dcHOyfN56MOdfPV1eH7e8YR3WPNthMeqHjSJpRGJlR98JpRp5kRwzXKRUW5e1nEmvaaUngT1oJoBjAmuLBHZCDMJQzFhNt4XulsrhZzZL5uxnwG5akXronuKcmJdYw38nWpqN/SzF368LBRHPttopKaVT3lWDlS9S1JuGsm0fN5siOAgxARPeGeu7X7tv47b5crtPRrBnB+MsfzVXHOFeDfpEM5VJtijzNiNfdGC9HvtMDuzVD8YxOsmT9ugWh5BB3yk8N+DAlCeDpMFKsbWteB6tj5uUUB+s9qUs5sO6hC7PH3WO7kUXyaAm004jkB4+7HrKwmNLJtmtaZRyeEHmyUPPVhbns0UeonsiW1ndZciq3/llcpkYzwgeEYzKbiyQlLc0uslUu7MmaZ/uMnxFHwxVXlqTh7BT6sxG1An82wRsOjADYGQ9UGaYTw+xtNNJG2Eo1nQbeMuP3p/2SUDfLycQzh39Bh2tB3ASsyqy8nsvZs7M+751iHdhlGsdG5hd7BH/jTI5rQxekNLFK1BO0bKgLDiGjzXxgIyd9yGZ1RKCbcpGigK6dl2bcgwGA6H7pO9R8N5V1tAESAkN8DHFe6eFw3/Iq+3WCH/4rCzcy1a7TuCvIv7fvnq1fLb3YPmvPno2Zcl82Vno5kjHe6NLWjfmNsY/zCKaWR93E7TKTSCn/whJ0j4bZFLq7RInYEQblll/qswuKzzL0PdevwKupEpMzbEkdHm3lXkJqexaJjM4GA/tj0Qn+iVMyigBc5pCnh5fN5h6LXNrwtfw7x/llri4uihh0OSBFjcI3krovR0DtSv+4ji1yXpYKiMfE0p5AYaxNs+9oJLcmaia13CfLOkXQE+8uQxf26mNQUxgvc93kIP8VfgepigJdN7rIjpoDkjn8+jXZZjIhM02Vw9KBoqMm1b06FFKKmSnTPFYGdZx3WtggYQXw4CutgggA9P2S3mRlKyl/cjQT3/kK+9W5HBat5N+akJlyBsHQ/nWcDU+RUPZZnMPdTsdla19f9i6sk2HMThfPZt3STIhuw5+x/aNQdUEDXIxaRtjYzohGLff907IEsgeuxP6RCAkkqUQXQERIvFowpfpeKy4EfaAhTCsKOz4Ds9FCAXKvincL94P46btyRv1nI89I2RhWS8KHrArscBLqKuTQmQeV2Uv8Nfe3KmRJYWunh7p7VVZtUd5P9qqXiEbTzKjOmLCrFuZd9KuMNj7XeHjb3vm4588Wz591oK8eZyzQjxzDS7qjP3rb/5UWLe5/JsPniwbr5u207OnWe3LnjltPOhByvigbaStobnXcyd1lFsBwJAvK1UbaykjKlWO7dMdgD+EgU1KYCPvtNemucANBvlt66kYoKzP7DYhkQSizJIiOuxP8soW1t0UfhWibnQPXFfv3izvm7H/bfVaELjBPjMtysiYowzF0U7pdtnSWPCmaUeXKdZR7aGZ85FW8tayshE/muYBxlPgZTRESy/Ga7BlwjMqjbapj2w3IRS2pkoz6un8IkPWs9paOtETlWQtLiWcjKpuCgZIOG5zh9Xgr90s6ETo1aMrzDGCHdx299rJewo9Z4xsCiZ81pUjeTUTaSm6rGrXNyMcmkfRkXNl88qMEeNln0sTeK0ywPNu5ZU1CygnOTbqagQcLsnbRt0/21vlDLbtQNx40iZf3jQLYgZ2k1NSF+iO7elzi0nCBy52o+FXG21Isp2ADEdrB8n6jaDyGHPGAkQAhKEMIzbr/8qXtWLppq9uMlQrcebRsYIxaX70OtiVWt2G+gBslsjASJYfc5WVkFXNvDfGohe1AQDXUwoZKGY9johGNMZXqMB7yogB01eZxY2bXeylFG8SToaCTKd47wXbhAmVPx4yRT17f9muuCfLLz7/cHlQqHP7qhXCEjjW/V3e4f/4+k8RfHP5vJrPmyz7rtR0GCRYffIg9q84aBoPqA6b2sLjFgMMiaExCjbMQdd+Q0m4HFhQN+2H9ZW5me2Nu36pq6Y6GFPtFwOzZUYtlGsr6BnTm1JZfmKWxYsQ+g4JtG6ST1JMUdFO8FEibbLNkgu37fVw2jvvSsS8zrvWO9aA8WZjRCvdGWWa4klp/4RykhnomjCychPl9MgoYXTcSrlmSYeU+iBvFAHCJSUu3F67uHixlDLchZ6mfzHuYEkkJnzra8rWpaSrZbx0CkCpJE9m2FcEvGUkItZWBtIKAgYoaLcZAG0EjbGYiDs5DPIX3PRAogat7Zco07mOBAtGnj8eT1LQ8/jBMFTnyHn16+K4EYJ3exZt6nyvEe87hbhbtUkfPSoCIdbRfHVs0dt7JY8c20KXUI+gCBijsmy3JRgIhIyPaUUzt4nqy/pUublNCKw9zRXPMKc8k1gfhfW5xE9yP8jMfL9+TcInZG2iEQdG/kfAAl6Xg3SockfxKo+HpQDkrsv9oP5O1vOppGfmJ0KFKVx4v7iyWtCK5YkJ9WTmKB93OLW71u8LN+/OAdTPyZpWdq/OM6zf68LQqwjz8FHhUW2n46IHI3eMiPguW/l/to/gf/vJp80UbwpSOJ7nlaQzDBfTqb130EDmeuU2a2udGUmTydd6MoPbjJONBIflZQAsnYEzAjPfBFRoqGN8RrTkMeAB1Vnpq/qNSXlf9vVdgw5OGAceShIjYWbaDX5XqsHZk3WNDN4fhEf4G00S3d9Xt7GrJvoaXaKrxDcWiYZ2EuqLyrb8hdB5+m/RQRRRvde1jZHZsdUWb/s7R40OaukHIWBeCy+2LtpFScKtMH2MYs/flvyCp3mKurpmJkx5CXv7eWeVhegYTtpzPByltH5LJMtx5JXj30RijAWZDe+Rz3CfJSvQs8tBW3nkk0wFT+e6KcajRW/tSob5MmNhbR/zPB1WOSdPk3Rk+dB0RNKgggpOPrbTk8Omoj182NzRFHFmrITXOKxqkwzCSwf3EZCxOMKZGSHmtgpURRVudy3iE0LufUJIhBpl7eUs6IpcRM5y7oQ0BCQPda4r2uDpYUzX57uriMXqDSGqd4RDOOG0LwqYoQmGkFNX10O70tZPoFRK//Xb88g5IeRdmaxUaHgJP7pXXQQEPl1gXMYDI76RD7wyInoWrop27loCORNNCwNP8jjfJ1z7tSceHx23EeVxIV4hfBZf/PS75gy2gfzyP/zql8vTPPPv/uHvZz6gychXMeA4Tg3BZzRRtAr2zeI5Vn1dYoFAENAwD4h1aBXF6sja8ZqUR1IEPXQLIKal9l0zB/Bt9LaQcGJdaJkCIiTPwaOErwHu+thEFmuKHAEzqiGOhhMG9o5O8u3gvGyA6BpVVJXwSnup5SjeV6xlK8zIoFSU0KoEN9GzSlahLDGxlSE6TOAeFNoe5hH4/ZsihPOrBkSftYoc7xFfhp1j8II54WR0DDCfXYTCzcJc67DHDIAkUqNihJASKWSTwdUNvSNiKvwez5xBTo+Gj4y58azrX9c60/jS1h65VGe01P1Bykx3u5xxsO3oWwLrqqbCphXkAnWNwPKUwScxFLOGzmi9y51WT5vXLU+DS/nK01inP3jYFwDmKCym6axML4fQw4eyW1xzFqhG/FgUj4aYdt50HNePpTvA1H8ZI6nefaMa4t5NQKxhUP0xMUWYKMM6o1oqU+WJ/TCIMoRzjM8ShsgKXISc/prqTDYQ1/W1sd3L0dpByRQ2HhPzKVN/03bt/Y3aAj3QexXSvUnkqCv6KFe/TPQfoWMxKAML1ZuV0nn/OU9jOoh74y0z67978XL5IDqwlgfR4SKPc8LwVAZF+XVJmYMXL5Z//emny077Az4v83eVFbSJpko4XIMAzAjfTLjHEGVlWe2ZkV+VhpVRKha/f316Njh4hdnuCw4dFEMih6Ke5J4MqjjWXhlBwJsEI8HiKaTczaS3Rs9tHnim8lCucJkwn3AQvpTV3hsM6oyJzMtNv2Awa+u4f1sI/ibivSkzCm6ojdxT6UF7AABAAElEQVQxRKOAqxAzGjP/LQN0mGyZbTCD9EtQCEPPdo/z/CEWzut/PDqPVvOnb7RKgiuf0OYZo//8RWsJjcMmJOvbsywJg6Xtftus9ps+MpVGWXl3NhuKV5NxjnaVNlWOQcoAeHZGzCT38iG65GZGSZ5Pe/1UZjhQ9ot0ph0aHYlVIA7uvMXwse+9ZlVs1dY3QGWvpBBHsU6fqoCuCWfRa5aT7FKDDWqco0Hm46gQ6UmL1OxGsLMSD7sb9WVVU6+koLnl2gGes43VdIwnFTypKS5mDLOyLI9dUC+y7AbJcvHezSiNkpjAOR32KSb6AgpAk4qmU3fCNbfcGwb3AEl0jN4lNBSRNlfKzPfrPjWZrFSGgLGg4IlN5Vdo5WhojxcMHpdyE4UtiPnPMAwAeQPwQE674I5bE3K9PS8ErQ13P+fLwGozBEo6BkmGICH57ds3TWp93FovhZfRijzpXzVQ2CF9fnnxfpRKSEcBpBGu665gxeeoftOzLoJ7khHhNxNAqyVoU9AeDIlyb3XUL7U5rf+JwWuG7j45heEXEXU6/aOXdtOVbhTKVEX144+hkfm+TrnMfxthjyYSN3uN9zx527hHCtj7e+2T8T5v9Eq/YriPsQg25JzERaVqCMiMS/cfFC4eFbLup4CaJiqliLzheX2kplcZ/WSbMizmBLTXGN7pxKcgeaDrytvaSKB7xuLHMysi3m4lk5btMPpH2y+GpcDh3JAT4mG5Cs5CeksF2m/TzgvvySYBvPptkHOTDFvuUH9plMybh3d1zyis5JVBg9Nuy07Am8ebSKoiJHZkViNS9MyINSDfIJfJtsIlA5A4VhXN7b0DAKSATx8+TRgMyL5tiklC0/g/S2w/OJD2fVwataXZY7R23yhaCEm/IoTMEIrqgzkabW8yaisv30SMi1LFDOJs2xRL6Mto/8RrXkvwU14NYoqjf0VZPv4ozLXRMCx258lcRPbkekxDnXVMMFxkGWfAckJURV3nbSnaHeK469kAkcVDDJ5FPfPpAqUERuZinl2zj537PQq/3RLstYXSSeunWMHsLEU3Y97UJUfGdAbfvnxzPAstbexHt57fLKznBWXC4LBRn5G5fkImLJu1LYFetEChz6OtLa8vA8hQK6M2WFXLNVxlSHhLHlIz4STlq7spfBnTDA3jBp/+gC1Dqq260/1EcATsshEbafQo/AzJ6kHKe5slMV3pNm9A+Wwyc376dlL7+1nq6/oRbUUtyjloKNpVsG2XGbU4xcrlYM0I8WJHvXvU86b7bDPcwaRJY4PNmX1+2GoDOQBt5a2IOoOmE+IDH9EV1gS3Dhqrz900MVkkNs2enpmETIoAJ2M6RVuSYlyGVQgYjMmmwrn3EIMXn6Uh++mebgMrQhiIgP9kRqg7WxVUXvY5xazNltxbc2a/BNVR8yNn+FuCNM+rh2x6d96vSZaSXWVcAi/eWtSJIQ/SaDvHjTZSCvjkweMYjRG37Wf3pFWiHkxHps5q00FsZcy+zaj7gD9quJJGME9msCsLMMsEZIVYBMKlIb5pFEYKZNtoljtO9Vnv9WsUk/Jp7zhGyebtftOCDmls2TvEJ6ZTdnXIeq2ZLBaox1O2gJxPOPbivaL24867YQahkRCSRfSY/kG6RZApHV10RPZh9Gzy0kMTamBc905SipPc+aM6pF/90AK9Nc6F5ehgZr6dhx7WRrrQDmMNA1rWTqas6ReT8hZJXBXarGMycT2BHs3tFJJ9eLCMfnSBljA+5ZssMUORMFafkPQ0r/euz8UkzmpjJbXaQPCxWkD+RV/1KPA0tysenoyLlDx6ybDeGKYGUZadUGqGJDO79aOaK2fkzUaycNNIGHMUjCB5mkDizPnVaca5KVqFv2fBMivgRYc9HjRFmhCQoc1LUEBLYfB0N9d5p4yJzTnPu0fO7Jc421/7PRoR/RCkf7N6XvAy1quwa+PyPNqN+Ti8JY/8XcpqYVzPJSXDh1Vm8Crce08y5KYlJCwbsZ+Xxl+d99MUCV/1PYhv5/IEKe/0S9bmBAwvPPVV/uhA9KLM4CSTl71r0xvJHOGxY8LkBhhoUo2779r28w+fTKJkq6TBAys/sXoRfDtC25X09P3uNEYlB3ighw8eTmhwWnr6uIKNuxO3H2q39afRnCqu3hIhYowwdlNihcBTiL4IFgSI1wzEJQksfVcm9ZsAr90SlRpGg0KSs1mbasLDrs0AAspDYVlGVqjzUUiZoJjefwNDIquqafBPyrs7POK0IfvWHpgHgmnOKHUfzB4FiiGu82KvYsqTB0+WR09K0zcr/JzXYVyC/+NPP1v+p3/375arBnD/7b//36JPofydh2OEVWMkkBS5iPSmlakvYuKEmd1b09wpFy2BU/cEi5OtDgUm+d67a6N5/kpbLt05z1i8ruvA8h8s+mFK3OjOlr5o/ClDmjcxmMLKz0Lb2ZUq+ui4rqCEJdyrw/IT1hRd3p4vD6+y9jEL7AlGa4pKpNh81CiVulO6fn5hTZuyiIXWJxvvyx2kogQyJZVyl43lreQKplmADinITYv8au8zEPIOmCwjfCjL2bPa72f1dVpgV9vq6Ohhn8e1/drBuN8zw0JENoKPRviFSyi20maGxSVbk9hiEKkzpaRo/W3Xjzsw9to6CkazqnerU9QhQXMZo0RjVBss5FXbVmnDr/BhUGZdJKVGzj1tf4rW7zW3sRoNER1FvB5lSAE//6Seq6wNd286hjUWDd0RlghnLhrPdvz+7XJdxssA68Om3itUIuF6NybFVAKqgYt5rJt2jGUXbnjKhHU/xsyqy5M1YmEJVhzroHKTZOg34mmP4TB+m5fGcfr2O3rg0SjgKCVG9jtwVuULsVHAfntQdo2lk72zmYqB16v5Vz7LBeZVwFXQ277mW5m0hRdxzj5MX2m41BuxXD3eXT7+4sNZhfr4pdVjShr0sY3bu3D++JMPW9KvxEeZtIfm82UQLDZ1tVE3REmIWek64b5uP/qtECMQdE5lk7SKjhMhhKAyTVNi2VdvHeNSMB79NmJvWgovPI/zxj/Er6u00bSnw7z0bLbSmi7PP24TlYbRef+TDz9Zvp8ulZvlybOnyw8vXldeqyo0ut/A66+//WH5tp2d0DsJXR4ZglbC4+GzBp3XBtzNmG7lCfa6pk11U0bzOoU8e9QghCftJVFmVOf2YYMP7DZ81BStozrGrQjm2Cn05rW0o67Ok40a0tYfmkRIAn7Q8hd2/sXDo2Totp2qdut2OGoe4mHl7fdtrOWMnRXtJH+Ub/gV/QwGUdOY0u6t3S/kiFGo0K4x4rfVv5eHd+AvRWQ4JCbBxmOIJi4u4+N2TE9Gha0GqMSuKd+MjX4N/7Sve2gUTvtvg+ckO/2JICP+wDl9lwStY/uXP/35WBJPehBhTJvZrWDXzk/blOS4rFeJBSHnXvFvUqzIwo2sb8+w0uJv4Q8kbMscmRK6hKeFGE8zCRrbLK5kBEUeBUwBKKPMmDF+OisNIdI2rPiYUmhcmXRSHevmigRTB2x185gJtZ1xpM3F7sYYOggaQkMf7iPdFKqy9YtNGJCQjJK6P49HAe+MgQh/Suvl6l8ta/XlTRqQv7xqgaZPE7Cvfv5nJWd+u/zQZp2U+eWrN8v//L/8r8vPnj9ZfmH/9ATWbITxsISkOWE862ah2WXCNV62kSaUbrweQJynXCE1Bob3FtaJNlyeMK57yLSVMuySnn7btVf4y6FN2BNdzQw/ifbnu49LnhG+Qq/PPl0+iKhW7v6wpScevczAxqODZm5YfvH0b369/P71q7oLtL7iSTSxV+LBk2fLZVnyRnulkLWHzJpnqHt3BtEjVeSbvrUMssSchZ89y7BPl0hCyKMwzJaXlIBBcvBKZEiQ2Bz0PgnjnvpHYQsT71cn41FpgfAWgz3Hm2onm3gcpyuTbPbddSSaRZGKCoaXvcNjz4u9K+Ez2crKm/68VXKG94xdLndowUiju+BKrsTq5moDAwWrwN4RLflddBDP6JXDOxJG1TR8cG3742cfDBASJJ6QtbFWopWe86INKN2pz2eNy0+b5MZCDLHjMi93u78y6DALR2hYj93zlK2Krfj1rkquC1cvUrZUe943tpCnGoUKgexf5/plgqFnJg1dBvHKaI7qJpwYwprfBpQM5B1OtUmQo7c0mGBcw2WUa+XcinWwjEJGICPTh4CTrOkd6/Rl3NbygikLScCFBCPoQ66IjlnRDb8Jse26rBz2vGznF59+lCX/ut1xKVFbm333/fL1yevlr371Z/WrxqQSFDqVdevoyN8u9EoaZriUtShTr4wt5pVwMLkzYDB9JjFX/1ZWOO1T7UQqeC1xMXPrgtUcRcA9rq69ZuDfZumN0pn+Nm61icc/fNc22AnwTgsq7TWqZ7+B4sIs3vqq4XHWmblMUS8ZvNqTOs8ljGQv8WkvY3P09Nmy8fzZrOi2X5RkAvIYrGg9BqaqCPF94sNYTEo1GUpCnHxlDuOBUDFvEF/ximKKogZvz4eoUPWeyYy7TGYSUHk+KSguxqaR+96Pc/2uhPAgRTzdZEc751mnNDKRnAshPa8NPDKooA7NEau7WYkcNPcjsSSPcEch2oeaPiNH1ZEYzzF06AFLn0xWt5CVUZu+woE37vYb/LzAwNub25bmFvbZKwF84moJAGliwsZjsyS3WVcNT9pOVvoVMu3mEwXwvzXuR8jPy6LZuYdnOS+cwSQLqW5vvOqTEPfa7NhTOGr9FCNEhGaIdFVjYCPmWwJc4/zmKIFMcMXhmGcBKB2iYiMhB7LHvWHEThZW2p5xmJEZITdp4ojKe7A+rBLECa4lDwiN3/Jswi1WlvdTLEkf4emHGfAMzxiBwslZf7Nr18F4Vgbw068+KOxqzOQfXs2igFbyMu2nf31iarRlHWXqrhoBI1QVkhy0u1DIBk/CHj1KqfSRUKAzaygzMzTAFnO0NyRGZivnhADhtX94HUw/6rwSR4Bj4iiVhXc3GmVz/sqS+s2KqL4fUsjdxwd5xIzrUcYxZWagrOZ1cVwXUp+PnjwvSdX1kjP2jHiYp/zg88+W3ZRQsoacMBDoCg5/voVX5Aeszoc/PYKmI9RFK7HE01249w0KoZjxw7V+rhFM35S6u9N+7BkejazghXsVNeXwarwfuZgugQzmdI1V2I32Vs8mBpM1lvBjf70PGH3XIPCAe9N11nuz/g9gB6Cuk7+aA/DgxxoEVDQE5mS1ukUo1yWhPE624KCKGbjS/R4b3DeSnQmFuxcuFVQlsyxebwJE22M6LTG0OL9ypsCTS8KSEATk7nbrcxxxHd2s5Mlw9bakgzUsIXLRYkLHb98tL1++Wp48flJnccoZs88KyWbgLlRSKDOHeYLpm6oTmFDJOGm/6RS9JMDBRFEtUMR6CofpJVgpMaG/ru9HAkAa3/P68CxRsdmgWBnJsarBynoaTiXWFeZena39RLMrVDQYezeyYw5Y7YSEVptEXw6LJ+y1rIE9Gk6iADn78quP6i87W1583zSg6GnPgpnBnWfeKuy8KmVtHCagh4kJu7bKbql4E2OPpeJru7HIkiE8+uCd1UyEhs4YKDM8y0jgFYkqcrD3IMWj1AIBAxsYFt0B+wxZQmmZ+s0SFpTi6k39u41rNUxt56AVsLunjgML3qZcHx62t8T+k+X43cvahK+LhmrDtd/9o6Kl3UJQSjK4iUQCYfhGiLtO4XizMV4A7r46KZEE0CSQAnKM2WDFCPrr0f4bTClTdMIJB085A+OVneZIYE0brtuT2ay+6VKKr7fC195RYmIROLxUn+pmoCfH0H0KO6FoojIrECQfPLN5fdOkCuKpN1kDxih30A2uahj5oUCVnYJbLUB5vKNYj6ccYxGsBkqs8KbsnukPLI6W2Kji3PZ2VnGQGMCyJBXEGTi0CbfrzzlKKQg2wdhq2b3thhIhmdHhUNY9sHa05z1CXIz/qKXOj+rauGhWgOXYT5rAarFdiNoI0+I23LaQagjEA8SwnbwgjxRa8+wwJ8G/qv9KX5idYHWYysxKjvDMVqEqDbBc1vhkEGSlrncqNzivaoueaVyGkyXkTN7k4gnq0mwFsjwj44UI1Wo+Vy/VdmnEhf6sDNGM0Mm4SNtZkIcwXVWGvrrnT58uv/wFT/SH5V1GJwmbkFtTpfRkXlAdjY6oC8Livd7F4J280E7z685aV08WU3KGYhkIYZgbIZyFkSqGosgyE9LBG427pl9rN2kj4HbtWR8Is5JOh4W61qW/kNWsvpuzjFr03Shi2S0c3U7pZ72TPJr9IdDHor+EkaeZfq8nj/OAH7ROTO3I5ADNhOdrfyNcKFECFxxrKEbpGGXGLv4QYMJf/XzCXC3Um7AeLtGKqPE8YaG3apR4Ihny2B/ZnIV5lZtCTaZy3g296J+UBEi0iXaywwE19c7SI+QjOo1yRPeZD5qsKhf9ZomVniFj955UXyuZAFdfkdRfZ344T+Em8oi2VF6dE1qHg296ovw51BH+DLNeAe9bKdvRIr3W/Uiw94tdwyE4RgFWovQjnmi77RSybWTxV0JIgiTcRrBGmPu4vDojYu2ZCG/5t3VIz6P2W3+y9mEF0AzgzeNdNmCY0p3bBqt+JJhy+frD2L61X0fsLiRwjUUJqQTJJinnDeY1TUZ7gQeG1kw8FUKEMGEEF2ZZ48SYRfO5TJUSTtqnW3yN9QgfdRI47afez3Bo71LwvbzCQVnLh3kBaWqDc8/Om0ZDEY2+l3SSmKqs559/uvxVAxL+8PuvZ0/w/YdtmrKVobjNK8agSbKY9FxGdCNim0F9UwrfEoGHZQrPMjjaesLodeXqFfc4kpINiOMB9JvdpEQ31WlRLRFB/nZ4N8mzYUuYJUH2OtT3OaNKUrBZ1xKOddyfWF++UG0GbSfYs5oXwcnQPq5tO0skbrTn/bNn7QfxfDkswUMaMGtEK8KRJ4m08XKEqiK170cIwYFz8a8LAyf6roLuwd73qUQHpU6uq0GzgbBWXrgxk1g0izqpWJ3B+89HZaYNynZPnb4N9Ob9Rh4rwOapSSsAPTEKIRlItgau3hm5j9hoCtAuzflEhcE6UUZwjYEpwuqN4BaQUuYMJnyiqaiDrAlFKb57at2K97y5X45t+xVcN1rjPMEf+EHWzcqZwobxjVI/6ML7PJDFeqyBaNzdbJISwyCowZsKRbR6vQJglqRQZUp1rY7qA/yTEJtR7iUJWOXpZ6m/UVaM4ujAhgQ6zezp3puB3SEyHfAhYS3Gi9bctATDNPghHGxnKZnwlj3W7gKRcAWTDew17w4MuEkIqq73VmZNEqfnNLxZKuHzeXsqWMLOSB9LHSjrLA980h7rp2ZXx7zD3dpv4W93o63weP5Fk0I/eNrOua0Jk3fbPv6hOjEZdaLF0JZnEzoWutRetgyCfq+rPNIwJhA3dV0kZBhnQVjTmQzonuUfAl4TgaFKFEZohTyz8lfXzHdEV7he0TTt1oyHDK5ZJ8aDbumVZ8V9MVLRQ8izkaFlDB48LKmmTd69Z7X/njx9Ps0CfEQy+HQ6H56CDIB3HVjBCyWS2urq6D5vIUvuXQHplEFgo+vM5aysqgo2TRyg9KALZKEv71BIskGQp218p4OSG+gp6vGs/EM19Scy6t3gAhsURQ6glom35MrsYBydKCt66UqQiDO80RuiFDSY/r7qmaZZcIwx6AlRAgTB4GBE7sNcv0eRqw8MK3DQKjxmbDsy4Ib8xKAsJUIgzLQxKnSQBVxA61s6KmlyU9YQ4WnrdYWwREJGS4c70AuiYmPft3lJqzU7VoFoNsGuEIcCpBCdDEHLqk4boXJXIseIzk2GnI56ZfVbImYsiixf0sPDTZ9NpWhjCo9ZncgyxJG8UFd+qH6z2pMEkxSF58zjWrGpjOgQChhrEPlV3tWs8lGuLOe0GXvnfZuVnJw3xaQQsWZ+7cM2U0g5DHA2usUKAw8fbbRjbquGZWA2T46rOWgkoOowjz8xIxx5psDYAlxGB10npV4IesYIxFwGhGYQ8DnCtdbC8NF/JirDU5hlUPSsz4MBSTth1ZE9CaOE2fQjK4vLcKs4VEZxZ/BznCJg2+G51VIVmw0it7gU+X/Q9mTPP/kknFonNCWe5Fhva9dQcjwZ70Bcq3PNZsangBZQWqhWV5VBFQwhl+lb5GKM8BhbIPUhixIdsr7XKaIsJdTJGEOp/VUpI+DXGTuhdyI7MChz2t5lgMeYkIuUg/KQgXESGSD42rKbatqNmYKQpwqb5xkpK8DpA5ylJOITGQOJqGyVP3KU0Z1MDn2hfMoM58pDt0FVsU0bq4YUjQxRuvIKIStH4MhoZlt6A8G8ZVZ4/wJgRd5DJkpuVzCPMxqO6P1NFhEFOsawzFnF9D1E7ltHcXXOocQrY0SNgwvIGUk/5i4xqvw0bojMUyiFNzgvLe98tUahEpyEcDr/YdkzKxM3lscEOcGYUKB3MJX2IYBM11XMDYWRPAZ2vG71dnkV5FQKAU3ZqaBgWQkrRTphRSG6pQbObx7mQfJQdQhuN9HUWic3LVFoxscs7Fqb9lnh6dGr75bTb+8WTgqWUYqqn0WXtIFinEmf8NxqVsBs4hKjkoSuN10nLyxsnSkt0dw+fsrAYSugzZqWwQhOK06zxshISFDMLHsGhAbPMiAMVj8pD8NoEPgkqkhstJy2fNZf+Ife7j396PnytEEFlOMmI6IJMqFeeKD7sKD/XFvbOMHgL9zIwIyCCd7rxspKyU93V4ormcILUC4cQmO0r5j5MAjr5p4qIivxMPjxWxThjxCtUVGn4U6Or+prnpUcYr4hktOnF35Dm+AZ+clIm2/J4Ct7ur06mcRR9Jmyo/NOPOr26t2qbuSs33jgOoOA4OMYMnDq50HnuWgcKcsRWDehSChY1vJ7h1jdHfEtUt8R8A7zBAMBEZvorsKJGDtZs8EblXDS9/1RGXP0BYGVVlkNGa9eczdQQT9WuK8BnBfUdzNF8iQEisD0vLlvso8YOSld1ZeoENdjkINll/bWTrxu6r/Fdikd70mR1mFrK0zj4b1XeGGIkrCBNXToDlz5UV1w4AWD7Z5a01ZIGa6aC8gOb2Slx5sIf2OIQQTWQ2EMCdR+grDZQPbJwFXeULI6sp3Nm+xCOZELjCxU0z7jEWfIVzWaZ2lAgiF8Nzu1Y+KFoW5bKet5k4BxlkDhiZE6uwQ5Go0oZxDhoT6zP5K14EkpUtCbQtxIEq3MbYsGwZMhj/8Je8p2VblmzxMv9H3QQP2Pvvhi2X/cgH1tv+qCG9jUSxGyDuHdJ4NDAPF1PHAo8nDrQRm6n3ExEDvipTiUr3p6ANyMuwVwKQV4Knn4QDAMpIafMHaom/I4N57VCWMx3jSYV9jVF74hy+BvZ5CE2VmeMXbqmgRP73s7VCpL2Y5oqnayFm6rwXE9nzmEpQdrphUtLP3ByGkHJpqjdNmKmmk8XKUX2tIvCSRyPQPe+x469UQk/7HmeXAA+RGaCEYzOkbYUghElyxB0OmLW1+Yd+NqdxGsqn8kfueud80x1qEqlYphBiZTZgmb2Npz+gUVkNUKUMsGIuqa/o2IGI74BC2FsHS8MineTFFZwZ3yG3TT6P6EjeCov3YW/fMb1siv41kWTHtshrHdWXntru3ak0a2qo8Fg68B1QRka8P6j3nnsmANLhvBNmzLqBBz7Hq6UfSFcmVBLV13WfZxGFth2psEaNqfmNL5jFVUfj88mfpG9GwnuWk9lKtGqOiA3gsRhqlaks3oA58wiRSDDyOjfTPhGi6jQQZqxbjv7kugYeuk1oNn1wTsUb5MpHeDfiO+PHv+4fL0w49qghipFLVIanXX/Me9oSF+M6zjFcNDc2HmYI7iELiMUkZSprLbQ0sSH8fX8+oj19McqY7MzeDv6TUqU1flo3mCzmhmr1BnDvWDWJmV5KzvKDK/AZSR1Z6TvwD7/VPJZ9K3yiMAlBMsI9c9C09XR7HvlMcb6h+6iyzINX6zifEcLHZ9ZlhEkSIb4Swl5nlRbBxH73Q6x91yi92o8rUvL1xYoV6epzpXoUYkIorLZ/R/d8eK9t4oVb8hTWFZHmRUiewYcWEp/B5lIRjQC2jWdJ7rP3VMSrv3ZdHG81XOtCsSTO/OLPDe7maCycqvZQq7LNw6nqA6hZezopsygymZ7zt4UqSBtx9g3aOAMk1aXFDuQLCrkhU3uhDC2XUgSzAZKDA45JUsQydElPBZbSvil2EV/vTeWW2qKmwoVgmWzs/zinvhO2Hw0CCmJRzXMZNN5RhnHGMwTWKk4GXa2YxAHeIzZ26AYXm1J+OHiLW6RC1EhoUFs00iu92VlfGysAYOEN0R2eiCS3POSqSUtkQbu5mF329Y2pNP63ooIbMuOpQSBeMsjisbHl9i99AC7PM3pCInCX0h+qgT+YnV82w8c4DLELlZTKrfE5b2HCMyj3RfmD6kDy9KMYLbizN/Uz28Uxgg5nUvjeGjdD1vqtDUo67O6Uop0GAwtDGCwbrCyYVyGCuU6EfPpTDJUZcGFplk/B7ZBGC/i3cGIQ6ABZRpnv0bhZnRjn5EEBRKvrtfPZ32LF50DiBeqiPaKaALkOvCAOWFOdbKR2A9k5fyvufmqCKA+s/XGhOHivcVOU8SEgKSonlm/ncSIaoTYyZDdeeLWb2pL8IN4HdvTAO48oRIiDWLqHY+FU+ZlRUjhlDBOmV4vnNwSRRhznSI4jI8/K4M+zTMgTCu9+OqRJEpQM6xxzHtiAin0x9Db1uc9lJyo3aqVa/WlZvDumKUeVMYwqgZJXRanYzDdTSrxtpDYAmXtE4kdctCZJCsfzJryPTshHqx0djIi2JFSnRT283gBYLVL3cHQkPZpk1X3aPhDN7QvHKEw3lPBnQ8Qy6MYQyCAPV+QpwRmek7+g2Dcf/Rg+VBfZuGr4Ezyv5oIKaJgCRATqjQUJJjPcIpAvTK8DaXW+lkIk9B6Lon5EZyK2PH7mhQGb0+xjN6Cfe38lwiDbB1MnV5fVZWyMhMUibNVrbQr7RNZfXpjTAfmZ5IJbpLgExJdyCqM4gznmVBU8BRWnUEFNlFWS4sMKJJKnKPW9e0cNa2aopYvetoFzT26d3uD9xgqRgyUXWdRI9Rn5wBBb07tAxFPVOo0Aeyq/B6aV6d3zJu7jmmWyDkhTCeYJ1Uvh7A9xuRMaf7Mc+aHg6MdujURoT16F1K0UEYhxkw6eCNHETA2X0tflfLak26uCK7hokExkI9uMveVek8rRSCwWD4mnALjM7DBeHAK7tmULA971Q4dXYdowwRA7Y2xvR5phiwWJdXDKcKMBOAVxKCVmxtuhr0KeNZzDZofGalJzAWHxJu59/CEz3yGergrbo2CZfKNlLJNmhjxISpGYbNlDCbNWSzqxBLbq/BJGr6GKcd37PgmfmULU29Lg4bDZKc26bhuHfV+izqQ6jr4Nzi9i2r16iZ/Tao3G5HIGtahkawJea9Mx6jslc7Fp+i1dApOHU9oIfVyNCNd5NltGTH8LKbPDei+w0Gg5rHCfS8QofEeSLfDPR0VVUGudP8WSMO0q/qtSwDFMgZmRAmYl02pzKibnBJLPF++DFyEEa9GX7hg1eVZZkQsgw+Xn161oJ3pzKEkGREpReGWjpTtfdSUJ9ZHmOwz7igRYZFNAB+XnwdHVRdPKcCOkY+12xfv6pMxcKD8YQVMkfKAFjvTGKmH855lTkLaIQUBmrX6Zid1n1314PSrYpNOB2eg7hjZp57L2JYPLZipjz3hMNgGWb1e+0/iRhdX0vqXmCqf1PW6j7ErDxlgU/YOt5hiJj8eraPQ/nD/DuCqEcXStRaLbaH1kfnHWErgXeNMk2HeWtA3uwHJy52Y/Ys7/siI2A7M/MBLSC01ZSW2/AvWTttsRUDyla7F4k6eI8KHXzVRUEbyrmGog0KGGEuY9SknR5GF2F3JRHQBOO6WRo0c5O55TLCRTeA/tgZi8uLZkzXSbv4zZCEU1ZY2HzTiKHttt1+2uDrh0370feJild1+F/Wp0igyCEPaqTStHcIbUqky2NlCmWADPjW8ikNBUJv7ddpT/aQ5+j/UC68O00JGNCaBMOvVXZm78IebrhIHomCJLqV79k1PA0mpYUDNVzHqcb3YLJzLbgpgLV2VEam0Fl3gFPyhEfkyDsiKd6AARHlOJjaeY/8+F30MG334JmBCJS9eyayW6QXTj4iEcrN+cxUvMqeua7danOWtXAajNCzGFCEYkmEQONWO7fMBIEwsZbWctQOAA0TcvM6IBFj2pIT2swjPdOzsOzQFzVWa2Lx9f5cx4mOsRIeJcx3yqGOCR3VNQJaPcxTz7BKaDXPdM/7jARmD3e7toICzrE3016CgXd0sYwlU18HrCaMnboCqn+rsVjv205avyjjsepwePcOq0Z5nUOlUhs91GTW4OTVtgpDt+oXPOt8lt6rX3WWRsCMXsLoSckrtLLDeBgJLB3DV/WLjSIJK8NP8DkCWiiqzSEDLMEyGDTiZ3hAqwlcurgaI1Y/GHnvJgKb+BzFeqfapl7wt+99yvf8g3bAre1qILP2u8nZ6+aX+hJTtmCyJqbQM0pEd7zrPBjGABMmJQe/j1kGhn1RhBnkDM3wmHp7bgxoMETZCvKsjvHgixbjfZQVc0x8BapP1a7fTjpmAEj1kwH4z4F+nRp9hM8M7/pNnTrvh7bv9GWjS/GsOoXZPOl0f0DAkfjA1URjXoLCk+WVL+FIUTNkZ1aKmIZ+9YKxV2fydPJs2Cf5IqN3Rfpi+QhN//F2hSK80DR+vd21WbNfXM6Sd2lWMhshr8CuEdybLA0GAzINCbmVsdgKEMe0PRB2KOit9bhnhH6x9XUCToz7uyMAKxWkY4Ex2cI/Nj/EhSFsz82jVcaLDYrVOwbCt2xgeDEqQJ+ye0q7aGS3ewhzHw7d13vPzKmfgRmJXq0hI6U9p0FwbyQwTdnCOIu12pTExp27ta9OGw7GgRJcoINRmwfVeMIfhfI+muhd3RwYdGMt0ADV4T7zBasW7qOkBbIUdathcZZZ2Mza4tFtwqDPsoXCwjl6BxuBnuwb+gEmIKx2NitSN+Tu4598tTz97FPhxgghr2NLLRHOdm33XbPQG71DAXkaPB3lw9M+pCDhGXqMwYRXfaUE1ZjIzcYR8wZrmxQF5rXhAcohL8lAw+4M/xl2mUZyQsHUh5kjN+rFgvBZN39R4lqmZ6JE7/ZAxnjkpionWvE72MmOZ4TYhEuXEp7KzCLOtIGrfy2z7+4bmEEWA2TZizdWISg9PeORTQaYZFgvjDb0/ITm1UV7VqxWZ7A9ilfhkEI35HOMwnTNw4jKLe9qLI7I5CkTgsg6CM0jHutjTB6Pg9j3SnV/3/cQrjdZgnsB1/a6F7x1s1AKQdCEPiWmAdnhefBQCKEYpqhDWDMwZpk9o7x5f8Wx2ihe7ZdcDQuNrro90lKl/UhoRkl5/wwXGNY61A9DODKF9wMS1O2dUaLO1+FXwZ1WzEiNUvxS65aH30oxZjRMiqKMxGiEEFYwnHlq3Ros4dA1XnUVxwwDFo0Q4k+K44mystp/51lccExo1szz2718ZAhtXDWk7KTheSxyNBf60EM/JYqmT6zvmxRqM+X78Oc/W778y3+97Df209A3iRMgEP6dRukI2fbyAPczNlY+wR+d+BRUqqo8+lCrusagBdsof4mM2gBT5j2v8N4BUzfUx/sxhkOZ4EAyxk77jKxKrKhoDCb+CsP7Q4P5G0Nl4gBmM3rRI88675ADQIJFGepNSUQERoE5wMSQOiTflDsAUr6imqknmlTwTK+zDtJ57fKZQzg8qg5GQj0MfAbJXNsxAF1bl6+obDOWPURIJ56eKrsUApRwKhptDPgh5tqvMWnv6l9J3vcAGBJZSe8gov9+zJINxmvhq1CtZUNqQr6BtPeZ845pa3V6jzdm/UtP5MYMIepZqV+HtiwBVZTxkBNzE6Ks94SH7mcg1DAhQFI4Frc6Lbc4fTXFOaG54tM3obqjfEynMP388RCCJNThPNmwgQkxE4H0g/fbbhxsmzh3zXCkvOCEV2O6ApPgEoD+62CcfFhj1Yxh6lWDs9F0VuryG7yVue5nED4JxMxESbnMKNQUADWjsNtY1dstyaBKhG/JCnhSkJO80MxASMAOGmr25S9/ufzlf/1fLh9+9VVOiJGMXr0223pVIE83M7pFPAM36gULL53AouwIf7BGlnDpm7KgoWuxZsJupqd7Y1grh5FzvipcsPGO4nKl9f7IVkXIns5k7M5Xz9ojdwf8TPTWWU6e1vwEmZDYqi+4d0ag4292+kc4wS+kVtt163kmLAMH+ZtQthfRnuKoU7tX5BXQldfopDzfZcMSR1Upds/ZAyMIodxz4dl1CSH4y6AbOrk2Fyh3P1gVRPDwvBR4A1HFQn61A+s1lmnuxQGTIeYdX70P2WSxWkadV2WKOfpJ7o9V+VKmquvxyu48AAlFpUzZ4HasGSSMjAl+C5d6xqgNCQOCTziHkd1RQldWmCKOY9bmWJEKRp4wRsesEZ3OoSObyTuqZ1YVK/YPqn5T7IgKrMojYgQPFCpzfTDrmyHKWd/V3/0eNOPcfL9RhzEOMa8KexwyMaGvGAkWB082FVQw8DF89nxQ1hjB9Tr4tV1EGUPE8aQrnChlupcJ1jKzY4QjNo7oilglMTzMgimPM0qfR/vgs0+Wr/7qV4WeH9VeJTzhW7h5K5sZwBJPll/w/PTRgXloGUy8TzCDl0CDQXt7PBWBxWwUiuEzNLFw1ETlSf8PT6KpxFAKNCNFJOqCYVg4xK/+aCABJ2M6Ao1GlauJi38U0OiWVY5Xvt8baMkUIfEqqzi2KgdoZy3ProyhadC9cma8cG1tPBVq3kdEUO7iJLQIuh2ezJzBPzkvSmqe6JbBGp2v3jm5iE5jRHod/Sa3MsilgKtVXRXv3qrQeC9hMoAIDKs6o+w1THtZgQoiAGPVEKTfI1zgxKyAxZC7urraQbijwcxSxip1qYNl6uU19EiS745BLkGa8ihiiGkkq0hdK3PJAsWS2l/L4hUn2VMd//LApMnEgTulWweeY1zphwDQ92jY1V4CACBMvPe804Uyyl/bKB8xA8kD4krHdHUTIPRyoIn1cSRfKqDy27RRe6nnDQ6+khDqe3ja96TmV5lOoCEHuxWGWdC2J82hXD157+FH3jw0VlhSukDo+qp4Z63KdvZeyIuCniHAoh3hm+lPD1vn5Sh6aQe2zPyrt8uv/+Efc3eby5c/+fnyoClkzdkqk1sSqQxqlccjnpjhYGiD7z7DiZZ+YuyK0D/j0/WwGKVlbKq991PSXmB4MZFB8YwfTB95WcdbrjJBHvGZs6iIUOqpOVnlVjeLUUqqnv86GUHvPUnGNdoJhrqCqq4C0CIjIdohTyk3ZSPP6GkgugW8JkTGxxQfX5lgsuOcYUdwtYpU7Gc43U15v83O7zdTBdDMfSV3EAtnBuvH8NZLY927Nxo7hBwwB5s7eZqXJyQJWId3WHCfkRWYZ0bGKuEojtw9uw5HQsR5te8QThCm7F5TlvGJ4FPHmohZEZswbIjNqnqfkmOUlEWCWOW9FmkIWUfVIpJVjQnbHBWsnFVJpMEjJebD4e4zYVR1e44yWvZhRxzZb0rrWYLgu//G6kFx9i+Ydoar1R0N4KcrwqRX22Shg9dmO6w22COnBh/ocMf8EaYKixMpAwZVTtdL3HXuKsav5es4Dsw8Rtfg3/OWqOdBwKm9d9nqaMKiNGdg/XE33XBCxNYry2K3cWeLaukS2WxQgdDt6vdWAMt7NjD8yz9vzOuD3eW7FuW96L0nzQV8bsnKBlWva40miPEZJwjBqns8G0XBq3jMIA9/wBgC/cMtg8QJsU5tvyluugVp4HXOayb0/d3LyihhvLB3g8qkIyiuY5Sj92edUwoVJSmWP4o4wxxrRFqjBr+nrJ4iO85H+apv6qr86UOdt8ESDndlrQLWUMBWA9y81r+YRy75FlrT1TFGIhgnMUVWIv+51R7Kfg/6lDcDt9MKCep1tDtSggyI9XeXVgFb/+8FV7yNMAMsBehHz7tu7CYQCMhQeMRbKY1dvFeyCCXmZ/0macGCDoIYQ+EooDKoxsh83xEoKx/+qpoj+1sJMTyrDDkHIk6/Vm+M8gxiq7IJ9mWyuhOctQVYcqFV5/DGfISAHu+t0xacM64vmGyR1QODewXFoPKfvRu007kNb1nEjRFEz0WZrB/GMzD6xjbaRwETZTyJPoRuE/4L7dIoMmMkhWG9O1Y1BpLCET5vuB7KY8WDabQTyxEFjLKvlFHa3oic5nXqkLcymPCV8oEIuaaDmqJXplXobs76znvvZPFtoXbWtfft5Xfy5M3yu+0/LRdlOzVerH72XeuNfndytfzZ8wfLp61wsFO76taqCNUzIWC8wuERYrxm/MJl8GOUqhe9wTy4wDDaSlY5GJpZ1btrPPTa3vZ88A8PpvRRBp7Xod7hJQZW59Cm0zRx6E+uxmvaF6LyTUejuYLLNKiigyVaKM/KBdYo8q5wG3llzdFKuw8/tONnGZGWYdT+2myVOfUPTgYCBANQRUanZCzva3qcnr6bunFmH0JUSkYGp+qYPmeAOkYY19MpyCklI3KDCCL6gA45O18Jugr1jxapF7syfT/TvswKyfnRHYo3pm8UC7UogY/6lUtQpmYlzDsDbH01Xh3iRaBIuN73An5U9nqsQmtlqwlnMani6J4NQSYM6PcGDxhBzRnbtG5/SkAlhondmsQQYekvck2oOhubxKBZq4XQRxt1CGxmN6E2hDGuExrWf7GR58P2gZuJqhV94xpFj9szJzHmbjSEzQBeONyPeSTEw1clJdg60V2Ytp96Q2jU/C6UYYAIja2bq36MCcWcNqKCo+8dSRPEfNYIbh3sebsLG7QmJJs3DatLYc4zQheVs9m6MQ2IaSmOOuSD2UrZVlnbe3fZAs7t9dfE3V0Rghn500eYOUoeglR148XIDLl1LaiDAS/idb/Hy3XPDyEZozPDC3tHxznDg9cM/OqZVrpKsqH7KpdKqs6e7WLngVP5BuHzfINz1y7Cj1Kgm4glqif48/jUL0y/Oet++O5xywNrNGP4ohfjvTZ1giHkarf17Txi5wvoj7bt1BEfZlZHum7d1hBLkfHLRIDaiEVF5AHejrbuXgEH7epCV6S0hZBK4ZgG4SLn9a27/90XCiAypFiLaRdFaAe62qPNhhaYMkRS+Z0Su4Rl09YM29UAEJa1TmU4J+T6OLOLhWVRJXiGOQrofkXMgQ+QVKpyxzf3c/rlUjjL3BM+nkB/DEaPB40GdirqpeCkwOa+hd3dUDQLKhWXTON8ZsyHsIwrhhryZt1J2S3w2xsODEetMr5ZOLicviuURT8ZtO5V70pn4SsPMeRIIYXGI4dDq3u4eOqJC8IxMswxIZL3wpEhmcRO31E2GBiSzqPzbKtGR0QZBCehtEKdbbaEuucpzvs67W+FZt3bPvhouW41NLsKbBTCHrZAVitKJcF5uzFQCdJxg9z37P9xsDxpZI61TUagajnfWE4DhBM+onB0qVxXx0t2Cxz667AJ/UZ20AfPgh3tRAPVmFHAl5EshQ6vyANGEf4tHkn9EeamMsnb2h2xlj1KXj1st/a7LpdZpqIy2DTlkCMe7tpS9hnD68qsymgYL0fmxXLoTJ5QGG3BGXYKTgFELndcqlmRkbH0R7Slf5ozcJA9XgctrIaER3Zsj3WF0AhCAIbIrIMIT675zssN0ndWwy2AAHQO32DroIQWnxX0sBS7BLPrBGLNdCa8VTZl9B86+I2giD/PRvi1vaZExETZiNh9BKPDEP7x6Pd4BCGjo0JmVnOjR1hc88FQw+iNDfPD+jM4mEmRMmZRJTomc1dZ0t0yeFNQZQlVrAUzzO/+PB9BjUDZrX/PbkcbsnpBIal12KRdZPjjH/5xOf72685HVQZiYcptYd9Vymd5eEIbSIUlZeAiaJem3skAdzYDmBkFhMHQsaoEVpgU3RIsIehkggmWDGjtaXgrCpY2F8VgyQQUZlyFzhZfel/YGZnaSu3x8uCzP1uuHjzrXkal/I0wbVaN60d9zK1dVUaQQLWqdvvBLM/ygo9al/WokHE3GPHAUhLS7IZeefYmgQYIgRVlSECJaEbhbDgf37sdV0Nw6OT53kObvsfTNIpgknQ9J7Sd7Gr3KLq1Ygm29u8k4nhzchuuMXLwXDv9o1jPIIVXMQMU4CPiIHDFLJRY1KFPsP/7TxafDN7DnbnCigqqjnBkYMiGzUovW69Im1z5nJZMOnrslU1d+0OrpfJHTypiW6Mbc8fFVqFFY6+EAK4BJOQU7nxYGgaVG3G7Nw8APQnqPsF02CbKtB2WMXw6YNxzPT8jOCIu4Ezln+k8LPRQZQ0v1md7ESIDR2IzEogxFI8CJfA0sQdYTveBe3943AwDgtE45J7pPiXUiRqFCTaiUi5HjmbFkUWr3ECK+BhWPT2n45RX5cP05Umo0Gsqr8N6y6pxKd5hyzXeblwsX//+t8s3v/n1srR3xE5Cea7+wL0P82Nr3QQWbFrrvldqXoHxEUnAgWDyjWO9J/wM7uoc+gUfwIWgtyVKfK8FokU07jZFm8WGw4nKEiqKYb3Qd01xOtEmetR6L5/+2XLRBFyDtDPek6XcKDRnzSe7WxRgVryJpW8sGFddb05aNS7aPiz0/qBQ+1mDtzNH8Z5MVdHwPuMWvY1QuTcKaIjfmejxYj05vBA+cgjkbIzuyFpIdGgSGMBvnVkCPYoZb70jQ84TjlKPbK10nuGIXTVmc7PQcrcBCvftObkB70lCavvJkHIW3CXa3tPuwrAyNAsvQ0+sWlCgWgVBGW0i6cjQJMfI0wrFRB+cgLZswuMxQI0s6a/EB0fLRWZdSk97AFIUrufmGPff+WTmQFH4tqbtsVfdIe5JAPu7E2aSMyPLEVCRU14oeKn/jC1k4fyxFt4jmI5pvPfCeMNRhDU0pWSrWYFP5RdEel/N0Fvh6ZFOWDS8x5A0hXnwldAk2N2fBERmn2grAzFTyc56q/DT20Jz4QoaOKb82kc6lY2okKXbZu0L044a7WJvdbtGscLv3p0vv/vd75d3371omYzTmJ/w1iZDMRALiVnjNQwRvlR+htDyhrg903lSEHRkNU1ZuuHVBtao0LvTJZGwbgdn4PRsME/5hTu1zYyMgZeujy5n2RmtwsGuCanPKv8kIbx69PFy8OXPl9snHy0t7B39C8938+B1QWj96rifBWnD6yy+bbZQ1ZKHvL5p27KY/76kz5uSM69bxfyHw1YKL+n0JHo8KHwXIm4EN/47l1Sr+lURq3+8djjx/CtdapOGm75d9DeJFspDp+iiTQlV99Kb1eiuZA23ymFUoyGOJZITcY18Imt1GMVzU8LJMRuyRF/9imROHbNAVLS5j7gi6Y+w6htkaLdbYtLkgciRHHIc0SdcrhjT4J6K1V+d5Kv2SVFW7yQvPOgsAtxjEQYYyUWWfVYES+imMVyj18u0cCxWyPpzrF4K4ndC3zMOVkhafAXA/SCP0jKL2j/WoQyVUbIpA3Ae6TmL1upXmgORyxCtgsnrdK8wYt4JBEqopC4ktASYIlYQo4Eijsoer9XJGtKuMM5y4zzhHY02yuBd5u0NvlUmhg4d+h5mJjjzcHWMeiYYWymbcZ1yDxah2k/QjlqU6baGtf6009pKMl8/vH+5/OY3v152fnixPGv5xNIb06bRh7YH1lQlrKqvaKNq4k8wpxzaY9FkEjWYpoHdvzCMr+GcAoT6cEMp8OMxpj2ijIg64Q9aRQ4MZ+XJqO2qL6Ol6UQ5uOU4BT3fOloOv/zZcvv005bHWA3PbAOdpzCMCt4ErKonsXBWEmb7tn0eMtjgkNm9yiNa57T1qJZXtRu/LTx9tr+9fNzGNB+lkA/yPjKmmyEaiCu/+o3Gd2JR+dURkOMBw3G2S8sgQR6NyJBM8nhypfQvfRgFnj0UK/teRmzAMgwNb2XOIl3uRwXSMjBEt/FkIVYAO/Sb8HAcCf6T1gxOC2xZm3WV6+S5qM6CWrpw7J94LS4nH72weluUpqDxMDDI7wT9ITpNsO7SC6Z+HViRHO1PR3FgoXKE6F/M64FxWyDJcoHI0dfqFauknzPFI2QmXd+iJcloj/AcEc/7CdB2gjWetTIo9OpRSDtQOwpXWdp7Dxipx6KnrqtgpnTKZBzc0wHMg85Ex5iig3uLW+uu5xyE05+2gkwgQYLY5G/WX64E4vq8ve2M8tAOJASzpEKEZZyEIxhgjCrigXOrLODho/ZJTGsFJtj7vh1jSXpdQ4VoJ8u3L75dHr9527DHs2Cs/MqxQc20sWXFwuFaJ1zlmfJzPgaM1Y/1waKPbQg+iZpC2Ls9I9CQqblbyqCzjng04XJ8q5hVGEIQDTw7zI4lLDdj+CaBPE5Qtz/7ybL1yU9rchRSZXi3GsUxQ/jCKKhwInr0TpJsNsF9SJVTnPVIzU4n0trOEjzaaetuwe2hWHj2Ju/4SYr4vLaiLcwHt4REG1SbeVZYq6xJEmWUrhN4o3jsKzJNjejANtvgctqQ/Q6o8VDEdZUD/CnzqPulP4JPTlAJ7gYmWI7SVDU0W1ke3OFVoR4e/ozF8gMt480scFwcSt7gR1LIw75J1vGR8cvvBcPEJZWRQFeeYkVIs+ZNvJ2IMZzM5WSwZsZEDzGMDlTuWBWOoFI+lRE8B7EeQeiL8PVvBdy9kJvw0fv9the5Nse9Bxr3PPeU0aHsALe8upLDrp2Uahv4FRzTiO6H87FVnu2x+NXTwqG1nBUGIVXEMgql59FyjEME89R0PicQU7gr/lU25TTZVtZyxiN2neLlHKskSyVWjcCel4sTZI/1mhCOApWmj5g7ys570erXZ++Xdy/ftfz+B7Nm6bvcwdvjd8tWo1HOy65NWFeB6jXKBpPht3a/NNtdOyumD7KEJASFTAwYPyBkZc1XXq3iNUoVPQmozOzajxot7gSCuZp4ITCVwbMKod5HhHelxJdPPlsOf/GvSr23g2D4GN4nBCPsUuqmH6FVKjh0MSlV+/kiYl+kKJsJdTo3Qq3LRZJhnyLztAnu22hz/r5ET/MLz+u0/qitz2aVtlbQkTyM9cEqhAtmjMGf4BNdkCGyMIkxUQ9+VdlENMNf78TjEJtQnFxEt9W442fK0DEDGfJaniXVqyOJlsF3Xvw8iRBGvGdniBs45hdSR+fw3cmDM3ozsiY4GCHyyGg46XTk416BqSMjzm14D+MS0SYvpKx0A9DJlPocklIDmIJ6gh3qAsKjbp+pCGCOVcsh6nnrRKpjwtmeVbnFfaYtCKsOz0ksTL9b5yzQEHrq7Y1CPdaAEPnzmiFW4xEDhcZPUZgw5gtMEQ2nECkCOcAB8c68Uhnudp6iRPK5rqDpxwmN8W76fGL6io8woTacNUxn8SbhCUslPE1ZG9FyXJ/ZNy9aarDRDR8tZQ3zGELYP75qK68Y+qgKrMB9XmPqXXtG7522V17EeVBbwfBG/XzJ9+BhDZFkrGwifCgaWLTPugi1ro3gDBPhzgoHTMo4K8dRqwQPdRg6z0Oc4lFeAYgohiB1upynqW965hXD88mXy9HP/2K5fvC098oY1nYdw5Nwral7TFrx14K2KaUNKeUcZPluKyN2TAShjZlTIC2rwmg2dB/Fc0rLu/rXXvRL4uFhoe2DytlLuWeaVAj6M2Z1Qkq/chNQxur5IFIXJgmTsqzMJVO8D3mt7q7vByOZpShmSpBFGjpr6tTus2mKfAeLNTskR2dyYlbHXstLMrIzeqaLDMkMlKj86cvsHmM/iR/E7FwXiUgFX3XRTBsdrP3WVJpkY781Y3k9yyWOsfEemQdLx6qG6J12zl9MRVyKWCfhICJGd6xN4Dkdpq4C7zcihX7AG1l+nQWdzuTK3cjA/AAAQABJREFUUqkpRSweBIa4LFxvDUApPUuBGD3hvznGAsVcZbpq4K6XVohIKPp6j0Cu9bk/Socg1WFXJC9P36Rn+onI1orU1TKd5pSrpMNpmTAJhbbEmxEllqXX0XyYkh09ah5fm1v+7utvCi1fLM8/fLw8rWDdCK+bhf7d2+MSDw9rLzQ6PsUjeOh7kjLa+ksW0D1JAorEik6CIRwEA4Svfx38zfqDAeL51jmG0SCmosOEyD1C4KdNKFQNL10593sc8OxD697gKT33LvxfZ1i2Pv2z5fCnf1Ey4nF0S4CadLtRm60AjaqtrExwWeaa45NAkDlsF44JxcnYAC16yTrNUgtFAW24HX7BEH7C+f3cz179Kzcp3UkKsTTq5rQw+qzZ/B/ZUi6wdYoT5lmqvXIJLVhZJkZ9DAgZCFlh8ObMh8THuz7ZCDJRWbARUXxGi9ziyInECS87xr8CGdOJ7Ls2CaBopoP8JgN5UZeIlQusrEdGDmvnzkAGhFZmxhqNZc8nUqOQ3g1ePFkTYzVVenZtcrnfMfKbQtpktUnQiiLbw8DO05Z+VAAlmyx2/433iYga7BOr37l0jwN5XKuiItLq1lneELxTVANdhUTcr5BWWDTtmsyBkQUVXV0tR+9+QEyyCwz96O6UqU1ht93pz+mZySCFrBS6BweG3gG7rwmd3cIE3O2569LsnU0/mPbMXkL8IJPFYu+0o+tFxD67Plz+qdEdfzp5t7x5937GPXJTe4UMXzQ/7iDhPC7F/7fffrP8/W++WY5aiPfzPtqPp1X8dfvEvz/dWJ49ymreSuu3eUzKbxHdy+N2ITrMGktt9yfUWjf9YKtX4Z2Uer/OsvwSCpDBKHxnfLowwuX3MBtNXENXAtbzie2E4abJhJqSZxkLqwZg+bvakW8oX9nOo5TvMk8vaRA5oicKtSxhYSSFrMAEsDKiH+s/K4JX6nXrYuiemjVh6pezFMfqcyhmtI7sElG2295L2G/ySJspn6jltkEO2qaXwcdD2fNx//Bx69Ec13bT7Q+Q1UDOTIJob2sDIaIkBgWkkIIF31NXNO50ZHXS+mW1tTFXIWJ4Mva9Swxni2myVjXqiQsZyYxMntNoFau+WaGc5NAgCbaZBjVyFp1iw/0+D3hrZ691dE6F5wSqtHLRAx0oXnWRc9D3reTptL8UDq/lTYKtN+8WBGNtV6tAoXwgPUEIykG8C6tl7a0V0k7uz1eFXvvq1tv0ZNLpXH7EgAQTtCpk5y70ma4BVmXKUvecpMBZI8Tqw/azjgQQE0YiIx4hVt680Tel9vwswtpbM6g7hFnqw4ThUVs5H0mcpPHv2lvi7fJg+W0h5devLpbvZzfYQKpjt6HKM4RsN89o8+k//PH75R++bmxkxP74AwsV8So3bch5snzzw8vOiTyDZSBzSZcIv5nAv2Xxs5LnucP9BIpdlvEV0s6M6rzthDI6cMuo6UboMXYr2LP42gmRf6ZcJXn4wnj12HTmSzJhswSMb8pMh6Tp8U4H+6sM7Ot2qN3++Ktl74tf1YPwIPKlWDGoN4MnxctraWmgi1H9+jiFVrZf1lxAe2n0mUSdwhphYxHhNLZ/PAMOSHgNYLE1rx9NSswHRfwQYnbPmjTaz6/yZHbaOmgz0b0ih5uU8KY0/kYGyLMUQ9tLNlg/3RgrtEh5WdRpI1b3JDLC2c5eltiwEPN0RdCHaDWSQS6iv+TS8K3z0ZkgrrTwzSA3DWk8l2uih+p1QCu17vner7wx7uFGhYWsaiDGwCLjqdAYL0k1kQd9CMzxmtrPmlsJyzx0V0Ud8e1/QNtGMymZBMS/PFiBkFDJZAf7PZD1zAAF8ruDtfLL5hisjPtQGF3r/RGszJe7o9CehQClqI4fB2QPAcXs3YR4iJHEERg7VBLVXrQ2iyklhmLpGGbpxuKEg5h9PyYeNVzqQWHgrv6HLO6774+Xl7Vj9H/9rm6D335bwuRiewYiGylzWLj0MAI+tXlmwvj7798u//inV61Ifb08Pmr41YPqDOfTuPji5ZvlOC93lKec8CkvoT0G7YNmD7yo9X2csL3vwnaKZ7tifX2YvnWa/8iLrH1OtTsQOFrZuAbX0PLG0gYM4yhLl4e6aIYWVRIvNltbZqtEQxdKuXu3O3H3tNvlQJa3Kdz2Fz9Z9j/7qlH8mZZ4rM3HEKwDDHQ/ZJmHSQxvBiKa7qcsVkOTuKHUvRZYFUjKJI36uy1SsGBU3BvDQNgkSqj2hPqdu+HKrOhWl9NJ7WM7BTcIdbl6+6rheict/lRH/kdtaFM4LHydrLSpU8GiHCrosLOT2tBhllCMv9Uwx4Sf4W+9GQsizWLLU33KFG1HTMNL2/+mxaUMlDf6aDK4KfG0AatnmivVs+Kx/iZbE2lQMmFi5RpfGvMGlsRxcBSBzLqzHgh3fxJaorfxzN2/1vwInY0MtGP7LMujstGSLkz2zXdCw4uNaeyrExForOqbsFQ5SZvCVeAJWMYkzLk/ptOyH0J7YQ/mIKLyWDrp5clmqivlNOZuFsaJGOAy+VMoMmMts54mbG4U0vRavO3dPrN+Z7DZI12MwtrspzwHpfv3suqnL79fXn//Yjl597pO49qGTz+pbbYs/9Susd+lWOlFeNSmebCTwm7mKbPMJQu+f/Nu+f23L0u6XFfe4fIopdKpflsI9yol/uMPr0u3X7aIUe8nKGe8aIZkN0E6fPR0OYlh7wLJqK6duhyugu96wpt7JhQWFx5uNMXnPK7c1makcOM1hhwUdKXJCCJ60TXdF3ckTj1XmuJBtEDhs4T4TXQ+aWTKTmHn9qc/awes/fgjJMrbUeAEIXJGc/xI4VMmbNU23qsc+yVYiCtXDrmpTtuH+JOLybDGf20syiBc9lTyVud/8ynxLXe12/1ZwCnAGU277373h0YJ/ePfNE72dTS1/dvR8vyjD5evvvpi+fT5k/HAkiNxPTGpfVaEQDE4CZ63Yu5CxFVG5CvIXQ+MgSBP4JytrINrhqrFCzJHKXaMfIlfO/Fxt9E+a+KL4Ulhwn+Wkhi6xLP4Qb6I53ouCluVy/9kdgyjrqW0wzW7hs1gfnrV4Rr6GLaITfpup53Yve1RigjLArhJU0eROq3sEQYWDPCekVK1R5+HJ06mqM77cLFoQHl5s8mGKjJhWfuTvJYQ9Wx2eL67E9sQGlCQv4MloCn3ZLVCrdPKjeBZxoG1sEAjHd273c0+Jfk5rgftlLtfWWcx+Ls/fbu8f/HDcvHy5fLqzfFy0hINjz/6xfLbH86Wl7mJ0+qNzMujspwHNQ4PD2qWF7K9eXu6fP3yOHLcLg8SEL0TOuK1uyQevn/9dnn51v6EYZKH1Q46KSQVUsvCPfngebTaWl42aPKThmrpjJ5NXArMssMZn2iQUYoIyZisWYz2qW1Ct4RSYgUfwmL/h9EH9/odiWeQwkBfm4Tiame/V2e0PWs7saOf/Hy5qZP9qg537VptOnyhCN7H3ZAJL10M0bYwzlhWs7o9r+sCfLzjGAbv4hH+dY+1ny6doNRZbtVv23ceBGiiVhdTSaxCTVt8E7qT998tf/z13y3f/n//cfn02cPlv/jP/nz5xa9+vjx82hbfGbTTdpKabQNoWADOymgim95dB1EDmSwIvREA7ZKgDCSvJxHC+K8DRcKnYkZWMiIzqZZcZpCFoH7v8qBDi95JcK3bOihHv8Ri8gHofyar1oUhWTS7KbdApid7LwqpItGEDzoU2MSb5LzQgfMYb1td42yqhyFeo8PIrMEvxpj+CDcDYp0WE/QKg0ToOrRFVMzCTMdoP8ZjJnBIso5oKDwMCwy7z0p5ZgW+d4dECaDyKksGiZVfM2AREJGqx+H/WeY7YmkPDCRlrAw4tunmZlk2mar1+ZP26rtYHmY5d9tc8+R1oeb3PyyvUr63L14tF2/qq8uqHf35Vwno3vJCF0FthypeDvNYD9t05SDvtJuSvXl3urzueUvR78+q1PXeZeWvCwm3Dg/H6734/nVhaDsA69+qD+yirgnhp85sFvBxe6nfNj70m1fnyxePa2c0L3dS4YVV+3k83rsetTFM3BrbTO605yxzgOKz9kiM45rQ6RzOEU2yC+10Lt/EbQkFIdH7BPO4gRW3zz9bHv+yPr4H9UtShRRgOpMjOs8X26NftI4eW7XD0HY3xTJuYy8DZ/HhiyT72tKJQUmweT8d6DZYsXGndyS1dEOYbqNUyvcgWuzGg00hf0bkJlyMN377w7fL97/722X79M3yb/+bv1h++ZPPl6fPnrYDr52H22H46OGy+fHToQdc0fD9e21qymVESmFK5YuoDAHbbCCB7gfe6yIlFSYGavXmm+OVbioGfCacBx0vaC9AkjjSTKHK1M4SGdHyIueRiowR3NaByBElgRc8TmejC8GVtI2cuzt3tIlV7AgG2WKc1ZDjdLaToenGooDBw6lVeNniKu3YtvzajPaOGXdVjVLNuhu9xIsl7tXv3KvIAFeIjJgwVlnLXPD8ZD3yEhFnlMlzwRcp+mSvmaw7xIQvBrGO5ep9VmG8Z8KxAhMDY7B5klLPRr2wQ+J8cE/fS4K/tX3ejO3r5agd2y9+eJvynS7HL94ub18dL69rp73Nkxmhcf3og5j85fKnGGRv98vaMmZKHCW0yU2VbNV/11bWeTJu1WgGYSWFp/4zLColffnu7fK6jCklGOLWhrXbr9DLLkeSMUftMPvk+cfLD7/J4ktqBDldwvB9lTVCZp09v+IjvELcsfTVN/PQZB67psviQFYxpRUyogE6nZe4OY9+Qty3wX5amLz1+U+Xg5/+ol2cnmZXU7wgn/G2THuGbMNH0iKm7JSYEuptJ6xMgC4kyxPaXEZCA394OeGUriUjSXhunkNYyWsOXVLevZ5hxMF/jv+Q7d/78/fL62/+sLz5/d8vH+5dL3/55QfLx0dlZn/4pnHqr8bTms61JxR98Gg5LDt69KDlMrQHHz6KpjvLcfw4L5KQ7IoI4UTB11B0pDA4dgqZxzOH3yqQFJXC9k6A6LKiPDMPszOw8ZDk28TbPft8JHeaEuoQ3a2OSHExgWx6L4Qn8efl3kWjvlYD4H6/V4OVUct4W5VtqyldDMM6KF75FTMhceirkOWdsDBE2DIKA8LxajXerKsxHbRdM7qbYMJrCvRw9U4h7kV8Ll6cfN3uQePdMk7UmOqx8HOElGSNVYRDb6yVQieNW5nrcoQK8nLtroSWsMwQtBIxV3ltncI77VL0YOP9ctAg4YvX3y/H371ZTt5cLG++e99UvKvl+P15/XE3hZpby6df/azky+PlVaP4j6tUe/Ow2d57MW/tM7JTb4pRiH3UYkqWIM9okvkZziQx0+ny6m0CkVWe3Yoa74i5+gQftBDvlZWpw/2o5Ru+/OnPlv/4D3+3/KnxkdabOer6dmNQd3czGpHNiBCDGSSS4uq6snXhzlUfdbJoiRn7HfXQPaECT0zWdLhIUOpBWd6laBet4bJbfXuf/6R9Lcp04qNwvXJGqU06rlJhkwgFf3fy1tsZC/PerAJAEEfxe5vASOZMV1FlTEYy2ZZpnWenhDxKeGXDglDwVxiewBF0UylZ+9MXf1xe/L//YTm4eLs8/PjJcvynr5fjr8MPVrpzgnG3oWoPHzeT4uj1slckcnTUJOCU76iNYfZa5/RZfZYXl0cZnHaJGvmp4GgTuGOUjKMlbyKtcQpjzFKXAKMsuli2Mt7CWwaDvPOOGxlT9FxVKzyiT2jPMQoejDtFK5mmUUIhJmUko/g3a3/CX1ieTpix0sMppIghHHWNREPv9LMETHVWt2urYUgBe2Qs+4De3RlFwLR3aO9MNwHvQ9sBHQPvlwHkaqfC/ks0CgmrHQl67irvYqa30OGC9+kZVnsydQGBO55Th2JsMyZeV4IgWrgrPpfaFmPrpxHmeCajXy15kjpPD5f3y+H5y+Xy5YvlfWHhmxIrr16fL2+TzPP31VnxM6GyYWJHP/vZ8lsCa6JsCryThdpPCAmk5eXsOGTfvwPtn2BlKmaZ8YTKorpHWeXTPOQr83EC9MCE1K6/yZI/az4dYzPt1Mo7ONxbfvWXf7n8p7/+35cXZ++W7TeXdUC3oPxeSZqGrh0laGAbpkUPEYlFhk8ydhdxS1ipG8Lf8DVDZMytrcm0d06j30nvndm/4Ysvl0c/+cVy8/jZ9G3OwImEUnuE15bN5Tw0mOxLYSWwG2FjQmyki9W+CSSFQe/pxqkukmprMW0ZCTMGmbDlI4d/4MKP6f7AazmA7rHJOr9liL/7u79Zrr75/fKs/tCTb2sH9/4k34TF2826b0D7DVqUWNo7Ok8ZT5f3O2+WV3sv+t3M+8bdHpXlsk+FtqnFgIlMDExZGIrkgQCRiHAgP0lxtEqGUtb1SgYmL7uF513XzBriR297OOhzJocbhbam0TFasb+yikR0/iePw6cC+nmvOxIusve30sDVe5XH36pRL1E7S5HEUJHDHGh/d0y+ZJQSpCngbEvcgwROQdOYDxhx9ViGBCEsOg/omLJ22LMEMSsiOLh62cpBN4Sm/6P7wksjys8a5T/2sWvaLFNXr2qch3E4CRc6B28FC38hymJPtsi1YBDSyntziluFnjs3rbh59s1y8urr5fKHN4U1F63udbG8LWx818j8ywsdyCl/TH7y2efLSevwvWqQ4nWZRyGyTCe4tTHOe/4sYdsPl+nTiZCzL0P3+KHDUtb67l68fFUbUKhSp36LFtnmmsTt1pd0Ur27jf2UqIDLZz/9YvlX//m/Wf6fv/73y45wt26Sx+Gwm1U9aO5gBJwM23WM59l54bM+p6IOfE0RzbDPeQXDXVQQiS6q76L1RjczKo9++stl97MvG2HSAsDkKuFD4yElxsUzAjUdx/F3h2J1GNVv3qZfWvA8XhCOEZm2PKzv6E5otAaT9yrgvZKTeGYQ/HUKQe34CX+QMkFYm+zdP/2xz9fL02i4V3vSQlkSO4y5VdFgNR6l78v4eX3R4Igz69AETx8zFnbCay9jtjH9hk1zyjMetI32UZ5xVjpXStUaJzzyyGgEochu+kmrBlSTKIkoM544RIj1dKv0rDAUVrEhu5zcxwMDSe0hIjeh1QQ3kYdJ5vssDPnUjidD/bY71XSbaSZUlnB8PGq/ROMrrjmqaGq9nlXYu2cH2gnrhBw9qPFr8Zppk4C8a1yqUOymhM1NlmrK6xYEZXlM0+ikCoOrdyiQP89pP2EkL0PRZqBs7xgzSnGDNaZUTddks2Q2pce59NVNY25TXmLQVVJ5U19SLGyo03Gp/W+X8+9+v5z/6U/L+evmpfV5Vdhplrd1Mc/r70kO2vf8wXL0xad5oubA9ckOpnzZsIhnjpuQ7yQjYQLqdorErJg1oN9Je+5xzz5u3/Rs6vLmWNut7adLxugaMYXoUVlSeBNUBKYskaPs3sPlv/u3/+Py/vWb5ev/8J+W8ybnft6E170WO3p4WHM9mqxNgOhQ20W59o44ToCnfTh2Ns8SPBcJjZCJx9j7oI0zCzW3Pv18uTp6kuJl8auTd9LG3indbUu0TT3xuNC/PYqI7l2aiCJPiNYWcDI0jhoag2t1Ohw2esXBinuHWItP4El441rXE8A7YylvoT/WkyKX82aCvPrdb5bbt29SmGDpecYKSBSGAOsYR6/zIoIxivHitPmTSsk1pGC1ncPD+qozGbjzrZ3vGkVzsDx+8rBPYWp9sJJMZFdnP7nBh36AduCZGTfhJgQN+ZQ/WIo9dWFtw5eG9c50WwS/HXDBaY4mOKHomPYy/Lo/I7Ukewh9dNzMsxrGtpWRNWqIdx75RX7GDdLKklQKTwMYpkwNdKHTjaxVhZ93LmvV0z2UljuLIrJKG1uFIxVGATBxN86Ij1cLLWQRpEA7jxYCezXyN0qBn6XUlgX4/4m6sye5tiu/7wmgUAXcibycyWZ3S1YrZIcjJHX40dODHx12OOzw/+snh98U0bJsy2G3RLHZZPOSl3fAjALg7+e3q66zkMjMc/aw5rX22sNxx/4syYqlww9nF5bsmL3668chYEgdoK2WC5kTh+X92qFs3PK+FSi/+9vLhwb4L37XcrBXj8tetvKkxb+myZadjXK3Kc9HP//J5e2n3yvBIsQLoXIgn8TMjU+zLM/S0lfB9UnKx8pLdggDCYJTv677bbz0rEnkZy97Mm7W7iYP9r5jKqzYEEVgIoGudn+o1/gqj/rLnrHw3/6P/8Plf8lY/ev/7X+9fGge7KppkpsnhZgpWBIYzR+VrKjtFP55tG/IGinzSxnHzX+0Y+Fxwva0qY3PfvHLy8Pv//jyNkV809jmNsmf54ryMoSEZ+dfkkg8ztNdF4YWLSUnIPMWLm2EH65+Z2y6tifv+l3Vw/s8ZN9rccplzBPbE1whmFrauZONaL5DdeMVQX/+xR8vr//wm8tn7YZ4/C5ai96ij8y4yGfGgKSkDG+KPpxCwIvIsqZlM3zvW9r3uPnLPdouXK0wuYoPz7/99vLtN71T8s+//73Lp599tqWF6i6CCzaAkvnADfrg78dRpD77QjlMLd3eWgGaSAgn0Ub0IKETLBtTbhxXAUpQe2jI49ECa4pj68q5bp0o3TieM2kPt6DIedUWPeu+9a9WbHVrr2VT0qlTscwiBUJVuxPWeMCqbDyH2CwiAfWUmusQ1rHzFmm5RufBuibp8OAu1MPMlwl47KtsJMHkCi8WD4wTX0NSPJ/1HyL1V5tOafZJwG9LughVHpfceffsD5e3v//t5V1Zz2d/etXxCjcpX8JrSRc9Lt5/n5e9asX/xz/7s8tXXbM0jGA7OtCiX2Mbh+hYjLBkCKYFo/GScMNgk6XbUqW83bfPv9p49qaxX023or+5r1bHEER4z370n/COFSbQD5oD/Nlf/eXlv/mf/6fLz3/5s8tv/s//PW/9xeXr0tNPG9e8aZPrs/D6421j1xj6rkygFRqPs+xPShg9bTrj4x/88HLzWdMajYc8c9B6y2XHs8BBkXBbHBBtU0qJkyCJEZiRcYhPy+wFiyAtjR6v+gLqKSAzS3lEOfdCSoBlRdmUY5QqS1L9ru2ccXw4iuiavmb06uVtRxg+/8PvL49ePM/QVS7DYIyrnLBMyOesTMvVCLwli5MBNM9D2JCSFjQerVI8e5uR+RDPrcx5UiTyqMjlLEQv0qmvl2VJv/fD6FR4yjgYPAlxbc7dlrgiIhHWvdxRJos1hLlPow9bpavtliA3vFTyZtpikWDgpLb9z17Sh5AnKzO4btKmGqkU53NC22iaHHchVKqdvL3K0Lxsq5r9jup7NR6OiZij4dKlGPgki7yHOEYQ7lLbFA4jDYKvIsBTYQ4N7XUsq2aO1yACHodMnXa0QMwxMN0rAXVYqReweUZjLd/36rfQ1CnOrDNLvXM1AsNYidX5KIF9mIW9/eOzy6syks/ysK9SPEaCmjv2D9iWfd1873uX6x//tLWetx3BQMAkWVjZpg5SMBlSSvvRR9LoQd71eJBAwKUVMAnCdefzWeP5snDT+sXrlMDBt598Ujh4l8SRaCL4Y0Xft/ojRXr9PqVP4D75+c8u/+V//99d3v5X//nlj3//68uzr/5UuPwiK15C5/nby6c8Q3S+tVqizOyDEhN7wGfGTWLkebz0kMvxq54+JFQTwq7HlP4l6Qn3rHA4iE0mdH0yCGO3slNMgpXCRmdhNNGSVQ2EmJIcRBfCyXsKk3kr9WJjvKa0vVGaW6N4VdN0LmwZ0Zdff3l503EcH9fWx9GaEZNVVB9c5ITAGyLU0amccpnbM/x4F83eP2hIIEyGa0MPod6HIrBXLZ5wioLtUS+LXN60jpRRdkw87/P0+2VWKUiW5J0EUjwFn5zGgR0+KVkXKSkbwHBaCH8ON44OhxCRolxIHou3rNjg91CcbeROJjyGe7jVXnfXEF3E79GkH4ZvHBH5EAm+3cqr8EaMXg0VctsUQKc1tCPeBoCxYRVYohQSCBY1y0TthOes1tiMkrWlPusZ+LlgIUtjP4PxBgxv03jftxrG/QDnFVkZ7S572PWlZ8U8vWYQYjqLcyb0D1KSJtevvrq8/eK3l9svv7k8f9G4NE90W4raPNGs6R1hH3em5dOf/KQs2+ft0YuY715smVhNlPIv9KvtrYZP8k0eG5eiwZIPkVBG2DwUuKzRRFRjq520XLmnQtaNnSh+wgdwtKt/viZ5TBAyBOHqdC2nkL1Nwd797M8vr5uT/MPv/3D5+tO8didUyzBvFUUCE3nynhkxQmQo1rWtLKIkkefMh9Y+HiSImx8MHg7EOIUgmjZaxrLwc8sBWaSEWwab+vgTzcBpfIkWVkAJw9CBWm2MWvmt5ojPVa/zPoPBOSfkQVsMqOmKKX2G6XmnAbz/+k+Xp8ZFSoQ/QS331Auf8TxgEUxypvrkBQ3ModnjqbcdNEVZ9RcfmotqbB5NkilnsCwKa/XSy2ge9hm9JPLBj/ZAnDoJVnyofgppfGtdq9DSwVKBNRm0sdhpA2TUpD+vBR605c0oZ2SqOQYLLfsRP7ymyPW9ucDg3val6OiFXyNuHxzOS0/Vzaij8A4hPsWiSxeCpZgbMXvVgQ77GbeKhRuMP8oCqYhh14VOjKhafARFMffH9lO2hZW14VMG9PWrFt1GREK9+DxqiscjN14MF96CJTap3ZVZnillBGkHRwSJjBHG3OAVQn37py3kzSWlGClTGcZ3fXHuy4c8NS/XTFuMbHF1CYtv4vWzyjjHwzkuArfIMaUYczMyMnMb6yB89TfJHBGepGSyYrOgxV1vKWL4fNzThHgYmy23ITZ6oTlpmbcPXxbytY25E56WOqUDL6Ol3eJ/yAh++bYdEw3Y2yoXKQgimTQFkhFgsDCVoBYDEgZLrPBfuGkqAR8wH93tSr9OGPGuwv3LUsMreMjEPW/x1e+tr53HJKD423UAeIUXBRZ9EESLIJYJrX9Cx/tRHiLq9ciKGfcyGG++/vry8ne/a9Ntq4EWIVBYiZ7CYQoekQJXC9WvbVYKUl1xXQRy28FHnh1i9Q7juh0ZdbU5vWizMDZeUjv2yWlw8P6qDDU4v9ej1R7jW23hiWw8OWWo7Kh50H5Ex23KkJt6stCeAr7KiA9XjdWO8pRa1HHTcsNFZeke45OwjI6M8fY1BkfIjS6AkegRCiM8nEUVIy84lMWIXp2KxqVi0lEwhMEOzMBcrt/+KGEHAcUAjZ76laueJ8BSkK1qScsh9UoGse/nmWk6J50ErVYqb+6IBIXeEge26EOYYtt1QfC0lzaVELEkKFITthTt6lkrW1puJpZ+nXvnXd7IbkakwUmRa+uh8VTjgq+ycKV+Yq5zWXRr1JP4YEyC/vjjtsaw9BiWFIw04XtjnOBPCIWAlZXhfVoG1BhCuZXtP+XYty0P47mClTDcJpyv2vpkMQMaWW/4thj3ncyxwb5oOGEYzaPX27cvwj8h7HvFMyIyf9FGWYOx+sIje9JY/Ucpnvujn4EZnQCU5xZgUnw82eTuIXl4pSsTtI3LagVXVIt4U7iN8+PRPGjl2ft7ZcO7nQwXbPcT3byLeMhZKG9aJXT79VeX79dJwVLwVXdg83yHljOu4ZwqRm8y1PUEnUrRmPQwr8lQwzH4w+GsmMzQZ3CvMjQWTtsHKHHzoTG952G8ePgcKhmipiji/xZXRAyRhHDSihSGi8zihU/9W1ElyuKlLVZfFJHy+42upm7uH74Cl8lNcJoVcBaN5BJeH9WqADr27rkP2eOwTFYeNz11HFCKXJt3CpQhCLBEZcC4iNiOIdwWjIQFD/fidkOKJ9PZgvWj47MkxlO8Htdr3k9yY5ofRbZiJqmxkNo0xGLqtQGbtoMGoCO7ty2p9i01e9l2lYAqnOUbEKY+WeMJmXFkHm/9leygRCElk7a2CW+C81Hjv7Ql5cSAMo8p2E5ljtjvglHiwUR6vN/Y8pxpE1MjqKkZgii1HIjBnSSlVJt8N97q6s5iIb+17XSwXYvhh2SFuBSqekYndoOLBl5H22dFBt+Wjn3dgPx1c4czTXXCoMi+GtN9KIPM4lpLKGTJItWHMJiJStwzMo+v8ubBArRINRiXuYsH95PUvOZuVobXE+ZtZ8mW2pAVeJEHBhjkCU8X/PaL8MeyCeWjYOvyZIRyw9ihv1Miaf2M1+tOB3iUwbkp8dCFKTFVG/8Ccp/1M8+qh8lBH7XFaNVa9XqLGurBqqRhDIg778dwSOfPEtXWg6IIHuxp48DXPRGK8v2E9++s0vcZ1kUllduqm+SMrOhWr28XTgZPxkNSRZjplSQNKFGADQHobv1xItO3us7zAdNTdR+WEVsCqrYCsbr3r6M/srhX5EMqujp4N4Qr1rcarEWxLeLoaK8u+mbCFayWSyGPsiZgec378ZnY9wxcK9f1rZmsHCU2x0S5iCVkKOU5Ir4CNYzn5uSeJHDCnk18OrgnTGUyWVzKxBrdRqAbRwPGqDeOe2hg6zkGs8R5AtMWs3Q1LHx5WBbRihGE0rbxLo9hfg/BFhbN8iJKhgHx1uchwUOcLhRihymTNm0pGeBZYP2yonHuXKq48BQV7eiWTbNkjUF5W8byTW29Ktsp/H7TYL7JuQQ8PPPgs/UPSrlXX48I7fNDCYmHts8E206Yi4ln/vWEnKMpHLUQAmDiOdEWzQkjQ5JPDeejAOa/KBgaHPijc7Qlezw8JXMSgfBrE8opF7UkpOCrWPyfiNZJPbsQvG/a22eu8ybP8En8dAhTQeSBK+U0T8dbo88grk5srTP/5dGK0fHKmZ00ZBuwgyUmaH5lt8onRSBH+a1ap9w1YeLOEKUhyJ+++OLy6fe/3xpf83Tda0zJmMlmO/Yyquhur2tKlyGze4b2KD+Pq8OgPOXiQ27ZflMvsG9xeN4SjANAxWAxbrXe1vg42zS4Vb7hYMhoMNuYPENUjeiLGX3rjck7qToizz1Tvt07jU0Z+53oxOTAyMIpoLEteYoIMk++Y9jGjIVO5qGUoeQsByuMWLAlILyaaQDZR2EvL3q2lyS8SRPLpByb+CAiOKg2OckjRP6ORyBQ29iqV4oinHzSZsvGaVaWTLISEs8xsMzK4mXzXoSQd5bJNJWC3vrZEq3KCQ8RxallvKxFwoiJsCtclaWaR4s7q1o9ll8ICW7W2zpRWWFe0halLTUTkjYGCd3KruP6SGmFQ/XhcdCOjHyUcDAelGnrYxMMYfaNVSIEVd8zqLOlMbhX/RImeFMTWTvHtVNSPKF4jkckHbx4hNh3vxfCZ2iMx7dlKuVbiCwSqSiDSt+qUZ14Eyy1NoW47SS4d99+ffmsmzNT4cF3uF+x2oyPwWKBtwy1MBA/zhGBlQtkFLMY4DY+n+GP+doUjRzUCCNTkeHNu6Nhk8Qra+jz/s1Jkr0uw/z5j390edTeTgu1Ga2Ta6BkFDpK1RZeoh++b5hE5kOU0dSRYQeZ1qdhGcXfCi0eDby1a1iEhsDyyo2EF/p1b/Ibzbpv6aNw+/4x7KdsjWCSlymDWZi+Q1Y6ty6r0P2YI8QcEVb6/LdwVPn+rAb4kKU3zhIeXqfcVjKcI+pLd6d0FFz0Q3kwBcP5DOdBEoY3hWmyha9aESEkWdaJow7xMdwn2vFAKc+efBNsSzgUCphnbPR5ubJS5bNWibAqdWjcJ3vbfy15krmp/9Zm3oQb77rFvCi4dzinkKxbQWL7/Nonl0IYzHBcC9tqj5HaSgj0Ax46kI8ZxX7VNsZK7zggytOHdqwfFLpXfFAkT4kyJP0uaE1QrBdtQ2+rd24++rRrKW3jvbdCseoLh2Rfn8TcWu8ac1inlZRIEz5KqkxIViY4MB3+aBF/KjGaH5y7hp7d246T7oVN9Dxv/P0uHIWf3vZfJIzHDA1d35mfLzJtz5+3BCHeh9fsQDSa+Qj2QFj0stU/eX7QUk5jNFGREBgN1yac6oeiKAli26PelxSEC34HQHckwTKQ8ehdOFw1fSFz96cvf3f58S9/Eh2d8t28bSUXpVlwgleHPbUHhtrvgjFqjXcTgxRKRvoZmumF+3hfRKFO89PLnwTzkdHASa42zq3MziCNdqIIiDA8tAmPavjunbLudhcRUd978k7IGQC7uRClznWmIURTUDPzfLScV0tZjrKe64SaNIqpWfAKh0/1cSWrAMdjSglRl/qDcy3NAiq/kAo9snKEkAV/jFl31pBnfZHLF4Z8SGmNlwgoD3z1WYuU81jvhYfB8Lh7JnLfRKSdmVKfwqzrFPZhlklf7+tjk/8Edb01dVAWs4otBg6H01M0iRbBJUIlTD5Z0VgTabrHm8Zyc4WvU2JrJV9mYPY88ZBkgD4UEr3Le3u0Fvy7midufWlrHC3UftoKkHcpy4vCsreNGW2nYqyuWwTwJM8nE0d0SMUyzHfWOZGJxocH6FMxar5xysbfwVveIPpHtRnYQ3/47yE2wXF2Z2SAebt5vhOu242+DbNJpUd5C2IoIVpsn2JG81H0TU2Slz4hmqyQBeYCB0kOA6HelttNICNXd+1PnLFXijCOxtXpu9D4fZPxtlJNSkpqdHvlOAUycRtMDUoK1d9d/vD3v7v8/M9/ebluVwpaTQ4SukV4GS2ejzIxwMabS7yYbsP72iLmEXa/HZMR0INdskgUoXeQiCZuui8zbWUYWZsihyfaexkyUb+aI9a9av/udSWi12C3DjJSxmK9XGz66+qIeHuXLLAY1WuZrJr1yVOZDGWJKPJi3IRbppMyHPhP5vN9HuiDCdi815ARLgYVvbSIuIvFik9qowF9zLQJFdOEvPqK52ROsj6vSeiztCF01VESU16k+fDk8qMf/uLy+mlJmDTjcZVumty24/11OyFOaNVKlBIYVsDbDWB+8ZwqJjFzN84MJ2LzSasvJGuKm/pXub7yRhQiMA7Rub3K+omWGMw4vCx8fd6SNc8mtFuAINngiJ0PO6LPOMkZKMXO5YueXD7P8z1pnClsfdamYYYn3Z1xefwR2FKG6lEmG3N3IFTf94wPrEn4mIqNxSkMQ5inEIKd8VweOaV60+KDd9FmSZnwMRd4P/81voRkqoLRExoSsq1I6BSlmcyHnbd51ROTdnw7/FrT+aA05VbeMEz1Y+4Pf4DmLXqQMxj+FIPMhMfJxAdqsEqOkV7kRVFTMkGSgUzok80ZSwsctNm4peZmyM4X11qQ/6cvL1/8/T+0ksimZH0HQ8IpwuP5Kb8FChIyi4L0J+rBn2T3Sfc+vG+pX3XflW8oNquR6i/iiMzR1vDNiwGY4Q3n+Z1dZTAMOYLdNF4GiRe1VBAvzBB4dSRFrjuEh0xxa2I1gsPeXFiY1XiE7pgGp3sF/wj5qA1fxl2bZOeFELVGKCwiU+pHKduyhymYehTkO1dfYasUWAQhBeRMeAuTPEJM24jEslFC4ySe6ypBbYYngak//WJwcLKchMhzC6zQ/7jd1q8wO4IKET6SEYtowkpk29ONMgJjQuVmJXxUlsdCIIx/0kp8Y4cZCEJf/+epquEUbe5kZd7gqsyfRQYY8jZr/iLP5fAm83/b2d1361oRA+6W8lkUfJVS3bSH79P2wdmsK71uZYetSaYt8OKmrVA2qT65OcaKzi70CW/pbQLdldFB2zUdLSOuawSja1Rq/InHjJBx7eZOcb2iGyvig4AtumpzoSke7fsR/hpVY1MFyuivj4X2W8AsA3pXF73fxEPhpbHPxvc8TC1uHXJ8JH/pVi2CN4XSWN5IqQlV/Nm0BKWwoiSD77FkgL7KiJC7LkXLaM/o4EtR05clY37YtMjH8Q9EU5eSeMcpRJMq9v8M6QOhOTltbFzL8bYa0YIx+9BG4vdOXyjSa4VE7KM8VFrENMKxYMkvKpHZykWT2xyNhSLmCT3E1MsGAAaEyHldmXy0lhDqV63St1+M8my8NIHsRu0JEWFq7EUa664bhDsiyGyFdDeHDOsMtYWbfQZ+ynOW+9ghvHA2ZQEooBdXJzGQJryYxOZNqerlTVMGj5ZFqmxK+qCTjI29jat4oZEspBqup4zhUdx/9YMfxKBCzMC9Kpyzmv5l6XF9yT8wDCz1xjh3rJ+d7jpP+6pF3w5X+jjDs4xhcODgzq2MBunSQotaSbHRRBAZ+Wsf7MvUZgFfpUQvZWyNX7puUPGoOTono8nAYbEx38d5aFuahGbPm6L4Jk/9snGfVTRCwS2oDtc9Y4HS3RstvCFdBKb2w2408dwKgrb53Nok3P08sNYmZZh9bXnbObi2zzzEPGct3YeChMUu/+9e0XzjrwT9XUKlVzxh/N42dWQ/5XnOxhHRPfCyMloQuPnCuGqD4vhtdcru1kbiOxkQSS3sDD7jSYJtXCXzyep6xuKRFZ4G3Wui5MlUjfWIEs9bsE1QrtvKFEKVJ8Ln834HPf1RmiM6njfZ6M/1HXVS228LteJg8MhbpLLxoY6wfC821ZjbkAZM7nnKk+dLvG4FzKueHJVV2D37D7eq51StpzEjZsUwy9AeImAAb+tGDQtXhN0mkuPsPFldhMixXHYb75DWypykCaHObgRIZE5QY1RhFMFiCSzC5dVwfwjmnmUgl2HCAPTtc55P2JuSWgGPYJ6xfZOpm1dFgBgPZllFmy0dT84jffSD718+tJv6XfcNmB01LrIVRRALwsWCWmNqqv0o4lnmREqfNdFvjHTzpHNK6jPU2JasdN4vTjMmYLT/SxtjAAvateFZXZPAooxQHx2W8NBv7eDRJ4/bRhNsFOuTPJ/JY2fOPMtiftsp3C9jHrXBF/OX18HhWIqT/tdIQj8BiFYMFxgzYgSA+ZugiWwU7W/CGiT345NZELxPaMzf0eJFLcGTT2Bj+6x8AO/YjbyL8SB58ToeItzzLq7dJmjv2inypP7sdpkcdouBEXlUASFSUEan9tcM751csSAkvusbg/V9u8+ndGhW/e5NAbrGKEz+ijbqeLgax6eVecHasjInZXyR93ve4Vk//LNfEBZgZ5Tqg9wkf5SJPuOV4ar3gxRb3XN2zpHDKV/wchwMwfu8riksc8p4OMWr7Skf2GvfmJgaWC5nPakzVZFOn92ZfIGHpiQErKOsVciqvEbCpwJCMVq7xEXLsBb2dB0BKhaDQqQ6O/dxrjkCxb0Boz7AUxBJmg1GCYv279oIm9oKpFlfQlVKeVYquHLX1i5u/WJtWo3wJIK/rL9tfkS96u4BizGbGLL61+b/ElZxmDMut12o/t03J2k+SniGJSyxsRHLYsf5Kwt7MxIfNR5zWBBFDJl6Yp1BnRxFGGMFOILd+FToI1Rf2FwZB+2apPYk2Z1r08qXRzEwqFLqu2mE8DC2NDY1pnwejN+WBX4encFIWTyQ8ib+3MRIHtKoHCZbwbG+MTQaxwch7YxLRA+yA20wLWqorQk1ntGuXDg8IuR4KorE0PG36/De8YVdpsSoW41w7rOK8xZVqttDgxTJpDlKqXdHqlHNdzpkyiDZntHaIb9957E0bxwZYOt/oFQJ6WktD2cO7axVRfuzyBq90T7E1soMSdeUM33AKHzdowTe/7O/Gg8nq8mFHtHC+TdwetNY+100MVbEH49Bf5yFmIwHB5NxFmHzxAyvYUYlo2F+gXhAca/v6IcfjeU/dMreR9HVgovttqgFMrskZTWujCtYnfKHA4h32RzILEMeK89nGRimC9TvFe50GFNrhPJ4xeNemHiUGKPw+rif4l8KQUhqiocTolrwbFPwecgKsUmZQ/4JgSscRlpnVmYVYkTp7aycp83auYB9saeOES57XV+3MTHt6Wj0dpznPTxPYCsZEmgWnvey8NrTfDbwT+iNJxHOWOpFq1OIrkSE1LjEDIu97VApHWNtiuX/Jzl68kKFKPXB0mKcJwRNUdAti7nQJebXbJ4soxCtPK/d2lRjyhcJ79cJzPO8IM/nQTESXryf51N8lIX3fZ4teu8ZdfVnTCkTh851m7c4PDIHRRl5LXSui/CXFAAVo5l3iwfOCvUCMw9jA7KpFbKPPlVb26JQ4ftWjOBz+C6RUAG02jpNmehuLQU/ztUuWqJ99N0CALSKCTPISBNPlsUdVHUyJGoEXpSrt10u73ml4GEIGSZJkC16UCaankUT4K4E/gTX21Yf/emPX+QJO7bkhyW+EKHXxmAIFjOrnR7loVpNs7WnXUGzHZ2ystEgvFHiQfwYXe7kfYoHrxrxXafzqtGXQ9vaXYavm4GeYQ/XxoWbf9Z/L+5liY95GlB7p6EToIglpGJlID5PgaS1BgkrS9ayWmgnjVvDYvdZoWp5WUtaZmQM5DEQaAIS8Y3h+hiDjCO8KMrTjlygpLynvmA4nXsTtbtuXgXxQv+4+80PpbB5uKctwH7/8WcdhA3Zk7b/powqXkmxoxVSXjfmZTx4G3vOXrz+NtiFvGe1i3NEUKTgeXVFAYwHz7ckUYKRm5zg8jLgSdz7TGCquPxtne1hLF3f1EENmPqwD4354i1M1j5rfPqsMVRQznDIOFLQj5ur9EbCRQaNK3kfgs1jRKQZzskWAFyOfvi5VUTBjH5gPplOhubA+bDQnPI6y8cEMUYQIIJ6sImnNdmNusJzyn28juy5zjbskF5L2Ee7CRbFruwUpTZyboSQQZGkeWf9JEL2stBe+5syCV8kpVyJHjGsonC4fnjIcLOjwcIAcrRX9NOPVUeWfEkcvieMlfV+0eKAl8++vnzcgb/Cz003cBBu125s65VhQlE0KIozhEJPsoxuTeUT0OHK+/HIjA+HQPm8jx5o9dB6kXDjj+lJ00sfkn/m4Ta+ixZDay+GOGJEiIDBe0Iq6WqiHHFxAJPM4emH0GCwfYEsximgTAhgUn8fsq6e64BJ5zl9mJfihcyIf2rVppCsgXX9QoKic/EIs84qx7IubglZwO0ZcyZT689KkO+WDQ33PGNjv09/9OPLH2JmwfOOO6/XjTM9OkzcbiH1lKt2rE8lfE5De1P7PI++tSsSgOI5vY3IjyswHG2OtQt42c8kBg5CUBtx30rrqR8cjuwzB2k3gLdTuxkgYyvTDda9vmi96m2DEDSUxLK/z+FQjtY3/pMo4aEIyQSjRM62YCUQEgAWa1vhD3jCzlvxMhJaPBRBmHBHC4uHAcsQVluN7ickwbYJ/FqZUCRFDOSyzPFligF75Qhzn2UaolVmw6cQk6zgX20GbvewKqWol/mR4JDUQTvC7ISESJPRjdD6QrZY7b7x94gavFhu+mLKWGvzvv1mEBhqm6zhYQcK+exr/5rKamXOi/ZePnn0TzrOI3mJ39AndzyvNhmXZnYqX5+L0ngvDWixj9oj/2jL8C4DD/7q0AAmBL04jtWrzWMgqj9j0Wcg2UdrTSg2ac2rCNDC4upHqHshEnDKuEo4BGdCL0N5skBcq1T5mFyrEgCs2IQV4WeUA7J0vVe35w1OmFa8HbGC7wCQgBQh9kqx8lzaQnhtby8cJaiME9H20JAEjQWD9SxZlZXVJ+v7oGVb1x3Pd9U5KRI/Trh+0uZZlv+2DbUIxxs5WNbK/YUJ9f8sT/lMEgFB+735MhAi5ChXH25O+HY5Re6hK4XnlHMIVUQ2FL5WuxDstDzlM+5J2cJrC78rx0o7AiFpKExqtU1tvHIOBWGtD7gJOT+Cb+VrLArFROF7nlq4SHDgo41uLMxbMqBuTevU1BgtUQXuHYsQLV1f0ia8oAbgeUceBvBeCZ9yM6ZBlEj3V7tpk1A8cMZTCkZ4rZgyT+zx3BU6ZRjs3sLPQArmw3eG2Tjd0Ib3f8y4BMiiplo2bp7CitWDd94b7vUjtAU0mVh453p/nr0n/XAMTuKwIUspQIqfIH/Z/kQ7EzbsSM60mZtPqaMHj6ZyytaBdYWZkooHZrxIusMh3RCD4wPFXMYf8saTlYoH9ydC0KHJTeNUkU0/0g3t+xpNwv+cd9TvXrmJM16hqUsghJzyWLE3AlaZ4NbzLKK2fHd9PKx1/m4ymrtm7fYPwytgPm2TtRFXSBvqEaZ+AmZDYgpci7Jns576YhFqaccizIPE6C6zhMcKRfTat56QhzBBTns+/vz77STvpOq8yUKO6rK0x7vWX4w1FrKT+nGLocHlIKDNt9WlgT1xk33EiPPiUYSKvFD4DC9CE5gxDqQP6y/fEh5woy4pT8KPOUKmk5o/oRbd480I05sMhadbv82jade61I94vyKMwMta109vyo0vlnxN58Gm7RQVPoTEi8fRLvIRDoaCRzVGlc3mlgjvNIjyBjUPgpNk/ihsv+6+4+/Esf7wEplhR5B0MguPHk1nWdM5+sYok/SbkI9fQlftm6KYAKsaLTc3GQw7eiIZeBANNj1xR3ZQUVyyN0MbDKFGVwC1+hY38JoMfFw7uAXfDAuORLM/9QSsF20Q/t6PfzAjZsXN2Y4U9hXYssj6cSDxowyD5WlLRqZsXR6+k9cY8CYPuyx9XD/jWl0BqLaiI/2c2rqU8s/Dol0/ybbhA5t4h2JPR5K9qiLN3XxW3Y0gWqyRitdoTVbprCAJqGU7s0QTbClWCnjKs4KIxCsCtMJ9HiApjhYBEl1mfWSe0pEInWJetW5POBX3LVy9fVvflbzPGJ1jDbpSJtSi5U1x6KcVC6yBDbfXP/hRj13uaLvOn7gpC2UAbX3p4FMmYq2vhJAl/bojLTxI01OD0NGqCEQco7lDcKIJSxnQcK00jVmb8NhYq8/tamApe+1JOaW2HpSYkMG0JE/oc5NLMwg3+WyHha1JjipQy7pBiSeLsIWtFHCJBzDjQw2YluF5zybQBDKY99Yntga/9kfru0/8nJB0bzxO0OjedpxUH03mM+vPa6eD9X2pdNdqNnDrJxpFHG3F1nhD1KJGeEis6F8Y5qoKVpbwXCjIE3lIaZwKvmPIGTRCxkgJ/RaB9RvO7qg7EUomJGTYjaP4qB4NC3lRxg4QXh3jGE110MrLFq+vO77k73/168tP/uIvw63VLcG2cVzy6HHbt0UpFLg4dsZMEuaq9pzGpj9tzhhHC7LIuGqfI2H8uj2YNxZNTkxXjUAilulDZbN+5IrBngyq1Ovqpdi9L69ZwTqlHAqs0a5v/V9A923lKMtRJCwz23+ISOGUuAeYkGMkwTlDXO7rhA59OYhkUrVljk/K1lhDFhYj/S8zaghsO8nWm2YFJFH2cMPaf9wp06wfSLD26qqTlFuC9q09dN24KZ3sz6G/yXh9CVciLu+Yp7HI+kX475HK4S70dDThxqDVJ3sYg2hCSsc1erHeCCR0u090LInRNczvY9d5HcYLY2L5Jt8nkJWRbPkmAXqxDHPt1Nl1dLDQ2nSCeSYAoGeA9+bPar+CkgxihlIzFalQTF8ySMfg8xcg380Z9ntApTU8yVlAfQcXWY5DeEIot7i84sL+ZevCfd6nfibkfZLtGRFwVEcY/t6JBDxcTQkFt2PFnJowULuhcNZURs8NRjUS7MmIdZp4dPruPu32u7dgiMK6lBSP94Yb5IYsmBTHji0LrMgm6gd/RlwUE8/flSD67a/+w+Wf/PWzIotOL6/cMTnxB50qv10q0WKbaIGVA+hy7c6crH2PbBNliRLuPfJZXXXgWxY5vr5eiJLkp5yOc8HcOBd9kqPRy5Cqtnq1bjURxbgRP6SjLkuv8P1cE2E4S5aAZPxHnFjxCF69Wo8tAZbgYOWo3aE1s5QEMkC2AqVaVsIESkS/Q6y2zvEPk7b61fIdwWtK86/sdu/2tnZor/6uCXUMMAjHMAHIk46nu+6xYPYRXuc+HLxrPaZVCdsVrb2YZxdFFG+FQouH807o9bCx1RGsY9HOVpkTrpnTE8ZSPNB5JZfDYwC6RkD6D6F9Nx6DJ+E25jGvRKco0qsU71XTDa/LBjr7UrrI4U/ZhN5tso2IQmG8wQf45WPyInm+YKDk5sWWXe0eo6ltJwgwhLxQtne9k/EJcvRZGJ5AggGM3hQYb1KR/uqvyyMwinYf7IqKkrxrLj0AAEAASURBVCiBdtXnWTxjEBVkKK2m2nRDlSwntKxNKD6eBYMeZti1VRMbv8ZDhDRGNy6aYfcdrNFIYtBazS0RSy7YCnON6MAQUQaw4z44vBjRSVAGGq0kv/Doi3/4h+YE/9ihTT+oHcpd/V48myz4+FkHt3uOw4lyjGE3FKmc8nb3CE1PprV6ydD4Ecz2mFJG+z/pDbk92djkFO10liGRvPJrRr5LnTGUt8DkuI4v9lQJzRCV1dpcUMTZio8pB/pHjAnCQRpwtN1Yw7hnQt413iEdCZgAVHd0uqsDiN5+sayAZ00ZR68tMYs4XqwthKb4gHINS2vcuMnclCzYTWeBPLQDIgYK5wyMrTfcQL62/HVxbb9p6ZHTuDfXmCKcXRDVrB/hxbKv9aNfBwDp60G0itKjCVwIDAwmOOG7DGJ0mTz0H2NGqRcWJbrCfSidBdbVjTFgk+SSoPkoYbufPnDOC7Fl5KiFJBdhxhvYS0gQEJPJ2lz41hfwhn5WPo8ekDzAwh6FurksYkIgg02A9tf17s7AIADhXgg33hGWQ5Pt5axNdQLt9EUZGxK8K4n1OAOwLWz1SZZUnCGITngdyLsmVLdaRAPg1hc6cRYWiSct6zNpGj+E3U7nG4y1S+lWIJlhKMF3bygMFYIohYougz+YIsjr588uv/+7wtC//ItCY5luMhc83RXJoNWmweLf22jgOZDGhzdWUQWr+WpHU1Q6rQmu+slEbMOA9dDLEM+5BNrgSicyuujNY4IZZLLZfJ9pF6+djP2uNDqro0Fnb877Yd6ISNATgvi+g08BXiPCDC+Kh5Znt3iKmtBLGqwtKeEA2PqPEDIOkJBB0GXTIipr7ciFcmhLZCAKgkrRnxR4n10wZeFzS5XqlxHoXxAnDr43of3RL/68eL5n4WXR7H5m8cF6P3czwQlPttR1u5TfUCyLeIOVFMxbROjZ0WAJ5OG9BEw/hCQyZ0jDI6AVgDfZX61Z9trHp0MbS7EIIKE54Zj5ROMQQuiErlBtzq+MqUi/lhciJlgs9fvCnmX3grrOYy5jB686SHCM6XgWClfB/qVk4VbrM35dGd3I7PbduV+bFUHkGZqTEKo9kUHtjwFwQ9fa1toZM6E3nF0//HddJtdY90l0cIixRelVr87IUB8Mh3WAtQP26poVA784aHN8teO+MFb/x2jmxRpf4jO6LNoCf3QYnatyEjy1mVLbcE0eeLOamKBXdHXfF+38+t/97eWf/st/eXn8vZYd1nP2cEYRMWxFWzfC3Whr0zYZAlWs2FxpQE+uPzRtpLxjRixSwa9aw/XTp0UeKZ+X1VyACeqGRMnVJh3I2W4X8tbkPWO4U1uAWJsNrDE8sKSGkZ5HQ1Uf5x2w7hXybY6lPqV0T8yPcdP5MNCOJkKyVf4OWaKMrP1CgdpgyWTZZi1SSBbNiWSsk3DMkXSE60GnJQsL/Bm7WbmxEM1YoiVoln5taqWy23kegeyng49w77pJbe0ZO1y33OzV1y/K4MX0VqvMWiVAR3jP+DbWRI9uRxt0wl0CyBDgrfAIdv5G8hDlsSncxgThCvdlGvuijduE/ChGNesPvQz8JSPeRR/HHdgqxIDYzrKVRcG+g52IAM1n3nGxNy8icoAXONyDBRwZrT1+LuD0xbMv/K8OfkzCkLc/gqs6XE/27gjlpimUwYde5+NOKePj255MZT7weNzTiL7PdEgyQIJ7rTU07N52hdSZeUr0PB4updR4781LR9kpe9WXGAo2RpJSGXee0PvQwLzgMuEhQTY2DtXpaAC7Dz0l+R8uX/3x9z0opnOCMuiSU1ZOMb64508+gg2SJHvTNpZ3bSdz2tz7DOTDcF3CkvfL6FjXPCGoPBNLzTgphtXj0bvQu6vhw9AYb54xZbTm8ntdOWbP5KXMDUXbDH+FeaoUNkIAJjeeelsSpEGMnpJVzu8NznnElAb9TpSYgKcgAqmpYUIzQe3+2dSZpeTSGwdAeDsosowAZDW2+DriuF9nw0Uo9aCMp0zWdzuZoR2Dbnqc2PUPftozFJiYYEyYHWth/Ic04Hyax8M8CvfEcrW8z713qvjKCSctHhCeWrtHEODKA8MlImiqRhKAGlN+S5gCAhPcJCxV7nuNdhWXQjvmUSj0VCzP3rXpUbQxNeDIiZd2p2RHa32G6r4ZykEhk8AJ6IykpmM06ggP+z8vGk3RbdiQ12EfOMHDW+pQvWDhROkyIyMs3DP9ugUNRHVPUUqwi4jXi/nYuNtWNjQMKesubYqmvIIsarAoqbpL5mSEjdcJB+/Gc8hq64uAznOnLPoVhYB7vVPWaM9wn3lOSlmxrm9KAzoBagpN+Mlww0dUpTkhu2gPFV61yP4ffvN3l09+8ovW5x4v6EgScDy0VreygTl+2lb2usUZoHh7a2Ie5rWCD+nGjgdxJTjPfHL44LtXclysVEHO6NAf6cweWMO8xe2A6nXlxF5zKTvaodDwiDrL3F3WcsD3Waeu3Q9e7zOWIJyHIpARkpI5LJYmDvmkzfZ9KwCSi7Vx0ybOZeiC6jxuuQyjBcg9ZGQH/1RQBtRELUZjKcSBVAtlkDqCnSDWJ7mSRLr++PN2wbcHsAtOVJ4ikddeEwkMidi3Tbptfqo6O5yJDOAUi9TnvBfmEr3g0O/7BG1NEY5gZt3n+XexOv0mQMIyIRNTA9EuVzcB6jq68lRLZnR/UwPRhsDASRnTEhzEsq71tW1ZiJ5gTOhgsj6DYwmMU6YCNUFtoz2tQQM07LeoEh6yg9Pf0YPHqW7tod/CeQKMx2hecsWyrslAHU8motc9DWoCJMES/7JKb+LdnuQE1MrLWDtXheKMb0gr1XhXD2FAp40lTerT4vhNJ1QMf7YSCR6VmTPQP4KiCyLwhAn8fEv9MHqU9t5L9/XwL9q8dd6n8LT53n/4zX+4/Pyv/mkP/2y+OCNrG52lZ9j/oaVyfo/H/X7f+I/RrBOIpZghmBGxisobGIwzw7IxZ51SSC/Gx9iQjFrk/7R50YctiyQ7m59eqTkecftZevOethEeHdUhZggJz+LaGq6yZ5VD5tGsFyjrNKJMOQlYdR/gardmfVNGyM1LAhSjvxM8shJBuw/H4dd/lMf+LEw6nrYCNYiZqW4HLuW9SFaXixAu73L7n/Schex/xuRVA+enLdNKwYLDihgM23HyHS/BetvraHxzrG5XIjLewlmbGLDDfvqhjPdC4foK+eGATIA2vvFlY9m+xuY1QzKjXndSPIpFifoOT5P/mEdYNqVSScHFxlwRcmNX/XZ/hiDjtc4qI0IhiFraO3iFePbAMoSiFvOOxs+ua4HQLtNJQAN8Gd07/Ccwd7jvI9go7r2hVX9jcLBkJPCgrzMIDE3NbBuVzKSx8XhLJlJMNJsRRb/+VD79g4vgwzHZ6b42uzhZ4UEo3cLPLu+YFF4uxV7WEx7VeZjzQDevE4UkdzVkfvjMHaMefqQ0aJFh+cNveo5kD3L91JEfwy15nvynDIWfS/AE24xsbZPFiHE6CYfhGWz+dC3hsnC7YsLP+5cILMQWQTEoO2JSZJfhpMinn/r8qOVahOM6r7RpheyoAvMKEeeEMHUVEEIAr81rEURI1Y+xy2FkZI4wVpdT3lnhYL/3YuoCekrFunXvMI008xBSuVmIGCdAe9++LhyGPoTYzSZBNof3LkQWpuQpJVKu21NnLee2/Kec3zYRL/yU1ZWKFv28Klv3ycdncy7ipxlHMQhMgk+A/U2n+k9/AdH1RI1nQWRCpGptV/lglNW8f7QaA4NpJznTZzicJBDFqY8hjT7HgEhIzO11T48EeFa8ckJJyujPa+0Ej4ztCZ1TLPeiQZAusSFb3cVe3UsrQchARtJKFpl0X2SiPuNeJxh0+qyqlSiHvwlJfJwI39OlCoMlmE+ypPJ5tpmZ2hNiEebN/U0XUrwxDwz11Vt7C5/7DvZ8z+h6MueVD75FCRmCDUuGfwoXDCf5BSPY9htOY1YQeCQvxvQPSiFYp5IjytxViWcvOjT49dfPLj/88wx5fVmQ/iR52QbtfeZV4w2jEzvWHp6diOoMQ0zcyynJ1q7PcEVXMDKi462Oe8ugmlpyXKIEld8z5iNM1cxtvIM0VhUHB3YdV7DOp9ku1DBYonZWIyLvr2sJjdeEqk9Fz2LemJFpMo9FwAg7ESG0VnBwzcZCgOEdiJF7Uu8TFKvmE3h1WNnNaw3wOqjPh+2RMwacVtX2+yY1P+7sj0e5+KcfyahGmtpybijvh7jO/8dQ8ffhOB6Bq/YT4CnYnZSs58ISr0EerBgwvGuLVZfUIYwYNQ9JjrKM2/FPaBCj/owdvWcxU64oM6Xy1Kc0snd4o0XStJBOFrDfS05QZgoZ8beVpybxTRungz5i23QZKyLemXwPpv7ctHppClsnsVWh9QObIIkGYRU+rDVvbKE0flIwnDMa7e5wnEeqTQvrt6C6NvBmc2UJ7zEqJKX+E0o6UHf1i3Jw6R0dyStSo625MnICfL+XX0BrMFRmhqZPLayVLk7INV27nIXpA3RYRHF3TX8aOPxHGsYsuiYHzzo+Hyms1BECo5lIb6fG1QsZ3MR+19EWAzgpRnYPcemTYT9wZIAkXvwFC0OvEh6R7xn/5JIsiA7du8ejknlm4VcCuOmDgCeUYJ+mBhxCSROPGARpmCIItoxkx82CtPr6n8cLC+HSxjFxol8bH8kcSfqw7gqLlffux8IkGdIEAREIhjjfZOx+1wX43pfmfd91BsLr4fXTJlg/v7xNERH0ZUcIyLIRAkkBaft671yYp4UZ9Vu7tq8YawkPlD0MB2dEg0Pf/E94b7OkvAYGQn8KG3GXcOjCWYaVV5xnQBtrU+tcnjsRZlg2bglf9Fl4GG0QdcoUfWSAt52LIk4o8hRo0pvARpTDG3RLYBlDwPgg+H2c8R9cquPNRHRz9Qin6Xn9USnDiG517Y7nu169aXv31WU8aVH9zCvkWgJjglcTGYUDK8UG1sY2+KINSrT++7pIQzu1X6eRf3IFLWUWkvV5IDv02dpk8hOudr2gmb7xZ6YP7c4FF5Nr7aMWpYsuKcVCfbRK0TxKDYwM5J+++nI7Sa5aqC8oUFVi0BQJOXWmTJeiLWNVe/UjA+0Z9eR3U1Jd2xk6yRMFNv+9JBbDHUEopzlRfGd+X3uAkIULogrw6qBXCZwIlWZqQOrVglnp3NtW5y+bVyGH91QzBGKdr3cvgqqlKVMEWqN1TEmVI7C8G8JTYuO9Cf0GsZQqdBsA4jErueVmDequshgOcUWAbeJNAWt9XgpDPEDOM/QmnOoTpg5dslvA0RTv29WOCele21BK2GStbkoq3HRy2mHRCael/otpJ4gYdz8YtZJm45Ku7TpJRdT+rJpwTmsXTr1wWyZilu1YzFnkSujfWHkeILDR2eS5cIsQEdgI0LdeEUEiZi99wJcc++xdQ12LfvV3ygd7wr6S3UZjYMp1+PSilAwsOlJSdPCos/FHAQIbo/BBZpKwLNNcPyc6qPfuCf/BvfFwPY5ftfNwHj/jRAPjwe435l4d82DwqX072LW3oU0CGmsGNwU649nKgJlCaxyClUelQN/3Gh2cOxCLHPUmT7RnoWTaVSspR+UQDs0QgsHt3gxysm1w8+2XX11edX7pTXkDUYdHdaOxFVLyHeDaGA1e4bDd8zUlNH/Y4UyPI7LhlSNQrnvQi8cD3EeDAx3Nor6TJOiOjOrJWp/ocRwMP6/FWceNsyj8hDCx7wkGq/BdZolAwyskhlz/+832Wm3yYXN9MXEejLKmXLW3zjA3oqCtE5oheTxR3yPgjruoPXQrCl6YaK0c4u+A1zH3ENwWqUet57surnasAdh53F2vwpu2KK29OtsWJ0wK5I96AMvi+vrBYAI3z1if+LTkRsI6ugQ3hmw8pzDmR3AHD2sr9vc3KRqe0XkvDNoDZQjDnWJRRuXHoDsBm6AH96HPoeZoCxCCEOzfhZ4u9dqql2BmGCbMeQWKFajRFGPrI9oQPnQTslIwKt0d9qOy0fouKhnNansRTWVEE5uCChe8YkyF7ON/9aFIMMmIPigZHIWMBPBdp43d0+VkKzMoyucxPjSFIAT08BzaJ9sJNtc2Rq+mUNnk9jwtePFIp/Dvy7xd4sp4dXdt4IIoacUYLUah9vEOnKGM0f2Ge7KIUUV7L9sjKAy9/l7L0oLBFi8KdcJuziiPa2wbEAygaIEH7eniOYR4G+wMoS1jEnpb/aWvYAZLYPS1dvSpXted68qL9nXXyIVXJpTlQuAz6Wu7xTxVtR5mucTJ94ikAhEkdAgKAt0xQieUy4oZ7bL8Tiwj+xjct10fWJiqXq0uwcPqlH1FTBboQ1MRYvHH7SLG5MfBV0e6i4hBAC6nnJUJNY4Ey8ZZMSYnVxa0MvULaXsI3/ZYaRbSWIUSgQawC3t4wMqflH1tdZ+HvQ8bhlRtUlx/XhQFtQaQ33VE0AjTUtaYVhtexjeZkdU/Ch6stcUaD6NAmeKhEQGaqKAEMtcjMmsqAdijtsJxbQMFzVOmUzYBcu3uzRBoZbh2cd95XpLhVSVK6TpBYOG3BC5YZZ/rursZsvrAJ3ygEbedOrAF5uhXXQkpJ+I9KQH2tmcxvqmPPaykz8kMOmFGOFigYU0t63DgQ8X6xqja4amXZa2vLU2LX8ST19aEXy5RCNDv7NIA9XvTHuh3pxiJYTAzFIpWvnIbvxLM+n/97HkbdZ9VqDFutzkDx5689wj2/hg2q4WyCXd1qxZcTihwNMZZAFCZ+7EfwxhM20UUPqiGTgE3WqIFmWcU3xg79jeEut5KmJMAWco+hXvd+Mnog8CacrDol8ECzAfHAQZ0XPtuvHOsGW93BE8YAudl8+roTFoChrVqGiMP9z6mUbnjhWJw/Uxc6gfntnM8K7RXde6FH0XR8GFh5fXTj0GZgBaXB7eDT1miW4+vTgEg/dKpalnfTz/tlOwInEk/c1a1OAXsdxo7xjtVu0BhHnpGY4TE3jpkdHz0xyr2kSLkfe4NS8o3kczqEiSrV2jEDijuK8Ox+vrDlDy3+9rpZv/Vcn0I+cE+dsYwhpCgIQq8yaqyR7AydjFUWUYkLdr8K8U4Xk3j/VqlvidUw6uvUvZbpVI9Ya/v2zQ8Ayhc65qUf22LEoSl6VSf0ap7Mya1u6de1dZV5++8v/mkg/WLAEoPNuUVmqNI3u/Oe9WGkFVDH9r3d2ZWKAmaHJjPUOhwmwc7yhn+0cE9bFC2Bg4xumaspa9j9JKx0fbOUCMduKvCm6LxcghWe716doYleW/rPA0H9tSo2qQsC2N9r7ITt0Otf8lq/S3yq90llfq98X6fSTsi9ZkC+g3gZENbkn9XT5MJ58KYGquU19VtC5H3BJ80Vsz6NoFmzePXNFy4uAYCMDVKoBOwJnkIx8KtdXIQ22LdNexYhgoDNqs9C0UgESyrpj3K1//9RfAQ9G3HGVZvazMrG47ktWZCakKeMKRk5v0ex/AJUu1IqLxslcP3lB4O5otKfrx5vr11TwtXH7XNyCPT9I0hZ6yRh6rcEVI9IR5DEZzBy/pivEzhFpaDBXzdq1pKH4drjxJtOqF7VmRIQqQeMeu0V7UKV0+/w1fbXVMX/bpGEI2lCZ0+ZmjqZ6dvVUzCh1+p2IyLJtUF3+QDTXtviVMd+fOP4eSHJ8xDXGPVDQBCLkFETreSJhov4ZbybdxYwc1z1sgyvxP+069WhYUOGVoyppVI75pHu333smQG/BIxHho+uoRw/VqQwcDKpEr0ofOSV11zhitF4iF9MuZkZquRqiy81EhVphAjYmVs2naL6uJdxAqh6lduGfQ+b6tkbpB+WoDx8nlPS87IO/CYDKgdmSovN3E0dyudMhpos8efN8fsgGjTcU5ycPz+8IwWcU4LyUH/BaO6+l501bUCumiZB+0LsfkuBH2Vh+AuzyqMxIbFYqlrbY2Tmircezbafts0gifGygwiBgO/pV8xc1MPAKgaISA4x9MBCBEgW/uYFOAnbq9+xCGEuhsNK7VQuB8LcQ9ah9l55UdPWnQdYEuxN8749ssvLr9MGIw5LATAXGT8tEN6C9N1l6fsk2VJCCi0uF4fmwoJB3AiDHOwcCiFIDib86oOAnuhBby7PYYM19pGbIJrSgVu2mNG4KOuKEFWd+MZF/RJucOblBrfwYeCz0NVa6cU0MbaJ2WgGJ3Ur+x3ihIeQkLp9IA+tB0efoZnxiduTRlgiGfOq+RxN/5hXbmJlGpjPeDVxxZWMCSuizQqRxEYHGPkWD6Fu/QgnDcZxZfffF3iK2BNN1UeHrwdbqMDRlibSlHUR2evGavu41kQI03lVUA3EPvrWrSBI76JNrwfm++k5eh0dxQK8tR1OBT6enQZ711XUaj3bZPx364v53ZaB0zw5gCCFJ0MAUw77CGwIbkVY6342e6NAWIseIYE8JiTImTqZrAemdKLP8JpY/NNf+k/nEQYt53C5pVpPIKySOfOaiB0+hVhQzQlkzgJhI25rK/kNaV4I0HIJHAVJmws6r2i1u0IBgCZTAhu/SMlIxgjDoLUT/+L5hGdQEbvkEPg7gTfDk7t+6v69KgoYv3o449jLIWuTqHm7371q8s/e/F8oRSivg7JjzrQ6BMhBkubm7gODwK83Qggj0CDIFrM6jKP0oj3Z81U9vLArCIYzYlNklDRnTuF6ppwtA84UUxupzzuEaDgJtfCOOI0z9snRikshT1+9t/GfbuOMYQMPaJvNDAsQFN0rJXzfZ/9phVrv/uI5zo4uiXk0uddta6jRTwMWPc29gpGeA7OKnV5RkT0A25GSP3xrS87PKrma3bjUGPFy/c/u3zoPJ7nX/7m8nF8ehwcC7X6TiAnXw24GPU3eZHZ4SmhdsOzv9Csv9pMkaaw/Q80v/ybAc9DkcmFqNXHQYBM0dWKXifCYpy6FVIMivaDsv6T1Tp3avbLHmF282lGJfitgkH/9Ry+5qttTLDMzlhbbsQ1pkF7FPne0xKjJfjybk6zM/e3MDa873MPZTrUXF/agKdXBzWV2knonBH5NgCqEoJ2Wx9LPN6I+7u2FHbI3g9C+xYQGBRB/O27jBYBNZ5px7r1drPwdQbBkMNUSkAd3mS9li0KGMqxkKV7m5gPUcr9mjXtO2JK9CDl4xIx70sQvX/R0rL6/eYPX1ye/fEPrfH7RdnPxnodQ/Fx8zwfPbXBtWRMbRrjmbNDlH6mwKkEYeg33Lwwimk5YuGTFYtkrK371bFbHA2WJa3v2DyB155pHB7lOw1wG157j2KoNpp5Yuv5YYxzhMwCBskbfJjCFY20R7SwJWolXFNkfUbD3dd8rmprIcODknuBAbzsSQXDu3ZY3jo0Pt/cJOauRoIeX5aRpKC1L1Fkj+hwwlsEqyFmBBZLGvH04O76dZuh3/7gx5cXv+mkgQxi6qjWScqULePZzXPqW/JDwq0rmJDsaS9WVH7Z834zmryda7z8wmt8629eGxy1dXqnAOrnLIKbYUWd8aDuxiJthaMjGB+2asbDRF8+++by0asf77zP++VuezZhuNoD6onGHJFEm379UbST9YwWBoMl+lxL15Yz8Ri76xTRQ1UPCBT1JKcYOwr9NifCOHm1pjREKGAEeVyDEi8n2whyFijlg07fx95peOXrWGy8VHMA13/FCVJCGDWIT2vGliVT5n6OC2KYnvEKEJappWS1f5X3edQcy9bw1Z5wTd8sj2cHCnkJHdleetwDOPN0+nUY0OtCnz998dvLzcc/m0JJT3/v46fF3kESjqyWyFo0clL6QQHWiDerWUuEc1S7U8YKnp/9XqgclSkiYfBCEWMV9FGUC0FXnnvzsZDsn2aFSKHUb0JCkE4bPtBgBNn98AFTb02u8ooq03VX1IkWQrEDSgYpHPu338Ztg0e/q6HN4AKMawfYWkqF8yhMC4O3pYUFKzzEjtqoLD7olRDzpCahY4ua/Wmve5QVnXsex9sWOT9/8c3FcnkGWcg2MuZFAr/lWKSoFjNU75vvLSBLNrpSOYkQvDp4JJdd25gOpKITkAKk/jZGFAZ3lWHaAcrd4pXGlzpldLhVZcb7+ELt1X318nnL0r65fN7yxOuOItjBvhhUGbDx1BRtnrsWMvMZfA7FxEFtBFv/Zpj6mbup15KLnAz+ijTw72gGmSh3kkd98baDnyVh4AEuGSAQLvGAYN0c0SLYXHf3uPstq4lgOwqiTjDWwUiWlRkoj0ldPY8mQ6PK1CkevU2xdHIUm53SOSt1hBGR9uirMBErg+UwGsHriTAShMJI94QL14WgHrpS1w3CQ7AlRl///g+XX/xlwpDHFJ97+In5pTFEoicLLDRAGOw09sMcIdIZH/RZf655UTp4IbSLPIOv/oOBX8ZJQtL+VQ7jglfj9aC8ym8yILSG4qyeSqQxWFR/wJIylNqNFs4qVdJ4XF9oLYSWINHIVu7UkGIYvaaqjxbgXVbZ/bUeT/uuHx1s7BRtmA2YbgzWfYISaaORviqb5E2BIkyYTGhFIZIRM0Z1arjwgREWZobro457eNShyC9//+seLFMiJ0V5NRrURrS/rjw4DGngvNUrDHqh6cPGYfcJJMcyUjhCShnrcbCcxRFBngEwBmU0CDz6jIb1N290F7FsrDocwzsZJs+iLjR6mQd89bxxYLw3tyc3Qc5Gs9oh0ww0bzr638PQb8KyiCj4hJaMuMdXIxtmbHlfNEXfrZIKad56ex7xGrzd95KSPED3Ge/TYse/Fz62koHXQj8DeCqEoGe5TWhoVOgTQOeZ3ixCllhGqXL1NyApr4N6l+7Wd8TjERH/DK71ERNjhKmC2wbwPBylgdgGtySiUBmxWCTlbnqIpYNOnbER6Cndu8sXv/r15R/9dUmYJOkmrbT6JRUN3bx1ZRxcayHtGUijUHDgcMC+LDSgAKSPgFepr3mqCBBmIy5BUMchuJTLBuYAHYOskDFBS2gYUo1hNMFWyFzrlDscWNhZ0fpZ+FUJlrmhQ6QLd7RJ0IFBV4/AB4tBWm3J1AFbG3W+F8FDMxf2iaaYV30RCd4Eei/fazPjcyqD8eDY1ZUzIXOygdUPD4K5sJRhqx2H23oR6jSnazXY++aTzy437bV7/ev/9/Lqq99fejjAYMhslOEUAjLG6JeMTLHJXvW7d/Z31jY8ZgEok16iKQcAj947fzY0PRru2tGHZEVIW0nvAK0PiUWyU+3uC1mdaUSp5DCuS5C8KxL70C75mxo2lzn61QD9GF3rTIQBHrJMOfCBkYUuWbQ1QFSAzLwe2PTFyKHzlDf6oQ/YXT8G4+ANXCm5IzARktgbM7CO9nNtgXKtPyx9Wv0I101fIh52L9z0G4UJEC0NIZcIjwW7E57CLs9/WCKkdgG9pEUALYQ16RlxEPM8iw/xauxwYNZ3Z7x0TQbtppUwN08/bZ9h48AUzy6ItOHyx3/3q8vLdjx/9Gc/r/Me+WWSOMvm9GlTA8YSPAgxNb/2qjoMAiXZKv6+IWYbx7YaxPiEmLpECCFlnxyj4uK+J8gIe+esagcVu01wFaqzR82f8i4Efm3V/gxZV851npnBMT7VT/Cgk8rBfgzCEchjvKzUyLDAu/5DcUKDfsnHgTkhxvgovSV6S5vXmYiCgO+t5B2ztnj+TumdXi57yPipPzAqt4wsxQn//q9/1GldXnSJrKPB489/fnn901/mXb65XL9+nmw1/UNg85SlJuouPkdkCiljPh6Hu7HmTk0Dc/fJD2Z8aLwkqYpeaBpWk1eKS/7QSwhr7HhFloN4CZDRG8nLZ0SfcYWShJdI7JFhTefEvM/wita0JRqYKmNbZXmvStfi+b1cB2UGHDmaQYwC9fE6/AyT2OTbrSQ7yR4REVgj2mi9hd9kgrXt1Tyg01iMIXLBhKDvBHJCUMWjCJWM2YJGTGE812aXF3GHvL9NOFfuhDndi0GEhBXZeEX7CI/A1QGseFxf5I7+bhygn753KfQTKoQGVQIml2Th+OOOq+ghDhtzPY4xjyPIN3/64vJ3f/tvLz//yQ/aAtKjicPJ4TfIunEjLZEaB0ME5hnixzoy9kSHArbgR4EYUj/6Jbwb9+2prEGmfhYWoZWdoIcTpozbFKOXPiqRAvLS7qsbThmGLhxNIZALa+B8JwhoVv2Nh8N53ocwEpwBnPjXFgFe9o+A5vGnMBFRNCBDrMvvEmfRTRKCAoOZQdlJZAki0Nnz86ix6mYIloij0Hf9giGgRzsJnEU2aJnwEXiCZpH9E+Pun//Z5c3vft1p3y9rmAcTdaBTsAW3RwSQl3kahMoaXwm/4oFQNknqIg6wL0yAyCqvBXZKGOxdmpyF5uhGPsE4eQMPcCtk3ppxW72uCzVxpYKXb7/5pnNBX5UEPKttCPbOmk1uZ8wqoz1jQZu+NxQjN8GpHUq7bHJ9oMlbhqtewRvYyXaGXFKAsoTfpuCKBoEvsPW6Mg+IUZDl6cKb4QffOkBc1pL1qd9eJz6GA4J4ERwVEQbAC10XO3W1a/dvSug9QlHaEN7ZH1keiQf1N6AOSBaoDgLzXK/ZbTq9yjNgkBOfHwhBIVNbOwSntXZ/+2/+5vLpf/SPLx/98h/VZrDVzNoacyg7QUe4bib4DhB6FAGRLvbOutZYfZ8wgc7CTa8PWi2DvMLE1DTlj2F2PeukElNSlExJeH5C4L39kdX3b3St9ExKTEEbCTChS00Pl5GushSaAWSYVAS50IsBMj4ZT7qme3TYqy/jH/zQuPsUbovIgwU9F1LWLmTRVT9rgMGsBKXrS+27jy4BtrLBsGspbUILIT7pASJpO3xuw+X6Jz+5vP7xLy7PSox5ZrwM9ONobIKekQZvYleOLvhaGWJT60LQaOBMVIkfCm2J2MG93zroZWpEaE1RyQvFolLaPGG7uuFYP8DeC3iVs9lgjzaoLTg++/rbjrwsDBVaK1wd43U4ehKyRsmlssi7bGxZfTqxiCXo3jF8yYphmC69jVUfeIZ9M+6iBsShF1YRMeoMeqHbQItcFaijEd73lG0eLGJsLJZSni33IdXflDlCI/xRwK4e2gTosRyAqb9d1xbk96rg1sjpPyh4DoPZPeQjKwBNJSnEB+HuXpVZ9e6FOARZSwsCrLZJZoLkJGI8JOS3//7fXz7/1//m8s9/+vNifYqMWBVkkgKeN5ogZK3RgeBZD/g+YaUDSLBnCwQr6yvTiyaUgoItCREQYFecQO9f7coeasAyNXckgtykOtmU2uWN4XwUaEJfP0J90zVxqeK1QxGs7gi20SQBR0/wyvzOY1Zm6pVVbE1wsNV2MLHEBEjh/r9jfD9ri2Gxo5vFRbfhW8GtocSnuldHZCB68YRXeJAN4aYEHXyFe5nz9ccgHIOrwUKx+r5pne7NL/7i8rzhwKs3Lxp3Z/DgDZ46eSDhAp4ubL1sncIZPhsfMwh6xfhIycAT4P0gdx0CbJy8aCkSk4WHMp5RN+otdKyj4Kv9Po+BbioKO7ySA+cCPS8Jc1vybgJGLupDWcTzJ+O5BR3BD977MaG2T/Y43tWHGoziTYvNt9g9xBgBgiVpyUhscQa5ieiGFyeroggrU+da4Sngvti3gpIVlMpSnyFGgHmwOrUKhvtFGAwj6DwKN2nESNCsgsFIxxAGc22FCMB6jaFi2V4T7nowr+bNujDjq0v4a+OsKgi+LO/TBO5dxydSEHBPSLUT8O87oetX/8e/vvynf/2fXR7/2V92Ozj6Y2IW61cOQzFGvwt5RtDJZ/1EsMDStrBJQifkBhOczWW9aVyycHtCrbXa8R1hRgdXQHWEWxiLNBSDGKHRxIl3qw5VxoOxvRtRYPc15ctCS7RcH6etnZOymwcXTI44w2vWtjbHy3Bg5CjZlpmBIcRZceHysnn8uerrEGyynSWlgml91xCa0AcY3Pc149rvgRmcvC0Da6nE1Y9+enmUEj775stOTXuVoHbiXnCYeHgseRJB9qiD9RFJQpUKkT3JErjOcPdZNZSsTv8D1K/ae9fgcnO0cJ+S9JFwH48lTDwhYigTjpI29+PzyiVnb1Pkt81ZUnqG7aGnJ1UUD7fFqa94tvGh673IxcafyTQ6kFEU26KQ+gj4GdQqASlHIuIzCOL1yY0hDksAqBWXPOlNOSq8F8WLJBYyv8qa35ZEuUlYTM7fG5HvJnPrlAW35b5WBvB6jskYCQHCiigsJCHbv5CktK6z3BR9rwgDNieT7Ri+LCzhZnkd9kRg3veko0+av9k6xeASazuWQlgpdf/Hv/v15f/+V//q8o//4/9kS9amADVOmSYkd8LJ4Mwy56kwdgZD3/rA4DwxoTDHdFbjMCu1FkzEIP5Wx/cqeXcRA7cQt/qB3QWF7gyQ5E5wXnlmRX9TlLh0xYxGB/RTpSLrF7O1sRAabyhYtEIvisCAqLDeCWbWewu63aUx2rtLFBgLrWSw4C78CLhP/JnXxCtGBp/woS5jw4Eq2uqVBTf1oN845MoxqqYVyFDXN33Q5uenv8wLfvn7yzdt/3lYmv5VdOvAgnmDnUbthJ/woohDHEz9kRLeLcEc+boUTPXefa+Zr7trm8sNxnMcprt5mOqxL1uXe/d9vIdrYaCpG6uz3ucSXxeCNntXfylgsITdQMEJ30+2uGajuWEH4wU/OsOJCJXhPONAD8hzdXnoLnNx3X/c+Dh5tR45hytkHYDnNuanraxyDWAbYcccW4qi1qzDpi80HSEwfse9F5IQSXMwgLLipJZqIY038E4ZhHDCogmS9Hn9zNNCLoJQLjE/2p5Qxs7j5hd7yyyZctgxhCEqkxal5o0+IhjSWxHBGGOhIUIG26tOPvu3f/M3l3/xX/zXl3/8L350BIZyVhZ2FC1wY3pk1nEwSAi8zaI61YySSEgJVY7QIkMdjvUHXoSnnveG40QAla69MQSDWeZoeaYgXD9jijEm6Xaeyp5/XldijL2CDeeCaLSZknSPt/HHIymZLEfHBJSCS8xUx8qME0VQPPysRrdgMY8Pt0Jv9cGLZ+tLE7UTiUbPbczu2oQvPs47xzfKySgGxjx6lfLg1QFZn2eXRN68ePtN9R9/+mnTEj+7XH77d0vIeAqJ1Vb80BQ/yOCFrh7DjaJIvhVTmqVFleVlNnRIroRye7RZuGyujkiUmcZ3Y23NbU9g3o5ygpHRMmwRgTn977rhjQPITIy/9niCyh2q6vKObtGGvMDL8GEGGc+7gK4eXENnjvxWLtm0VG0rvO50iXZsDJkRlC9gBEdiAjJij++sjE4pQEoXgrP2EUPYgiIYZZe8Y7XvV5UgF+XbToc6zDzUODQAnpUN0KVlaw+QVpzvme8J+vqLUiYm96IXAWmZzuvCghet6QRDKlMfxdEJ2qxfbeZo64gE1GbKKazkESggokLQlMMXv/3d5f/5t//X5a/++b9YKGIcSOi2FrIy7KxpkYUYYO+eZAgseDgbKANqOD6qfTVAJMSaB0KPru3Vd/guW9YFa16F5R/uxrmKCfnOyV0oJNII/tqv6BYSKFMTgD8w1uaCguCq427HcPCvV5DABSM1Be7KVyZyDyd6DM7XXRj/EhCfUNnG20EQTISoDONJWmTRKfW0qnoJK096+6ET6szvRq8JinYyrjYo60On94dPMbxT/O2YSXk/KyP9eUmZEjKOZBDmEkoJltmOee1oFSpgntIE00LfYJyHw9T63MR/WKqHI8n0vBKjnKObB0PEMy9dgUrNZkfI20UtwdxVfNsQKLiffdMp13DozYAh5/Cu7uwnqqYfZN0if7K77HkwgVH0wIg46uJ1J2bHlP4Zz2upV7hIsBkburTQP5wnz93O2AR52FtcLfR6nYW09EugAprtCi7drrIQ9Tr3Z8DPzbOIm0YgOSmqRauaW8UusVCIjSCEe6nbqIee6UoCaBmUPx6GNaw91iUldbYLW2my/Vi/BLXrHnLyOGvpmvEowUcpern5qYgtdLx929H0pZgtMVKW0hK2zFTtImKKELxw8AJT2AZYdYNl49Ugk+avkfA/ymfqgZVGSF5DQmKeFRP7XU2t107/69MV5WY01CvsJWn9g6v5MOMWXhn7x5hw9GuTuviQN1V9TCBBM07VG9DBcUgQzhQiMBJIc4fmP/VlsfSMajAdr0DYeIRwR4f6mmDN1GPggOsTzpXZO7PR9AmuLLkERXKRRxzP8ipbQFC7DsN69KBtSsFjdcFVW5VeN2f7tlPNsctDObfapX54Lil/4ySSkAjkcboYXSZMPodfPCd/yQMvDN4a3/AgkCoS4tWbzGUr7rPQ41+0YMrlCMhW1ZIhw6kPPSHr23mmh2VkedqtGebJyjUcGQxfBgGf6xNv6w5pUhvGKVq6UB8bNzIGo6k+eWX0q6x3TETreicqe3UydqsGKkmLbUnyBFuh4DqoCLJQoke3rLrwIuy6KdXtuQbvevZ1TfevDvUyL6SjPIIQsVuPW2vneAgWW+g26wnqfrPKjIBMqyVmBFCszJUjIi8HgdG79il5LO/+2bGhnE4I71UEAT+rRGA/+aQtS5Si0IS0xubBgBpH2btMKeM6gRWmnbGt9k54ieC8PE+8Xuqu2sHD6u7H6BFhVo4QiBJEEjzW6HXnUQgZnE+YE94hJa3+KM+wBdg1B67NH8IrmAmksH844lqX04rqHm+Pj9rZ04TAWPuoL4NJ8exoQTM7GNZ2eNnJvXAf3t0bzYOfJ9wj4VJUBuRkVClcnYJd2pn81D6DUQe16Vr9xA9jLt4hye53NGMQEmZTYQeO2go+nJjxqKoGyQq6MJSBudcM3pBnEKJL/RvgXKW88DWhzgNpaPravcHYJ8X/jj6KJEfoq695u7Kw2gffq+ftX6xtqhWUk09RlZck5Mk4J0/RUXcLCvuUvNvUTjCLGK6cpVIBE+zory3scrS95uiQXRIblkSnLqyPng94wsUJdAjjOwFAJuMJzFnok4WzX2rjjrzZrF4didrmhQAFQnXiFfEQkm2FQgKZ0xqhu7W63yVf9pvgAZiFymKmkNqV6ZtjYX36bkyJWBZo38TgrSrvs5Fff6kIQSGAYaxsNADIlBmXnCGz5WXd47UcCDVLGfGFTiaStw5WvYWnjBF4g73/KBNiY9CeSyG5wjvU74QBrWKUcNrcWP+PFYgvrKUQI1F3KP4igrzOGRuSZ2qfwgC87/ARTmPowk31guVMRWDgaX/eLaPCojNo2ttwYooXT1G+64DR9sLECDse6yf4Ji2uJKhb2EwJqzOD2ePhNh3TvYXpeFl/9wbFpzEQiGq+V8oXXT4457VPRm1j0LAbLStvffBOP6+PMxURnjXwJONgKoCcBO76vZ9GIHPkhJJWKxLh6YnEgna7EMjdEkj1kX2AQjyLrmkO+O49J+PiYbKO1Edhii10pGh06aqpIjQ76l+bMS7KxjdUPxFjXexFhrbIYXLEVCubkms/eJdzCPEPnmMSfWaY71puJxCGJNQJIOvAsjuTBaEPQQOi31w27R7idUggq3DKHKr3uxqYGbDbSV9v1xLPLgUqJmAc4RAzE4ytGtdOBLqq/Q2I1nFC1LaRZT2D0ThkxMvrCnsxDUKOQBDIgnZjnTulMrnrLNCaHjMJNNnQJwH0G3fgH9bUt0uHdPDHZHDuJa7un1GhBNaU1j2NRwfGwkuIzuBsrkc5ROfdqrREU8UnDMoOklLgmBjjhby0C1mxfcudgmHzXTO7KrP+iZi+KxdDgt/XPDf4vbUxeqU0lKliiu5zRuXwjSE76yUB7x1EtSuE8/1BtAeDrB583z80VkqhEqoJUIqy+VQrqWbsKj+40Db4hL6N6W9bDeOBM4w0Y0Y+ZmSCm8FwIpntXcNtxjuaGEPNAqsQPBwCOKI3pdiRJSY/7xxFRzTULIbFDkai7ztt7Y4WxqfYHVRbq3yvhIZX1oSCVzi5kLN+B5+tWMF1P2+NT1sSmH6MvoY5+B8O9GbhawY8oOJxhqYQ9q31pl1hvB5krD29adFg65pnsLvHedRG0CFMgiZLaWyFY0scTPFietfDPaJ1L8AQW8ix2Fgm4e4FeY3zYtrMzO83pA1iddfVBC+R11dEDLraYfmJUD/X11F8hDQNArbItbctjFZWnD4CJ4HDViI45QyfN83vfPXlH49lrtEpU20hpBDwuhUM5+yW2iRzKQm4hYNHwcBV+XDG9BPaJYgMR/jDU4j9oFN1sgPBnzIsnKutqtJxzJmnCLLvvAzDUZvwHh36TvDnScMxEGY18QT5gMajDcMu4M9JAhFygka4KpjHSuWGHyVUjyjxfzrUF3gCsn9awyeFfAuvhMiiZjS8f6GHNZqTB2EbY1Xd9V+fBJVlMrFOiEcbFiE6cD/ve1TVux4H8K6nUx2Z8ZGhjH45nMG3qKUug0ATMyAb42VoYbFFFDkI8PGm6LkFItFkCaBwM4ZMhHr1H2b6GJ/DrP7qjgAgejfiSfcSy3ktJyicBdqV6fYyopVZ2Bod7Zbf+LTv9aLIeIGfyCdrbuzNufCqezZI9xbu05PK3GaAnIq9aZHk3Ibxx8mfV3OVKJHVQEBkqNJtEqV5Cu7YQEXXVEVPRrAL3evfhNk9YVb/JixidAj4IwSE6ghB3wNkRxFmYcTXQs5HWShlTf5KKZteMIbqkmotWE35nfSTgMgmEV6Pn7bz4qay71pbOLJUHlFYNmPb3//db1vxIDMlPmeVYAjmestbK4tfrp/xUdcTuD0RNzoAAbysY7yPyAxAZVTsdSxpLdLAqDGjVLuYo59uDH7WEU2EMbuOr71Hm40PY7jwNrjHg+6h/UJX31Oj0RYTJ03gFk4fuoFfgYNRcCRsVv9DoOoTuHFRW73ZRvh4jQbDqh8BBYcZCwD2T0Rk0fvWRnZinTDt3Z6PZ6K+ViOGx74dJatKpLDfbYrep4SMNwWAhzHj2wzHHsaSjKRF2RH0sxibAxB+AlRc4lW9miNDxpPkCgNmBMIBmLmi0baKGUV10KJ6dzEoOGOrVufVRCVuvQuuV0VJlhNuTAufu17BQOkZRn1shUz0XisBw5tZ4TNZb7U4b+l4QycL7AGs1WWQvTgXeuaBLpba2bDLiHhd3TapbV7ldc9CAyBLfs+sIRKyJkVVYLVkerwwXecH2QDi6Xq7CwkhHAHyEqFg+jxJ2CDPDsJBcAyszwlYA0VleCgK8iEloyGWqM7aIXDtUIpGilOkY7lFrvWa25Fds+uZOX321Vd74OjDjwuDgdp7OOJhjFxGjLBSthFbvYQMJ8EQ4ZQfDBmiRa79NLb1Ej6TONMOZ/JatRoP5qr3Q8iTcN4JyAb3BJwiTngPYXgYnmBGJ8XBm26vvr585SWnBBiLLIWIG6NH8U2nNBbatq7hAo/oB4e+3k8Kn61OjG2etOuJVwbtLE7XmRMMhHk1PD4c7uFWr5SMEAVFP6JXntwByLSj0oPFSiErPao8gSYjE+yV2OUiqIRfCnxKpe3aLGG0HQPZSUtrtU9Ya20Km+vYnPQ2CXcPPfynXzQTsUhURblw6x59rq7Wt46Zkge7Bev+yAa4svvzfmd1ygDqbsSt3WX3NbOOanRycfqgza/jsc3F73umypWoIuMsUWn1zZvrDOYLG82dExdv8ZoHjZciOfQx9PG6ev7yWZ4nYhJElOZtYiLmTGL7H+NrdwNVAgEJ4yiPWyJpxg0t9NliaUtyDkMiQUxCcO75oUNoAiTc9+rKPt8BjLBUBoOFJ2716F5GFCmqVpuuVwaCFH0rc+zjAumYwAoVntSqlim/N0IO6a4hhGTQW8q6crVOaPQdYcxbWlco7BLSzfoF77qubRSBb13mVHmDPuvxQYkUHiVKzDhsMXBtooPX/dYjOJJvcAndkRtOiHKSGNWo+cHWTfTTibDNCxx+j4fVRpeltqOTEmFRHWIb7LUrOeOG5M8Z6xJKApGA1D+hZ1Q21aBMcrBQuGqbagAXuaiWcJQQkW5echULrd41zgO/uV982LLD6FiHtass5TS8iLfVNslvOGCxg3DWxPiyye1sGUXyhuaf9V/V4Ui4ef4Z9C4uq9s1yAnJ4bJxN3lLuW0TEi4zFVPA6qKP9kN58C/TXHkn+1n4ccOrZ+lhqPCMlkr92FCsxpK8+uodDzJHJE+BGjw6syMci2TmLHBjUY0+myazA6aXxd4PXgWbMW6vPRuCZs7FYja8QFADwD5jNEpI6Y5FAoC0tjbJ6jyJa6QrpEZ4zEWkhOSsfTsek5LJNG0SvTpHeVyrS8zuc+1EQBkkzGL5EG/zQLlhy4auu2cMtjRxsD2MkY/r+4VV9v3xyDufozJ7CmpCh14SNZgT74cPQyBEPMIdHBWChnGBljDfIHoLrec2wi+4mRyKsTEM0Yoe6DhWJ6iBMkbrk+IvmVTfdv5XrH68ujmaHSs+44U+/T20CS7BFbLNK1UaLY6gRXt9VVZLxiihtL59JuN5DMpZ/XCjBOpuYUViI9xGW0DgspO/Fl5HhCkRIVjihOAzgJWLxpTT8kRh/YfGThINwlHZxNEBjU0SOa4v+r3zsFFWNFgwmPKBCw88ohsMpo7OGBc9IYE4Pik1AMFds8Eh6aMtNBYF+ekW+JCRMHpOoWtwQz/7RcnTTfLA8+MncBiRhw97BHW0ePWyRF6h6GPWqEatxOG5RGJIvGy+0AvXa3xGRR/67MKM6b77HX3r86wAK7GTEkpozvvVlv44+e884NOnHwVrfzGUYkEagEcj6hKWIQApMa2y7j1JyISONEZqnq6xUuaDztIyjEa8mFanFRyg5gNZBrZGGEohN+6IOBgw3s/1JRj1a72nMaFdy4iIOFdtyE20QLIDmzz7DZhYswZoca9PWwr1uLNjjsfhuTHV+PbgpS/4nNCqz56TYZdGgKz+BOIUHv7GfCwnodTDYUbWzDipuvf1ljWsr4XohKkXb+XcFp3XE1npM4Z3m2LwkubKMNdrHifLvl/gobV94NEEogY2B1ddf7cO+lldk/C21aB59StvvsriBGP91CIw12q0MKY2nyq7WfkxMQXqmvW2+HY/YT+ZwJfquG89qDrWU1ogL/xFr63PzRhFoq4niJYr8qxB4zSgV+HyNlRqaTCFcjilkI3ZKR+ZWsRADoMHLYc3BveaefJ991whs/0MJ7Dyhqg2xYF7snYd3lRqq1FSSgadMssdob/Q2fjS0EBWki5QQE5JjmK9xvcZV7S7k4/xKkQZQo7KKRKO3jBcu85JdKk3Z3PPh/rRd3Xw0atj8E1+nwtAF/ptklmBkIfMmOOz08b0LyStx8HBu9022Qi5k6U6HWyeJUDdjwW1cyxJNMpzit1zy3fHT4yoFaDgC7vqi0bVxRTPxPFNcLEmUsV3+lWLd/AEjgd3Po6Rj4PxvcOdShh8+vlnl8c9tOVD8FkAqx87853LaLI2UCagrJPvlJt3+9BC7+He7yEZIUf8ykCEMEnh39FwxBxfEJw5jiHnhObwVrhKJ3yLuQgQ/jMUbt21LOyfsIGBcPX77D+sDYIQzQk0ZrO4GE42hTTzjMoDCLNJd12Ym6IJFG7ne4I9j7rkketg8Z5QNM0zBYtfHm6Th0t8+/T9eLgTkhNmwn731gc+eNcWhQPnnOFWfGScjIMbJ5vnlHl+3adFH08z4jsUDFGB3PUZ40JB6zrRfgmMcCG4JxMOiX7X/8aNaJtAaIEXXljeffWYIDeM0TFiDqb+rcvcCQ13smRYM571e8oXrc+UUkoYnQ15KLB+k2gfEwueeyuiuuVIlZsMSObs8CuZfPuu52WM/slatJm8xNtjKA/OVgx3gyDXLF4A2phG4+AP8FnrLIcGgn1AshpRYXMd55FjKdWdEp6Q4gio0MXYaG3cCZchQuxDkwilx8rUnwuUTg0khfxZjE3xUqquWvniZLWHxe0ilCU9lK1tq+oDvV8MyePLx599L1zMXW5kn3XKW9VO4tgfgQfDwdtqF4ev3vYM+ig+XJfECCyZ39VRvmHOAAAp00lEQVRRlsehEBja1TilpfW5aRmQd3mRAz8fwSkBBRrWBLY2JKmMR+G5EPVOoRmD0YcSYlpCiQ5bI1q7aLAxVe3ke0Y7CuYbbyeCmXEIBxmNWNK1/rsrizpDo2snq1tNgndXX7Qxc9SFbdNZ2zzoUYi6r35tQAfeLH2wMHpBesK8YHBq9OYZrzzH45OOhu4c19vnKRYBzDjUJ4VcKBbv7K/bskdKPAuin2gVvykH2cxfRzphuRC6pAfPAy/07f74UptLcqF311+7VztC9uN1Utzu4ZVhxqK0YKGw97I0Go0mx8iNvmDptTFxXfYPgBX1gySQgX5iVVzyUE77Wh1Xcbvs6BCIpkULIXMMcvwENIIOuNoSdkSPGul7RS2aXbwtNIC8gbhyEZICECCwjYV17nXqeGoMYTnt+NQueAmZQekm62vB3+ZFgn7eKMQkdlg8UwauScIg+pvCpecp4Jv2/REudU3qf7BIgLBMAG0Kvbl8/0c/POOG2qrr2hJzVCkgpj4j8sEHs1grnlsgIm63MmYUrd15ITQM7y2xw9hop92z3pBy6CPl6lM4hvHCGMasUit7VSbukRXlhW1C1Psx0Dwe+tyXDGcMJn8G7Btv3t+Nrlt6lrAeZav9+vIdb9bK3Vc4JXLJyIlGFhImFBsbVl/4yAhtHI9B1X9QBvKBpx251+fD6+6nzFOIyrLCoqZjtFl34VtlKX2JuShXu8nFbWPFZKtGIgzDlnFJuSo5mFLFGRHG02vKULsRLv7rJgUtnJakIwcUd157v8MJHJQe0L0N4Y4cwzl5wS9GrPaXGNENWe+9pxU1n3yGSIceDKPQep6t+m+Cw7pai85xUKuzZX33irPhWbnRHgxlPqu/4UO/KBq+br647ywuz81kz+FUpoizh112wX1M8vWOD7MwS3R0YdMGQbFMT42YD3oUgR73zL3rlCk8hyT3TmGM85azCGnp7Y0n1n4kCxDZKwBj4gSZwk2gKd2B4cCRYAGvDnjaV3ZLND553cM1HJNH2aO7zuNbbVaJFb/uSPrPf/rTCKQfhA7AviK+h6OcA5CyxKxhLexojEjjIY08zxSZR9c6I8AkBQeYef+tGOm3A4ZqvKs1HvzL4qakzleRAEiUVxfOE9jgIX6aqsT55N2b0L/3vLPg+KFM8DAKGx+lyBuHhjfvhyYSG4YMlBTcZ56w9glycE0I+kT/N8ZZhDb6ThahE/4IfOY0XegFJzyoXwL5iOR3RMOypWCOLhtLA9CYOgHdESHo1SnCHfq3pXgSY+8bZnh+4PsZP3LSYbe5zyCdFxSbaD/KR74TxRwcwifcESH1GN8qGSuSF3Uos/nG+t8JBvEd2MOlMtpnfLZgIrqhtIOn4L0QMPlbBjwvaK+eeWMhO76qu7np6j0K/tlPytn1QAwmHIwk/U/B3yyJda/wTYXFDyHsohdy3W9zyYlH49EeCjruHbm8uu7psluaBTDaD+iAY5V2nr0e/VN7AMT0CBPbJlAerXzVONJSKuLq7bV5FkIfwyVmUIfAEEJtU5p5toi/0wRiirm9Kq7+vMYkJcJR3NqloFVeCthavSvPZ0vwEMjJW1YYUHoD3+//6EeXn/z8z8aUTbpHCPZWqAnKrWxJEcG0dXzBHwsiaGFuhkV6GgM1rnseXxbWOPEsZTv4s7Iym0KKJTcCceoYniwpqh1b07f6EnIj/cFS4SMUG8h3g8dgQScG3cNm5+QABSP+v6rufLmOJKvjuGRZlmxPTzMxDDN0sM0fQAS8Ho/A07IEEOOWrcUS388vpSYo+frWrcrl7OfkyawsKuWfeuz/ycR20+UM3ck46yr/8hruHMVkxbPZYK0uYdo4kuKuyUFdw3hUT32eeDTZWBdkOoP/0CQrX/trp+TPYuYJu/CyoFDS5aZP/cuaThgzyJJN1cpwxvMEaEu7MpYimw1p4M1jRAfyIffAo0mEMEozYIGSkG7qDD0Rc+PGUXo/owla6InjODTb4guCkrzNIcSvy4Yb9iV6vGsuvCVzz83j3bTXrL5SteOIJHCSiSAOH9Eh/keTWLc9lEaxmiVHtVXFi4eMkCV8B/ZwjgYC+0hAnPpdG69y/t7bkDADy5dAqAMVN8ns23VIR1TJi80tQbw7HnWBvJBq8y06rTx3zwIT1I2tsjBn4M/1RpDg5AHt0wnLPRFQTQlDyLu2bTD65mmHdJvc2L7h/fuPPS71sD0/v/T0hNeKeZmMN/r6syyKkP3FTz9d/O4Pvx9jMWR7viBWSpzBWghynwX1ngJKZBWO+VBjTJGnUIGAb4wBjhR4gimbqL2ADZXBtsQRGvWbQFwqkwRNwEP21Y6MzgvHakimbNa87ynVqisr9I6KVdrigr63kc9qdx58Z36QctRhvMAT9EbrCXO/l6kEE35MnGu3KjzhPFneTfKGkTjrfsNvvOkafPszwVyTU7p5OANsXg2s0ahOo7c4TpjtAoJ0Ld5KXPQIzMVLy9C+F9LC4Ri9Y3xtN+MxH43pK3IPl64EU1EQDRyNwjl6MR6mE3hHWV19+9vucODeNZJMRmu8NmYUF5Y3BmRoStVZMMEQkFd/zxkMHmubNeVIPO4k6jvvdg8atAg2kqCpwdDvKVhTYmTiqqTRlBYdeMxKi1xm5tCLwOOpTb06nQIjYsf7/7FdQEygBAp9CBhjLyEZweXpKCTUKJzYedm4ru16ZZLWChHcvEvnmy9M61kFXtUYQZhgTHgbU257Z4M3i4bPBBtxgzemZScSKn9CWMe8ASEJ+5rrQuO7V6LNtUcBD+PKrj10PkWvrz/88W96ffCniy8RhaWlZEDFeBm4r+r4Ttses3BfpcvrV7mzsv0QHh3QoFur38/2Gm08kwJuXIFBJkRr/ExxRHwCGLBvhuwIdCwMP5QMyNNeBoqiiwiWHErATOoTKgmlxywlukgY7KSveQpwhqvn8YRToU4vxgYe3VuJGBICGgGnqMZzOp0XgU8wGkJM+WsD798Q9NPYSAJNllx29ExBnayggmfKoTr9GzlqHixwptDFBaNHYUm/W3xcocfkCn33Grza9ugYni2cr8rqx2eLIWwZcSbea+rVGPomQ/PoXaaoe7A3epI1sOj/PDwMynjTNcoXaSMk2Ywk1DnD/lQ9kZotLj9+/iFtEFFZGJ+8sDz5rSXTagPd+nf66fuZomYgzljulF8EZAFHBQ1xKFAgdl7URq+M6+OJV7TVxI73X3pbKIu7xEnIP1ToU3ODH25MGlu1nYDUSnWaqKzx/h5bZLsMVMRw6HgPMiYFnkCg4ZukjZDqXrcHyseeCfQuttub24uPMXVp9Tcoog5my3S+jUUkKHjXIR4B5uJTFhv7eAfddYutR9QoyiPAQaKGMH769MPFP/zTP0e/4E7IEJJ6EcrkdAor4/mNEk4hs/TBson/ymMS2d1Ed7gsG9qFw9CDM++GOYQcY9DFH8VjjIdfxqhi0Yq3U09Ziln5gFdmyq1mSkbP5uEq457wicDq2T8eC1MlMTxutQ2JEySNCPVY50Uf4YRu8PXEyFoAa/xZcijaonXi2D3CcgRVP5tKqt5BAu0Qg6Iq0+/wEOJb/3nCvIrGk6WfMcTYJ+Ubtu/PAoZ3ngWN79aUPj2miIWmM5j1U4l5FspHMWqp+vVaU+hoAT/8OF8HDz9jkIGajHR9Pln98FKXcXGCL35TZN5QhIMuysHTdvgE5nvjvyl2uIkm7FvqlQuOI4eddG/j6k7PC4cy3LVODybvaF/7czaQr0+Z8qMnLb6ecuO2pGEyNUwj10Ob0hCOJx6qxuJTTAo48QqJ0FYN+k3gLttxesvR6gCCDoAJeTQvTpah21K12jOB/rkNen7lLUUp3k2e7/TTgDzGbSCMWLUhNX1sA+uf5ySstVmvhYpCxB77L6T59tA+Hndf+j5WXXztGTZveWWRfvO73138/q/+eqKDf9C1jfy3PMqWHqVt8xDBbwzFEltAa3UGoT6Zw9qMueghXj9js+OVt/wrIeRtpljBaUW8CVdCOrIcwGu/X8EtJNOG0Fub4IAXWWc8lo3ru/gZwoOLAGIYsQK/v5z1DMTGZ4V92iSUG7PW17xIwmk7DJ53vAkP/Wws/irkS3TU3/l79WhofTod090bj+BZ/Vn2rjE+zynwEGFstbMPSAmLeyl+8INhCymKRr63m/lLL031WBMFtGDcVifgn+p0boL8ZH0LG+PrItEiAmQMgk38g2uzV7vUDXRzV/2+DVUCeb+BgyFKSKz5QTHwlLI8Nue7rSQiEDn5lmG+a5+Yr+3kpj2R2KYoogtekq/rFl3cZ6hv4+V1eQiGDW8s6pYwuy7kvumzyDKHJrzdpH76MOP1qrQBk36kFMD7mJUyALWPoXerq4yYh+3Rs85nBbu65EzfJzmSQCQVtgX/WOqfF/rWu7a/Z10w6jbl+3zbbskBSvFcy7XMak3JIj4Lxrp7NkzYRcBtyrTUPOgisGfLbHpzJ7xq+dNVGdEpZIqJqOwumI1Vfvrrv734+JvfplAJXfdkZh8oWIT6lvfeNg2UrTaFo7JpZ/x3FIJyslwMAHncWtW8qAXQR3BiVm3qU1i51HXp9ZcyCyIFD+N+j44Y1tcE9c167iFgcjBZOAx1fgweeMOmeoE9/HnY7yklX7XxXQVkPrVnPqyvaKe94z204LdLO7TVYarENMFk1X3wS4xQoPAlupu3C5igqsDxjIyDSsZNG8vMGB1J8P8aRKs22N04jOEOqI2zolAEyjjmpZOtq4+/vnhqC4in1h/D8ylls/2gzb8qsbbmceq/FsOvSMD1ENp41TlIu+4BZ4ItSph8zLt1Dt8qLVkUfMbSVjedMVngBLKQGf9kZLfQIGWznO57bQlvDUHIYABF8xwLWjCufW8Nq21JDFm69uExGlZyOwAEwxlCpT9kPUO0Vy0s9Bwmr0Yb/eGSAv74w4+j4cfea2ZrwbO6ICRjSqBM++ed/K4nHxYoWMMkEexkY5jiaOGP0OlDyOQDa7cpihgw5UhoZD03b1II4uCKzZuYXjBAf+8B3OoRQHs2UhjEpbiszPatuazuiFg/hbUUgGF7iSiE8H2e9o//+Pe9vOVX83jCMo+/2KLBtMXGpSMsYnJOXesDljPuNc5JcGBJaHXWwUN9l7oLQrQ5W+n1O6vHO5jaeGkATvAQh8IQBCGnPqNYtMyoVZa4L0QNHmM6XjFd6qgv3YUzT6adGYf6YxQCc8bDPeEyeoCPIsxQajuBk3VLYjrXVnDVB0uCH5RuD5nW3hS9a3Mn6Nc1kMIV3TXgy5MJ2jUvt71y0DF6xczRQtubVioZwehQG2E7T2js95LHuPrUvOL9Dxfvfv7c3q3C39qAUwSxU1pB6vIQR56OnFE0h2TVNS+IbuDoT988GqNbM/uesUD7IhznlKEqoNG6Hvt0Xl3PfTKhngd8EFHFJ1EKo/sx53H9rvfeHy5OB5iEIJlShf7KofqMdMxDa2PCG44sZyPSO29diufBsidmqu+fA5Uc73+Vd+LJtswr72GlPMQRGMJz1UKdCqO5E0TySSsC6FjVWa7apIzeFcd7UcgB+JotIuzalCRANBPd953bCW3e4jWEs1uaGJw1Aq91ddCPPBEvdW4DnQ8J+0MEA7fQsc42PfL+86eLn/7ujxvwP+SV7mrnaxlSb9elZN8i1t582vmWywWTiYn/I4xUM5aBFZ/zYp7DivHM1ry+TF8vXBEj7FplWEzK4A/OrCUhEHI4KKJVFGejJnSJRhkfY49zrLfRk+BSmvtgZxzMmwnSMB6gNTvYOg1KSa76DB9PEPCKFG2tRccpQRUsRTueIxgoBgs/+BKt+rKBrF3vRvPKgt20T1gc8HRef6YJtslUYyqeeLCQvilcbQuhq2/52aWMYEb1XfkERvz9x/Ax7VVDMyi1h16Ee4vVG+jZ+JhXNG6bQayeaISxYPjI3V5hF6zj+et1e8ZuPAaWaI0ytZLCUhZFcZlxaeOx5OGqfYeAvLWs0Vh/123M64n122hZlT7B0wn4lBW5QZhcW3ANHlM9R1dSpjzyTY5o72ps6LUkUuUdcxQAAW8GYMai62VcMaMu8iSUp0vRj6DUGQUI+eCOQIDCEP93oXu1s2f1AHvqdn2CRlMrFR0I5hughKDOJgjhvDEc73ffR5O2jjO+FAKAW99CVjG1ByARcxC03vP6oTEkD9hggDdwT9u//ovfXPz4l3/Y7m4PCZax0Znnq/1g9/gLhRdybj4qcSAcJ/mR4NfMc4IA9iUkQgVhWTFeevTkUUIlzCa0/ZewRjdkcauTTsnhrh1vokKM6z7Srp0KGF+IDNAoMRztKdW8Vm280Yu7Nj4jrmA9CSrkZiwJJzxqozYngzriLRKU9dU52iqX29FwQCRARSva8vskleDY74CUhKKQ85Tje012rWrjzbxbBkQyxsOtexuWXIEoVIsAwcc+4HxO+d6VkNsysNqDseQbY7VrwX9ZhEOJb1L+unrlOZiOKaCoGt3SsgkzNQnGjJk+9YwPGCnyQuvH+2izMav7KXg0uGzy2brnxKHdsb9e3CZjV+Qsw/Hce3/U17/oRY9os8UZ9enaPHcGb/uLthABFG/4orucgMUYUWOysaijhub1g3VErN0m4stIBiUhwJNZacAHjLkdBhyBKCRCDqA3IPoWsoq31Yd4l/Q/god+gFMiRN7Fyr5aEHKQV6J8wiztv0vwJRm27jMXrs2bkOAB3+YKEZiR5Xl/7j4PRcAxQd0ff/fnF9c//nBxFzMFugb5ngzIx9ZX4S6P22Myj1naeefub+s4UjMhDwEEgg8G5pWnHNPIcHDoV4+VZ5j6WclD3GmueoQp3HmkKSS6jE4EGGUOU5eECiHREquIlsuqVcLE/zKfwTO6BtHmJ6Pbxjj1sb1kGBGRCy9YO8egSF/U5rxYFwld9Blzgv7wEvzhUeMMmYuuB0JlK0NZtTGJZvrcY6wqMAWJZuHiYVdNb0WFaKlGRiHt1Q7vszEU2CoWlBnb/q9diwxU3iqoLDoBfb9nAoXK1Sc3lR/cOw9WfQXDIo36MLkz2GtdqKyG/5QLvePZgTriwPPALZpS8KFtM9Sx4J+iLroLrhmGDSvwhAEmIpQtGQ3mhfv1ctluDdvwC427u2FFNN1WHcmPhBQKgeWhTaM9ubJXw2vnVrizMChr1B9aG78tlKk53xOiCiM69+t4CJDZBq6MsPUnZBgjtAP9fvS4BTe7MtsekCTNtGQxao+QXRsndJ0OWCNqu4LrwmEvu1h9RFGvdvVld7wJOlgZgITnwUR8RPqz3/6+dLfXlqV0IUr5vqZ0D41x7rP2WzYE8o0phEIRNMrCfcalNkOltLdOnL8qG4L2E5w94NRC284xPxwcHqgdfDM4VkP2u77HxNoSHgn9Nh5A77zOqNb5SW6ER1c2hoJrxDjWkqJjPCNzFJR15dVlcLszeP03PjIK0WR96YPWpbDTrErPkw+1ylT9ZPgoGg4eIbPqCSz+ZpgJMexejbD7e6e6EtFclPKukHxbmcQ7fGUkzYAItXceDy6ee11ZU0gMxVOKuQeFAcG7hfPC3tpaTuHVyEXweKRI/4VvFKzXiUHkPXR9mzt2f/mCCsxAkcHo864hxJHrsOqepkw3WNB/dduw5Nufaqs9ZCt9xLYzIRXjUIU5pQwwmpMrc4R4Dw6hvCVzH+CQo1CFARUd0pfRu/6q1fLJllK2jBL7hegOEfrCDIJIuSx29m2luDEFlINiDfF2xETodl9Sg0DwXJRIaKdhyuS97F3UcnUJGAoGEey7tkxohe2leFssTsmEL4hrralxkYl6xNyUR3eEV5G1sV39NuZZVjbFMwdoDm/jhSzbr37bAuxyajKGPN5X740ItvuHy8aCnS/jlfAyM4FkO8aFJ6xjsIkGrMYn8JTmbUEAWYcPS3Y2bK10sFrgbWmTujxe1cdgv4GMQcp0d3QmnC3kGZ68AwFmzPYkR6W8d1r4KazkvVnNCU31KaRM8JkzS8i7od2Fn0EgDLbYWUKKFQ+a8TIAomBTTcLN2phQJEDLgtaCPnSNAoR4rVZnxqJ6lUgBKp8xspJo5cJrY8qqiBAqFsvx4zRkFzALBebhyVJC+/3+rmmIL8GPh7Ua/8gpA6iXqb3G9aMZYkNB/ejuMpSVO5JVXd12W31Egi8DifdgEjWt7eQJrSylS/pqfp3M0AvBv375kgHvpanrGiT4UvkuWBQx8oC5NiguedKl1ABZZjBkmLe6KZ4+xTuyYf0vfletMLi55vgqGpS5nQ7UX/uClt5PgGj1t4TVBjoE8Oz01MCZItUR7bazE4S8AniOL5S3tyNJDujr1+0AJNSYAlbrXQL+0JhjApbf3pxPwLPeLOGsXhBK9VPk7miKURywfgphIBFV+iSczoMXg9yggLKdrPmv/+w3Va+fCHjCtaZFmjv8GgFsgeA40xD9rpxD2zJ/Abu+XDurbHhH3gMj+m+0OIKwi5qTaJg17PpgyLLVFkITCOUszUri6k80wQv2M/g8HlXicKX8NwWuRlSpbMJCkAJrBqwCIpFj2es4xossTMUQOska9dFOXVnZNaxd7UW7U3cgDWniOMEMIDgwPqsTXCTs/HWJNwpeN/3vIAc7T5gYJW1XewePzoh4eedlAn6ZvDxboHHXp/AlaQjH6A9/vA0PEqTvGdauI7f+F5Z3bpyKbvp0jZMwPKKArsJjj6mh9Wom9AR+YFMqdKzvBOuErC7Ekeh29/UuOqN1bdZxlydLg6e+OIanni9N9cYD8kg7OSD7iS7Cq93TdYmcZP+ljgfv6XiA23jaGDiWB7f/U8AvDUD3zJIV4THzvm/ExkQajRCYPUsUIzamY0ECliDzEohAYG05bk9N2H5vsnX7ci4J0JYACe/ZHRuBInCWn3UUhuD7u8acSwZgXhcIaF2kuGLnV8sdi42J3LtyE6X6F2ULc4ItT+oZwFh6vF4KvgQFAY1oDMPUoDZMf9hc9xeuVudktsLb+Lc/y9+gbxW95WxXDbZZt4VL4TMhrA9tGL/ahctaQ4Jte3VL1IzNKE6FMyoZBgAb88Yg41tStPWJXZ4i5R4ZE/Q5Qh5u6AQX6PIspDUL+za+CoBACEYeLhzXjkLBxZojEZ7iFSlxzuCQDSHmPCga1oZliPgBh/0FSza+krXRVf2opyO08UP9kOxSNDUFIqnm20LteCfV//zNVvVBYnVVzwgKA6BBKXhE0PBYpggCcH0CVx+h2rV4Hy0trMd2l4adPnceD3gWHjqhnbxW4nin6tSsKABNUp/1sdbr7+HnnlPMEckPXOat1T27AVqWhn+hlKx7EkcCb3IfSQIp2PG1tv2IllRjK6j00THDp9vkhZNZ0pPOHMvRShiESDg3MRkq5qqEdVdZUGHg9dK7lkURuHrqYytA+5dgklDnF2uPORHP4yrmqL72khXnPNPLdenaKOf9Ajb4nV2prz0crk7AmVw9xAR4yFV+2xJE9MOgmIE1IWneSbaO16nliBRyzb98uPm0l0QSdMkV77rYeUwzvZHevR6UIeZXH88tTfMkwVVtQFOYY2VLCC98IriYuKRTVw/zD7RvT0xng9svpReZADBBnkBWksQcwQ2/cOW6a+4wL4Zvkri2PWXCuMjqnggh+Lo+655ybbrl9Hza4forLzQF9BnPHph4WyEbgdtC6CnP8cnLPKIk5R88wRg8jo1HndQMWu96bS907qLiS/Lo5hWWKQ2vgLi83WPjvDzei015v/3cp9/BcpkHuLrtwdy724ydF3fiTHhrSlsLbTpNuEevbuLhBH6s2H+DMbR2TKZSXDImf8BAT07hPWBrq8jMcQxcJjg5PSuSaiS47jMOjyVHKFdcr628nYxefAKfkNO+MRvCJCcHf8OG5r7JRHacPxPRyXzy0DMAr997W1OFGNFxJ9kgIo7qVak//94Oochz4Rj4MVjhhRT9FNqY59jgPQZWAGZD1hq/PStWL1byf27tn+fDCMHZEdjAs8aqLwnCIomFF7qlyLztPGNg8srb/p3gVJbdJVQOCG5Tp87JGAaRlKsyulc3Idqf5Mt94cVjFtK4SfLFfM3GHwxO987cmLg+GOuctTxZXVRlaQ8xxfJvijpK1xeYly0DF8s+jcJ8YXWW0x/U4+OgQ8sYWrNRvfpwRfmEQfJodKxOIPa7765RRL/RT3iZunR9oMUWBjCGdo/SqKNvYfa2VWD0uiexBIakDqSje4VrhEFBY3gGSXCAIsSwfLi9ycWuq1IL+qhK353X9oQ8z2GTJou2X0oyvFC4Jrdt+/5cxlm/prkuP30uIRjte6LlOSMsqeFh1iWYTqNrmyfk/bBbvmHyF776EiLihdVaxuJLeNAVtInnpp02RtZGcBqKuDfowYwPRR/+5vlLEsmCPqSEtt6QSPLQtC0LtSpT//XV8y1J17U9PZJCibiAXYcnQgpQP+eUQmC/+mYYN+aNmR5muHyXom+4lShsRYNqEI3EPBNPsGfrQsJymj20G+Tez27g/jbDz4JKg1POvdPvrhUFMV6oKc360oT5Q2vtPAmxJwECZuOykBeWzSLFUIgKbTeoj6kSKvDH8MXtOBB8LDe+HOsSc3pLronUIRpjllQIZmFnKFdS6CCsTiXrZ9drX+ywZW9g0O7C0TM2W9obl2qHklEa5/SLkDJOs86FV57r8ie0UyUR2P0u9d1/ladEfWWIamCGoho8XRAuE1a5hXD1cxaOE5bKE6Ra1KrIYPjvhmhFU3jhOqVr7F7bo2f4bMWN/mOy5zuHRz1Cp072u7vj9vEScAwOIMe/Gtpd3aFP/0HJr+EymqGd5FP03fYTwsw+L7b3Cx6Lw7uxetq8+iiEDJb7HkhtC0I7GGyYUvOM5XdjquRrDK4nAksGbsIxzH7BD2yGJQw3PgjpQCs5glXKigjMP5NFuCcaWNgnpazw6KpM59qggDzg0K6s+tu2vjpb4M5Yz4CFRy5re+AGwxJwGxI8tS6ULjAStcvA1yFDjL73Kd3XIoGvyevbdvXY4yg3cgi+7QRcaRz3IvRMuzejH4IEO1gStBPDUgCCKEvpsIi6BOuIcR1x5+22pcFhLOYSRBIwy53QLJUbom8rQTzIOdfNq4YEBoTGGHh6CeIQdI6gFn9/NX5NACacEdPc4FFCTEgwR1HNdRNzGkPsUap+smxPdtRuHHhareEapxie5BCC7EFbhIqgHipdO2BLgSnVHn7Vb2G6sQm4SYHF6ApIvqQOoW1M06V+a84h5J6l7juq9Dt6dl+bh5EBvFpgIlb+P8Zq39GH0M7DEcbGpzzxlHBxdj3Vqd/GIZQG36ZQtWR6hGWeMYvmeuh2QGYg5vkH5AEBvn7Wp/nNEdMs68bmwUQZ44eNnND3HOGeUF6KSigX+Chs4+vLZGuw1yqDbD6QNxyMtK4Dvgz8XiMGH/D2mXcpIkE1pSgZmLwHcSuWCjdrdZRbe3g6thwKapucwQJ3tCfjb13wXo7DSjEUjLRC5MNE+xZnaLs68ckBU0WM6W1fkeRXLzwrdaafbHj9ePGl3Rv+9Ke73nuZvEYnejQyVvW9FQAk+i3TtqeXxztWPy3eh5VPCQP8LH4NgAQMCRYrBMn75t5uIjRrJkyw5OuB625MxKJg7uaXZoGrFzGNBC9Luysv4ePJCRaNriLwwlwVMan2WDOjBoIrtPkWQguDal+cLpRicRYmRRlC5e8tXY54y9BFXILCsUqusIIIMiXCvPpMbaY4SQcsV1YMT0nQJMBjflC+GhYelvespSx5t/UfLKwuzw0Oy7gIUZ3XzqukxbiKBUNwN449SSNB9DEiLLCxhW5moKKM6YkpFbl0v98MTq0MJmO+LS4Wr4ajD6E54RtEgwccDvfRrL8lODpfOMuCB7tzxAm10amKXctAiRr6+H5L4pyQlHomtIXZV4Vz/HgQh1se0Xs0yJsljyVjziJzJi8Qat8SNJAE/pHuiCg/Id0PTDyKlLUVTMI9RD41+imC6qfeX8tjgidkqCsFX9RQRxQAaeppmX15gsdC0GfDlMljZTMWprwYULSR57hqqZohTD/Hi6BDyn4En/aijeWOzJWEnITdXePgL1/uLn7+8jUlLxyvTJQ4CPWVHLCiPQApOdIHsIh+kFFSw9EjpPdUeZaeIJyD0AR82Oh4TzcEndDwsUG2PUi2yBkR86qg9apgK12EuJ6euLHKJaUzzTFrVuDBsxLadazvNvyxbcWEas9whXreC5EQxz91KPxdyNq013Fi/KNgEiLC7dQmZnh0KiZAo+vUbWSmmP0JmbbyZ0yq8eDeOCnmsojOSchA7BI2oWEg4P8SSyZ/MVwIuNDn9ACofcjKgidTN/2p/9Q75DW98ebaTMij9yKOFFWYubnZBIuQWp0BiO1OXbMDqHrmXLcGtTaxam+1CpYpaeUJwZSlm2R4uFZv3hG8ZKDfjN4xHfBNrKao5z5jA78ura2RXHKtj31UGAVTDO8S7ufeV70scU/JMKp7vVpjwjFVu+jWpxqvsAQzmeiKcd7G5rmjVDp4It8roV13gQrzfozhGxmOUa/R6j/22gWORRzHmPHkQlTwJxTLzu4BXGWCTxsbt1G2amXnRs9lNKuPaHi6sfvw9DBB8Ibr4HEt+sg9mHw3t+7h4a2PpVvwgr/WN2me8FuIKvsj5f8ghKqYMBCMCM/SbX6vO2dbbaRwn6ab65Ot4n5dffV8IUdZK5WQeM1xKwZ6POm2jXU/tY7z86dPR/nmXasIeuEOIUkSGQK9jAEhMEKwaN27TIElHCgD46Cfn/OI//mf/3bxl3/399WK0BFQsoWR8GT+Ce/Q3D1iFnLhpj+JnoORSxEymAgEbDIbfbGCFBNxMa52Y8LBr/FG14XZZAnb5rH7jpUZh9oSWmOcS8Hq0I452F0N141dwsffhH8AHZoeCYVLArPq6EDQsTPhZPZTSEYK1DTU0y3rq37w9o2uwFdrm+i6B+ga7XLdGMust8F3IqNKz8TXcnBOgXXBhIjTylgkt51Hp2AbbStXbFcbkjOaFXE0TtQZ4dv4SMdDMnjiQV5Net7wxmNx9pTZb8UoX9uSkI8llAAbPVedIiohaz36dVkxrYbX8JuWuxbe0Z/HZPRMbShHuW/kLTw2J6O++tGEXOB1tD7RiBY6r2PfVe2IhuF7P6/fpa5RbgZzY/P6A6Iocos3ksuNtav5/uOnj/0QbnYz4IVl/V/H4hsBRGFfrtT84JOn0EP6uicoMGYCUG97eqFvaMxi17DYHlnEwuypHx7R+LH+bpsq+JwCfihsXca1cnr1YaGeWmXjqQN/FmEfeSXsCVWfKWZvmDF3M2GYNwjG+58v/uvf/+Pip+ptjxdZrdoz52dcJuxgJAIuiA58GvcESICPKUu3B4rwkbeOtIMOr896y+aKotVW+Y//sBwXolpoZswmlGpOuLG2/vIGMJTUQjvfYG/P4JgdhbrGY+uxG90Pvr7t0ub3wln3gDODQ/ihcoyPMrbPY+lnCMEfvU+Ws+uqBtseVaof6yB5o0Qk/FEafv0Xo0yLOOiW8eCMYfSTIf7lkSqKcMg2+VmoXd0lfDAsGoN/b90SfpJAmVCyFlzfTRl0jblgCkHC561qsvQQMOIxoSOYqrbvmgz9lDmtOiuRqhOg5mrRaIu0o+2mZGI4uOgeAxG44dNJnWzo0I24eRxKBZK0aBQUfXQY9KERdMnQ6FbfTxmBy67pi5ejhp0UroZeMi/bC9VpQ/3ydO0B0aZhT3ujF/7aC0nw4mg12PW/XH+//Nd6X8NEwOCaweM1GjZvgLrNd3OlBqvea97V/dNITyUm6L6zuPS2W6f93PRa6FbP/d7EQImd26Y4iKWZuDI+/u/QU0dUsqLhPKEJhlG+BrpHItRL0JhVi6o9MGnEZHnaUyte7v703zEoD1zYIfylgDw0BZD6/p4bb7av3uqjLrvUl81yzAH1HYxYzt2/XIOsLRSqUbEdzlkpvy0a/uXo9OBc2wSuA8isoafdHO5jzDCl9B3ORTrZih3aLYA/P/q2TO+hZXQvxiddXY/Kv5aJVbv+WmFflDuzU27glXa7Wma714kLu6Xq1YLvZRbfEYk6DtzO/t+R19XvB4KDBdXlrba44VTs2iuF4q1z7018bn3uxmkZiXUpGokKjHSdz+Bo17jXW2m35WXVdXEU8+DGGF/G00H3+GEPa18TKDTIazl9iP+M7rX5O3wbPsFY39QErxKPQ+cPdSJLG/7PvcloC9p5peq+NDdJMseUvhlAvyUJrXp6Vz/4/9QDyDb0nLbNxYZPRURdNn96F3+fLCtsotu6Ytu7FKMWXRYJ9jRPRXf8L3EmCJGweYKNAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC" />
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-520092929 1073786111 9 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin-top:0in;
margin-right:0in;
margin-bottom:10.0pt;
margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-size:11.0pt;
mso-ansi-font-size:11.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Elizabeth
“Lissa” Dorr McKinley, MD, MPH, age 53 of Cleveland Hts., OH, passed away on
Saturday, November 9, 2013.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beloved wife
of Robert “Chip” Gilkeson, MD; loving mother of William Rowland Gilkeson and
Katherine Merrick Gilkeson; dear daughter of Alice McKinley and the late
Rowland P. McKinley, Jr.; dear sister of Brent McKinley (Richard Levitt) of
Stamford, CT; beloved aunt to six nieces and nephews, and cherished friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her long, personal engagement with cancer
informed her evolving sense of empathy in medicine and encouraged her “to teach
and model humanism in patient care,” particularly of cancer patients. She spoke
nationally and internationally on these subjects, helped to create a curriculum
reflecting humanism at Case Western Reserve School of Medicine as well as at
The Gathering Place. Lissa has been recognized as a superlative doctor,
teacher, and human: the Blackwell Society at Case was renamed the Blackwell-McKinley
Society in her honor; she was selected by the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer
Foundation as an Honorable Supporter of Breast Cancer Awareness (2006); she was
awarded the Kaiser-Permanente Award for Excellence in Teaching at CWRU School
of Medicine (2010) and the Clifford J. Vogt, MD ’34 Alumni Service Award
(2012); and she was chosen as a Distinguished Alumna (2008) of Laurel School. Personally,
when her disease entered a new phase in 2006, </span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">she</span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> began a blog, “Saving My Life: One Poem at a
Time,” that has inspired many with her poetry, loving observations on life and
family, and candid explorations of her experiences. In her memory, the family
prefers that those who wish may make contributions in her name to Hospice of
the Western Reserve, 17876 St. Clair Ave, Cleveland, OH 44110, or The Gathering
Place, </span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">23300
Commerce Park, Beachwood, Ohio 44122.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
Memorial Service will be held at Fairmount Presbyterian Church on Wednesday,
November 20, 2013, at 2pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-19487836482335807752013-09-30T10:19:00.000-07:002013-09-30T10:19:51.025-07:00Sabbatical, sabbatical, and sabbatical<br />
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’ve been
thinking about a sabbatical for a long time.
What does the word <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">really
mean? Sabbatical, from the Merriam-Webster on-line Dictionary, says, “ a <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">period of
time during which someone does not work at his or her regular job <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">and is
able to rest, travel, do research, etc.” A friend also told me that at her <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">school,
they believe a sabbatical is a, “gift of time.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">Isn’t
that nice, a gift of time? This sabbatical
is a gift of time for us sisters to know each other and learn how be with life
and death. We are so lucky to have this
time together as we are five years apart, and we really haven’t known each
other terribly well until our father died several years ago. I mean how well do you know someone who is in
eighth grade when you are a senior? Not
well, I believe. So here Brent was,
making a very quick decision about a sabbatical without knowing everything
about it. Me too, but it sounded great to me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">We didn’t
think about her family much, and what her husband would be doing for this
year. Her kids are both either in
college or out trying to make it in musical theatre, and that adds a lot of stress
to my big sister, as these are very tough jobs to get. Her son (23) and daughter (college senior)
are both astonishingly good, but I am told everyone else out there is too, and that
this is a particularly difficult road to hoe.
We didn’t think about my family, and how much or how little time we
would need as our insular selves; the 4 of us talking, thinking, reacting,
crying, needing each other, etc. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">Brent and
I had thought we would have many months of going on bucket list trips to
Wyoming, Scotland, Carmel, San Francisco, Vermont, Maine, and Philly, among
others. But when she got here in May,
she and everyone else close to me thought I was dying with that first
medication error, and plans got sort of derailed. What about a sabbatical at home? We hadn’t really thought this way. We really hadn’t thought any way at all! We hadn’t thought about whether I’d be too
sick to travel; we hadn’t thought about how to pull our mother, who is almost
90, into the mix as she lives here in Cleveland and is having her own problems
with what’s happening in her family and her life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">Last
week, I had a reading by I guess I’d call her a psychic/artist, and with only knowing
Brent’s birthday, she suggested that Brent must be present with me now. According to her sign, Pisces, she is in a
place of, “love, peace, and family.” In
other words, she needs to be with me because there is a piece only she can
fill. We also didn’t think about how
wonderful it would be to see the kids and Chip realize what it was that Brent
was adding to our mix, and they moved a little sideways and upside down to
accommodate her, and there she was, an integral part of us all. She has been an insightful and wonderful
addition to our lives. Who knew?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">No
really, when Brent got here she locked some inner key that closed the loop for
me and created a safe space amidst the storm.
I’m not even sure what exactly it is, but it is the little things that
neither my lovely husband (who has leaned into everything with a passion) or my
kids (who are doing the absolutely right thing with love and constant checking
in) can or should do. She is there
before I need her with the right thing in hand, an expedition when I have had
enough and the tiredness and pain are showing, etc, etc, etc. I hope and pray I would do the exact same
thing with her as she continues to do for me.
Again, how lucky could I be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">And to
make things more fun, we are keeping track of the ways we differ, because our
tastes are so similar, we could be the same person. Ok, she likes broccoli flowerets and I like
the stems. She hates brussel sprouts and I love them, and she thinks pumpkin pie is......slimy. There is just no answer to that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">Anyway,
we are learning to morph this sabbatical time into something we can do
relatively close to home and still learn and perhaps write that sci-fi book
we’ve been talking about but not doing for years. “Big sister, thank you for all your
doing. I am overwhelmed and so grateful,
but stems are sooo much better!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">How about
some poetry? Most of these have come to
me from across the internet as I am sitting in a beautiful room in a glorious
bed and breakfast in Amish country on my birthday!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15pt; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15pt; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #343434; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Like You</span></b><span style="color: #343434; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> (Roque Dalton, translated by Jack Hirschman)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #343434; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Like you I love love, life, the sweet smell of things, the
sky- blue landscape of January days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #343434; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">And my blood boils up and I laugh through eyes that have
known the buds of tears. I believe the world is beautiful and that poetry, like
bread, is for everyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #343434; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">And that my veins
don’t end in me but in the unanimous blood of those who struggle for life,
love, little things, landscape and bread, the poetry of everyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">The Task</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> (Jane Hirshfield)</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">It is a simple garment, this slipped-on world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">We wake into it daily - open eyes, braid hair -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">a robe unfurled<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">in rose-silk flowering, then laid bare.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">And yes, it is a simple enough task<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">we've taken on,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">though also vast:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">from dusk to dawn,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">from dawn to dusk, to praise, and not<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">be blinded by the praising.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">To lie like a cat in hot<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">sun, fur fully blazing,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and dream the mouse;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and to keep too the mouse's patient, waking watch<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">within the deep rooms of the house,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">where the leaf-flocked</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">sunlight never reaches, but the earth still blooms.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Fall Song </span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">(Mary Oliver)</span><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Another year gone, leaving everywhere<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">its rich spiced residues: vines, leaves,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">the uneaten fruits crumbling damply<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">in the shadows, unmattering back<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">from the particular island<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">of this summer, this NOW, that now is nowhere<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">except underfoot, moldering<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">in that black subterranean castle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">of unobservable mysteries - roots and sealed seeds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">and the wanderings of water. This<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I try to remember when time's measure<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">painfully chafes, for instance when autumn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">flares out at the last, boisterous and like us longing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">to stay - how everything lives, shifting<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">from one bright vision to another, forever<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">in these momentary pastures.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Cheers to all!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt;">Lissa</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-26726583242153002862013-09-05T06:43:00.003-07:002013-09-05T07:38:56.601-07:00A Magnificant Summer (with Journeys and Peaches!)<br />
<br />
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I
am sitting here from my seat in the transfusion center as I get two units of
red cells and a pack of platelets. I
have been feeling so tired, that I am fatigued before I get up and exhausted
just watching the tennis! So I am hoping
a little blood may perk me back up again to enjoy this beautiful week we are
supposed to have! Now I have talked
about this before, but nothing moves quickly in the transfusion center. My nurse today (usual one on vacation, bless
her) is a talker, I’ll tell you. We got
the IV in, finally, over a long discussion what to do in Syria, and then a
longer talk about avocados as dinner food.
You can imagine that the discussion took awhile……<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">But
here I am with someone’s gorgeous, barn-door-red blood, pumping into my tired
looking arm, and I have time to write. I
want to write about the magnificent summer I have had. Truly, had I not experienced it, I wouldn’t
have believed it. Starting in May, we
had kids come home especially worried as I had had a significant medication
error that made me throw up and not drink and get into a terrible cycle that we
all thought was going to be my end. Just
as the kids began to come home, the oncologist and the new weekend hospice
nurse saved my life, shifted my meds, and literally hours later, I was up and
well again. We will call it save number
one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Then
I had the opportunity to really talk with the kids about what happened, and
they had the good sense to want to talk to a therapist who was already working
with us. I have to thank my lucky stars,
and I do every day, that our kids are the ages that they are (22, 19). They were able to reach out to us and to our
support system and ask about life and death.
Also, our hospice nurse who comes once a week is such a pistol and
wealth of knowledge, that she was also able to sit down with them without the
parents and answer the questions that they so needed answers to—like what does
death look like? What will her body look
like? Will it be scary, will she just go
to sleep, etc etc etc. Things we all
want to know, don’t we? I want to know
them too, but I know I will be kept comfortable and pain-free. Those are the things I want to make sure of.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKFZPL2BUn4Ug_Fv258NTwyX2rtOH-qbwco6k_sLy8t44bpn8k8x5ZG22vhVAqB7oxMl7NQTc5Z9qKg2-mGQbvzI9phBx-jUo70zawbzxSSLFQXweMrEc8Zb77mjKdhSmZTNvAeUpAPmB4/s1600/will+goodbye+2013.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKFZPL2BUn4Ug_Fv258NTwyX2rtOH-qbwco6k_sLy8t44bpn8k8x5ZG22vhVAqB7oxMl7NQTc5Z9qKg2-mGQbvzI9phBx-jUo70zawbzxSSLFQXweMrEc8Zb77mjKdhSmZTNvAeUpAPmB4/s1600/will+goodbye+2013.jpeg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The
summer went so fast! I had one more
scary incident that I have already described, but that seemed as if it might be
my last. We all missed the signs of
fluid in my lungs, and by the time it was figured out, I was totally loopy and
had to be admitted. Now we will know the
signs and symptoms of this complication, but at the time, we didn’t. And again, this hospitalization allowed us to
be totally transparent with the kids, which we realized we hadn’t always been
doing. I think it is especially hard to
tell everything when all you want, all you yearn for in this life, is to allow
your kids to have a relatively normal life full of everything good. Well, that’s ridiculous, isn’t it. In fact, what I see in these kids is a tough
kind of wisdom derived from the mess we call our lives. I don’t think we move forward much in life
unless we have experienced failure and sorrow in some shape or another, and I
think most of us do. Then comes the
fullness and happiness, I think, and the poetry, if we can find it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ1VON7PCiA0hjwLy9A1Vd6R5ebYkS51M5qm-o0QOXEEtbTuAIwotsMfH9IMzOZoWikrt4dxecX10Z9QdOpuEO5_zsf1cdLBTDsN9s7LwzxaFo_Xr3Yensj5mF3E1giJWpEINEiTJwoc3I/s1600/IMG_3048.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ1VON7PCiA0hjwLy9A1Vd6R5ebYkS51M5qm-o0QOXEEtbTuAIwotsMfH9IMzOZoWikrt4dxecX10Z9QdOpuEO5_zsf1cdLBTDsN9s7LwzxaFo_Xr3Yensj5mF3E1giJWpEINEiTJwoc3I/s320/IMG_3048.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Finally,
the kids demanded we have family meetings.
These consisted of talking around the dinner table about relevant,
cancer and death-related topics if there were some. We had the wonderful good fortune of having
the kids at the dinner table almost every night, but we hadn’t really been
talking much about these topics. But as
soon as the dam was broken, we had truthful and thoughtful discussions about
not covering things up anymore, and how do we all plan for them to go back to
school in the face of all this uncertainty, etc. As you can imagine, the discussions were hard,
but so good, too. Just being able to say
the words “death” and “what comes next” and “Dad, will you be able to handle
the mom-stuff?” And more. What a relief to be able for all of us to
talk this way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">And
guess what I learned? I learned that my
kids feel safe and surrounded by the love of so many people. They understand what is happening to the best
of their ability and know they have each other, Chip, and a whole future in
front of them. I am amazed by them, and
I am so thankful for this summer that allowed us time to say how much we love
each other and to say a gentle goodbye too.
I don’t have my son to throw me over his back and haul me upstairs any
more, as he has gone back to college, nor do I have my beautiful daughter who
helped me laugh aloud at myself and at her, but I have my amazing sister who
has taken a sabbatical just to help me get to my death while first pushing me
towards an outing every few days (Brent, you are a superstar! ), and my husband who has leaned in to this whole
process, loved me through it, and made my outdoor living space a wonderland. And to all the artists, poets, friends, and
colleagues and the mix of all those things, thank you too for this summer; you
have and will always be a godsend!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">How
about some poetry:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">This
just came across my email from
Panhala: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The Journey</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> (Mark Strand)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">A
journey continues until it stops<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">A
journey that stops is no longer a journey<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">A
journey loses thing on its way<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">A
journey passes through things, thing pass through it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">When
a journey is over, it loses itself to a place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">When
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Which
is a new journey about an old journey<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">A
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">***</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">A
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Pack
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Unpack
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">If
you're afraid of a journey, don't buy shoes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">( This next, a particular
favorite, and the peaches this summer have been so succulent and full of
wonder)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">From Blossoms</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">
(Li-Young Lee)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">From blossoms comes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">this brown paper bag of
peaches<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">we bought from the boy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">at the bend in the road
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">signs painted <i>Peaches</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">From laden boughs, from
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">from sweet fellowship in
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">comes nectar at the
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">peaches we devour, dusty
skin and all,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">comes the familiar dust of
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">O, to take what we love
inside,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">to carry within us an
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">not only the skin, but the
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">not only the sugar, but the
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the fruit in our hands,
adore it, then bite into <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the round jubilance of
peach.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">There are days we live<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">as if death were nowhere<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">in the background, from joy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">to joy to joy, from wing to
wing,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">from blossom to blossom to<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">impossible blossom, to
sweet impossible blossom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">I’d say, even if death is
around, we can still live this way!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Cheers to all,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Lissa</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-49387542883546888642013-08-31T11:08:00.000-07:002013-08-31T11:08:00.273-07:00Procedures and Goodbyes<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All,</span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">So sorry for letting another
week go by, but I’m just going to get the blog out when I do; so here goes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">As I am writing, I am
watching my right hand because it is covered in the most beautiful color of brown
and white. I want to show it to the
world! My supposedly uncreative sister
came up with the most creative idea so far.
While we were on the beach, she and I were talking about tattoos that
we’ve always kind of wanted to do, and unfortunately I’ve waited too long. The
oncologist said, “ no”. So, we were
trying to come up with alternatives, and she found a henna artist in Cleveland
on line. We had 11 crazy hens and two
boys who all got henna on arms, legs, and shoulders. We look fabulous! Even the hubby, who ran away screaming when
we started, got his own little tattoo at the end of the evening. What a star.
And while we rubbed off the black henna goop after so many hours, the
color has darkened over the last three days to a lovely brown color, as seen
above and below:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">This was a perfect night to
say goodbye to Katie as she was getting ready to leave for college the next
day. In the morning, she was ready. The
car was packed and she had decided to go to leave around 1pm. As the time came closer and passed, we
realized that she was a mess, and she wasn’t ready to drive away at all. In fact, she started out, and with her
incredible wisdom, turned around after about 20 minutes and came back really to
be with her brother; thank goodness they have each other. This time gave us dinner with her, some silly
TV to laugh at together (try Parks and Recreation!), time to talk and then a
good night sleep. She was much more ready
to make the trip the next day, and she has reported in that she is happy and
excited about sorority life and the new academics coming. I’m so proud of her I can barely stand it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">We still have a week with our
son, and he is just now getting all the things he needs to get done before the
rising senior (oh, how did it happen so fast??) goes back to Maine. He has the added distinction of trying to
figure out what he wants to do with himself after college, a thesis
requirement, and a final lacrosse season that he wants so much to make great. I’m so proud of him I can barely stand
it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilcZ7CA8zVYBrBoo69BsRb5YjNTRGo2dUyKdCrJcJhymvrEZywYXwBMxBG45ZAZlR6ga6QX1jXLFWQPvNJnWPBKwzJ0BTumuE6VqZ5dgziWPO2GHt4JuPqe3C0SdOp-V9WZCq_N6lgILpt/s1600/IMG_1895.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilcZ7CA8zVYBrBoo69BsRb5YjNTRGo2dUyKdCrJcJhymvrEZywYXwBMxBG45ZAZlR6ga6QX1jXLFWQPvNJnWPBKwzJ0BTumuE6VqZ5dgziWPO2GHt4JuPqe3C0SdOp-V9WZCq_N6lgILpt/s320/IMG_1895.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Now, we have to make sure
that my status is clear to them all the time.
That is a requirement they have made for us that we can do. No more protecting them from things. I know we have done that over the years, just
trying to make their lives more “normal”.
But now that must end. They are
smart and able, and they have worked this summer on how to go back to school
and who needs to know what is happening.
But, oh dear, this is hard. I
have had them around in a way I haven’t ever before. They have been so close to me, and so present
and mindful of what is happening that I will really miss them. But I know where they are, and we are going
to be talking, skyping, texting, whatever, so that I still feel them close and
they feel me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Oh, I forgot to talk about my
procedure. I had an outpatient procedure
after returning from the beah to put in PluerX catheters into both lungs so
that the fluid can be drained out my chest wall when it accumulates. Not a very pretty thing to have sticking out
on either side of your chest wall, but a wonderful way not to have to go to the
hospital when fluid accumulates. We have
been draining the tubes about every three days, and the amount fluid has been
decreasing, but it is amazing how much fluid is in there! I’m very thankful for the catheters, but more
thankful for Chip and Brent who are mastering the technique of draining these
things! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The good news is that with
the drainage, my oxygen level is normal and I can do an outing or make some art
during the day. Yippee! I am tired, and the nasty steroids both help
and hurt my ability to function, but I am holding my own right now, and I can’t
say grateful loud enough. I am so
excited to see my art sisters soon, I can’t tell you. I have also received so much poetry, that I
am astonished every day by new words and new ways to look at the world. Thank you all for all you do for me!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">How about some poetry? Maybe about kids leaving and Labor Day coming
and times of REST……<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Labor Day</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Joseph
Millar) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Even the bosses are sleeping late<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">in the dusty light of September.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">The parking lot’s empty and no one cares.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">No one unloads a ladder, steps on the gas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">or starts up the big machines in the shop,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">sanding and grinding, cutting and binding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">No one lays a flat bead of flux over a metal seam<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">or lowers the steel forks from a tailgate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Shadows gather inside the sleeve<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">of the empty thermos beside the sink,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">the bells go still by the channel buoy,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">the wind lies down in the west,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">the tuna boats rest on their tie-up lines<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">turning a little, this way and that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">Varanasi</span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">
(Mary Oliver)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">Early in the morning we crossed the ghat,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">where fires were still smoldering,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">and gazed, with our Western minds, into the Ganges.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">A woman was standing in the river up to her waist;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">she was lifting handfuls of water and spilling it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">over her body, slowly and many times,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">as if until there came some moment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">of inner satisfaction between her own life and the river’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">Then she dipped a vessel she had brought with her<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">and carried it filled with water back across the ghat,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">no doubt to refresh some shrine near where she lives,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">for this is the holy city of Shiva, maker<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">of the world, and this is his river.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">I can’t say much more, except that it all happened<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">in silence and peaceful simplicity, and something that felt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">like that bliss of a certainty and a life lived<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">in accordance with that certainty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">I must remember this, I thought, as we fly back<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">to America.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande";">Pray God I remember this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 2.0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> (Joy Harjo)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember the sky that you were born under, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">know each of the star's stories. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember the moon, know who she is. I met her <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">in a bar once in Iowa City. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember the sun's birth at dawn, that is the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">strongest point of time. Remember sundown <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">and the giving away to night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember your birth, how your mother
struggled <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">to give you form and breath. You are evidence
of <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">her life, and her mother's, and hers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember your father. He is your life also. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember the earth whose skin you are: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">red earth, black earth, yellow earth, white earth <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">brown earth, we are earth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember the plants, trees, animal life who all
have their <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">tribes, their families, their histories, too. Talk
to them, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">listen to them. They are alive poems. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember the wind. Remember her voice. She knows
the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">origin of this universe. I heard her singing Kiowa
war <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">dance songs at the corner of Fourth and Central
once. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember that you are all people and that all
people are you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember that you are this universe and that this
universe is you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember that all is in motion, is growing, is
you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember that language comes from this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember the dance that language is, that life
is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Remember. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-69659653871493916692013-08-14T08:11:00.000-07:002013-08-14T15:16:37.092-07:00Back from the Beach with Stars in my Hair<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Dear Readers,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;">We are back from the wonderful beach, my sister and I,
and we are both sad and happy to be home.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;">
</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;">I just didn’t realize how tired I would be after a 10-day vacation with
the family.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;">Their idea of doing nothing
meant finding something to do every day that took all day long; then we had
appropriately done nothing all day.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;">By
the time the weekend came and relatives and friends with it, we were having
dinners until midnight and watching the kids have the best time with each
other.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;">Please don’t get me wrong, I had
a wonderful time, I was just more tired than I knew.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcUE-D2EAOcARxAJhMJOn8i0SH4QE_4ebeFX-T1wo6wUjHQSUm4-yQuyr7WuHhSrrRat3GDlASSGxl8Wvcc8mRPXIUavPw4HNgg72NvY1hyeL07HeZJvhAfFO1MDxozP0GBbWzMcwIqOM_/s1600/shoesinsand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcUE-D2EAOcARxAJhMJOn8i0SH4QE_4ebeFX-T1wo6wUjHQSUm4-yQuyr7WuHhSrrRat3GDlASSGxl8Wvcc8mRPXIUavPw4HNgg72NvY1hyeL07HeZJvhAfFO1MDxozP0GBbWzMcwIqOM_/s320/shoesinsand.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">So for the next 4 days, Brent set me up at the beach at
7:45am while she walked, and I wrote or just watched and listened and
realized. We both realized that I was
yet again becoming somewhat short of breath after walking part way back to the
house from the beach, and that oxygen really did help…..expletive here! I think we were all hoping that three weeks
after an admission for fluid in the pleura (the lining of the lung, not in the
lung directly), we might get a longer reprieve from its recurrence. But we’ll get back to this.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWwwsBwrkWMuP_rn_3rR7aSrcKGRosfq2eYa3VxGQ1QgUgwfhyTviZ-NkAbSY0kxgcSUwNqwwT5NSQXpUARgeeeUs3qheqRiFxe0NpNhCvoQaN_m1RG_upuxVH31toRGuE6c4FlBnZzJs5/s1600/IMG_1833_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWwwsBwrkWMuP_rn_3rR7aSrcKGRosfq2eYa3VxGQ1QgUgwfhyTviZ-NkAbSY0kxgcSUwNqwwT5NSQXpUARgeeeUs3qheqRiFxe0NpNhCvoQaN_m1RG_upuxVH31toRGuE6c4FlBnZzJs5/s320/IMG_1833_2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">I want to tell a story about two things. First, I have no double vision. Let me repeat that. I am not wearing any opaque lense or other
device but my old glasses that have to be several prescriptions behind, and I
HAVE NO DOUBLE VISION. How about that,
eh? The brain is a miraculous
thing! I do have an appointment with the
neuro-oncologist next week . We’ll see what he has to say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Also, the first kid to go back to school is leaving next
Tuesday…..where did the summer go? How
did this happen? How do we help them go
back to school under such unsure circumstances?
Luckily for all of us, we have each seen counselors/psychologists who
are working together to really help us ask the right questions, talk to the
right people at each school, make sure exit plans are in place, etc, etc,
etc. This has helped give everyone at
least a semblance of a plan, and point people to go to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">But we finally sat down with our remarkable kids and
really asked them what they were afraid of, what they wanted to know, etc, etc,
and it was the best talk we have ever had.
I don’t want to reveal to much of what was said, but if I never have
another minute to talk to them, that would have been enough. They feel totally surrounded by love and
always have felt so, and they know they will be ok as they have each
other. We tried to give them some
over-view of what might happen to me medically in the next 6 months to a year,
but even the oncologist is at a loss as I am always a weird outlier (which I’ll
take at this point). The hospice nurse
(wonderful) is meeting with the kids on Friday to go over what happens to a
person as they are dying (breathing changes, hand, skin, how things won’t be
scary, more sleeping, etc) things we doctors think everyone knows, right? Of course they don’t! Our children especially. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">I know how much Chip and I will miss them, and I think
the feeling is mutual. We have certainly
opened the door to stay home if
returning is too hard, but I think they are both eager to try to get back to
school and afraid they will miss something here. We are working on a plan to reduce this last
fear as much as we can—a short video every day, skyping every week at a
particular time, whatever seems to work best.
And part of Brent’s sabbatical is to help me with this, so we may find
ourselves wandering around Phily/Bethlehem and Lewiston to say, “Hello”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">We will have a “family meeting” every night until there
are no kids left, as it is such a wonderful reminder of how much we share, how
our values have morphed a little and passed down in such thoughtful ways, and
how much we like each other. We also
talked about what we believe the universe to be. Are we all spirits? What about God? This discussion really helped us believe that
in some way, we will be there for each other, and we just need to listen and
pay attention. What those stars! Again I have to say it: How lucky am I? Really?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHTAL_ir0yulj2vGNSuTb3PVEmc_gfRUZgX6dL4spJpgXWJYaEnXQmCQF-x-Z3s8OT9M3A8EyEKhcBYtlvG0rIVKhGZEeb2k4GRNKIfQg2jepabVJNymv6qQgfqImtpzUjf-TLAYtPG8dD/s1600/dux.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHTAL_ir0yulj2vGNSuTb3PVEmc_gfRUZgX6dL4spJpgXWJYaEnXQmCQF-x-Z3s8OT9M3A8EyEKhcBYtlvG0rIVKhGZEeb2k4GRNKIfQg2jepabVJNymv6qQgfqImtpzUjf-TLAYtPG8dD/s320/dux.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">How about a
little poetry: how about some poetry with one of my favorite ingredients, stars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Place and Proximity</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Pattiann Rogers)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm surrounded by stars. They cover me completely like an invisible silk veil full of sequins. They touch me, one by one, everywhere-hands, shoulders, lips, ankle hollows, thigh reclusions.<br /><br />Particular in their presence, like rain, they come also in streams, in storms. Careening, they define more precisely than wind. They enter, cheekbone, breastbone, spine, skull, moving out and in and out, through like threads, like weightless grains of beads in their orbits and rotations, their ritual passages.<br /><br />They are the luminescence of blood and circuit the body. They are showers of fire filling the dark, myriad spaces of porous bone. What can be nearer to flesh than light?<br /><br />And I swallow stars. I eat stars. I breathe stars. I survive on stars. They sound precisely, humming in my nose, in my throat, on my tongue. <i>Stars, stars</i>.<br /><br />They are above me suspended, drifting, caught in the loom of the elm, similarly enmeshed in my hair. They are below me straight down in the deep. I am immersed in stars. I swim through stars, their swells and currents. I walk on stars. They are less, they are more, even than water even than earth.<br /><br />They come with immediacy. They are as bound to m</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">e as history. No knife, no death can part us.</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Winter
Stars</span></b><span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> (Sara Teasdale)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I went out at night alone;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> The young blood flowing beyond the sea<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Seemed to have drenched my spirit’s wings—<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> I bore my sorrow heavily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">But when I lifted up my head<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> From shadows shaken on the snow,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I saw Orion in the east<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> Burn steadily as long ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">From windows in my father’s house,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> Dreaming my dreams on winter nights,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I watched Orion as a girl<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> Above another city’s lights.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Years go, dreams go, and youth goes too,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> The world’s heart breaks beneath its wars,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">All things are changed, save in the east<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> The
faithful beauty of the stars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Choose Something Like a Star</span></b><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> (Robert Frost 1947)</span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">O Star (the fairest one in sight),<br />We grant your loftiness the right<br />To some obscurity of cloud --<br />It will not do to say of night,<br />Since dark is what brings out your light.<br />Some mystery becomes the proud.<br />But to be wholly taciturn<br />In your reserve is not allowed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Say something to us we can learn<br />By heart and when alone repeat.<br />Say something! And it says "I burn."<br />But say with what degree of heat.<br />Talk Fahrenheit, talk Centigrade.<br />Use language we can comprehend.<br />Tell us what elements you blend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It gives us strangely little aid,<br />But does tell something in the end.<br />And steadfast as Keats' Eremite,<br />Not even stooping from its sphere,<br />It asks a little of us here.<br />It asks of us a certain height,<br />So when at times the mob is swayed<br />To carry praise or blame too far,<br />We may choose something like a star<br />To stay our minds on and be staid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Cheers to all,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lissa</span><br />
<br />
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-50913292780954303132013-08-06T06:21:00.002-07:002013-08-06T11:08:14.299-07:00A Different Experience on the Beach (Love-Milosz, Kindness-Shihab Nye)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">I have put off this blog too long—things keep
happening! I need to come clean on the
thing that just happened yesterday before I can continue, though. My family and I came up to the Mass coast a
week ago for some rest and relaxation.
We had a wonderful time celebrating my daughter’s birthday with a dinner
and overnight in Boston, the kids had a lesson and became pros on
paddle-boards, we had good friends who we don’t see often invite us to dinner
and the kids had a wonderful time hanging with these kids, both cousins and
near-cousins, for several evenings, and then they all were ready to get back
home and get the school planning together.
How did that happen, anyway? Can
it really be time for school? Have we
really spent enough time together?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Add
that to the fact that I didn’t go home with them. I cannot get my feet in the sand enough here,
and my sister said she could come up and hang with me for a few more days
before she drove me home and stayed with me so that Chip can go back to work
part time. Sounds like a perfect plan;
the kids and hubby said it was ok. They
left all the oxygen stuff here just in case, and they know the hospice group
from Boston has already been here and are coming back on Thursday. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">What
they didn’t know, either hubby or sister, is that I so wanted a day alone so
badly, without trying to do much but sit with my feet in the sand and read,
that I fibbed and told them the sis was coming or the family wasn’t leaving
when they were. And of course, I was
thoroughly unable to use my day alone because I felt so rotten about it. So rotten, I had to eat left over hamburger
for dinner and not venture out at all should I hurt myself. At least I got the laundry started. I am so sorry family; I did a stupid,
dangerous thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Now
this morning, I am awaiting Brent (hers is about a 4 hour drive, but I know
she is on her way) while I write this.
But let me tell you about the week. Sometimes, just sometimes I find it hard to
reframe an experience again—what I mean is sometimes not being able to get up
the stairs or open that can or stay up that late AGAIN can be incredibly
frustrating, and I forget that I can just “be” instead of constantly trying to
“do” things. My family is often better
at getting me to do this than am I, but it is hard for me to slow down
sometimes, and the week was exhilarating and fun, but exhausting for me. Again, the sis told me this would be a
different experience than last year’s week, and she was so right. When I remembered this, I could “be” , and
enjoy watching kids do things on boards and enjoy the company we had, and stop
worrying about what my crazy skin with very low platelets looks like in a
bathing suit (WHO IS LOOKING AT ME, I ASK YOU, WHEN I HAVE THE TWO GODESS
CHILDREN WITH ME?). That helped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">The
other thing that helps all the time is this image I have. Maybe this is sort of like the image of Jon
Luc Picard from the Enterprise going after cancer cells during chemo in my mind
years ago. Hey, don’t knock it; it
worked wonders for me! Now I have had
another vision. When I get tired, and
the whole reframing thing gets in my way, I see myself sitting in a prayer
position, but I’ve dropped my tush onto my legs and I’m sitting back feeling
defeated. Next to me I think is
Mary. She is in full prayer position and
she has on a turquoise robe with gold silk trim just like in a book of hymns I
used to pour over as a kid. This book
showed her in this position and you could just barely see her perfect little
feet underneath her. I noticed that too
because we all have the most awful feet…..but that is another story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Anyway,
there she is and I want to crawl into her lap and say this is all too hard,
when I see just the slightest smirk on her face as she looks down. So I look
down, and I see the edge of a purple high top peeking out from under that
gorgeous silk robe, and we both start laughing and laughing. And I realize what all these purple high tops
from friends all over the country and all over my experiences are doing for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you one and
all. I know I can sit back and see some
purple when I need to. I can also find
my way forward to “being” and feeling loving
kindness, which is what I feel 99.9% of the time. I am also going to do
Deepak and Oprah’s 21 day meditation that started yesterday I believe. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">How
about some poetry (aided by a magnificent book sent by a dear friend I wish I
had known better in college!):<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><b>Love</b>
(Czeslaw Milosz)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Love
means to look at yourself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">The
way one looks at distant things<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">For
you are only one thing among many.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">And
whoever sees that way heals his heart,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Without
knowing it, from various ills—<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">A
bird anda tree say to him: Friend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Then
he wants to use himself and things<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">So
that they stand in the glow of ripeness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">It
doesn’t matter whether he knows what he serves:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Who
serves best doesn’t always understand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><b>Kindness</b>
(Naomi Shihab Nye)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Before
you know what kindness really is<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">you
must lose things,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">feel
the future dissolve in a moment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">like
salt I a weakened broth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">What
you held in you hand,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">what
you counted and carefully saved,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">all
this must go so you know<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">how
desolate the landscape can be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">between
the regions of kindness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">How
you ride and ride<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">thinking
the bus will never stop,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">the
passengers eating maize and chicken<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">will
stare out the window forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Before
you learn the tender gravity of kindness,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">you
must travel where the Indian in a white poncho<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">lies
dead by the side of the road.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">You
must see how tis could be you,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">how
he too was someone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">who
journeyed through the night with plans<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">and
the simple breath that kept him alive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Before
you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">you
must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">You
must wake up with sorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">You
must speak to it till you voice<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">catches
the thread of all sorrows<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">and
you see the size of the cloth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Then
it is only kindness that makes any sense anymore,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">only
kindness that ties you shoes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">and
sends you out into the day to mail letters and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">purchase
bread,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">only
kindness that raises its head<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">from
the crowd of the world to say<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">It
is I you have been looking for,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">And
then goes with you everywhere<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Like
a shadow or a friend.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-8065439863724639752013-07-22T07:15:00.000-07:002013-07-22T07:22:05.516-07:00The Lost Week<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well,
I missed a week of blogging… and a week of my life. I know I had been going down just a little over
the last three weeks, requiring oxygen to lie flat, but everyone said my lungs
sounded clear and dry. Then I guess I
got a little squirrely—confused speech, heavy breathing, that kind of thing. All I remember is the hospice nurse, hubby Chip,
and the oncologist talking on the phone, someone rubbing my chest hard (ouch),
and getting into the cutest little wheelchair then into the cutest little ambulance and going to
the cancer center.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Two
procedures later by the radiologists, and I was short almost a gallon of fluid
in my lungs, and I was breathing like a champ. Again, this is a common problem in metastatic
disease, what were we all thinking?
Anyway, a few days later, the hospital was no longer any place I wanted
to be, having learned everything about my neighbor I possibly could (and
usually at 4am), having had blood transfused until 3am, being told not to go to
the bathroom until after the blood transfusion, and having an “old lady
accident” on the floor, no less. Oh, the
horrors of it all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But
it wasn’t just horrors for me. My little
family had to make choices –hospice house (palliate) or hospital
(diagnose/treat the first time). My kids
had to see me really confused, and they had to deal with the uncertainty yet
again of whether this was going to be the beginning of the end, or just another
in a long set of unknowns. These ups and
downs are clearly taking a toll on everyone.
Even the dog has diarrhea. But we
are all seeing our own counselors and finding that incredibly helpful. I highly recommend this if kids are old
enough. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We
are planning on going back to the shore on Saturday, but slowly and
surely. I will have enough oxygen just
in case I need some, I will sleep on first floor, I will just take it very
easy, and we will enjoy every second there with lots of support from here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How
about some poetry (and thank you to all the wonderful people sending me books
and poems! I couldn’t do it without you
and who knew we were all kindred spirits!!)?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Walking Home from Oak-Head</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> (Mary Oliver)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There
is something<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> about the snow-laden sky<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in winter<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in late
afternoon<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that
brings to the heart elation<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and the lovely meaninglessness<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> of time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Whenever I
get home—whenever—<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">somebody
loves me there.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Meanwhile<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I stand in the same dark
peace<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> As
any pine tree,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">or
wander on slowly<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> like the still unhurried wind,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> waiting,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> as for a
gift,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for
the snow to begin<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> which it does<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> at first casually,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> then irrepressibly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wherever
else I live—<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in music, in words,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in the fires of the
heart,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I abide just
as deeply<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">in
this nameless, indivisible place,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> this world,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> which is falling apart
now,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> which is
white and wild,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">which
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> our deepest prayers.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Don’t worry, sooner of
later I’ll be home.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Red-cheecked
from the rouse wind,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ll
stand in the doorway<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Stamping my boots and slapping my
hands,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> my shoulders<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> covered with
stars.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Saint Francis And The Sow</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Galway Kinnell)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
bud<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">stands
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">even
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">though
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">until
if flowers again from within of self-blessing;<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">as
Saint Francis<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">put
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">o
the sow, and told her in words and in touch<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">blessings
of the earth on the sow, and the sow<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">began
remembering all down her thick length,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">from
the earthen snout all the way<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">through
the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of the tail,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">from
the hard spininess spiked out from the spine<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">down
through the great broken heart<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to
the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">from
the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and
blowing beneath them:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the
long, perfect loveliness of sow.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cheers to all, and everyone have a great week,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lissa</span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-12555313844106837302013-07-09T18:58:00.000-07:002013-07-09T18:58:33.847-07:00My Bad Week, and a Messenger, a Cloud, and an Encounter
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Ok,
I have had an awful week. I have felt so
week that I have had to get my son to carry me up the stairs, I am short of
breath most of the time requiring oxygen support, and I am frustrated because a
week ago, I was walking to the beach very happily and feeling completely
different. What has changed? Ah
hah! Only my steroid dose. My Doc rightfully had put me on a steroid
taper, as I described in the last blog, to help me gain some leg strength back,
reduce the thinning skin and swelling in my legs, and stop me from looking so much like a
chipmunk. But clearly there is a balance
here, and I’ve passed it, or I’ve arrived at a new dose too quickly for my body
to adjust. Luckily, we have gone back
up to the previous dose and we’ll see how that makes me feel. May take a few days, but I’m thrilled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">I
tell you, sometimes you just need a kid.
Two days ago, before I recognized the steroid taper might be responsible
for how horrible I had been feeling, my husband and I got a bit of a dressing
down from our kids, and rightly so. I
was told that ever since I returned from Mass. I had been grouchy and
unapproachable and this made the kids sad and unsure about what was going
on. They also gave it to the hubby about
being around a little more and helping with whatever was going on with me. Then, they both said that we needed to go back
to the family dynamics that were so wonderful in May—eating together, being
open and clear about what is going on as best as possible, being patient, and
just being a family together in the face of the unknown, like we all are. Had I
somehow forgotten all of this as I felt worse?
I know I had, and what good lessons to learn and keep learning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">And
then, today, there was the quick visit from my dear, dear buddy (the purple
high top gal) who stopped my tears and made me laugh out loud at 8am this
morning. There is nothing like a belly
laugh to change the whole day. Add to
this please that the hospice nurse arrived a few hours later, and changed my
life again. She goes right for symptoms
and wanted me to increase the steroids even more because what are we doing
here? We are most interested in quality
of life! Yes, she is so right. She addressed my difficulty in tasting, she
upped the steroids, she gave me something for anxiety with the shortness of breath,
and she gave me a way to take oxygen around in a car or a walk just in
case. She addressed me. Ok, I love her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">How
about some poetry:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Messenger</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Mary Oliver)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">My
work is loving the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Here
the sunflowers, there the hummingbird—<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> Equal seekers of sweetness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Here
the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Here
the clam deep in the speckled sand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Are
my boots old? Is my coa toarn?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Am
I no longer young, and still not half-perfect?
Let me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> Keep my mind on what matters,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Which
is my work,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">which
is mostly standing still and learning to be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> astonished.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">The
phoebe, the delphinium.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">The
sheep in the pasture.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Which
is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">which
is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> and these body-clothes,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">a
mouth with which to give shouts of joy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> to the moth and the wren, to the
sleepy dug-up clam,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">telling
them all, over and over, how it is<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">that
we live forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Cloud</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Kay Ryan)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">A
blue stain<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">creeps
across<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">the
deep pile<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">of
the evergreens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">From
inside the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">forest
it seems<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">like
an interior <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">matter,
something<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">wholly
to do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">with
trees, a color<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">passed
from one<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">to
another, a <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">requirement<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">to
which they<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">submit
unflinchingly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">like
soldiers or <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">brave
peope<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">getting
older.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Then
the sun<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">comes
back and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">it’s
totally over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Encounter</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Czeslaw Milosz)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">We
were riding through frozen fields in a wagon at dawn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">A
red wing rose in the darkness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">And
suddenly a hare ran across the road.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">One
of us pointed to it wit his hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">That
was long ago. Today neither of them is
alive,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Not
the hare, nor the man who made the gesture.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Oh
my love, where are they, where are they going <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">The
flash of a hand, streak of movement, rustle of pebbles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">I
ask not out of sorrow, but in wonder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-30908332005442199642013-07-02T07:48:00.000-07:002013-07-02T07:48:35.628-07:00Beaches, Patience, Bones, and Hands
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good morning everyone!
I am in Connecticut getting ready for my flight back to Cleveland this
afternoon. Yesterday, we said goodbye to
the lovely beach in Mass, even though our weather hadn’t really been so
terrific all week. Oh well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First of all, let me check in. I developed a few new symptoms over this 10
day vacation. My L lower teeth and jaw are
numb, that is one. Also, my left arm
sweats profusely. Yup, that’s weird, but
that’s it. Not my L face or my L leg,
just my L arm. Also, I have to say that
I was/am a bit more short of breath this week--just a little more short of
breath. Even so, my sister really made
me walk, and I am able to walk a lot farther than I was 5 weeks ago, that is
for sure. I am also slowly turning down
the steroids, but my round face and proximal muscle weakness hasn’t changed in
any way I can see, but I was told that would take awhile. I will gladly wait.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the mornings, Brent would walk a big 3 mile walk and I
would start off with her and go down all the little streets just next to our
house. Finally, I would walk down Elder
Brewster (our access to the beach), and walk onto this glorious beach with no
one there. The tide here moves
horizontally a very long way because it is so shallow, so it is really fun to
see where the water is every morning.
The first several days, the weather was lovely and we got some
sunbathing in. But what I loved even
more were the mornings sitting on the beach, occasionally greeting a dog with
its person, or a group of kayakers, etc.
But mostly, I loved just sitting on the beach, listening, watching, and
sometimes even writing. I think all of
us—mom, sister, me—recognize that we might not have this place much longer, and
we all want to be there more mindfully, I guess, and recognize what it gives
us. I certainly do.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had even decided, with tremendous help from the senior
center, to leave mom up there for a week by herself (without a car) as they
would drive her to meals, grocery store, etc, and we have wonderful neighbors
who were willing to help. On our last
day there, mom told us that she really didn’t feel safe by herself. Good girl; we didn’t either. So we all came back to Brent’s house. Mom and Brent will get back up there a little
later, and that will do. I am hoping to
get back up there a little before my family does after summer jobs are over. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had no idea how the
water on this wonderful little beach would call me and make me so happy, but it
does! And I’m convinced it has healing powers!
When was the last time you watched hermit crabs fight each other
off? How about the last time you saw a
horseshoe crab? These are the most
ancient-looking creatures I’ve ever seen alive, and they are everywhere here,
knocking into your toes, running away with those crazy feet with no pinchers…..amazing
and prehistoric and worth slowing down, slowing down, slowing down for. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here is another thing that is happening. My sister is staying at her own house and I
am going home. She has been my driver
and right-hand-gal for the last almost 5 weeks, and I feel her absence
profoundly already. While my family is
clamoring for me and I for them, I will be alone again while everyone is
working, and I will have to call in my lovely friend group to help me get
places and get back into the art I haven’t been doing! I have never had someone at my side for so
long; it has been more than wonderful, my dear sister. Thank you, B, for navigating so effectively
and being there when I really needed you.
My family is richer for getting to know you so much better. And now, she and I get to do a little
planning for her sabbatical that starts in the fall. Ok, we won’t do a huge amount of planning,
but we might do a little. I think the
planning starts with getting back to the beach and sitting on it while writing
in our “sabbatical book” together……yes?
Yes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, we have had a whirlwind trip, and I’m a bit tired. I am really looking forward to restarting my
meditation/stillness practice that I didn’t do every day in Mass, but that I
want to return to and build on in Cleveland.
While my insurance didn’t cover hospice in a different state, believe it
or not, I am really looking forward to checking in with my wonderful hospice
nurse, as she is practical and no-nonsense and I feel safe when she’s
around. Funny how I can feel this way,
but I think this is exactly what hospice should be when it is working
right. I know hospice also makes my
family feel safe as well, and that is an even bigger bonus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How about some poetry?
I really like these:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Patience</b> (Mary
Oliver)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is the good life now?
Why?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
look here, consider<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the moon’s white crescent<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
rounding, slowly, over<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the half month to still another<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
perfect circle—<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the shining eye<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that lightens the hills,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that lays down the shadows<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of the branches of the trees,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that summons the flowers<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to open their sleepy faces and look up<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
into the heavens.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to hurry everywhere,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and leaped over the running creeks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There wasn’t<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
time enough for all the wonderful things<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could think of to do<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in a single day.
Patience<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
comes to the bones<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
before it takes root in the heart<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
as another good idea.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I say this<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
as I stand in the woods<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and study the patterns<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of the moon shadows,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
or stroll down into the waters<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that now, late summer, have also<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
caught the fever, and hardly move<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
from one eternity to another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Taos</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Jillena Rose)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Bones
are easier to find than flowers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">in
the desert, so I paint these:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Fine
white skulls of cows and horses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">When
I lie flat under the stars<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">in
the back of the car, coyotes howling<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">in
the scrub pines, easy to feel how those bones<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">are
so much like mine: Here is my pelvis,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">like
the pelvis I found today<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">bleached
by the sun and the sand. Same<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">hole
where the hip would go, same<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">white
curve of bone beneath my flesh<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">same
cradle of life, silent and still in me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Loving the Hands</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;"> (Julie Suk)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">I
could make a wardrobe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">with
tufts of wool<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">caught
on thistle and bracken.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Lost—the
scraps<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">I
might have woven whole cloth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Come
watch, the man says,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">shearing
sheep<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">with
the precision of long practice,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">fleece,
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">with
people who’ve loved me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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down with clippers,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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pass across the coat a caress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">His
dogs, lying nearby,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">tremble
at every move—as I do,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">loving
the hands that have learned<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">to
gentle the life beneath them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Cheers,
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Lissa<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-15344698198172884612013-06-24T04:51:00.004-07:002013-06-24T04:51:59.870-07:00A Wonderful Day at the Beach<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Good morning, everyone, it is monday in Stamford, CT and we are on our way to Duxbury , Mass, later on today. I have had quite a week, but I want to describe a specific day, as it raised my spirits when sometimes that is just a really hard thing to do. Let's take it from the top:</div>
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<br /></div>
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My son asked to take a day off and be with me, just to talk and
be together. This was such a lovely request, but we both had trouble with
exactly what we should do, so we just went out and did it. We started off going to the West Side for
breakfast at Grumpy’s. Neither of us had been there, and we highly recommend
this spot as the corned beef hash was tremendous as were the burritos with egg,
tomato, turkey and avocado….awesome! Then we
then went on to Bay Village to Huntington Beach at about noon, and we lay on
the beach and talked. Actually, we
talked and talked and talked. We had
planned to record all of our conversation, but we couldn't get the plastic off
the recorder, nor did we use the one on my phone. Instead, we lay back and enjoyed the sun and
clouds and just talked about everything.
I say it again, these kids are the finest thing Chip and I have ever
done, not that we can take the credit (but we do). I was so struck by Will's maturity and thoughtfulness as well as his humor and goodheartedness. We laughed and cried, and laughed some more. This whole situation must be so incredibly hard for my little family; especially with the time we thought we didn't have. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As soon as we got up from the beach, I realized that
the 6 flights of stairs back up to the car might be a problem for me. I got up four of them, and then I couldn't go a step further. Thank goodness I have a strong son. Will put me
on his back and hauled me up the last two flights, seriously. He has some pair of thighs! I would not have made it otherwise. So we got in the car and called KT to find
out where she had the excellent ice cream in Tremont, and off we went. Unfortunately, it was 3 pm and the place didn’t
open until 4, so we just came home and had two cones right here. Perfect.
Then he went off to join the golf group and I went to sleep.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Next thing I know, Brent is waking me up at 6;30pm as we
have tickets for opening night at the Palace Theatre for The Book of Mormon,
and Brent knows the second lead as he acted in her community theatre in
Stamford, CT, called Curtain Call! She had made sandwiches and we whizzed downtown
and found parking right in front of the theatre (ok, i am not shy --I am using my handicapped
thing, and it is a godsend).
Unfortunately, we were in the nosebleed seats, and there were another 6
flights of stairs to go up. Brent is
very strong and hauled me unceremoniously up to our seats, which were quite
good, actually. We had a sort of canopy
in front of us and no on could sit there, so we could see and hear quite
well. We still were pretty sure we
missed lots of what went on, but it was funny and irreverent, and the singing
and dancing were marvelous. I tell you,
give me a musical any time. Just being in
the midst of the most amazing singing and dancing is sheer pleasure for
me. After the show, we found the stage
door and Chris O’Brien showed us around backstage and was so excited to get
Brent’s flowers! All the actors walked
by us and said that no one gives them flowers, but here we were, flowers and
all. It was all such great fun! I barely made it to the car, but we made it
home. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I tell you, it was quite a day for me. I am going to follow up with Will and KT about taping stories about their parents and about them. It feels so right that they should have them and be able to hear us laugh and cry and whatever. I won't let this drop again, but the day did help me think about how to organize this, and how to pull in my daughter too. My sis and I are recording all our adventures already as a start to her sabbattial (isn't she a gift to me!). </div>
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<br /></div>
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Mom, Brent, and I are now off to Duxbury to get mom in the sun and us at the beach for a week. Then I lose my trusty companion, my sis, who has helped me get out most everyday and see the world a little. I will miss her, but I will see her again a bit later in the summer. HOw about a little poetry.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>The Poet With His Face In His Hands </b>(Mary Oliver)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You want to cry aloud for your<br />mistakes. But to tell the truth the world<br />doesn’t need any more of that sound.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So if you’re going to do it and can’t<br />stop yourself, if your pretty mouth can’t<br />hold it in, at least go by yourself across</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">the forty fields and the forty dark inclines<br />of rocks and water to the place where<br />the falls are flinging out their white sheets</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">like crazy, and there is a cave behind all that<br />jubilation and water fun and you can<br />stand there, under it, and roar all you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">want and nothing will be disturbed; you can<br />drip with despair all afternoon and still,<br />on a green branch, its wings just lightly touched</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">by the passing foil of the water, the thrush,<br />puffing out its spotted breast, will sing<br />of the perfect, stone-hard beauty of everything.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Lots of Sorrow and a Little Joy (</b>Gregory Orr)</span></div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Lots of sorrow and a little joy.<br />Lots of joy and only a bit<br />Of sorrow.<br />Who can know<br />The formula beforehand?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We don't get to watch<br />While it's mixed. No one tells us<br />What's in it.<br />We lift it<br />To our lips - azure elixir<br />That burns our throats to crystal.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Gregory Orr ~</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Cheers and have a great week, my friends!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Lissa</span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-80731917373990180492013-06-17T05:35:00.000-07:002013-06-17T05:41:10.357-07:00Falling from the bed with a Hope and a Prayer!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Good morning everyone.
I just leaned down for the cord for my computer and fell out of
bed.. I couldn’t even keep myself from
falling, but I seem to be ok. Kind of
scary, though. Nothing broken that I can
feel, so let’s carry on. Hope
everyone had a great Father’s Day wherever there was a father to
celebrate. Ours had a great day golfing
with his son and then admiring his grill products, as he has never really had a
decent grill…….until now! Why didn’t we
know that grilling is so simple and fun and a great way to have left-over
pizza. Seriously, try it. The pizza gets crispy and gooey and
wonderful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Well, not the greatest week for me; let me tell it. I have been worrying that my weakness has
been getting worse, and that it is a sign that things are progressing kind of rapidly. Here’s what I have noticed: first of all, as
I said last week, I’ve had some swelling in the ankles, bruising and my face
has turned into chipmunk cheeks—all signs of long-term steroid use. OK, I
get that. I have support hose. My face does look weird, but at least it is
round as I try to gain some more weight.
What hasn’t been perfect for me is that I have had to tell myself that my ability
to get up stairs or walk any distance has been getting worse, not better, even as we gave me a little exercise
routine to do every day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Luckily, I went to see my oncologist on Friday. I thought maybe my red cell
count would be low enough to explain why I can’t get up and down the
stairs. Well, the red cell count was
good, so that didn’t explain it. But when
my sis and I started talking to the oncologist, she had me get up from a chair,
which took about 10 seconds! She said to me, and I quote, “remember that
steroids cause significant proximal muscle weakness.” Well, this physician who clearly only played one on TV had completely forgotten that.
Oh my goodness!!! Proximal muscle
weakness!! That is what I have!!! Badly!!!
So we are tapering the steroids slowly and we’ll see what happens. She answered every question with something
positive and I feel so much better. In addition, her secretary told me that I was allowed to be the patient; and she's right. But I am so glad that I can begin to cut the steroids and see if we can build a little muscle up so getting to bed isn't quite so daunting. Also, she approved our trip to Duxbury next week, so I am happily trying to find a bathing suit that won't fall off.</div>
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Also, I went to church with mom yesterday, and the whole congregation is going to read a book about a minister of an evangelical church who loses his faith and finds it again on a search for Francis of Assissi. As I have time and I am deeply interested in both deciding what I really believe before I die and how others make choices, I am reading away. I have also found a little meditation group, and I will meet with them for the first time this Thursday; I'll report back, but I have been meditation for about 10 minutes now before I take a nap every day. This routine gets me up and able to participate in evening events around here. I'm sorry, what is up with the Heat? We can't help ourselves, really. Lebron is ours and we wish him well. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I know I haven't told this before, but in our rush to clean out the third floor several weeks ago, we told the guys to take everything out of a small room where we had stored stuff after we put in air-conditioning. Little did I know that the bookshelf with every one of my poetry books would be included in the clean out. Even the lovely lounger where I sit to read the poetry books disappeared. I have been in mourning, but now I feel as if those books must have been ready to go to someone else who can read and hold them longer. I have other ways of finding poetry!</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><b>Praying</b></span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">It doesn’t have to be</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">the blue iris, it could be</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">weeds in a vacant lot, or a few</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">small stones; just</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">pay attention, then patch</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">a few words together and don’t try</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">to make them elaborate, this isn’t</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">a contest but the doorway</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">into thanks, and a silence in which</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">another voice may speak.” </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/23988.Mary_Oliver" style="background-color: white; color: #666600; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Mary Oliver</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">, </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/42104" style="color: #666600; text-decoration: none;">Thirst</a></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><b>Hope</b></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">Hope is with you when you believe<br />The earth is not a dream but living flesh,<br />That sight, touch, and hearing do not lie,<br />That all things you have ever seen here<br />Are like a garden looked at from a gate.</span></div>
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</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">You cannot enter. But you're sure it's there.<br />Could we but look more clearly and wisely<br />We might discover somewhere in the garden<br />A strange new flower and an unnamed star.</span></div>
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</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">Some people say we should not trust our eyes,<br />That there is nothing, just a seeming,<br />These are the ones who have no hope.<br />They think that the moment we turn away,<br />The world, behind our backs, ceases to exist,<br />As if snatched up by the hands of thieves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">~ Czeslaw Milosz ~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">(<em>The</em> <em>World</em>)</span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-52117391238859053652013-06-10T04:52:00.001-07:002013-06-10T19:41:12.121-07:00Little Moments of Grace (and Purple high tops to boot)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel a wonderful fullness this morning. I believe that every bed in the house and two
blow-up beds are in use as I write, and I just love that. I am full, the house is happily groaning and
full of life, an we have had quite the week.
My kid of age and all his friends are so smart; they get a ride to a
nearby establishment from which they can walk home or take a taxi at the end of
their night, and we don’t have to worry too
much about them. Beautiful….ah,
maturity is a lovely thing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I have much to tell.
Firstly, I am still feeling pretty well.
Ms. CA and I seem to be walking straight up hill together, she making me
really huff and puff just to get up the stairs in our house and to taste
anything on the left side of my mouth, but the eye solution is still brilliant
and I am pain and nausea-free and art-ful.
I’ll take them apples so far.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Secondly, my wonderful college room-mate came again to do
her thing with the Alumni Board at Laurel and to slip in some time with me. I had gone of to the Carmelites at 5pm last
Tuesday hoping she might get there, as she had gotten a late start from
Chicago. Slip in she did, right at the
end as we were all being hugged by the wonderful sisters (again I ask you, hugs
or no hugs? No question in my mind!).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not only that, she had a surprise for me. As we got to the car, I really already knew
what the surprise was, as she was sporting the loveliest pair of purple
converse high tops I’d ever seen. Not
only that, we had been talking about purple high tops since high school when my
sister returned from her first semester at Williams, where all things are
purple and gold. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Betsy and I have talked about purple high tops for years as
a way to never grow old and die. We
would wear them and sit on park benches as old ladies and laugh and remember
our wonderful lives together. And she
handed me a pair. I almost burst out
crying. Now?! It can’t be time for these!!!! Oh no, no no no no no no no no……………..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok, I had two choices.
Lean in and love them, recognizing that of course the timing is NOW, or
just sit there and feel bad. No question
for me (after a brief spell), they are magnificent and I have not taken them
off. I can celebrate them and all they
mean to us every day I am here, and I will.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just one more story with the high tops, and I’ll go on to
our visit with the Richards. I have been
having just a little bit of side effect from the blasted steroids including a
little swelling in the ankles. So the
hospice nurse and doc got together and recommended some gentle support
hose. Again, support hose, really?? Yuck.
But here’s the thing. I am
wearing a lovely pair of to-the-knee support hose UNDER the purple high
tops. Just stop me now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last week, my father’s only sibling, Richard, and his oldest
son, Richard, came from California to visit East Coast relatives and then
us. We call them The Richards, and it is
a joy to see them. Looking at Uncle
Richard is like turning around and seeing Dad, healthy and smiling. They are look-alikes, and it always takes my
breath away to see him, as Dad has been gone now for many years now. One night, all 8 of us (mom, sister, me, both
kids, Chip, Richard, and Richard) had dinner at a restaurant nearby, and we
stayed for three hours talking and laughing and being together. What a joy!
But I broke up the party when I almost fell in my soup….I got a little
tired. Embarrassingly enough, I was
tired well before my almost 90 year old mother, who would have stayed another
three hours, I’m sure of it. The
Richards stayed for three days, and wined and dined my mom and made us all
laugh and get out of the house. The
visit was lovely and we hope they will continue to come every summer (ok,
that’s my call out, Richards!!). Love
you both!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One more story.
Yesterday, my dear friend A brought her father over to see me, my mom,
and sister. He was a second father to me
when I was probably between 8-15 and a devoted teacher at Dad’s school. These days, he is quite ill and has lost too
much weight, and we were so glad to see him.
What I hadn’t expected was the little touch of grace that happened. My sister is a teacher, and a good one, that
is clear. She has seen the new wing on
my Dad’s old school and had very thoughtful comments about it and how it might
feel to teach in it. Mr R. has also seen
it, but what he talked about with my sis was a class by an English teacher that
he sat in on when the wing was opened.
As Mr R described, this teacher used a sonnet and a round, Harkness
table to do more than just talk about a sonnet.
Both teachers realized that this teacher, in this moment, had shown
something special --how to get boy’s heads up, get everyone sharing their own
opinions of the sonnet, and teaching them to think for themselves. Clearly it was a beautiful moment for Mr. R,
and he felt very emotional about it as did my sister. Truly, it was a moment of grace that my
friend and I witnessed. Lucky me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally, I’m working hard to maintain some time of
stillness, as it really helps me balance in this really weird world of not
knowing, and my family is doing a wonderful job of coming along for the ride as
best they can. Someone was talking the
other day about how their life hadn’t ended up exactly as they had planned. I ask you, do our lives ever end up they way
we “plan”? Is that even what we
want? I can’t imagine that it is. I’m afraid that would wash out so many
possibilities, but I’ll think about that.
For me right now, life is only about being in the possible, and it seems
a freeing place of soul-swans and stillness and reading and writing and being. Right now, we have a little place of “new normalcy”
here allowing people to get to their summer jobs, back to work, and still be
close to me; it is lovely. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is how I want to remember my failures in this
life. See what you think.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Last Night as I was
Sleeping</b> (Antonio Machado)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Last
night as I was sleeping, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
dreamt—marvelous error!— <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">that
a spring was breaking <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">out
in my heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
said: Along which secret aqueduct, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Oh
water, are you coming to me, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">water
of a new life <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">that
I have never drunk? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Last
night as I was sleeping, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
dreamt—marvelous error!— <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">that
I had a beehive <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">here
inside my heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">And
the golden bees <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">were
making white combs <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">and
sweet honey <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">from
my old failures. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Last
night as I was sleeping, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
dreamt—marvelous error!— <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">that
a fiery sun was giving <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">light
inside my heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">It
was fiery because I felt <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">warmth
as from a hearth, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">and
sun because it gave light <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">and
brought tears to my eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Last
night as I slept, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
dreamt—marvelous error!— <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">that
it was God I had <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">here
inside my heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">love the next too:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Enriching the Earth</span></b><span style="color: #131313; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> (Wendell Berry)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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To enrich the
earth I have sowed clover and grass<o:p></o:p></div>
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to grow and
die. I have plowed in the seeds<o:p></o:p></div>
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of winter
grains and various legumes,<o:p></o:p></div>
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their growth to
be plowed in to enrich the earth.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have stirred
into the ground the offal<o:p></o:p></div>
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and the decay
of the growth of past seasons<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and so mended
the earth and made its yield increase.<o:p></o:p></div>
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All this serves
the dark. Against the shadow<o:p></o:p></div>
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of veiled
possibility my workdays stand<o:p></o:p></div>
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in a most
asking light. I am slowly falling<o:p></o:p></div>
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into the fund
of things. And yet to serve the earth,<o:p></o:p></div>
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not knowing
what I serve, gives a wideness<o:p></o:p></div>
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and a delight
to the air, and my days<o:p></o:p></div>
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do not wholly
pass. It is the mind's service,<o:p></o:p></div>
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for when the
will fails so do the hands<o:p></o:p></div>
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and one lives
at the expense of life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After death,
willing or not, the body serves,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
entering the
earth. And so what was heaviest<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and most mute
is at last raised up into song.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-6828258969688992032013-05-30T05:01:00.000-07:002013-05-30T05:01:33.421-07:00Double vision that could have been otherwise
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Good morning everyone.
I’m going to try to write weekly to keep myself and anyone else up to
date with me. My mornings usually go
like this. One eye opens—that is, the
good, right eye opens and just takes a second to look around . Then the other eye, which isn’t very helpful,
opens and we survey the neurologic landscape and make sure I haven’t awakened
with any new defecits. So far so good
this week. I get up and sit outside on
our wonderful patio and write a bit.
Chip has made this patio so lovely with all the pots and plants, that I
love just sitting here.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve been a bit selfish lately. It is easy for me to talk about preparation
and death and to have an article written about me talking about surrender, but
it isn’t so easy for my family. I will
not be left with the aftermath, will I?
Let’s go back to that article. I
am thankful for Regina Brett and her coverage.
She is so thoughtful and articulate and never oversteps or exposes in
any way I don’t want. I was struck,
however, by the use of the word, “surrender”.
Is that what I’m doing? I don’t
feel so much as if I am surrendering as maybe “plunging into the truth” of the
disease process. Yes, I like that a lot
better. I may be done with fighting, but
I am not finished with the new shift from doing the fighting to being within
the disease process. And neither is my family, but we take it day by day.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I want to tell a story about yesterday’s visit to the eye
clinic. I had been begging the
oncologist and her scheduler to help me get back into the
neuro-ophthalmologist’s office to help me with the double vision. The patch does work, but it is a bit
uncomfortable, I look like a pirate (but I am told I am rocking it), and it is
very dark. I was just hoping that there
might be another solution, but not sure what it was. I have a friend who uses prizms to help with
double vision. I just thought there must
be some answer other than having to be a pirate for the rest of my days.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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So thank you to the scheduler of all time, I had an
appointment yesterday. And thankfully my
sister came with me, because truthfully
she is the one who came up with the answer, but I am ahead of myself. I first saw a young resident who was very
nice. We talked a bit, and I know there
is something very hard for young doctors to accept that whatever the process is
that is causing my double vision isn’t something they are going to fix. Yes, there must be something in my brain – my
6<sup>th</sup> nerve, the bundle of fibers that helps coordinate movement
between the eyes—yes, the cancer is there and can’t be fixed by another brain
scan. But it is so hard; I remember. We want to fix people, not just help them
with their symptoms. We talked some
more. I touched her hand and said, we
can’t fix the process, but I bet you can help me with the double vision. She tried.
She was adorable. My problem
remained that the double vision is significant enough that prizms probably
won’t help. Then the young
neuro-oncologist came in and he helped
show the resident about the prizms. We
then talked about occluding one glasses eye with scotch tape (I could have
thought of that, I think). Scotch tape
isn’t very visible from the viewers side and is still blurry enough to make me
use only my right side.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Just then, my brilliant sister said something like, “how
about an opaque contact lens?” We had
discussed this at home a little because the hairdresser I had seen had actually
been the one to suggest it! The eye doc
thought it was probably a great idea and had to go talk to the optometrist to
see if such a thing was possible. Sure
enough, I ended up in the optometrist’s office with my right eye blurred by a
contact as far from my correction as he had.
This means that I have my right eye blurred fully by a contact and my L
eye is using my normal corrective
contact. What our amazing brains can do
is delete the blurry side so I see only out of the right WITHOUT the double
vision. It is very like wearing a patch
but without the darkness and discomfort.
It isn’t yet perfect; he said it would take a day or maybe a little more
to adapt, but adapt I am doing, and I could have hugged them all.<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">I am so glad I went for so many reasons.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">They seemed to initially have a hard time
with a well-appearing former doctor whom they couldn’t fix, and had truly never thought about an answer such as the one we ended up with.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">But they did fix me; I kept saying it.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">I want you to help me with the symptoms; just
the symptoms.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">You cannot help me with
the disease and that is ok.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">Doctors.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">Perhaps they learned
something too.</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">So finally I want to brag a little. </span>Recently, the “Back Page” of Inside lacrosse magazine came out. Will’s coach at Bates has written this column
for years. This edition, however, was
about Will (renamed Dennis), and how he transformed his junior season. Actually, it is about a great deal more than
that, and I’ going to post it as soon as I have it in my hot little hands. He had an incredible freshman season as a lax
recruit, sophomore year he lost it all, wanted to transfer and was more unhappy
than we realized. Early in his junior
season, he heard his mother was much sicker than he realized, and he had to
balance all of this with a heavy lacrosse practice and game schedule.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what does he do?
He asks for help. This seems so
easy, doesn’t it. Was it easy in
college? I don’t think so. He asks the coach to help him go back to the
basics and be more productive for the team.
So they throw thousands of balls.
He also asks the team for help with the mom thing. And they wrap him up and don’t let him
go. With his wonderful goodness intact
and against significant odds, he found himself again and matured into the
player and man he is learning to be. And
in his lovely style, he read the article to us, and at the end as we are all in
tears, he says, “Well, I guess if I wouldn’t jump out off of a bridge for him
before, I would now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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LIfe is so full of surprises. We are all here not knowing what is coming each and every day, but we are learning to live within the process as best as we can and find fullness and joy every day. Perhaps it is a "willing acquiescence to what is". I like that . We have also just begun to make excursions daily, and this gets me out of the house and in someone's car to something. Did you know that we have an amazing greenhouse down on MLK boulevard? I had never been. It is incredible! We also seem to have the William McKinley memorial here outside of Canton. Ok, we are going and we'll report back! We are all sure we are related.</div>
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<br /></div>
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How about some poetry: I love this Jane Kenyon, and isn't she so right. Try the Kabir. He was an ecstatic poet like Rumi so he is a bit out of his mind as he creates poetry.....</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Otherwise</b> (Jane Kenyon)</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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I got out of bed<br />on two strong legs.<br />It might have been<br />otherwise. I ate<br />cereal, sweet<br />milk, ripe, flawless<br />peach. It might<br />have been otherwise.<br />I took the dog uphill<br />to the birch wood.<br />All morning I did<br />the work I love.</div>
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At noon I lay down<br />with my mate. It might<br />have been otherwise.<br />We ate dinner together<br />at a table with silver<br />candlesticks. It might<br />have been otherwise.<br />I slept in a bed<br />in a room with paintings<br />on the walls, and<br />planned another day<br />just like this day.<br />But one day, I know,<br />it will be otherwise.</div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
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T<b>he Time Before Death </b>(Kabir, translated by Robert Bly)</div>
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Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive.</div>
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Jump into experience while you are alive!</div>
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Think....and think....while you are alive.</div>
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What you call "salvation" belongs to the time</div>
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before death.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you don't break your ropes while you are alive,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
do you think</div>
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ghosts will do it after?</div>
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<br /></div>
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The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic</div>
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just because the body is rotten--</div>
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that is all fantasy.</div>
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What is found now is found then.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you find nothing now,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
you will simply end up with an apartment in the </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
City of Death.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you make love with the divine now, in the next</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
life you will have the face of satisfied desire.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So plunge into truth, find out who the Teacher is,</div>
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Believe in the Great Sound!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kabir says this; when the Guest is being searched for,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that</div>
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does all the work.</div>
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Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-78357587492486257152013-05-24T04:55:00.003-07:002013-05-24T05:15:06.992-07:00We all need some soul-swans<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Stalwarts All,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good drippy-wet morning of May to everyone. I have been thinking lately that I am going
to use my blog to chronicle the rest of my life. I feel so much better without nausea or pain
or any of those nasty things that I don’t want, but I feel like I have the
unique opportunity to prepare for something that has been prepared for and done
for ever and ever --death --and talk about it openly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet, at the moment, my family and friends are wrapped
around me and I feel as if I am having a stay-cation at home. We have breakfast and talk, we stand aside as
the crazy husband fills yet another pot of flowers (we will have to water
those, remember Chippie dear?????) , we have family dinners and laugh and talk. We are all thankful that things seem to be a
little stable now, but I know and they do too.
This disease process is walking right next to me, moving across my face
so that I am having trouble seeing, moving around my nervous system and peeking
up down that arm or around that chest dermatome or on the top of my head. She has me by the hand but isn’t
pushing. We’ve known each other well
over the years. I don’t know whether to
hate her or to feel some other way. I
have asked this before. She left me
alone for 10 years or so as we made professional lives and launched kids, but
then she raised her head again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the thing. I’m
tired of playing warrior now. At some
point that I can’t quite remember, maybe it was the 5<sup>th</sup> or 6<sup>th</sup>
chemo treatment with my hands. and feet and soul bleeding a little bit, I think I got tired. I am still tired. This particular advanced stage breast cancer
issue I’m dealing with has no good treatments.
Whole brain irradiation or chemo directly into the cerebral spinal fluid
just sound awful and full of side effects and poorly effective. I am a Libra for goodness sake; we don’t make
decisions well, but this one is easy. No
more treatments. Luckily for my
Libra-self, my counts are too low anyway.
I would not tolerate any treatment either. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I didn’t know is that I would have the opportunity now
to feel good and get on and live the best way I can now with everyone by my
side. I think that is the best
preparation I can make—for me and for them.
I will be open about what is happening, we will have to talk about death
and funerals and all those practical things, but we also have the opportunity
to talk about us, remember how we met, record, draw, play how the kids were
born and their unique foibles that we love and laughed at so (sorry guys), and
still laugh at, and how we are as a family now.
I don’t think we often sit down to do talk about these things, and I
love that we are. We all should, shouldn’t we!
I am appreciating what I have by the bucket load these days.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I have the opportunity to read (well, at least with one
eye!), write, consider and think about what I really believe with lots of wise
people around me weighing in. Dare I use
the L word? I do feel lucky. I’m sure I won’t, and I didn’t feel so lucky
when I felt so poorly a few weeks ago, but the darn word does keep bubbling up. I feel happy now, if I know what that word
means. I feel full; I don’t regret much
at all, I have lived a lucky life. I am
well loved and I love well. I have the
opportunity not to work right now, etc.
My father asked me a question when he was very sick. He said, “Why do you love me”. Clearly it was a hard question for him to
ask; he certainly didn’t make it easy for his kids to understand him. I don’t need to ask that question; I <u>am</u>
lucky. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But ok, just for yucks, here’s my one regret. After playing field hockey in our senior year
of college, some of us where asked to go to the Olympic training camps and try
out. I didn’t go. Now I’ll never know if I might have made the
team or not. I thought I had other
places to go; I needed to take a few classes before applying to medical
school. Dumb! Remember this out there!!! Take those things offered to you even if they
aren’t exactly on your idealized track!!!!
Ok, that is pretty much it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today is our 26<sup>th</sup> Wedding Anniversary, and if it
weren’t for our lovely friends, Mr. and Mrs. Friend, we would have
both forgotten. We do it every year and
then laugh at ourselves. We might even
go out to dinner now that we “remember”.<br />
<br />
There is just one poem that has been
been banging around my brain for awhile.
I first heard it at a retreat in Mexico years ago, and I still am not
clear exactly who wrote it, but I believe it was a 15<sup>th</sup> C princess
named Mirabai who is really known for her music. This poem may then have been a chant or
something, but it is quite beautiful, and I love thinking I have soul-swans of
my own.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh friend, understand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The body is like the ocean, rich with<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hidden treasures.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Open your innermost chamber<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And light its lamp.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Within the body are gardens,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rare flowers, peacocks; the inner music;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Within the body a lake of bliss,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On it, the white soul-swans take their joy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Mirabai<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-89032407679490346502013-05-15T07:27:00.000-07:002013-05-15T07:31:34.918-07:00Better, and the need for shoulders on any vacation
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I seem to be suffering from double vision, so if I jump from
line to line or mess up some simple grammatical thing, please forgive me. It is Chip’s fault. He keeps trying to help me, which is not
helping. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have never been down so far as I was a week or two ago;
especially after the last months of down-ness that preceded it. I just didn’t understand what was happening! After starting four days of oxycodone for
worsening pain, I had a two day bout of nausea and vomiting that I thought was brought upon by some bad
beef. Indeed, as we made the switch to
MS Contin from the short acting drug, I still had little nausea and no meds for
nausea, and hadn’t really been bothered until the next weekend brought on the
same nausea and vomiting after some seriously weird dreams and scary
hallucinations. I finally ended up in
the ER for dehydration (we McKinleys just are terrible drinkers….really). So after getting lots of IV fluds and too
little pain meds, I went home terribly behind on drugs, in pain, and I stayed
down as we maneuvered off the MS Contin and onto the blessed methadone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My symptoms, unfortunately, are mostly neurologic. Probably the result of cancer cells coursing
down and around my meningeal structures, so you never know what you’ll
get. I was driving to see Will play
lacrosse (I may have mentioned this previousy) when I suddenly developed a
Horner’s syndrome of my left eye.
Multiple meetings, scans, etc revealed no evident source, but as of a
week ago, I now have double vision, which I did not have previously. But I digress.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So finally, my oncologist suggested that perhaps we were not
getting places with all these scans, my counts were remaining too low to get
any further chemo, and we were in a new place that “she never hoped to get to
with me”. Me either, that’s for
sure. I love this woman; we have been
working together for seventeen years on this cancer. When she says things, I listen because she is
invariably right. I didn’t want to
listen this time. Tears didn’t seem to
change what was happening either.
Neither did the love and support I have from that entire group
enterprise from scheduler to LPN to RN to doc.
They all hug and care and can’t change a thing at the point I’ve found
myself. She says it is time to activate
hospice, and I know she’s right, and so we do.
And guess what? They are wonderful, but our timing is a bit off, and
their wonderfulness is still to be learned.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then the wonderful line up of friends—artists, docs, med
school people, friends, students, etc—kick in, and I’m still feeling pretty
awful so lots of shots are fired across my bow and people, including me, get
scared. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then hospice really kicks in. They assess me on a Friday, the weekend nurse
comes on Saturday an ups the pain meds <b>a
lot</b> suggesting that I’m thinking about them incorrectly. Taking the appropriate amount of drug may
actually decrease the nausea and vomiting and get me up out of bed, less
exhausted and feeling better. Ok, you
just have to trust. She was so entirely
right. I was 85% better the next morning
with little pain and a smile. OMG,
doctors are the worst patients, or at least ones that haven’t been doing too
much medicine lately are!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So this is a call out to all you loved ones. I am much improved. I am up, learning to follow a bowel regimen
(Ok, this I don’t like much), laughing with kids who have also been emotionally
dragged through the wringer for the last three days that they have been home
from college, and eating real food like chicken, soup, smoothies, and as many
fudgcicles as possible (anyone making a disparaging remark about fudgcicles
deserves to have to take a bowel regimen.
I mean it.).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could talk even longer on the amazing strength and
vulnerability of these kids. But they
deserve some privacy. I am, as usual, in
awe of them. That much I’ll say.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here’s to some more time to eat fudgcicles, to smell
freshly cut grass, to hear the rain and the cardinals in the back yard. It is all glorious from my perspective. Love to you all. How about a little poetry? I much prefer world #2; let’s live this way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">The Vacation (Wendell Berry)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Once
there was a man who filmed his vacation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">He
went flying down the river in his boat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">with
his video camera to his eye, making<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">a
moving picture of the moving river<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">upon
which his sleek boat moved swiftly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">toward
the end of his vacation. He showed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">his
vacation to his camera, which pictured it,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">preserving
it forever: the river, the trees,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">the
sky, the light, the bow of his rushing boat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">behind
which he stood with his camera<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">preserving
his vacation even as he was having it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">so
that after he had had it he would still<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">have
it. It would be there. With a flick<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">of
a switch, there it would be. But he<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">would
not be in it. He would never be in it.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Shoulders (Naomi Shihab Nye)<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A man crosses
the street in rain,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
stepping
gently, looking two times north and south,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
because his son
is asleep on his shoulder.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No car must
splash him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No car drive
too near to his shadow.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This man
carries the world's most sensitive cargo<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but he's not
marked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nowhere does
his jacket say FRAGILE,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
HANDLE WITH
CARE.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His ear fills
up with breathing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He hears the
hum of a boy's dream<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
deep inside
him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We're not going
to be able<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to live in this
world<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
if we're not
willing to do what he's doing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
with one
another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The road will
only be wide.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The rain will
never stop falling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-17957086923640414172013-04-19T06:42:00.001-07:002013-04-19T06:42:40.507-07:00Ripeness, Everything, and Hope
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am finally back in my writing chair; this doesn’t always
mean something pithy will be written, but it is a start. I have had so many experiences in the last 6
weeks that I am a little lost as to where to start. So I’ll just start. My husband and I have been collecting
statements that we have made to each other that highlight the surreal aspects
of our lives at this moment. We have
truly asked each other these questions: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Honey, can
you go to CVS and get the decadron and some eggs?” Really?
Or how about this one: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“What are you doing Thursday?” asks
my lovely husband. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“Oh, I’m leaving it open in case I need a
transfusion.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The craziness of these statements, asked and answered as if
they were normal statements, has made us stop and laugh hysterically as they
come out of our mouths. But the reality
is that they are our normal, even if they are kind of horrifying, too. I most recently came home from Rockport, Mass,
after a lovely week away seeing all of Chip’s family, celebrating the death of
his mother on Easter, seeing Will’s team lose to a bad Williams team, and then
watching them win a nail-biter with my sister in full sunshine and 30 degree
weather in Maine. By leaving time, I was
exhausted and literally had to drag myself up the stairs. I got 4 units of blood when I got home; think
I over-did things just a little.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also had a wonderful retirement send-off party, my sister
and I took our mother to St Augustine for a week (where she and dad used to
live half the year), I formally separated from MetroHealth (where I spent my
training and most of my doctorly life), and I had significant talks with both
kids about the reality of my disease and its spread that were both so hard and
sad but also so right. They showed me
the goodness and love in their hearts as well as the resilience I know they
both have. Again, an amazing experience
that makes me weep just thinking about it, and it makes me so proud too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone will be home this summer, and I suspect the summer
may be challenging in many ways. The
reality of my situation is that my counts are quite low all by themselves,
although they may be getting a little push down by some radiation, but not
much. I can’t get chemo unless my counts
rebound into an almost normal range.
Look at me wanting chemo. But I
do, a lot. I want the chance to hold
some of this disease in check, and it is not easy to think about what might
raise my counts (except that this thinking helped me justify getting a Vitamix). We will also have 2 teenagers in the house….many
of you know what this means! Luckily, we just added air conditioning—this will
help. We’ll just freeze them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, I should talk about the dream here. I had a dream a week ago where there was an
unidentified man yelling at me. He was
saying, “Stop being so passive! Why
don’t you do something! You will never
get better this way”. In the dream, I am
quite taken aback by this. I ask him
what I have to do to get better. He says
something like this, “Only you can do it.
You have to go inside to change things”.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok, I was (am) just a little freaked out by the dream, but I
think I get some of what it was trying to tell me. I think I believed that I had to go and do
everything I can think of in the next little while before I can’t. I wonder if my inner self is telling me
something quite different. There is
still a “doing” needed here, but it is an internal doing. Perhaps this means allowing myself to find
some stillness in my life and focus there.
What questions would arise if I let myself be still, really still? I think I might know, but I need to go there,
and I really haven’t been. I have been
working with a mindfulness meditation tape and daily meditations on the web,
but I haven’t just sat down and allowed stillness to fill me. I think there might be questions down there
that need answering right about now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe they would be questions about the end of life, what do
I really want to have happen and not happen.
What is a good death? What defines a good life? How do I find peace with
what is happening? Can I outline my own
funeral (even if it doesn’t happen for years) to express exactly what I would
like to have happen, and make it more truly mine, and a celebration….and let’s
have a picnic afterwards! The remarkable
thing about all of this is that I have time to think about these things, and
they don’t feel morbid; I have to trust my gut here, and this all feels right
and the time is now. Who knows where
that dream came from, but I’m running with my interpretation!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think I have talked enough; let’s find some poetry. I admit that I took all of these from Panhala
over the last few months, but I really like them. Hope you do too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Ripeness</span></u><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> (Jane
Hirshfield)</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Ripeness is</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">what falls away with ease.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Not only the heavy apple,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the pear,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">but also the dried brown strands</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">of autumn iris from their core.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">To let your body</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">love this world</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">that gave itself to your care</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">in all of its ripeness,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">with ease,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and will take itself from you</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">in equal ripeness and ease,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">is also harvest.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">And however sharply</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">you are tested --</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">this sorrow, that great love --</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">it too will leave on that clean knife.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Everything</span></u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> (Mary Oliver)</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">I want to make poems that
say right out, plainly,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">what I mean, that don't go
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">laces of elaboration,
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">heavy, heart, joy, soon,
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the dash. I want to
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">want to write while
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">fresh with daises and
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">ordinary grass. I
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the bread of heaven and the<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">cup of astonishment; let
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">not a hope, not a
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">that look into the earth
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the gladness that says,
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Hope</span></u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> (Czeslow Milosz)</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Hope is with you when you
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">That sight, touch, and
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">That all things you have
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Are like a garden looked at
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">You cannot enter. But
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Could we but look more
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Some people say we should
not trust our eyes,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">That there is nothing, just
a seeming,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">These are the ones who have
no hope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">They think that the moment
we turn away,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">The world, behind our
backs, ceases to exist,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">As if snatched up by the
hands of thieves.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-62467951290557781072013-03-06T14:46:00.000-08:002013-03-06T14:46:10.647-08:00Help, my narrative is thinning!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once again, I’m sitting here getting a blood transfusion
(thank goodness) and realizing that it has been much too long since I wrote a
blog. I also understand that I have been
delaying on purpose; hard things are much less fun to write about. But, I’m a big girl and I want people to know
what is going on. I need to just tell
the truth. Here is an important lesson
that I still haven’t learned perfectly--speak truth and you don’t get yourself
into even bigger trouble. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok, so as I wrote in January, I have had some continuing
symptoms on the L side of my neck. I had
scans and saw a neurologist with a specialty in oncology. Both the scan and the MD agreed that there
was a tiny tumor on the dura (the outer covering of the spinal cord) of the
nerve root of my cervical C2 vertebrae.
The neurologist was worried about the possibility of cancer within the
spinal cord (BAD), whereas my oncologist felt strongly that all my issues are
occurring outside of the spinal cord (BETTER).
To help answer this interesting question, I had another lumbar puncture
(LP). After a lovely week of a headache
with the tiniest lift of my head from horizontal, the LP was entirely normal
(GOOD). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I then had a PET scan and MRI scans of brain, thoracic and
lumbar vertebrae. All in all, the bottom
line turned out to be that all scans are a little worse. There is disease outside of the bones now,
and my “easy chemo” isn’t doing its job.
I also have begun to notice some burning pain around my middle on the
right side. First I thought I had a
kidney stone like my dear friend Betsy.
Soon enough, it became apparent that this pain too is radicular from
destruction of the pedicle of my T12 vertebrae from tumor. Bottom line, I have just started radiation again
to my C2 vertebrae in my neck, and to my T12 thoracic vertebrae. After 10 days of this, I will start another
chemo regimen that hopefully will help me reign in this disease in a little. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait! before I go on, here’s a good story. I asked people I saw—docs, nurses,
everyone—whether I might use my mask from my October radiation. Everyone suggested that this would be
impossible. I would be scanned on a
different scanner, etc, etc. So idiot
that I am, I don’t bring the old mask to my first radiation appointment. Please understand that I am well aware that
our system is a bit broken, and I should have brought the mask anyway, but it
is weird to walk around with it in the hospital. Three big, boisterous techs whisk me back to
a different scanner in a different building, make me laugh, and ask me whether
I have had radiation previously. I say
that why yes indeed, I just had radiation to the other side of my neck in
October. They look at me and ask me why
I haven’t brought my mask. No,
really. So we made a new one. They immobilized my mouth so fast with the
new mask, they didn’t give me time to go through my Hannibal Lector spiel.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So just as I am beginning to feel good enough to venture out
of the house, my friend (?) K sends me an article and a comment written by two
friends. The article is all about
chronic sorrow and chronic illness told through the eyes of a narrative
therapist. Ok, what is a narrative
therapist? According to K, this is a
therapist who helps people re-story their lives. Hmmm. I keep reading, and the therapist talks
about the potential for disruption of one’s narrative from illness and chronic sorrow. Ok, the first thing that comes to my mind is
that no one is going to F@#$ with my narrative!
But as I continue to think about this, I realize that indeed, my
narrative could easily be thinning. What
am I really doing all day? Right now, I
am going for radiation, worrying about pain, sleeping a lot, and worrying some
more. I feel my narrative thinning right
now! My dream for this time was to
thicken up my narrative with art and writing and lots of poetry and
service. I know this will come when I
get out from under this current treatment, but unless I work on this a little,
I fear thinning will occur.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here ‘s the thing that thickens my soupy narrative the
most—poetry. Throwing myself into
someone else’s world and feeling my own expand around me is what poetry does
for me. I can’t thin too much if I keep
poetry close and even try my hand a little.
I love the tumble of words over my tongue. My job now is to think about what I want
my “narrative” to look like now, and
thinning is NOT an option. I am off to
our third class in preparation for our Scholars trip to Ireland. I have to finish the Joyce piece—I feel my
narrative thickening as I speak!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are a few thickening poems—feel the wonderful words in
all of them. I had to have a Yeats poem
in here as he is a muse we will be following in Ireland:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-padding-alt: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-table-layout-alt: fixed;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Lake
Isle of Innisfree</span></u><span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> (William Butler Yeats)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I
will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">And
a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Nine
bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> And
live alone in the bee-loud glade.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">And
I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Dropping
from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">There
midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> And
evening full of the linnet's wings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I
will arise and go now, for always night and day<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I
hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">While
I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background: white; border: none; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 425.0pt;" width="425"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #000018; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> I
hear it in the deep heart's core.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">St. Francis and the Sow</span></u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> (Galway Kinnell)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">The bud<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">stands for all things,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">even those things that don't flower,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">for everything flowers, from within, of
self-blessing;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">though sometimes it is necessary<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">to reteach a thing its loveliness,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">to put a hand on its brow<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">of the flower<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and retell it in words and in touch<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">it is lovely<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">until it flowers again from within, of
self-blessing;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">as St. Francis<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">put his hand on the creased forehead<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">of the sow, and told her in words and in touch<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">began remembering all down her thick length,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">from the earthen snout all the way<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">through the fodder and slops to the spiritual
curl of</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the tail,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">from the hard spininess spiked out from the
spine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">down through the great broken heart<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">to the blue milken dreaminess spurting and
shuddering<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">from the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths
sucking</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and blowing beneath them:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the long, perfect
loveliness of sow.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Einstein’s
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(Richard M. Berlin)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">Einstein’s
happiest moment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">occurred
when he realized<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">a
falling man falling<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">beside
a falling apple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">could
also be described<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">as
an apple and a man at rest<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">while
the world falls around them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">And
my happiest moment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">occurred
when I realized<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">you
were falling for me,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">right
down to the core, and the rest,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">relatively
speaking, has flown past<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; mso-bidi-font-family: Monaco;">faster
than the speed of light.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-25241963977616576382013-01-31T14:10:00.000-08:002013-01-31T14:10:58.763-08:00Discerning and Clearing<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Last night, we went to hear Chanticleer, an all-male vocal
group that many of you have heard of.
They performed in the new atrium at the Cleveland Museum of Art. By the way, anyone who hasn’t seen this most
astounding change at the Art Museum will be amazed, when standing within it,
that he or she is still in Cleveland. Or
rather, congratulations Cleveland on a truly outstanding renovation!! The atrium and other renovations at the Art
Museum now invite art and song from across the globe. Needless to say, Chanticleer, singing without
instruments in the atrium to a sold out crowd, was one of the most spectacular
events I’ve been to lately. Their voices
are so clear and crisp—we were completely mesmerized. And I have to tell you, I didn’t think much
could get past Priscilla Queen of the Desert: the Musical. I ask you, what could be better than
fabulously sung 70’s and 80’s music done in full drag??? We were howling and dancing in the
aisles. Run do not walk if it is
anywhere near you. I think it might even
be better than the movie (if you haven’t seen it, find it. 1994)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ok, now that I’ve done my morning pages within my blog, I
can get on to other things. After having
low platelets as I described previously, I got a few week reprieve from chemo
and decided to join dear friends in St. Simon Island, Georgia. Mrs. Friend has been coming to this part of
the world (Sea Island and St. Simon Island) all her life to spend summers in
her family home here. While this home on
Sea Island has been sold and a major upscale renovation has occurred to the now
very fancy Sea Island resort, nearby St. Simon Island remains a wonderfully
low-key, family-oriented, gorgeous-beach-containing place. Our friends have been asking us to visit for
all of our married years (that’s when we met them, and ok, that’s about 26
years now). Guess what? I finally made it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the short 3 full days I had there, we had many adventures
and time to be with each other and talk while greeting the sun every morning
with a prayer and a walk on the beach (ok, does it get any better than that?),
a simple, delicious meal made by our own hands, and an outing or two. I was delighted to see Mrs. Friend in her
element. She grew up here and in
Atlanta, and she somehow knew everyone and their sister, barber, waiter, and
friends. The deep, deep connections just
kept coming. I’ll stop soon, but we had
one set of experiences I want to talk about.
Mrs. Friend had met a woman (B) at a wedding in Atlanta, who had a farm
for abused horses on St. Simon Island. My
first morning, Mrs. Friend called B and said that we’d like to come and visit
the farm. After getting lost (ahem, Mr.
friend) on a beautiful tract of land with those incredible live oaks dripping
with Spanish moss, we found the place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I may not be able to write this as perfectly as this
happened, but we got out of the car and were greeted by B’s daughter N. Mrs. Friend told her of all the connections
she had with B, and N, who we will talk more about, found her parents and
within moments, these deep southern connections were discussed, laughed about
and we were treated like family and given a most remarkable tour. Over time, the farm has acquired 17 horses who
have either been abused, abandoned, or literally deposited on their
doorstep. The farm is also home to 16
cats, as many dogs, some chickens, and a particularly hilarious sheep named
Tounces who followed us around the whole time awaiting a head scratch. After all that writing, what I really found
so remarkable about this place were the people, and the clear-as-daylight
calling they each had for this work. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was especially struck by the daughter, N, who has a fine
arts degree from Columbia, etc, but who has come back to this little island in
Georgia where her parents and her roots are.
Her ancestors were big plantation owners right here on St. Simon’s with
slaves and the whole bit. She clearly feels
that she is in the place where she was meant to be, working with her parents,
and using her gifts with people and animals to create this incredible farm. She had recently helped the farm become a
501C3 nonprofit organization, and as she described how she would like to reach
out to children and have the farm be a living classroom, etc. if I didn’t know better, I would have said she
was glowing. Not only that, we met her
again at dinner, where she earns some cash doing the books. Dinner is another great story, but suffice it
to say that we had dinner with a couple who were connected to both the Friends
and N and B, and to the black waiter who sang spirituals at our table
(amazing). But N was now spending time
with her friend the waiter, whose people had been slaves on N’s family’s
plantation, and they were thinking about writing, filming, or doing something
with their intermingled stories. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you see someone doing exactly what they were put on
earth to do, you can’t help but notice.
I noticed. A lot. Clearly money was not a goal here, but the
money to support the farm and N’s projects will come because the energy,
creativity, and excitement just flow from her and from the whole place; it was
incredibly infectious. I think the
Friends and I would have stayed on the farm until someone declared us missing,
if we hadn’t had to move on to another adventure. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what an amazing lesson!
So that is what it looks and feels like to be doing exactly what you are
supposed to be doing. Funny, I look at my
little artist group, and I see the same flow of energy and excitement. Art saves, no doubt about it, and it also
helps us get closer to recognizing what we were meant to be doing in the world;
it reveals. Art helps us discern.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am slowly realizing that this blog feels entirely right to
me; it energizes me and helps me move through the world. I think I was meant to share my stories and
encourage people to read poetry. I know
doctoring was in the “meant” pile for me too, but as my life has shifted around
this disease, I needed to shift as well. I loved the Dean thing too, I really
did, and it felt right for so long, as I helped students along their way. But as I have had to shift again leaving the
Deaning behind, I feel clearer about and
closer to that complete feeling of rightness, of what I am meant to do (or
maybe there are several things we are meant to do in our lifetimes). Truthfully, I’ve been pushed to change due to
health issues, but each change, no matter how hard, has helped me get clearer
and clearer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I feel a bit naked these days as I work to figure out a
schedule for this new phase of my life.
I’m trying to learn how to hold some cleared space for myself, to make a
clearing to be present in, while the crazy world goes on around me. As Mark Nepo says, “it’s like taking the path
of our aloneness deep enough into the woods so we can reach that unspoiled
clearing.” I have to accept that some
days I’m just not going to feel great or get anything done, while other days I
want to fix, clean, and do everything in sight instead of holding space for me. I won’t ever be perfect at balancing the
forests and the clearings in my life, but even a little clearing of time and
space goes a long way. So, I’m trying to
get to that clearing every day by writing, doing art, and reading poetry (and
really great fantasy/sci fi novels). How
lucky am I? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am on to chemo tomorrow, week 2, round 4. I feel good, but can’t always tell where
those slippery little platelets are going to be, so we shall see. Had another scan this week to help us
untangle my weird left-sided neurological symptoms that don’t seem to be
explained by the small right-sided tumor I had.
All those right-sided symptoms are much better after radiation, and that
is good. So now we wait. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the meantime, let’s get to some poetry. I love the idea of a clearing. A friend sent me the Martha Postlewaite poem,
and I love it. I also like how the other
two poets (love them both) use the image
of a clearing to distill their longing or to recognize how to live on earth….see
what you think. And go clear “the dense
forest of your life and wait there patiently”, and see what happens.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Clearing</b> (Martha
Postlewaite)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do not try to save<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the whole world<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
or do anything grandiose.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead, create<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a clearing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in the dense forest<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of your life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and wait there<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
patiently,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
until the song<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that is your life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
falls into your own cupped hands<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and you recognize and greet it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Only then will you know<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
how to give yourself<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to this world<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
so worthy of rescue.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>A Clearing</b>
(Denise Levertov)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What lies at the end of enticing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
country driveways, curving<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
off among trees?
Often only<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a car graveyard, a house-trailer,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a trashy bungalow.
But this one,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
for once, brings you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
through the shade of its green tunnel<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to a paradise of cedars,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of lawns mown but not too closely,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of iris, moss, fern, rivers of stone rounded<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
by sea or stream,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of a wooden unassertive large windowed house.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The big trees enclose <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
an expanse of sky, trees and sky<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
together protect the clearing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One is sheltered here<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
from the assaultive world<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
as if escaped from it, and yet<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
once arrived, is given (oneself<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and others being a part of that world)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a generous welcome.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s
paradise<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
as a paradigm for how <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to live on earth,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
how to be private and open<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
quiet and richly eloquent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everything man-made here<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
was truly made by the hands<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of those who live here, of those<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
who live with what they have made.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It took time, and is growing still<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
because it’s alive.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is paradise, and paradise<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
is a kind of poem; it has<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a poem’s characteristics:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
inspiration; starting with the given;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
unexpected harmonies; revelations.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s rare among<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the worlds one finds<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
at the end of enticing driveways. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The Clearing</b>
(Jane Kenyon)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">The
dog and I push through the ring<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">of
dripping junipers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">to
enter the open space high on the hill<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">where
I let him off the leash.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">He
vaults, snuffling, between tufts of moss;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">twigs
snap beneath his weight; he rolls<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">and
rubs his jowls on the aromatic earth;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">his
pink tongue lolls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
look for sticks of proper heft<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">to
throw for him, while he sits, prim<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">and
earnest in his love, if it is love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">All
night a soaking rain, and now the hill<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">exhales
relief, and the fragrance<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">of
warm earth. . . . The sedges<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">have
grown an inch since yesterday,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">and
ferns unfurled, and even if they try<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">the
lilacs by the barn can’t<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">keep
from opening today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">I
longed for spring’s thousand tender greens,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">and
the white-throated sparrow’s call<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">that
borders on rudeness. Do you know—<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">since
you went away<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">all
I can do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #3f3f3f; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">is
wait for you to come back to me</span><span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-35870172595984802782013-01-11T09:40:00.001-08:002013-01-11T10:01:24.631-08:00Finding light, The Gift (Mary Oliver), No Going Back (Wendell Berry), Only Once (Denise Levertov)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Good morning everyone. This is week number three in my
second cycle (one cycle = treatment every week for three weeks, then rest a
week), and I am sitting in my chemo chair hoping to get drug today. This particular chemo has been pretty easy
for me, but it drops my already meager platelet count low enough that I have
had to skip weeks. This cycle, I have
received drug two weeks in a row, which is a miracle, and I was hoping for
success this week too. Unfortunately, I
have just learned that my platelet count is 30,000, too low to give drug
safely. My other problem is that my
hematocrit is also quite low, so I am settling in for a long day of waiting for
blood to be typed and crossed and then given.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Weirdly enough, I don’t mind sitting here. The new cancer center is lovely. My chair is heated, I am reclining, I have my
computer and a cup of coffee, and there is no one around. I am in my own little niche and no one
bothers me. This set up is quite nice,
actually. I really couldn’t tell that my
HCT was so low. In fact, I felt so good
that I even went to Pilates on Tuesday.
I have been unable to move since then, but it was exciting at the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok, so both of my kids have gone back to school and I have
been feeling sad. We had such a nice
holiday break together. Neither kid felt
quite ready to return to school, either.
Our oldest had been in Spain for the Fall semester, and his growth and
maturity were such a pleasure to see. He
felt very differently about going back to school after his experience overseas,
too. My sister and I drove with him up
to Connecticut, and he talked about being both anxious and excited to
return. Then he took off in my car for
the wilds of Maine. And guess what? So far, he is happy and healthy and living in
a very different environment than last year and feeling truly engaged in his
higher-level classes. I’m so proud of
him, I can barely stand it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our youngest also had a short break as she went back a week
early to rush. I have no idea what this
sorority thing is about, but she too has matured so much in one semester. I trust her judgment and know she will find a
house that she can love. She even came
to chemo with me over the holidays. She
made me pancakes and then came with me and sat through the infusion. I have had cancer since she was 2 years
old. I have had chemo about 6 times in
different forms. We talked about this
disease that haunts me and is a constant for her, and there she was, this
beautiful young woman, talking and laughing, sometimes being sad, but so getting
it. She is amazing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I’m feeling their loss a bit. Endings are hard for me, and they just seem
to keep coming. I am sad, but don’t get
me wrong-- I am relieved as well -- that I am truly retiring from Case as a
Society Dean. I really went on leave
without a clear plan for return. Now I
have one; I am not returning. Chip and I
cleaned out my office during the break, and this process was hard. I felt both extreme relief as well as
sadness. All the work in all the file
cabinets went into the trash; I will not be using any of it again and it is all
out-dated anyway. But all the pictures
of my classes of students and the lending library I had, and other things
reminded me of how much I loved the students.
All of this felt right, but sad too.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, let’s recap--no job, no kids, no platelets, empty
house-- boy, do I need some light!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I flew back home to Cleveland from my sister’s house in CT
on Monday. By Thursday, I had found my
house again and things were quiet and cleaned up, and I have had time to think. Both kids are happy again where they are, and
that really helps the darkness. But I need to sweep out some
of the heaviness in my heart and make room for light and opportunity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Truly, I have never felt more creative or supported as I do
now. When I am writing or doing art with
my group of buddies, I feel that light. My
sister, my wonderful friend Betsy, and I are preparing for a trip to Ireland in
June. The readings and classes for the
trip are helping me realize that Celtic mythology has played a huge role in
many of the books my sister and I have been reading together. I think this trip and all its background
reading, including a lot of Yeats’s poetry and plays, will give us new ideas
for that druid mystery book we are destined to write together (ok, and become
rich and famous from). I have even
started thinking again about that tattoo I have always kind of wanted. My kids cringe when the T word comes up, but
I am going to do it. I think a celtic
something is destined to appear somewhere on my body…..we shall just have to
wait and see.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I am looking for light, and when I dig deep, I know I have
some. Even though my blood-work doesn’t
show it, I feel better than I have in months.
My physical pain has improved a great deal, and my psychic pain, while it
continues, feels like it is undergoing a profound change. Darkness allows even the smallest flicker of
light to show. Maybe only from being in a deep, dark place, can I begin to see my
own light a little. Now, from right down
here, I need to claim my light and illuminate my own darkness. Time to claim the power! I’ll work on that. How about some poetry?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><b>The Gift (Mary Oliver)</b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">After the wind-bruised sea<br />furrowed itself back<br />into the folds of blue, I found<br />in the black wrack</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">a shell called the Neptune -<br />tawny and white,<br />spherical,<br />with a tail</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">and a tower<br />and a dark door,<br />and all of it<br />no larger</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">than my fist.<br />It looked, you might say,<br />very expensive.<br />I thought of its travels</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">in the Atlantic's<br />wind-pounded bowl<br />and wondered<br />that it was still intact.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">Ah yes, there was<br />that door<br />that held only the eventual, inevitable<br />emptiness.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">There's that - there's always that.<br />Still, what a house<br />to leave behind!<br />I held it</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">like the wisest of books<br />and imagined<br />its travels toward my hand.<br />And now, your hand.</span></div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;">ok, maybe this is a little </span><span style="background-color: transparent;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Comic Sans MS;">heavy, but I like it:</span></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><b>There is No Going Back (Wendell Berry)</b></span></div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;">No, no, there is no going back.<br />Less and less you are<br />that possibility you were.<br />More and more you have become<br />those lives and deaths<br />that have belonged to you.<br />You have become a sort of grave<br />containing much that was<br />and is no more in time, beloved<br />then, now, and always.<br />And so you have become a sort of tree<br />standing over a grave.<br />Now more than ever you can be<br />generous toward each day<br />that comes, young, to disappear<br />forever, and yet remain<br />unaging in the mind.<br />Every day you have less reason<br />not to give yourself away.</span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><b>Only Once (Denise Levertov)</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">All which, because it was </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">flame and song and granted us </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">joy, we thought we'd do, be, revisit, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">turns out to have been what it was </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">that </span><em style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">once</em><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">, only; every invitation </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">did not begin </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">a series, a build-up: the marvelous </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">did happen in our lives, our stories </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">are not drab with its absence: but don't </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">expect to return for more. Whatever more </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">there will be will be </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">unique as those were unique. Try </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">to acknowledge the next </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">song in its body -- halo of flames as utterly </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">present, as now or never.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
</div>
<br />
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-7333608772459640362012-12-26T05:39:00.000-08:002012-12-26T05:39:50.274-08:00Sacred time and wrapping and connections<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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It is 7am Christmas morning, and even the dog is still
asleep. I think this space right here is
the most wonderful of the year, this time alone, anticipating, thinking about
the origins of this day, knowing that my whole family is upstairs sleeping and awaiting
the day together. All is quiet, I have a
cup of coffee, I’m in my pjs, and I’m listening to sacred music. It doesn’t get much better than this. Maybe I feel this way because this space is
so fleeting, but I’ll take whatever time I get.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m thinking about last night, Christmas eve, at our dear
friends’ house. This is now a
multigenerational house with a lovely suite for the seniors. The house is big enough to house all sorts of
generations for Christmas—adult kids, a sister and her family of four, a
married kid and her husband, and then all of us, even my mom. Somehow, this large space feels so cozy with
all of us sitting around a table together laughing, talking, watching our
families intertwine and love each other.
What a sight and how lucky we are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think I’ve gotten
old enough or perhaps just more aware of everything, because I see the
connections between all these people so clearly, from age 11 to 89. My mom is talking to the new husband of our
friends’ oldest child, I’m talking to my friend’s sister, Will is chatting with
my friend’s mother about his time in Madrid, etc, etc, etc. We are thoroughly engaged with these people
we have known all our lives and with whom we have shared the wonder of our kids
growing up; we have shared multiple hardships and innumerable joys as well. Last night was joy. Even though I was sitting next to the chef
who also happens to be the pilot I mentioned previously, and I really do envy
and hate him so; but I love him dearly.
Have I said this before? If I
were ever in a jam and my dear husband didn’t answer his cell phone, I would
call him and he would come. That is a
remarkable feeling. I know he would
come. I hope he and his whole family
know that I would come running for them—always.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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So here I am, about to take the presents in the closet down
to the tree. I had planned a very
minimalist Christmas, but it always seems to bloom into more than I
wanted. This year we are introducing a
new concept that a friend told me about.
We are going to give a little money to each kid, and have them research
a local charity and give the money away.
Our lovely city is one of the poorest around; I want us to focus here,
even though there are other pressing needs in the world. I guess I’ll let them choose to give to
something outside of Cleveland if they can back it up. Hopefully some day, Christmas will be
stockings only and charity. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Do you all do stockings too?
All my life, stockings have been the focus of the morning. Much thought, care, and re-gifting goes into
stocking planning. The gifts in the stocking
are small, inexpensive things that are usually funny and are best if they
highlight some aspect of the person who is to receive them. Therefore, they require some thought. My sister is a master of this; I think she
spends some time throughout the year grabbing things she sees. She is better at this than I, but I have
worked a bit on it this year and we shall see.
Also this year, my lovely KT is making pancakes, or so she has
said. You can never be completely sure,
but I’m looking forward to them anyway!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, Merry Christmas to all, and happy holidays and a joyous
new year! I am feeling good. Had a week off from nasty chemo and I feel as
if my hematocrit (level of red cells) is ok.
Hopefully, all my numbers will be ok for treatment Friday. My sis will
be here and I’m really looking forward to that.
Uh oh, I hear water running upstairs.
This year, the sacred space lasted about 45 minutes, but it was worth
every second.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sent this poem several years ago, I believe, but it is so
right for my particular history with Christmas!
I now know that I am a wrapping control freak, and this poem explains it all……<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cheers!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>In the Cold Room on Christmas Eve<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Boxes are wrapped
with precision,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
paper perfect,
patterns lined up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of us
together in the cold room,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
freezing behind
the bar, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
folding,
wrapping, drinking <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grandma’s eggnog
that makes us<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
giggle with just
a sip of the heady, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
nutmeg and
whiskey milk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We make sure the
ribbon is curled just so.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am the
youngest, but I have learned.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We use only what
paper we need. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each piece of
tape is divided several times.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the way I
think everyone prepares,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
wrapping each
gift slowly,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
carefully, into
the wee hours,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
eggnog and
chatter warming us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Somehow for all
of us, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
every year the
same, each box<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
wrapped by loving
hands, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
admired and held
up to the light,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
kissed with
ribbon,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
laid down to wait
under twinkling lights,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
becomes something
more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some piece of us,
some sliver of dream<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lies swaddled
deep in the folds of a sweatshirt <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
for him, or
nestles warm and fragrant <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in the pages of a
cookbook for her,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
expectant, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
full of
possibility.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just as we are
again,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
tonight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-78902634702458558332012-12-13T17:08:00.002-08:002012-12-13T17:09:19.518-08:00Shaking me up<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good morning. I
didn’t get my second chemo treatment last Friday, as my platelet count was too
low. Ok, this was disturbing. This was
only supposed to be my second dose!
Hopefully, the lab thing was just a weird snafu and I’m merrily making
platelets now so I can receive a full dose of drug tomorrow. Let’s hope so. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the infusion center, my lovely chemo nurse, Lee, came in
to draw my blood, and I told her why my blood was boiling just the tiniest bit
this fine morning. I left the cancer center the week before feeling as if I had
been flung a lifeline so I would never get caught unable to reach someone if I
had pain. Well I had a question for the
palliative group, so I called the number on the card. Guess what?
It was the main cancer center number, and I was put in a queue over and
over again. I hung on for what felt like
hours and hung up. I tried again; same
thing. The next day, with my question
still banging around my brain, I called again.
I spoke to someone who said the NP would get back to me. That evening she did, and said she would
check with the physician and call me the next day. Which she did not. I now understand that this was a funny week
and someone was out sick….but what I got was the abrupt severing of the most
vital of lifelines. Oh, the experience
made me feel vulnerable and teary and angry and just generally awful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What does the little guy do, I ask you? I know this system inside and out, and it is
broken. Good people try really hard to
put band-aids over the cracks, but in general, the system does not work so well
for the patient. What would the world be
like if all patients in need of palliative care were given someone’s beeper
number to call instead? In all my years as a cancer patient, the only place I
really have had repeated trouble is accessing the system. Isn’t that silly? This is the place most people get caught,
especially those who don’t understand the crazy system. Again, all those fabulous nurses and doctors
and others generally want to help more than anything. Problem is, they don’t
know you are calling and calling and calling, or banging your outchy little
head against a wall just trying to ask if you might increase this or change
that. And I <b>still</b> get called “McKinley”
when being called back for an appointment, after I’ve raged against this
machine over and over again. I know I have talked about this previously, but please,
anything but this! Call me Ms or
Elizabeth or doctor McKinley. I wish I
had the cajones to walk up to the woman who has just screamed “MCKINLEY”, and
tell her that I will not move from my spot in front of her face until she
announces me across the waiting room as GODDESS OF GOODNESS AND LIGHT!” (I might have said this in a previous blog,
but bear with me). Ah, it makes me
giggle just thinking about it. She has
no idea what her words do. She needs to
know. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, I feel like I need to shake off all these muddled
feelings of frustration and disappointment and, ok…rage. I’m generally pretty upbeat and happy, but
I’ve been sitting on my rear for days feeling quite disgusted –mostly with
myself. I want to jump up and down and do the hokey pokey for a few minutes to
dispel the bad karma. Not so sure it
will work, but I am thinking about working on it. I really just want to watch
more episodes of The Wire, or escape to Middle Earth and become Aragorn. But mostly I’m just eating. I have a winter farmer’s market delivery
every other week, and I am not sure I can find another way to cook kale or
beets or brussel sprouts. I have to eat
like a maniac just so I don’t waste it all.
My husband will nibble on a brussel or two, but beet greens and
kale? Dream on, sister. What was I thinking? So here I am feeling angry and disgusted while
stuffing kale into my mouth. As you can tell, I’m feeling out of sorts and a
bit twitchy all over. Someone needs to shake me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then along comes this poem from the internet depths, and
I am shaken. Poetry is a miraculous
thing. See what you think of this and
these:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">TIRED OF SPEAKING SWEETLY</span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> (Hafiz)</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Love wants to reach out and
manhandle us,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Break all our teacup talk
of God.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">If you had the courage and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Could give the Beloved His
choice, some nights,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">He would just drag you
around the room<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">By your hair,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Ripping from your grip all
those toys in the world<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">That bring you no joy.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Love sometimes gets tired
of speaking sweetly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">And wants to rip to shreds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">All your erroneous notions
of truth</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">That make you fight within
yourself, dear one,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">And with others,</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Causing the world to weep<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">On too many fine days.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">God wants to manhandle us,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Lock us inside of a tiny
room with Himself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">And practice His dropkick.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">The Beloved sometimes wants<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">To do us a great favor:</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Hold us upside down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">And shake all the nonsense
out.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">But when we hear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">He is in such a “playful
drunken mood”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Most everyone I know<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Quickly packs their bags
and hightails it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Out of town.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">In
the Middle</span></b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> (Barbara Crocker)</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">of a life that's as complicated as
everyone else's,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">struggling for balance, juggling time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">The mantle clock that was my
grandfather's<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">has stopped at 9:20; we haven't had time<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">to get it repaired. The brass pendulum is
still,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the chimes don't ring. One day you look
out the window,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">green summer, the next, and the leaves
have already fallen,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and a grey sky lowers the horizon. Our
children almost grown,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">our parents gone, it happened so fast.
Each day, we must learn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">again how to love, between morning's
quick coffee<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and evening's slow return. Steam from a
pot of soup rises,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">mixing with the yeasty smell of baking
bread. Our bodies<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">twine, and the big black dog pushes his
great head between;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">his tail is a metronome, 3/4 time. We'll
never get there,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Time is always ahead of us, running down
the beach, urging<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">us on faster, faster, but sometimes we
take off our watches,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">sometimes we lie in the hammock, caught
between the mesh<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">of rope and the net of stars, suspended,
tangled up<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">in love, running out of time.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-28404441833621734022012-12-03T06:34:00.000-08:002012-12-03T06:37:21.912-08:00Of Poetry and Art and ChemoOk, I'm sitting here in the chemo chair again, and I'm trying to feel gratitude. But I don't. I feel like throwing something through the beautiful new windows here in the beautiful new cancer center's infusion center. My seat heats up, which is fabulous for this cold girl, but it doesn't really make up for being here. The view is nice too -- I see the gorgeous church across Euclid and the top of the crazy Gery building sparkling in the sunshine.....maybe that helps a little. My old chemo nurse Lee walks up to take care of me, and I burst into tears. Ugh, this is even more loaded for me than I thought. I am an idiot; of course it is! I have just been trying to ignore that the whole thing is happening. In some ways, I have even convinced myself that I am looking forward to this day, as I haven't been feeling great and I know I need the chemo, but I have been in these seats--old cancer center and new-- too many times. Even though the sun is shining in these big windows, I am in a dark place, and this recognition has awakened in me a bit of violence. Thank goodness I didn't meet a breast cancer chemo "newbie' wearing pink; I might have thrown her out a window. Isn't that mean? Ugh. The peanut butter crackers are helping a little, though.<br />
<br />
And I got lots of help, and I needed it. The infusion, as usual, takes much longer than the reported half hour. My labs need to be checked, the doc needs to weigh in on doses if labs aren't perfect, which mine are not, and there just is more to do than just hang a drug; therefore, i have lots of time for lots of people to swing by. I am usually quite happy sitting by myself, typing, reading, watching something on my computer. Today, Lee picked up on lots of need and contacted the appropriate people. I know my oncologist and I had talked about pulling in the palliative care people to work on all the weird neurologic symptoms and pain I had been having from the tumor that was radiated in my neck, but I hadn't met them yet. So in walked the palliative care NP, who was thoughtful and lovely--therefore i wept crazily for her too....oh well. I told her how much trouble I had had with weird pain that scared me and adjusting all the meds when I was feeling loopy, and she listened (that is such a wonderful thing), and she helped. I left with some medication changes, but more than that, I left with a life line if pain is a problem. Lovely.<br />
<br />
And then, in walked my friend Sally who is a minister and works in the cancer center as the pastoral care director. She also is so nice, she makes you cry. Or she makes me cry. But she is also upbeat and supportive and encouraging. You know, I left forgetting that I had even had the drug dripped into me. I left feeling that I had been heard and loved, and I was able to walk out of that dark place. I have to say, I get great care. I clearly have needed a place to grieve about all of this, and I don't feel like I can allow myself to do this very easily at home. So I watered the floors of the cancer center....and felt much better. Just as all the nurses and docs told me, I haven't experienced any terrible problems from this chemo so far, and I actually feel better today, the day after chemo, than I have in a long time. Clearly our heads need to be cared for as much as our bodies, or perhaps better said, health and healing really depend on taking care of the whole person. Such a duh! But I'm always amazed at the power of our heads to help us or hinder us from healing.<br />
<br />
I want to go back a little and talk about a little party that took place a few nights ago. A group of friends got together to support me before chemo started, but there was a twist. We all had to make an artist trading card, a small blank card that could be adorned with writing or paint or collaged paper, and bring a poem. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyF37z6m42J0mVDCXC8yniOgAb1MG_-JwQQTYSXtW3PIG3AQhXv66GQMgA_yFLJssSjGzCVKCFKXjw53oKx6LdeifDwxhjTdHDb1QknymUR42aeUI9ADsfCpO3ZlJ7uViHUIESn-QWoPfR/s1600/DSC_0015.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyF37z6m42J0mVDCXC8yniOgAb1MG_-JwQQTYSXtW3PIG3AQhXv66GQMgA_yFLJssSjGzCVKCFKXjw53oKx6LdeifDwxhjTdHDb1QknymUR42aeUI9ADsfCpO3ZlJ7uViHUIESn-QWoPfR/s320/DSC_0015.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Now I have a small group of friends who would identify themselves as "art-friendly" without too much prodding, and others who would not. But friends came and valiantly stretched their artistic bones amidst much laughter and wine. We had a wonderful time. When we sat down to read the poems, I was a bit overcome. So many of them I have heard before and love,, and others were new and delicious....some funny, some not. But all seemed to cut through all the crap and say a clear, "I love you" in their marvelous way. Went home and wept about that, but did a good job of keeping it all together while there! I am getting some help putting poems and trading cards on our original canvas:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRjx5RmiIqdYESuWxljGzP17G4r7QqcRwvle4qyC9SqGkRScCPPbxkkpWaI-YpYTn9bwkrmDC0b-7k4MRMyT5smSDcI0-x4b-FlZKpPZLNCHZVoSc245ymANp4LAUV5BQngY63yln5AABA/s1600/DSC_0010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRjx5RmiIqdYESuWxljGzP17G4r7QqcRwvle4qyC9SqGkRScCPPbxkkpWaI-YpYTn9bwkrmDC0b-7k4MRMyT5smSDcI0-x4b-FlZKpPZLNCHZVoSc245ymANp4LAUV5BQngY63yln5AABA/s320/DSC_0010.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<br />
Here are all the trading cards people created:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNvxI6TVLFKUUgLLFc8L6ItrslGALdBoNofJyuKk-dcFvqATUNROut7AsvB_8splCPGNzWlsQX3RWOnUwacMEUrom1hI_8hZkjWpdqqiQdx0rVEfLNyOn9SiCQRrQkqb5iHUUFX9-pESr3/s1600/DSC_0030.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNvxI6TVLFKUUgLLFc8L6ItrslGALdBoNofJyuKk-dcFvqATUNROut7AsvB_8splCPGNzWlsQX3RWOnUwacMEUrom1hI_8hZkjWpdqqiQdx0rVEfLNyOn9SiCQRrQkqb5iHUUFX9-pESr3/s320/DSC_0030.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
And finally, how about a selection of those wonderful poems?<br />
<br />
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<b>Introductions</b>
(Moya Cannon)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Some of what we love<o:p></o:p></div>
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we stumble upon—<o:p></o:p></div>
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a purse of gold thrown on the road,<o:p></o:p></div>
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a poem, a friend, a great song.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And more<o:p></o:p></div>
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Discloses itself to us—<o:p></o:p></div>
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A well among green hazels,<o:p></o:p></div>
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A nut thicket—<o:p></o:p></div>
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When we are worn out searching <o:p></o:p></div>
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for something quite different.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And more<o:p></o:p></div>
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comes to us, carried<o:p></o:p></div>
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as carefully<o:p></o:p></div>
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as a bright cup of water,<o:p></o:p></div>
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as new bread.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Sonnett XXIV </span></b><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">(Pablo Neruda)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">You are the daughter of the
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Swimmer, your body is as pure
as the water;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">cook, your blood is quick a
the soil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Everything you do is full of
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Your eyes go outward toward
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">your hands go out to the
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">you know the deep essence of
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">conjoined in you like a
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Naiad; cut your body into
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">They will bloom resurrected
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">This is how you become
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">And so at last you sleep, in
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">That push back the shadows so
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">vegetables, seaweed, herbs:
the foam of your dreams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><b>From ee cumings:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">I thank you God for this most
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trees, and for the blue true<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">cheers!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Lissa</span></div>
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<br />
<br />Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6861524299703678633.post-39598171498241593502012-11-24T19:23:00.000-08:002012-11-24T19:34:36.997-08:00Flying, Daughters, and Thanksgiving<!--[if !mso]>
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November greetings to everyone!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last Saturday, the temperature was in the 50s and clear and
beautiful. I got a text from a friend asking me to go flying with him. Now, I have been putting him off for some
time now. I truly am not terribly
interested in going up in the air in a small plane. Nope, this is not on my bucket list. But I hesitated. The day was perfect without wind and sunny
and warm. I couldn’t think of a good excuse quickly enough, so he had me. He even brought me coffee, and off we went to
the county airport. He is in a flying
club, and when I saw the care he took while going through all the start up
checks, I knew I was safe with this guy.
In fact, I can’t think of anyone I would feel safer with than this
surgeon-pilot. He is precise and careful
in all he does, and he is the most capable man I know. We really can’t stand the guy. Here is the little Cessna we’re talking
about:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP_fcn7Hpa1IMPFjN9T6UEuR8IO-X1C-R2_KFx1krpGw8W8DeLkiScEdIIX_A1p4iYL8UvgNEpch0YCj6kvYWsLDaIWFuwuA6oLXJkIbNQ1OEK1U22rDgJnRmmiSi6P3Gb3X1L65E5vd2f/s1600/IMG_1367.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP_fcn7Hpa1IMPFjN9T6UEuR8IO-X1C-R2_KFx1krpGw8W8DeLkiScEdIIX_A1p4iYL8UvgNEpch0YCj6kvYWsLDaIWFuwuA6oLXJkIbNQ1OEK1U22rDgJnRmmiSi6P3Gb3X1L65E5vd2f/s320/IMG_1367.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Isn’t she a beauty?
Look at that sky! I never knew
the number of dials and radio frequencies and levers and buttons in a small
plane, but he twiddled and pulled and checked and finally deemed us ready. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYiJn_H1vwdz-qV932vY3ZJ8_xE73_EX2NK0KyMFx2qQcPKJzG2BtkBvK3OpvaTTQnqclqBAxzo57xrdS4b_an4G5geH8UrNMAYKV63XJkeumuC1xTQTiKvJXe4BfAK682aQKynBlo4ov0/s1600/IMG_1369.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYiJn_H1vwdz-qV932vY3ZJ8_xE73_EX2NK0KyMFx2qQcPKJzG2BtkBvK3OpvaTTQnqclqBAxzo57xrdS4b_an4G5geH8UrNMAYKV63XJkeumuC1xTQTiKvJXe4BfAK682aQKynBlo4ov0/s320/IMG_1369.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Off we went! We took
off East over our neighborhoods. We
avoided a small helicopter, finally found my Dad’s old school (ok, so it took
me a longer time than it should have, but this is a new perspective for
me….DOWN!), flew out over the lake (Erie, that is. It looks so vast from up here!), and landed
and took off at a small, unmanned airstrip out East a few times. Brendan clearly knew what airspace we were
always in, how to communicate with different towers, and how to be safe. The landings were pretty darn perfect, and it
was really fun to “touch and go” right back up again. Before I knew it, I was having a wonderful
time. Things look so lovely from up
above; all flaws are invisible from this altitude, and there is a wonderful
sense of peace.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, I shouldn’t be surprised that I was a little
overwhelmed by this experience. Remember
that “lean in “ thing? I have to keep
remembering this, but thankfully I couldn’t identify a good reason not to lean
into this, and another amazing experience wrote itself in my playbook. Thank you Brendan; I’m sorry I’ve been such a
reluctant co-pilot. Thank you, thank you
for this opportunity and for your skill and competence once again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguLawoDQZRLb37N2nHEDMWh8Hm46_hHJQpiKcurND1U7JsXE-hFwUsSO767Dy9z3H_oz1javTzCU3M68bZPMUbuP0bzwfyiuXX_AYmaD6exFyI_C3xvilldEdDyRfqWJ5ZfLOyl7U2ySVO/s1600/IMG_1371.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguLawoDQZRLb37N2nHEDMWh8Hm46_hHJQpiKcurND1U7JsXE-hFwUsSO767Dy9z3H_oz1javTzCU3M68bZPMUbuP0bzwfyiuXX_AYmaD6exFyI_C3xvilldEdDyRfqWJ5ZfLOyl7U2ySVO/s320/IMG_1371.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Having seen our slice of the world from several thousand
feet, I am happy to report that things look really good. The Chagrin river was flowing eagerly, the
woods looked thick and just clinging to its last leaves, and all seemed well
with the world for this hour. On that
note, happy Thanksgiving everyone! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before Thanksgiving, I’d just been dragging and dragging
around trying so hard to feel better when I just didn’t. I even forgot to get my monthly shot that
strengthens my bones. I went back to get
that shot, and the nurse asked me if my oncologist wanted any other lab work
done. I asked her to get a blood count
as I have just not bounced back from radiation, and it had already been about 6
weeks. Well, I trust how my body feels--my
hematocrit was quite low. Ok, now I know
why I felt like lying in bed until Christmas.
I moved into the cancer center and got 2 units of blood, and the next
day, I felt a bit perkier. Thank
goodness or I would never have been able to get to all those recipes KT sent me
before Thanksgiving. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, let me elaborate.
My wonderful, troublesome college freshman is having a fabulous first
semester in college. She called to say
she was very excited to come home and that she’d found a bunch of recipes that
she wanted to send home for Thanksgiving.
Great! I was excited to cook with
her (and perhaps I’d have some energy to do it too!). She told me to get all the ingredients, which
I did. Then she told me that it would be
really convenient if I could make some of the recipes ahead of time, as she would
be spending most of her time over break with her friends.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now for all of you out there with 18 year olds, I suppose
this behavior can be called normal. She
was excited, enthusiastic even, about the idea of making great food for
Thanksgiving, but she was a bit conflicted about who would make it and how it
would all end up steaming and perfect on the Thanksgiving table. Take note, dear child, I will not be making
recipes ahead of time. Get your butt
into this kitchen if you want cornbread stuffing made from scratch, etc, etc,
etc! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The wonderful thing about Katie is that her sense returned
in spades. She helped me cook, we made wonderful food, and I died laughing just
being with her. She was also delightful
at entertaining my mother and her friend who came to dinner. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mother lives independently in a retirement community
around the corner from us. She brought
her friend Betty to Thanksgiving dinner.
Mom thought Betty was 95, but after Betty came in and sat down, she told
us she will be turning 100 this year. Betty
was quite something; everything she said stopped us in our tracks. She was funny and pithy and delightful
throughout the evening. For instance,
during dinner Betty was asked her secret for long life. She said, “Oh there’s no secret, dear. I just wake up every morning ready for what
the day brings, and the years just accumulate. “ We thought about that one for awhile. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHlIVBl_L7Kn6xuke3CoWqRnSMhQ-bqduUKCV8igWT-JT_U3B0pdW_92-CEP8403kDiFLx36MaQEc8DM3VWEEDVSFNd-yrn6F_zPFzeCqKuNHaiO1UyTY6Tf_pDTMs-aEORmPRWvFfgyMC/s1600/DSC_0012.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHlIVBl_L7Kn6xuke3CoWqRnSMhQ-bqduUKCV8igWT-JT_U3B0pdW_92-CEP8403kDiFLx36MaQEc8DM3VWEEDVSFNd-yrn6F_zPFzeCqKuNHaiO1UyTY6Tf_pDTMs-aEORmPRWvFfgyMC/s320/DSC_0012.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
As my friend Jane said, everything Betty uttered could have
been used in a Hallmark card. On
further questioning, Betty told us that she has 4 great-grandchildren, all of
whom are in college. We had to stop and
think about that one, too! Final example-- after petting and kind of
mesmerizing the dog (which not everyone can do, by the way), she said,
“Sometimes the boy needs the dog more than the dog needs the boy.” We stopped and chewed on that one, and nodded
in knowing agreement. I certainly am
such a “boy”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span id="goog_967787443"></span><span id="goog_967787444"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCbjx6hsJ5JoXVz8ImEvrZNVypmCxC9tpymOX5LdtS9ryoN5Hi5WxAcnCp0mFLHk72Tzuvx1GqSprKD7U_R8bPYLKEXQlOghIdz-8a9_9thVkla-mE_0eicYA_k3790jWA3qqmbJuRDs1/s1600/IMG_1221.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCbjx6hsJ5JoXVz8ImEvrZNVypmCxC9tpymOX5LdtS9ryoN5Hi5WxAcnCp0mFLHk72Tzuvx1GqSprKD7U_R8bPYLKEXQlOghIdz-8a9_9thVkla-mE_0eicYA_k3790jWA3qqmbJuRDs1/s320/IMG_1221.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
All of us, from 18 to 88, found ourselves completely
entranced by this tiny woman on a walker.
You know, you just never know where or when the little miracles will
show themselves. But we all recognized
that we had one in our midst. And
another thing—she just loves my mom.
They were completely adorable sitting on the couch talking after
dinner. What a blessing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I certainly did. I really feel that I have more things to be
thankful for every day. I know I have to
sit in that chair again and hold out my arm for yet another chemical mix that
might just stop the slow progression of this disease, but maybe it makes me
that much more aware of the wonders and blessings around me everyday: like
Betty, like the seven around our Thanksgiving table, like healthy, happy kids, like
great friends, like mom and my sister, like the dog who knows when to glue
herself to my side, like a new friend wanting to take pictures of Katie and me,
like art and writing and poetry, etc, etc, etc <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
On that note, how about some poetry:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Thanksgiving
</span></u><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">(Lynn Ungar)</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">I have been trying to
read <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the script cut in these
hills— <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">a language carved in the
shimmer of stubble <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and the solid lines of
soil, spoken <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">in the thud of apples
falling <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and the rasp of corn stalks
finally bare.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">The pheasants shout it with
a rusty creak <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">as they gather in the
fallen grain, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">the blackbirds sing
it <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">over their shoulders in
parting, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">and gold leaf illuminates
the manuscript <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">where it is written in the
trees.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Transcribed onto my human
tongue <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">I believe it might sound like
a lullaby, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">or the simplest grace at
table. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Across the gathering
stillness <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">simply this: "For all
that we have received, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">dear God, make us truly
grateful."</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u>I Go Down To The Shore</u> (Mary Oliver)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I go down to the shore in the morning<o:p></o:p></div>
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and depending on the hour the waves<o:p></o:p></div>
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are rolling in or moving out,<o:p></o:p></div>
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and I say, oh, I am miserable,<o:p></o:p></div>
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what shall—<o:p></o:p></div>
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what should I do? And
the sea says<o:p></o:p></div>
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in its lovely voice:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Excuse me, I have work to do.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Lissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02367206877194432380noreply@blogger.com1